I arrrive for Thanksgiving dinner at my girlfriend's apt and she is a nervous wreck. She cuts me off at every sentence and is very *****y. Her son calls and asks for a ride to her home. Her daughter and boyfriend are in the lobby waiting to be buzzed in. My girlfriend asks me to pick up her son and I respond by asking her to ask her daughter's boyfriend since he is downstairs and he is a very good friend of her son. I also say that if there is a problem that I will gladly pick up her son. She throws a mini fit and Thanksgiving Day is a disaster. She says that I don't like her children which is not true. Next day we break up over this because whenever she hosts she acts like a complete jerk ordering me around and being very insenstive. She will not discusss this maturely and I wonder whether I should go forward in trying to salvage this relationship? I was going to propose Christmas eve. What would you do?
"The Kiss of Death Mistake"
You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?
Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.
One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.
Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thanksgiving breakup
- Thread starter Palatino
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
MacDiddy
Master Don Juan
Do you think that this women is the best you can ever get?
The way I see it, you are just her Goofer. Not someone she looks up to, respects or adores. Stronger men will have this affect on her.... She'll just end up with them if your not gonna be that sort of person.
The way I see it, you are just her Goofer. Not someone she looks up to, respects or adores. Stronger men will have this affect on her.... She'll just end up with them if your not gonna be that sort of person.
MacDiddy
Master Don Juan
High Voltage
Don Juan
Do you really want to be with a chick who treats you this way? I wouldn't. I can't imagine what a marriage would be like with this chick. Hopefully you're desire not to be alone isn't urging you to stay when you should go.
That being said, if this is the only situation where she gets b1tchy just stay away from her in situations where she's playing hostess. Hang out with some buddies... just get out of the house. If she gets all b1tchy about *that* just tell her that you don't like the way she treats you and if she behaves respectfully when you are there you will help out for her little parties.
If she's *still* b1tchy she's clearly looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship. Here you might as well ditch her because it will just be a matter of time before you do something "wrong" which will cause her to break up with you (like leaving the milk out
)
- HV
That being said, if this is the only situation where she gets b1tchy just stay away from her in situations where she's playing hostess. Hang out with some buddies... just get out of the house. If she gets all b1tchy about *that* just tell her that you don't like the way she treats you and if she behaves respectfully when you are there you will help out for her little parties.
If she's *still* b1tchy she's clearly looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship. Here you might as well ditch her because it will just be a matter of time before you do something "wrong" which will cause her to break up with you (like leaving the milk out
)- HV
lets_do_this
Don Juan
Maybe it's just me, but I would move on and find another girl.
It's hard I know, and the truth hurts, I know.
Life isnt always easy.
It's hard I know, and the truth hurts, I know.
Life isnt always easy.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Holidays can be stressful for people...her behavior was bad and I'm not excusing it, but I will try to explain it.
When you are responsible for cooking the holiday mean, timing is everything. You're putting a lot of effort into it and you want everything to come out perfect. It's really a lot of stress. Minor annoyances and interruptions to meal preparation are very frustrating. She's likely upset because she feels like no one is doing anything to help her out and be considerate. When she asked you to go pick up her son, instead of just doing it or going to the daughter's boyfriend yourself to ask him you were throwing a wrench into what she was doing. That's why she was mad.
Now, it still shouldn't have led to a huge blow up. I'd have to ask if this is the only time she behaves like this (holidays or when she's really stressed out). If she doesn't behave like this all the time you could help minimize any issues by making a conscious effort to be more helpful when she asks for your help. If she's too stressed you should try to do something that helps reduce her stress. That's part of being in a relationship...you do things like that for each other because it is good for the relationship.
When you are responsible for cooking the holiday mean, timing is everything. You're putting a lot of effort into it and you want everything to come out perfect. It's really a lot of stress. Minor annoyances and interruptions to meal preparation are very frustrating. She's likely upset because she feels like no one is doing anything to help her out and be considerate. When she asked you to go pick up her son, instead of just doing it or going to the daughter's boyfriend yourself to ask him you were throwing a wrench into what she was doing. That's why she was mad.
Now, it still shouldn't have led to a huge blow up. I'd have to ask if this is the only time she behaves like this (holidays or when she's really stressed out). If she doesn't behave like this all the time you could help minimize any issues by making a conscious effort to be more helpful when she asks for your help. If she's too stressed you should try to do something that helps reduce her stress. That's part of being in a relationship...you do things like that for each other because it is good for the relationship.
Egoist
Master Don Juan
obvious baggage.. kids.. LTR... where do i start?
Baggage smaggage. EVERY one of you guys have baggage, too. If you didn't, you wouldn't even be here in the first place.
Let he who is without "baggage" cast the first stone...
Not a damn stone can legitimately be cast in this neck of the woods...
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Out of curiosity, why didn't you want to pick up her son?
Egoist
Master Don Juan
awww.. the token female with baggage speaks!
oh, and to answer your question im here for ****s and giggles
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
That's the same thing I'm wondering. If she was cooking the holiday meal she couldn't go pick him up herself and would need someone to do that for her. Since she was cooking for HIM as well, it wouldn't have killed him to go pick the kid up. The fact that he tried to avoid doing it in light of the situation IS going to lead her to think he doesn't want her son there or doesn't like her son or value her enough to understand how important it is for a mother to have her children with her on holidays. My holiday would not be the same without all my children there.
It was kind of inconsiderate for him to not pick her son up since she was preparing HIS holiday meal, too. It's not like she was asking him to do things for her and he was getting nothing in return. You can't have a LTR if you aren't going to be a team players.
Biotch please...I've yet to meet a person who spoke of "baggage" who didn't have plenty of their own. That's how things like that work. The first ones to point out flaws in others typically have more flaws themselves than most others.Originally posted by Egoist
awww.. the token female with baggage speaks!
oh, and to answer your question im here for ****s and giggles
You're here for shyts and giggles my ass...
syncmaster
Master Don Juan
I'll be the first to admit i've got baggage. You learn to deal with it and solve it and then you move on.
Egoist
Master Don Juan
think what you want.
Egoist
Master Don Juan
by the way, i have plenty of flaws, just like everyone else. but no baggage.
in general, i am pretty damn perfect overall.
in general, i am pretty damn perfect overall.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
sounds like she was trying too hard to make dinner extra special for everyone, and cooking a holiday dinner all by yourself with people demanding things like to be picked up right now, or worrying that you are just sitting there with no one to talk to in the other room while shes in there, can bring a lady to tears.
something starts burning and you forgot to turn something else on, its a mess.
maybe you should give her a call and find out if she is feeling better yet. let her know that nothing is ever perfect, if she still makes no sense then make a decision on breaking up.
something starts burning and you forgot to turn something else on, its a mess.
maybe you should give her a call and find out if she is feeling better yet. let her know that nothing is ever perfect, if she still makes no sense then make a decision on breaking up.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
For the sake of letting guys in on what probably went through this woman's mind at that moment (logical or not) here's a list. Pen and Wyld, feel free to add to the list if I have missed anything.
As I said, it may not be logical (to a guy) but these things probably went through her mind in just a couple of moments.
Like it was said earlier, she was under a lot of stress and wanted to make a good impression on her family. The only things that are more stressful for a woman than preparing Thanksgiving dinner for her family (with boyfriend in toe) is preparing for her wedding and having a baby.
And guys wonder why she went off, that one action changed the direction of her entire future. Scary huh?
- That he didn't really want to help out.
- That he probably doesn't like her son because you are trying to avoid him.
- He is inflexible.
- He doesn't care for her feelings.
- He is not someone she could see being with in the long run since your actions show that you don't integrate well with her family.
As I said, it may not be logical (to a guy) but these things probably went through her mind in just a couple of moments.
Like it was said earlier, she was under a lot of stress and wanted to make a good impression on her family. The only things that are more stressful for a woman than preparing Thanksgiving dinner for her family (with boyfriend in toe) is preparing for her wedding and having a baby.
And guys wonder why she went off, that one action changed the direction of her entire future. Scary huh?
Bingo...
Christmas is stressful, too...and Easter and Halloween with kids. Single mothers usually end up having to handle everything involved with this by themselves. It's really too much for one person to have to handle all the preparations AND still have people asking even more of you.
If he had of just went over and picked her son up and asked her if there was anything else he could do to help would have gotten him the best sex of his life that night. Instead, he took the opposite route and left her feeling unappreciated, thinking he must not like her kids and giving the impression that he is selfish. Not good. It would have meant so much to her if you had of handled this differently and today would be a much different day.
You are arrogant. That is baggage. You're rude and condascending. That is baggage. You've had past relationships that have affected you. That is baggage. You likely had some kind of family issues as most families are dysfunctional anyhow. That is baggage.
You have just as much baggage as anyone else does, perhaps even more.
Children are not "baggage"...they are human beings and family. Baggage is emotional and behavioral flaws that result from bad life experiences. Children are quite wonderful and are actually known to make people who have them more responsible and better people. Having a child is NOT a negative experience that traumatizes or otherwise messes up a person's demeanor, personality, behavior or life. The opposite is true.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.