Thank you Sosuave!

[izza]

I recently realized two brilliant changes this board has wrought in my life.

1.) Say goodbye to flakes. Since coming to this board, I have met a lot of flakes, a lot of people who have stood me up, or honestly forgotten about a meeting, or haven't called me back. I absorbed this at first because it builds character, it helps me have a sense of humor about women, which I sorely need. But recently, I made a deal with myself, "I only have to tolerate in others what still exists in me. If I don't flake on people, I don't have to deal with flakes in my life." I got angry, got my arse together, I stopped forgetting about plans I made. My word became bond, if I say I'll do something, I do it. If I fail, I tell people why and I take responsibility.

Now, that I have axed my own flakiness, I never have to deal with flakes again. If see that a girl is a flake, that she lacks respect for my valuable time on earth, she is GONE!!! I hate flakes! I love being free of them!! I will never allow a flake into my life again, and it feels FANTASTIC!

Last week, I set a date with a girl. I was positive she wasn't gonna come. I was really worried and feeling sorry for myself, but at the same time, I was completely prepared never to talk to her again in my entire life for her flakiness. You know what? She did come and we had a great time. She thanked me for inviting her, I know she had a great time. I'm going to see her again this week.

2.) Amazing dates. I realized recently that my dates rock. A girl might or might not be interested in me - I do my best but past that it's out of my control, and it happens to everybody. But she'll always have a blast on my dates. Man, especially when I lived in Paris, I would go on bike rides, see museums that interested me, explore parks, have picnics. This Thursday I'm meeting a girl who wants to be a writer and we're going to write poetry and drop it in people's mailboxes as a surprise. My two dates ago we saw every house the architect Louis Sullivan built in Chicago, and the date after that we caught an amazing free concert. I've been singing Bach duets with a musician I know. We have so much fun! I joke around, we discuss things.

It is an amazing feeling when, without arrogance or bitterness, I feel sorry for a girl who flakes on me, because she's missing out on so... much... FUN! and an interesting person, me! I still feel sorry for myself or discouraged with women sometimes, but what a great improvement over before. This is pathetic, but I used to feel like I had to sucker women into going on dates with me. Now I feel like going on a date with me in her own best interest. Every time I think about it, I am near tears. I used to feel worthless all the time. What an awful feeling. It sounds so sad, but I'm overjoyed to feel worthy.

The best part isn't "women respect me more now that I eliminate those who flake or who aren't fun." No, fuçk that. Women respecting me is worth nothing. The best part is that I respect me more. Without arrogance, without bitterness. I had never realized how little I thought of myself until I started making these changes. Now I realize, I am on the path, I am learning how to live a life worth living. I love the changes that have happened. Thank you Sosuave. I have so far to go, so so far still to go, but thank you for helping me this far.

Izza

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Seems like you found out that the secret isn't about having control over women but having control over yourself.

 

[izza]

It's strange how I have "found out" a thing I thought I already knew, but you're absolutely right!

 

[comic_relief]

1.) Say goodbye to flakes.

I thought that everyone would not put up with flakes, but my roommate said, "Why don't you call that girl?"

btw she flaked three times in a week on me.

It amazed him when I threw away the name, did not call her back, and got three new numbers of girls. Women are a dime a dozen, but finding an interested girl that is cool is much harder.

As for fun dates, learn swing dance and then teach it to them or actually go dancing with them. No matter what, it is great kino and it is very very VERY FUN.

comic_relief

 

[izza]

How much flakiness should I accept?

Let me preface this by saying, I HATE FLAKES! I find it rude, inconsiderate, egocentric, and irresponsible. Totally inexcusable. I prefer women who have their act together. Time on earth is my only possession, and I have so little of it! Anybody who makes me wait for no reason probably does not understand this point of view, and is definitely not respectful of it.

Over the course of, say a year of knowing someone, I can see how an accident or two might happen. If you've just met someone though... ?! NO!!!!

To answer your question, I am harsh with flakes. On the other hand, I don't really expect women to take the initiative to call me back. I used to leave messages saying "please call me back" but I've found it's a waste of time. I do like email - I expect a girl to respond to a reasonable email (ie "I'm going to such and such at such and such time, you should come, please confirm if you can make it"). If a girl doesn't email me back, I usually send her one message mocking her, then give up. I'm not really one to force the issue, although perhaps I should be. In my experience, the right approach reduces flakiness. O how far I am from "the right approach!" But still, to one girl who told me she liked walks I said: "Great, meet me at Park XYZ this Saturday at two. Bring some strawberries, I'll bring some whipped cream. Oh and I'm going to start eating the whipped cream at two pm sharp, so if you want any, be on time!"

I don't have a three strike rule. I use one test: can I accept it if she does not come? If a girl does not show up to a cafe, I nonetheless set the day and time and came knowing full well she may not come. It was my choice to risk sitting in a cafe and wait for nothing, and no girl can force me to choose that. But I do not allow myself to blame her. I chose the goal of getting women, I knew the risks, and indeed it is part of the game. I set a date only if I'm fully willing to accept being stood up.

I don't want to deemphasize the pain though: I've been stood up quite a few times, and it hurts. I'm always angry and frustrated, usually I'm also disappointed, and totally discouraged. One girl was named Michelle and I'd memorized part of the Beatles song just to joke around with her. She stood me up and I stomped around the museum we had planned to go to - why do you think I only choose dates I like doing? So I can do them alone! Another time, one of the first French girls I met, gorgeous, artsy with a very sexy voice, stood me up (not the last to do so as I would soon learn), I slunk into a park and cried (hahaha!). In fact, fear of being flaked on some more is probably the main obstacle to my growth.

But there are precautions I can take. I am often vague about the meeting place until I think she'll come, so I don't have to sit there for nothing. If I don't observe these simple precautions, it is my own fault.

If I give her a second chance, I have only myself to blame for giving such a thing to a flake. I've done it before, I'll do it again, sometimes just for kicks or to give me a taste of rejection to help me grow. But if I feel that I will begin to blame her, that is a sign that she should not receive another call.

Since I am not a flake, I accept exactly as much flakiness as I feel like accepting. Sometimes it is good to give a flake a few chances, even if I may get busted every time. My advice to you: take FULL responsibility for the risk. That is the best "guide" for how much to accept from a girl, and it will change from girl to girl.

I'm an idiot and a chump, but sometimes we idiots and chumps have decent ideas. Maybe this is one of them...

 

[Docs]

It is a basic rule.

If you don't like it, walk away.
So, she doesn't like you, she flaked. Now, she flaked on you and you don't like it, so you walk away.

:woo:
Good job discovering how to do a proper date.

 

[SamePendo]

Congratulations. :rock:

I wish I had the same energy as you to go on those dates. I am more of a DonRonny type of guy. I don't really know the chicks I go out with, that's why I go out with them. If they behave, we'll have a blast.

I don't know in what point you are, but if you learn, and know that you can give women orgasms, you will feel even sorrier for them.

Fvck em!

 

[izza]

Congratulations. :rock:

I wish I had the same energy as you to go on those dates. I am more of a DonRonny type of guy. I don't really know the chicks I go out with, that's why I go out with them. If they behave, we'll have a blast.

I don't know in what point you are, but if you learn, and know that you can give women orgasms, you will feel even sorrier for them.

Fvck em!

Thanks!

I don't know them either. But I get really bored with "let's get to know each other" conversation.... HOW DULL!!! If you think about it, what does it mean to get to know a person? It's more like what things you'd like to know. I want to find out "how does she act," "is she fun?"

I don't care where she's from, and what she does for a living, for crying out loud!

What do you mean by "in what point you are"?

PS I'm not that great with dates since I never make any moves afterwards. Sigh, but at least we have fun.

 

[SamePendo]

What do you mean by "in what point you are"?

Sexually, if you know you can give women orgasms.

I understand what you are saying, but, I'd rather have a DonRonny date, or a low profile date, rather than planning something great, only to find out she's a boring shmuck! I'd rather be talking to friends or doing weights than wasting (as I see it) my time on a woman that hasn't demostrated herself to me.

 

[izza]

Sexually, if you know you can give women orgasms.

I understand what you are saying, but, I'd rather have a DonRonny date, or a low profile date, rather than planning something great, only to find out she's a boring shmuck! I'd rather be talking to friends or doing weights than wasting (as I see it) my time on a woman that hasn't demostrated herself to me.

What is a DonRonny date?

Any type of date is fine, it's partially a question of what you love doing, and also what you want to know about her. You will learn something different about a girl from going rock climbing than you will sitting drinking coffee, guaranteed!

Are you saying you should "spare" your good date ideas for girl's who you know are worth it? Yeah, I used to think that way. But someone told me once that there are billions of brilliant date ideas out there, just waiting to be used. You will never run out. The trick is to be creative. Creativity is like a muscle, it gets stronger for use. I am giving brilliant date ideas to girls I barely know, but on the other hand

1. They will have more fun on a more exciting date
2. They will see me at my best since I'm excited about the date
3. I will know if they like doing what I like doing - since I *like* doing my date ideas!
4. I strengthen my creativity
5. The most important skill for an LTR is creativity, since the goal is always to keep things new and interesting.
6. Life is too short. I do things that excite me with everybody, whether I know them well, or not.

If this DonRonny you seem to admire so much has you doing dates that bring out the best in you, then you officially have great date ideas. Congratulations.

 

[SamePendo]

What is a DonRonny date?

Don Ronny date.

I don't agree with points 1 and 2 though.

Now, what is your goal? To have fun, or to get sex/sexual? If whatever it is you do gets the results you want, its respectable and admirable.

 

[izza]

Bahahahaha, I love that guy. Pretty obvious why he got banned (I don't know what it takes to get banned, but he has it in him).

Sure, I will that Don Ronny stuff a try. I openly admit I am not a master of the first date. I have a friend who would end up naked in the girl's bed on EVERY first date! Unbelievable!

Like Jariel said on the post, I actually like dating. In fact, thinking of these date ideas forces me to go out and do cool stuff in my area. I knew Paris like the back of my hand after a few months because I was constantly researching cool stuff to do. It was just a better way to live, fuelled by dates if you see what I mean.

Still, this Don Ronny stuff is funny as hell. I'll give it a try on a lazy day!

 

[Nighthawk]

Good stuff. Truly believing (not just telling yourself that) it's 'her loss' is the bedrock of inner game.

Just been to Paris. Montmartre is nice, but the rest is a bit too piss-smelling, and what's with everything closing half the day and all of august?

In an amazing coincidence, just as I was writing that, my (asian) gf told me that there is a 'Paris Syndrome' in Japan, consisting of people who were so disappointed with the real Paris as opposed to it's fairytale image that they suffered trauma. Hahahaha.

 

[izza]

Good stuff. Truly believing (not just telling yourself that) it's 'her loss' is the bedrock of inner game.

Just been to Paris. Montmartre is nice, but the rest is a bit too piss-smelling, and what's with everything closing half the day and all of august?

In an amazing coincidence, just as I was writing that, my (asian) gf told me that there is a 'Paris Syndrome' in Japan, consisting of people who were so disappointed with the real Paris as opposed to it's fairytale image that they suffered trauma. Hahahaha.

LOL, so true about this difference between truly believing and just telling myself. Back in the day, I used to be so profoundly hurt every time a girl stood me up. I would repeat over and over "whatever, it's her loss." But secretly, I respected her for seeing through my facade!!

Bahahaha, 'Paris syndrome' - thank you and your asian gf for those perfect words. When I first came to Paris, I had a major case of Paris syndrome. I thought it would be great, and magical and wondrous. My first look, I knew I was going to HATE the stupid pit! So monochrome and dirty. I must not have a very refined sense of smell, but it didn't smell like piss that often (but all my French guy friends peed in the street all over the place). I learned to like it, the place has a lot of charms, beautiful women, and great food. I really do miss it a lot now, but I would never call it magical.

Montmartre is amazing, that's where I lived. I had the most amazing date there (see great dates?) where I walked around Montmartre at night with this chick, she was hot btw. I found a great bench in an isolated spot and chickened out from making a move. My dates are great, my closing of them leaves everything to be desired, if you know what I mean.

 

[comic_relief]

Good stuff. Truly believing (not just telling yourself that) it's 'her loss' is the bedrock of inner game.

I had a flake a couple of weeks ago occur and I just thought to myself, her loss is my gain.

Today, I called a girl that I was trying to set up a date with and she forgot to mention that she had an LTR boyfriend of a couple years with her at supper over a HALF HOUR TALK. I small talked with her and then left. I felt upset, but then quickly realized when I moved onto the next woman that she lost out on a great guy and she does not realize what she lost. It's unfortuanate, but life does go on and she will never know. Oh well.

comic_relief

 

[izza]

So she used you, probably as an ego-booster, then "mentioned" her LTR.

LOL

Or maybe there's another possibility. I knew this one chick, she obviously wanted me - I mean sometimes I'm wrong, but she threw her number at me and was all happy every time she saw me, chillin' around me every time I played piano, and giving me a big HI! every time. Not a subtle hint right? So we go on a date, amd we're having a great time seeing this crazy museum... we're fighting over headphones, and laughing at all the junk in this place. She says: I'm having a great time, this is really fun." I'm thinking, man I've never seen a girl so interested in me before in my life! After two minutes have passed we're looking at some architectural drawings, out of nowhere, I mean like outside the Milky Way nowhere, she says: "oh yeah, my boyfriend is an architect."

I'm like whaaa, wtf. I'd spent a good amount of time with this girl, that was definitely the first hint of someone else. I was furious, and there was still a lot of date left to go. I sucked it up, and we still had a decent time. But I hated her. Besides, at that time you could have put me on France's most wanted list... I had phone numbers raining from the sky. I could have asked out 12 very cute women with 9 good-looking backups, without exaggeration (that was a hell of a lot for a guy who never got a date in high school!!) I could have been at that museum with someone else, AND I was going to leave town forever in less than a month.

So we parted ways, and I never called her. But then about two months later I realized her game (yes, I'm slow). She wanted to cheat with me, but she wanted it to be my fault. Can you believe that? She wants me to do her dirty laundry. She wants to say "well it just happened" and "I told him I had a boyfriend" etc. I was too stupid and cowardly (and, I thought at the time, moral) to take this opportunity. I never saw her again.

Women!

(PS having all those numbers was fun. I would just sit down and say I'm going to a show tonight, I'm going to invite every girl on this list until one says yes. It was amazing. The first called back and said yes, then the second did the same and I was in a tight spot, but still, it was great.)

 

[Nighthawk]

It's also possible that the bf line was ******** for 'I wasn't sure if I wanted to sleep with you but I've now decided I'm not so I'm going to pretend to have a boyfriend because it seems the easiest way out even though it's a pretty retarded and shytty way of doing it'

 

[comic_relief]

It's also possible that the bf line was ******** for 'I wasn't sure if I wanted to sleep with you but I've now decided I'm not so I'm going to pretend to have a boyfriend because it seems the easiest way out even though it's a pretty retarded and shytty way of doing it'

Oh, I actually left out what I told her.
Her: "I have a boyfriend."
Me: "That's cool but I am asking you out, not him. He isn't invited."
Her: "Thats not funny."
Me: "If your free, than look me up."

thank you sosuave for those lines.

comic_relief

 

[izza]

Oh, I actually left out what I told her.
Her: "I have a boyfriend."
Me: "That's cool but I am asking you out, not him. He isn't invited."
Her: "Thats not funny."
Me: "If your free, than look me up."

thank you sosuave for those lines.

comic_relief

LOL!