Deep State
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 26, 2020
- Messages
- 23
- Reaction score
- 10
I came across this blog post and I wanted to add some commentary from the sosuave perspective:
Happy 40th Birthday Dana!
scottaaronson.blog
I found this comment from his wife, Dana, particularly interesting:
scottaaronson.blog
They are now married 13 years with two kids, but they describe how they first started dating.
Here is my take on how this is a textbook example of a lot of the topics we talk about here:
Approach girls and get contact information: They met at various academic conferences and talked. They were in touch by email. Phone or instagram or whatever would work too, but even email is fine. The takeaway point: you need to approach and talk to girls in person, and you need get her phone/email/instagram or similar to stay in contact.
Friend zone: The friend zone is real. Guys often don't understand the friend zone because it doesn't really exist for guys. But for girls, it is very real. You need to be clear about your interest or you will end up in the friend zone by default.
Talking to strangers: Dating generally involves people who only barely know each other. This definitely means not knowing if a given person is currently dating anyone or not. One can imagine that everyone knows everyone else's relationship status, but this often isn't the case. You have to ask girls out without knowing her relationship status, or much about her at all, actually.
Ask her out directly: Sometimes you might consider asking around, buy why? Other people may not know either, or may have incorrect or outdated information, or might even try to block you. Talk to the girl directly. Even if she is taken or not interested, at least she knows that you had the balls to ask her out clearly, confidently, and directly.
Social circle vs cold approach: I personally see this as a cold approach. Some might argue that this is social circle, but my guess is that these conferences are relatively large. You might see familiar faces here and there, but it isn't like everyone is going to know everyone. Be social, be a known quantity in your field, and trust that like will recognize and attract like, even out of context on the subway or in the grocery store or in the coffee shop.
Age: Being a little bit older helps, it isn't explicitly stated, but I believe Scott was at least 25-26, which is an age where girls start to take guys seriously. If you are younger than that, you're probably better off focusing on your career, particularly if you look young. Ask girls out if you're interested, but take it in stride if they aren't interested, especially if you're younger than 25.
Serious interest: Girls don't like wishy-washy. If you're interested, be interested, serious, and exclusive. That doesn't mean she will be similarly interested, but you definitely don't want to come off like you're "not sure" if you like her or anything like that. Girls can move surprisingly quickly if mutual serious interest is there.
Isolate: You definitely need some time alone together - you and her and no one else. Travel can be particularly good for this.
Negging: The point of negging is that you aren't treating her as some delicate princess up on some pristine pedestal. It takes some confidence to insult a girl who just asked you to ask her out properly and nicely.
Counter-offers: It is generally best move on to other girls once you get your first 'no' from her. That said, on rare occasions, she might think things over and come back with a counter-offer. I don't think this is common, but if you made a good impression otherwise, it can happen.
There may be other items, but I think this is a useful example of a successful relationship using sosuave type principles, apparently without even knowing it.
Happy 40th Birthday Dana!
Happy 40th Birthday Dana!
The following is what I read at Dana’s 40th birthday party last night. Don’t worry, it’s being posted with her approval. –SA I’d like to propose a toast to Dana, my wi…
scottaaronson.blog
I found this comment from his wife, Dana, particularly interesting:
Happy 40th Birthday Dana!
The following is what I read at Dana’s 40th birthday party last night. Don’t worry, it’s being posted with her approval. –SA I’d like to propose a toast to Dana, my wi…
scottaaronson.blog
They are now married 13 years with two kids, but they describe how they first started dating.
Here is my take on how this is a textbook example of a lot of the topics we talk about here:
Approach girls and get contact information: They met at various academic conferences and talked. They were in touch by email. Phone or instagram or whatever would work too, but even email is fine. The takeaway point: you need to approach and talk to girls in person, and you need get her phone/email/instagram or similar to stay in contact.
Friend zone: The friend zone is real. Guys often don't understand the friend zone because it doesn't really exist for guys. But for girls, it is very real. You need to be clear about your interest or you will end up in the friend zone by default.
Talking to strangers: Dating generally involves people who only barely know each other. This definitely means not knowing if a given person is currently dating anyone or not. One can imagine that everyone knows everyone else's relationship status, but this often isn't the case. You have to ask girls out without knowing her relationship status, or much about her at all, actually.
Ask her out directly: Sometimes you might consider asking around, buy why? Other people may not know either, or may have incorrect or outdated information, or might even try to block you. Talk to the girl directly. Even if she is taken or not interested, at least she knows that you had the balls to ask her out clearly, confidently, and directly.
Social circle vs cold approach: I personally see this as a cold approach. Some might argue that this is social circle, but my guess is that these conferences are relatively large. You might see familiar faces here and there, but it isn't like everyone is going to know everyone. Be social, be a known quantity in your field, and trust that like will recognize and attract like, even out of context on the subway or in the grocery store or in the coffee shop.
Age: Being a little bit older helps, it isn't explicitly stated, but I believe Scott was at least 25-26, which is an age where girls start to take guys seriously. If you are younger than that, you're probably better off focusing on your career, particularly if you look young. Ask girls out if you're interested, but take it in stride if they aren't interested, especially if you're younger than 25.
Serious interest: Girls don't like wishy-washy. If you're interested, be interested, serious, and exclusive. That doesn't mean she will be similarly interested, but you definitely don't want to come off like you're "not sure" if you like her or anything like that. Girls can move surprisingly quickly if mutual serious interest is there.
Isolate: You definitely need some time alone together - you and her and no one else. Travel can be particularly good for this.
Negging: The point of negging is that you aren't treating her as some delicate princess up on some pristine pedestal. It takes some confidence to insult a girl who just asked you to ask her out properly and nicely.
Counter-offers: It is generally best move on to other girls once you get your first 'no' from her. That said, on rare occasions, she might think things over and come back with a counter-offer. I don't think this is common, but if you made a good impression otherwise, it can happen.
There may be other items, but I think this is a useful example of a successful relationship using sosuave type principles, apparently without even knowing it.
