Text morning after first date

[BJP1991]

Had a good date from OLD app last night. Debating just saying “F-it” and hit her up today.

I’ve been trying to live without being so bound to any black/white rules with texting women after a first date. Some girls I hit up 3-4 days later, some the next day, doesn’t seem to have any effect as some girls just will accept a second date regardless.


After the date last night, I didn’t get a text from her in the evening after the date, but I’m debating just hitting her with my usual post-first date text sometime today instead of waiting. Otherwise I’d usually wait 2-3 days.

Thoughts on hitting a girl up the day after a first date, sometime in the morning, to wish them a productive day, thank them for coming out (not telling them you had a good time, specifically), and suggesting we get out again sometime in the next week or two?

 

[BJP1991]

Why not just wait until you hear from her? Are you patient enough? Just an idea. But hey its your date. If you want text away.

What happened to the strength of indifference around here? Its catnip for women.
If you decide not to text what your doing is letting her wonder about you, why hasn't he text yet?
What's he up to? Was i not good enough?
Etc etc.
Are you afraid she will forget about you? What if she does for a week? Do you think in 2 weeks she might say. Wtf happened to that guy i went on that date with?
If you dont hear from her that's your answer.
Read the subcommunication for once.
My opinion if you text first after a date your blowing your load. Its game PE. My .02

Understandable. I just feel with online dating apps, some women my age (23-30) move on so quickly to the next shiny object that glimmers attention towards them.

Waiting for a girl to text after a date doesn’t always happen. Even with girls I’ve had great success/short term relationships with didn’t always text me after the dates, but would be overly eager and excited to accept dates with me when I would initiate and ask.

I just think that “waiting for her to hit you up first” can be a way to miss an opportunity for a new plate/fwb/short term relationship, etc. Women know the three day rule and will write you off for gameplaying, especially if they had a decent amount of interest, they can lose that interest if they suspect you’re gameplaying.


All in all, I think I’ll probably wait until the second day after the date, but I’m curious to hear what others think about timing and reaching out after dates.


I know it’s best to date women who show high interest, however if you’re only going after those girls, you’d be dating far fewer women.

 

[BJP1991]

I really just think that “sit back and let them come to you” is not always applicable after a first date, especially one from an online dating app. I’d have to think if you just wait for them to contact you, most times they won’t (women expect the man to do most of the pursuing early on, until they’re comfortable with you). I agree it’s a good “abundance mindset” tactic, however I have to imagine you can lose out on a lot of second dates if you just assume the girl will make the effort and get in touch with you first.

 

[backseatjuan]

Feeeeel. You're not a woman are you? Last time you looked down your pants you didn't have v*gina down there? Maybe small d*ck?

You don't text or call women after first date, especially saying good morning. She might date you and she might even fck you. All she wants to see if you are a whimp. If you are, she will drop you. Your time, essentially, between 1st and 2nd date is your big sht test. You can't go whimp like you want, and you can't go total mute either, you have to feed her scraps. Rules of thumb 3 to 4 days.

 

[BJP1991]

Thanks for the solid responses.

I did go ahead and text her in the afternoon the day after the first date - I wanted to experiment against my better judgement and the advice from you all here, just to challenge and test it out. I have nothing to lose and already have some dates with other girls lined up this week and next.

She replied after not too long, saying she would “absolutely love to” and gave me her availability for the following week without me even asking directly for it. In fact, my text didn’t ask anything. Just thanked her for coming out and we should do it again.

Curious to hear feedback on this - it’s basically something I predicted/have seen before after first dates. Girl seems to have good IL, but did not text me same night or next day after the first date, but is positive in accepting another date. Thoughts?

Next date is for this Thursday evening. After showing her a good time that night (activity date near my place) I plan to allow her to contact me first. Shifting the dynamic to more of her pursuing leading up to a hypothetical 3rd date

 

[Barrister]

Thanks for the solid responses.

I did go ahead and text her in the afternoon the day after the first date - I wanted to experiment against my better judgement and the advice from you all here, just to challenge and test it out. I have nothing to lose and already have some dates with other girls lined up this week and next.

She replied after not too long, saying she would “absolutely love to” and gave me her availability for the following week without me even asking directly for it. In fact, my text didn’t ask anything. Just thanked her for coming out and we should do it again.

Curious to hear feedback on this - it’s basically something I predicted/have seen before after first dates. Girl seems to have good IL, but did not text me same night or next day after the first date, but is positive in accepting another date. Thoughts?

Next date is for this Thursday evening. After showing her a good time that night (activity date near my place) I plan to allow her to contact me first. Shifting the dynamic to more of her pursuing leading up to a hypothetical 3rd date

It's medium to low-medium interest from her IMO. Like others have said, if it is HIGH interest she would reach out the night of right after you leave or at least by the following morning. That has been my experience.

 

[BJP1991]

It's medium to low-medium interest from her IMO. Like others have said, if it is HIGH interest she would reach out the night of right after you leave or at least by the following morning. That has been my experience.

Fair judgment. I do think more feminine-women are more apt to allow a man to do the pursuing initially. Not trying to rationalize it, but I’ve seen it too many times in the last year alone where I’ll take a girl on a first date, they don’t initiate at all and after I hit them up (whether it be next day, or 3-5 days later) they accept the second date and demonstrate all other qualities of high IL.

I just think it’s poor judgement to base a woman’s interest level in you solely upon whether or not she initiates a “thank you/I had a good time” text. It’s like saying “all the trees in the forest are pine trees” because the first tree at the edge is a pine, while all behind it are all kinds of tress that are not pine trees. It’s judging a book by the cover, in essence.

I mean, if I only asked girls out who texted me initially after a first date, i probably would have had sex with less than half as many as I have year-to-date. At least half the women who accept second dates with me (and did not initiate a text with me after the first date) ended up showing all the cues of high IL, minus the “post-first date” text.

Also, whenever I get the text from a girl first on the same night of the date, usually they aren’t the 8-9s I want to date again, either. Very rarely has a girl hit me up first after a date and I’m actually excited about it. It’s not a challenge in courting her (go figure). Hot girls know they deserve a man who will show them at least a sliver of intent.

Personally, I’m okay with pursuing early on, but allowing the dynamic to shift after date #2, allowing her time to miss you and allow her to reach out first this time.

 

[Barrister]

Fair judgment. I do think more feminine-women are more apt to allow a man to do the pursuing initially. Not trying to rationalize it, but I’ve seen it too many times in the last year alone where I’ll take a girl on a first date, they don’t initiate at all and after I hit them up (whether it be next day, or 3-5 days later) they accept the second date and demonstrate all other qualities of high IL.

I just think it’s poor judgement to base a woman’s interest level in you solely upon whether or not she initiates a “thank you/I had a good time” text. It’s like saying “all the trees in the forest are pine trees” because the first tree at the edge is a pine, while all behind it are all kinds of tress that are not pine trees. It’s judging a book by the cover, in essence.

I mean, if I only asked girls out who texted me initially after a first date, i probably would have had sex with less than half as many as I have year-to-date. At least half the women who accept second dates with me (and did not initiate a text with me after the first date) ended up showing all the cues of high IL, minus the “post-first date” text.

Also, whenever I get the text from a girl first on the same night of the date, usually they aren’t the 8-9s I want to date again, either. Very rarely has a girl hit me up first after a date and I’m actually excited about it. It’s not a challenge in courting her (go figure). Hot girls know they deserve a man who will show them at least a sliver of intent.

Personally, I’m okay with pursuing early on, but allowing the dynamic to shift after date #2, allowing her time to miss you and allow her to reach out first this time.

I think you're smart not to fall into using formulaic strategies in your texting. I also agree some women are going to be afraid to reach out immediately after.

Now that said, MOST women, even the shyest ones, if they had a fantastic date are not going to be able to resist sending you a text that night saying they "can't wait for next time" or some variation of that. And I wouldn't hesitate to keep the rapport going if they do. Just don't fall into the easy trap of over-texting once they reach out to you.

In this case, you reached out again before she did so I would be extra cautious now and limit the texting until the next date unless she reaches out prior to.

 

[guru1000]

BJP, you are correct.

Ideologies are great, but results do the talking.

For highly interested women:

65% will initiate contact after the first date, 35% won’t. Real numbers.

Reasons:

1) Their value system;
2) Their dating experience and conditioning;
3) Their ego or insecurity;
4) Their uncertainty of your interest (part of 3 above);
5) Their comfort level or inexperience;
6) Their game.

In fact, their initiating means nothing. Low-medium interest level girls will initiate too prompted by their ego, another notch count for them so to speak.

You will Know if a girl has high IL in you based on her behavior in Date One.

Irrespective of the above, the goal is the same: the girl should work. That’s why your only job is to bed her, usually by date two—and flip the script.

Then make her work. Allow her the gift of chasing.

(If she works/chases from Date One, great. This post was in reply to OP’s situation.)

 

[BJP1991]

I think you're smart not to fall into using formulaic strategies in your texting. I also agree some women are going to be afraid to reach out immediately after.

Now that said, MOST women, even the shyest ones, if they had a fantastic date are not going to be able to resist sending you a text that night saying they "can't wait for next time" or some variation of that. And I wouldn't hesitate to keep the rapport going if they do. Just don't fall into the easy trap of over-texting once they reach out to you.

In this case, you reached out again before she did so I would be extra cautious now and limit the texting until the next date unless she reaches out prior to.

Great insight, thanks. I do not plan to communicate with her via text at all, unless she reaches out. For the same reason you are suggesting here. The date is set with definite time and place - no reason to text anymore, in my opinion.

 

[BJP1991]

BJP, you are correct.

Ideologies are great, but results do the talking.

For highly interested women:

65% will initiate contact after the first date, 35% won’t. Real numbers.

Reasons:

1) Their value system;
2) Their dating experience and conditioning;
3) Their ego or insecurity;
4) Their uncertainty of your interest (part of 3 above);
5) Their comfort level or inexperience;
6) Their game.

In fact, their initiating means nothing. Low-medium interest level girls will initiate too prompted by their ego, another notch count for them so to speak.

You will Know if a girl has high IL in you based on her behavior in Date One.

Irrespective of the above, the goal is the same: the girl should work. That’s why your only job is to bed her, usually by date two—and flip the script.

Then make her work. Allow her the gift of chasing.

(If she works/chases from Date One, great. This post was in reply to OP’s situation.)

Thanks for the post - I like the breakdown and generally agree with all of that too.

First date she did show good interest and engagement as well. I let her do most of the talking, but she did seem to lighten up and get engaged whenever I was talking, which was less than her, as I was trying to be the leader of the conversation.

The next date is planned with specific time/place/activity. Any easy tips for reading IL and acting upon it for a second date?

 

[biggoal]

Had a good date from OLD app last night. Debating just saying “F-it” and hit her up today.

I’ve been trying to live without being so bound to any black/white rules with texting women after a first date. Some girls I hit up 3-4 days later, some the next day, doesn’t seem to have any effect as some girls just will accept a second date regardless.


After the date last night, I didn’t get a text from her in the evening after the date, but I’m debating just hitting her with my usual post-first date text sometime today instead of waiting. Otherwise I’d usually wait 2-3 days.

Thoughts on hitting a girl up the day after a first date, sometime in the morning, to wish them a productive day, thank them for coming out (not telling them you had a good time, specifically), and suggesting we get out again sometime in the next week or two?

The OLD date I had back in Aug was odd, that high end HB 7. She actually texted me 2 hours after the date saying thanks and she had fun. All chatty and that then was sending me pics of her papers she was grading, talking more BS etc. The next couple days she would chat her fingers off. Then started becoming flaky when asking about a second date, she saying she was busy then saying she wasn't my type. If I wasn't interested in a second date I certainly wouldn't be wasting hours each night texting someone I have no interest in. WTF is wrong with women?

 

[Trump]

Thanks for the solid responses.

I did go ahead and text her in the afternoon the day after the first date - I wanted to experiment against my better judgement and the advice from you all here, just to challenge and test it out. I have nothing to lose and already have some dates with other girls lined up this week and next.

She replied after not too long, saying she would “absolutely love to” and gave me her availability for the following week without me even asking directly for it. In fact, my text didn’t ask anything. Just thanked her for coming out and we should do it again.

YOU thanked her and said we should it again? Why do I feel like you are trolling?

Curious to hear feedback on this - it’s basically something I predicted/have seen before after first dates.

I wanted to experiment against my better judgement and the advice from you all here,

You already went against all the advice. Why should we answer again?

 

[BJP1991]

In my opinion:

You will NOT truly attract a beautiful woman unless you are willing to risk losing them. REGARDLESS of how smitten you are. REGARDLESS of how smitten you think they are.

I personally think that this chick is likely delighting in her ego boost, courtesy of your willingness to cling to her like a puppy dog.

In my opinion, She's probably sharing your text(s) with her girlfriends and having a good chuckle: she ghosted you, yet you invited her out again, several days later, and you really believe that she's now suddenly, somehow un-ghosted and now actually feels respect and excitement for you?

At this point frame has been established: she knows that she can do/say absolutely nothing, yet you are NOT willing to walk away from her. You may be gloating in your alledged second date, but some of us would say you're merely "orbiting."

Good luck regardless. You are persistent, but I strongly advise you to DIVERSIFY your persistence and pursue the ones that show respect for your two greatest assets: your time and attention.

You will elevate your heart and mind and soul when you refuse to compromise your self-respect, especially pertaining to your time and attention and gorgeous women. No matter how hot or attractive, you DEMAND respect from women for your time and attention. Those who don't acknowledge or respect go to the back of the line. Always.

Strictly my opinions though. You've already proven us wrong so maybe we're clueless.

You literally didn’t read anything I posted. It was the day after the first date. There was no ghosting.

Before jumping on the podium to spout something people actually might read, get into the correct context first. You’re just wasting your own time.