terrible drama problem

[The_Unit]

my gf of 1 month and I have hit our first big drama. and oh boy is it big.
yesterday i showed her pictures of my ex. she suddenly said she would "re-evaluate" our relationship. I dont know what trigger that tripped.

i didnt think she was serious about it. when i got home later last nite, she gave me a phone call. the most terrifying phone call i have ever received in my life. she said "LJBF" ... it was crushing ...

i talked to her on the phone for an hour. fortunately, she was willing to listen to reason ... the problem is because of bad past relationships, she has trouble trusting anyone now. she keeps saying its her own fault, and that guys are all the same. gradually i was able to convince her there is nothing between me and my ex (which is the truth, i feel nothing for my ex), and that I was a good guy.

At the end of the phone convo she was getting sleepy (it was 3am) and she said we would continue being boyfriend/girlfriend and asked me to go over tmr


none the less, it was a painful, unsettling feeling. receiving an LJBF phone call at 2am. I couldn't sleep last nite. I woke up ever hour. cuz it happend so out of the blue.
As for today, I am still unsure. I havent received any signs from her yet.

 

[Thomas94305]

Hindsight's 20/20.. but, you have no need to show her pictures of your ex. What was to be gained?

I dated someone that did suspicious things at first. She'd hang around other guys. She wouldn't stop their flirting. She would not hesitate to hang out with them when they invited, even if it was one on one. Finally, she showed me pictures of her ex's. I blew up at her. I asked her why those ex's were so important she had to show me their pictures? Not long after that, I asked her if she wanted our relationship, given all this behavior with other guys. She quickly changed her behavior.. letting other guys know we're dating, etc.

Perhaps I did not handle this smoothly, a limit should have been set earlier. But, the point is that the relationship is not a license to go do whatever you want, and then blame the other person's "trust".

If you're not in a relationship, then you're free to see whomever. If you are in a relationship, then you have a commitment to honor, in whatever that means to you. Recommend you figure out what your commitment to her means with regards to other women, and live by that. Don't let her tantrums push you further than what you think is fair, but do live by your word. I don't know the context for all that's happened between the two of you. But, once you figure out for yourself what a relationship means, then you can better decide if she's being reasonable, or out of line.

 

[Scought]

I have a saying: Ignorance is bliss.

What I mean by that is I tell girls I really don't want to know/care about their 'past.'

I don't want to hear about Jack or John or Henry. It serves me no value other than to get me thinking thoughts about her and 'John' that I don't want to think about.

I also don't want to hear her sexual history. More than likely she will fabricate that info anyway.
So, I tell them I don't want to know.

Whether that's bad or not, I don't know. Just my personal stance on the issue. Of course, this would also cover pictures, old letters, etc.

Some stuff you need to know. Other stuff is extraneous and serves you no purpose.

You want info that is relevant to you.
I do know women have a sexual history--I just don't want the detail that she gave her first BeeJay to a guy she just met in a park and then went home and had a 3-sum with her boyfriend and his best friends cousin......

 

[Bible_Belt]

fortunately, she was willing to listen to reason

I know it's hard, but you have to be strong, and not try to convince her to be with you. If she wants to leave, let her go. If you stay strong, they often come back, but if even if they don't, it's better to get a new girl than give up your power with the one you have. And let me repeat that this is not easy advice to follow; I have difficulty with it myself. But this way is still best in the long run.

 

[JPFromTally]

Her ----> Manipulating game player.

You ------> Falling right into her trap and willing to hand her your ballss in a paper bag.

I've shown my girlfriend naked pictures of my exes. I don't give a crap what she thinks.

I hate to tell you this man, but you saying: the most terrifying phone call i have ever received in my life. she said "LJBF" ... it was crushing ...

makes me think she's got the power in the relationship and that you're kind of a wuss with her. And I bet you anything that she thinks the same thing.

 

[The_Unit]

I have a saying: Ignorance is bliss.

What I mean by that is I tell girls I really don't want to know/care about their 'past.'

I don't want to hear about Jack or John or Henry. It serves me no value other than to get me thinking thoughts about her and 'John' that I don't want to think about.

i agree with this 100%. In fact, I'm like this all the time, and I almost never talk about my ex, unless someone asks.

I hate to tell you this man, but you saying: the most terrifying phone call i have ever received in my life. she said "LJBF" ... it was crushing ...

makes me think she's got the power in the relationship and that you're kind of a wuss with her. And I bet you anything that she thinks the same thing.

actually i had another talk with her, and i said "if ur willing to trust me, then i'm willing to help you 100%. but if u cannot trust me, theres nothing i can do for u" (my exact words) I said this in person because i'm not very good on the phone.