Telling You About Old "Flings"

[5string]

Would like to get some opinions from you guys. My wife has a bad habit about telling me of her past sexual relationships. I'm not threatened by this stuff as I'm confident as a man. She is not graphic about it. She just tells me about relationships in the past where she "screwed" this guy or that guy, "he couldnt get it up", "he told me he was seperated, I screwed him and then found out he was actually married", etc. The part that bothers me is why she feels the need to relate this BS? I'd be lying if I said it didnt conjure up visions in my head that I dont want to see. I kept quiet about it until recently at such time as I told her, "Do you really think I need to know this"? And "I don't want to hear it". Have any of you had similar experiences? What do you make of it? Anyway, I put an end to it by telling her to keep it to herself. Again, the issue here is not whom, or how many partners she has had. It's WHY she thinks she needs to tell me these things. Thanks guys.

 

[bukowski_merit]

It would have been best for you to set the frame of "not wanting to hear it" LONG before you married her! She probably will continue to do it now. Test your congruency.

She gets excitement out of reliving those experiences again. Even the ones where the guy "couldn't get it up." She's just creating tension. Same as women telling bfs/husbands about guys at work flirting with them, etc. It could be an indication that you yourself are not creating enough tension between the two of you - so she's doing it with memories.

It's pretty common. I personally share back about women from my pasts. I've read a few books and articles that say telling women about your past is bad because it can make them reluctant to do things with you for fear of becoming another "story". But i haven't found that to be true at all.

But yeah, good luck... i'd bet you'll be hearing more stories soon.... and if you get mad about it - you'll only be fullfilling her desire for drama.

 

[5string]

It would have been best for you to set the frame of "not wanting to hear it" LONG before you married her! She probably will continue to do it now. Test your congruency.

She gets excitement out of reliving those experiences again. Even the ones where the guy "couldn't get it up." She's just creating tension. Same as women telling bfs/husbands about guys at work flirting with them, etc. It could be an indication that you yourself are not creating enough tension between the two of you - so she's doing it with memories.

It's pretty common. I personally share back about women from my pasts. I've read a few books and articles that say telling women about your past is bad because it can make them reluctant to do things with you for fear of becoming another "story". But i haven't found that to be true at all.

But yeah, good luck... i'd bet you'll be hearing more stories soon.... and if you get mad about it - you'll only be fullfilling her desire for drama.

Thanks for the comments. Like I said, I basically told her to let it go and don't tell me those things. So far, she has kept her mouth shut. I don't think she is trying to get to me with it. What I do think, is that she doesnt THINK before she opens her pie hole. Otherwise, she's being a great wife. I just don't get it sometimes. Oh yea, and I was getting the "I got hit on at the store", "he was really checkin me out", "all he wanted to do was go to bed with me". I put an end to that nonsense as well.

 

[kingsam]

people are brainwashed into thinking that detailng every bit of their life to partners will create intimaticy and brong them closer... whihc is obviously bull...
we wouldnt really wanna tell our partner in detail how we used to be a big-time AFC...

and she also likes talking about herself, this is woman-to-woman-talk so has she got you confused with a woman?

 

[5string]

people are brainwashed into thinking that detailng every bit of their life to partners will create intimaticy and brong them closer... whihc is obviously bull...
we wouldnt really wanna tell our partner in detail how we used to be a big-time AFC...

and she also likes talking about herself, this is woman-to-woman-talk so has she got you confused with a woman?

I don't think she has me confused with a woman by any means. I show her who "the man" is at least once a day. Sometimes more.

 

[catman]

Alot of woman dont think before they open their pie hole.Alot of men dont either especially those that think they have life and women all figured out(ya rite)! I met a woman like this several years ago when my now ex wife threw me out.She was always telling me about all the men who wanted her and hit on her ect.It didnt bother me at first but as time went by i found it harder and harder to take.She took a vacation to arizona for a week (with out me) and when she got back all i heard for weeks was how she was going to move to arizonaI told her to move if thats what she wanted and never called her again.She kept calling me for 2 months wanting to know why i wouldnt talk to her? I went back to my ex and my daughter, got married, then got divorced 7 years later?????? I never regretted breaking up with her and she is still a single attention ***** who never moved to arizona For your sake i hope you didnt marry an attention ***** and if you did i hope you dont have any kids with her!!!!

 

[5string]

Alot of woman dont think before they open their pie hole.Alot of men dont either especially those that think they have life and women all figured out(ya rite)! I met a woman like this several years ago when my now ex wife threw me out.She was always telling me about all the men who wanted her and hit on her ect.It didnt bother me at first but as time went by i found it harder and harder to take.She took a vacation to arizona for a week (with out me) and when she got back all i heard for weeks was how she was going to move to arizonaI told her to move if thats what she wanted and never called her again.She kept calling me for 2 months wanting to know why i wouldnt talk to her? I went back to my ex and my daughter, got married, then got divorced 7 years later?????? I never regretted breaking up with her and she is still a single attention ***** who never moved to arizona For your sake i hope you didnt marry an attention ***** and if you did i hope you dont have any kids with her!!!!

Thanks Catman. BTW, I got my undergrad in business from the U of Iowa. Go Hawkeyes.....

 

[Ease]

Sounds like common reaction seeking and jealousy ploys.

she can sense that you are caught out by it even if you dont call it out sometimes. Once she realises that she'll keep bringing it up to get a reaction and manipulate.

baffled as to why a man's wife would do this, would be understandable for 18 year olds though.

 

[5string]

Sounds like common reaction seeking and jealousy ploys.

she can sense that you are caught out by it even if you dont call it out sometimes. Once she realises that she'll keep bringing it up to get a reaction and manipulate.

baffled as to why a man's wife would do this, would be understandable for 18 year olds though.

Hear ya. She's basically feels she can tell me anything. That's good. Just sometimes they are things that she needs to keep to herself. If this is a clue, she's the type that can't keep a secret. Such as, telling you what your Xmas present before you receive it. I don't say that in a bad way. Just the way she is. Anyway, I was just baffled is all. I think I have put an end to it though. Always have to set some boundaries in any relationship. And this is one of them. Just my opinion. Appreciate the responses guys.

 

[Proselytiser]

Read this thread http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170878

 

[DonJuan11]

Would like to get some opinions from you guys. My wife has a bad habit about telling me of her past sexual relationships. I'm not threatened by this stuff as I'm confident as a man. She is not graphic about it. She just tells me about relationships in the past where she "screwed" this guy or that guy, "he couldnt get it up", "he told me he was seperated, I screwed him and then found out he was actually married", etc. The part that bothers me is why she feels the need to relate this BS? I'd be lying if I said it didnt conjure up visions in my head that I dont want to see. I kept quiet about it until recently at such time as I told her, "Do you really think I need to know this"? And "I don't want to hear it". Have any of you had similar experiences? What do you make of it? Anyway, I put an end to it by telling her to keep it to herself. Again, the issue here is not whom, or how many partners she has had. It's WHY she thinks she needs to tell me these things.

She needs to tell you because her interest level has dropped off the radar. Would a reasonable level headed women who loved you, wanted to take care of you, wanted to have sex with you, tell you how she let a guy inside her when she was 22? This is the behavior of a girl who wants out since you haven't turned her on enough.

 

[BigJimbo]

This is why you don't marry tramps. I know tramps are all the rage in America, but so is divorce! Stick to virgins. Do what isn't in vogue in America and you will be happy. My advice is to travel and learn that America is just very odd and perverse. It isn't a healthy place to meet females (let alone establish a relationship).