Tell me I'm doing the right thing...

[Bonaparte]

I've come to this forum because I need masculine input, and because the matter at hand is too personal to share with friends. The fact of the matter is, I'm planning to break off the 3 year relationship with my girlfriend. I'll do this after her and mine exams are finished, so that it won't ruin that at least for us.

My reasons for breakup: We're living together, and she's shown herself as extremely lazy. She almost never does housework, and rarerly does dishes even though I ask her too. She's very nerdy, and sits in front of the computer most of the time. Her greatest interests are cartoons, consoles, all that geeky stuff. She's really a tomboy with next to none femine interests at all, and that has started to tell on me. I admire the female, after all. Our bed room is a complese mess. And she leaves white, dirty socks around, a sure erection breaker. She never works out, and she doesn't eat healthy food at all, not a good sign for future perkyness. Right now I spend as little time as possible at home, with the excuse that I'm doing work for my exams. But really, for quite some time I've had a bad feeling spending time around her. I know one of the reasons for her lazyness is because she has a medical diagnosis. But I had to do all the work to find out what it was, and when I did she refused to do anything about it because she's scared, althought it is really treatable. This lack of character and courage is what bothers me the most.

My doubts: She's really interesting to talk to, and we relate and click on so many levels. I've had no other girls be able to understand me, but then again, this could be because she's not very feminine. I will lose my apartment, and I have alot of stuff there which will need replacement. The sex is great for the most part, although the *******s suck (no pun) because of her diagnosis. I can basically just tell her to bend over any time I want, and **** her in the ass any time I want, so...Also, I'm in serious doubt of my ability to get another girl. I lost my virginity at 24 with my only other girlfriend, a foreign girl. And I've been a raging AFC before that, with only sporadic glimpses of interest from other women. I know it's weak, but I have this fear that no other woman will look at me again. My economy is not good either, but I think I can deal with such a breakup.

Should I just stick to my plan and see what happens? I'll lose a friend, free sex, and some comforts, but I don't want my future to be like this. I have some great openings now in my education, and the unhappiness I feel in the relationship is standing in my way.

Comments? Pep talk? Anyone? I'm 28 by the way.

 

[Kailex]

My reasons for breakup: We're living together, and she's shown herself as extremely lazy. She almost never does housework, and rarerly does dishes even though I ask her too. She's very nerdy, and sits in front of the computer most of the time. Her greatest interests are cartoons, consoles, all that geeky stuff. She's really a tomboy with next to none femine interests at all, and that has started to tell on me. I admire the female, after all. Our bed room is a complese mess. And she leaves white, dirty socks around, a sure erection breaker. She never works out, and she doesn't eat healthy food at all, not a good sign for future perkyness. Right now I spend as little time as possible at home, with the excuse that I'm doing work for my exams. But really, for quite some time I've had a bad feeling spending time around her. I know one of the reasons for her lazyness is because she has a medical diagnosis. But I had to do all the work to find out what it was, and when I did she refused to do anything about it because she's scared, althought it is really treatable. This lack of character and courage is what bothers me the most.

Wow, reading this was like looking into a time mirror. This was me over a year ago when I broke up with my LTR of 6 months.

Let me guess, she's lazy about EVERYTHING, even her job or schoolwork? You two have probably talked about the future and YOU are the one who seems to want to move forward in life, meanwhile, she could careless about what happens to her.

Does she constantly tell you that you shouldn't worry so much about the future, because you should be living life one day at a time?

Brother, I'm here to tell you that these are reasons to drop her.
If she's lazy NOW, she'll ALWAYS be lazy.
Which means that if you two marry and ever have children, guess who'll be putting in the majority of the workload in the relationship... YOU. And while you are working your ass off to support your family, she'll be all comfortable, up until the day you are fed up with the situation and then she takes half of what you have worked so hard for.

You already avoid her.
She doesn't work out or eat right... guess what is going to happen when she has kids. If you don't think she's feminine now, I can't wait to see what happens after she's expelled a vagina burster.

This will NOT get better.

My doubts: She's really interesting to talk to, and we relate and click on so many levels. I've had no other girls be able to understand me, but then again, this could be because she's not very feminine.

You were 25 or less when you were last single. Things change. I'm interesting to talk to and could probably relate to you, want to date me?

Look, there are other women out there besides her and there'll probably be one out there that'll want to dress sexy just for YOU and be just as interesting and relate to you.

I will lose my apartment, and I have alot of stuff there which will need replacement.

So what? You lose this now, rather than having to involve lawyers later in life.
There are always other apartments. I thought the same way at first, and now I am in a BETTER apartment with things of MY OWN.

The sex is great for the most part, although the *******s suck (no pun) because of her diagnosis. I can basically just tell her to bend over any time I want, and **** her in the ass any time I want, so...

So was my ex, but simply because she knew that's the way she could keep me. If she could keep me happy in bed, then I'd be "happy". BS. The sex can't cover up the relationship aspects of it.

Also, I'm in serious doubt of my ability to get another girl. I lost my virginity at 24 with my only other girlfriend, a foreign girl. And I've been a raging AFC before that, with only sporadic glimpses of interest from other women. I know it's weak, but I have this fear that no other woman will look at me again. My economy is not good either, but I think I can deal with such a breakup.

AHHHHHHHHHH, HERE is the most important part of the entire post. You are afraid that if you break up with her, that you won't be able to find anyone else that could be better...

SO YOU WOULD RATHER SETTLE???

I chose to be alone. I'd rather be alone than settle for being miserable.

Should I just stick to my plan and see what happens? I'll lose a friend, free sex, and some comforts, but I don't want my future to be like this. I have some great openings now in my education, and the unhappiness I feel in the relationship is standing in my way.

Comments? Pep talk? Anyone? I'm 28 by the way.

LEAVE.
EJECT.
GET OUT.

I am much happier since I did so.
And yes, I thought my ex was the end-all when it came to women understanding me and accepting me for who I was, but that wasn't enough for me. I wanted MORE. I wanted someone who would be my partner, not someone who would bring me down to their level and that is what your girlfriend is doing to you.

SHE IS BRINGING YOU DOWN.

Lose a few comforts and be happy.
Or keep a few comforts and be miserable.

I'll pick happy everytime, specially if those "comforts" are replaceable.

Your misery could easily take up 18 years of your life and THEN SOME.

If you already thought of ending it... then it's over. If you don't end it now, you will resent her for the rest of your life.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Well the only girl I ever lived with was the epitome of domesticity. Our place was absolutely spotless and organized tastefully at all times. She turned out to be crazy, but if she was anything like your girl I would've never had her in the first place. Dump her immediately, get a real woman.

 

[Bonaparte]

Let me guess, she's lazy about EVERYTHING, even her job or schoolwork? You two have probably talked about the future and YOU are the one who seems to want to move forward in life, meanwhile, she could careless about what happens to her.

You are exactly right there. She performs badly at school, and there is just no spark in her. And she has no plans except to live comfortably. One of the most resentful things she told me early in the relationship was "I just want to relax.."

Brother, I'm here to tell you that these are reasons to drop her.
If she's lazy NOW, she'll ALWAYS be lazy.
Which means that if you two marry and ever have children, guess who'll be putting in the majority of the workload in the relationship... YOU. And while you are working your ass off to support your family, she'll be all comfortable, up until the day you are fed up with the situation and then she takes half of what you have worked so hard for.

My thougts exactly. And it would also be unfair to the children. She's just no mother material.

LEAVE.
EJECT.
GET OUT.

I am much happier since I did so.
And yes, I thought my ex was the end-all when it came to women understanding me and accepting me for who I was, but that wasn't enough for me. I wanted MORE. I wanted someone who would be my partner, not someone who would bring me down to their level and that is what your girlfriend is doing to you.

SHE IS BRINGING YOU DOWN.

Lose a few comforts and be happy.
Or keep a few comforts and be miserable.

I'll pick happy everytime, specially if those "comforts" are replaceable.

Your misery could easily take up 18 years of your life and THEN SOME.

If you already thought of ending it... then it's over. If you don't end it now, you will resent her for the rest of your life.

You're absolutely right sir. Thank you for the input, I just needed to hear it from someone. She just hasn't got the character, the personality, the energy, or the femininity to be with me, and she's making me unhappy. I have this great opening in my life right now, education wise, and I should just get rid of her no matter the cost. I'll make this promise right now, that when her exam is done I will tell her, and then prepare the whole process of moving out. I will keep it nice, I'll keep it as clean as possible, but I will still do it. If I never touch another woman again, so be it, but really, I doubt that. I am much more of a man than I was before, shivering and afraid of any challenges. :box: I say bring it!

 

[Bonaparte]

As an extra motivation I'll post here when I've done it. Just so I don't chicken out somehow. It's time to take control here, and I'll keep you updated on my pursuits.

 

[jophil28]

Also, I'm in serious doubt of my ability to get another girl. I lost my virginity at 24 with my only other girlfriend, a foreign girl. And I've been a raging AFC before that,
Comments? Pep talk? Anyone? I'm 28 by the way.

Because you are young and inexperienced, you qualify for some free advice and golden wisdom from this ole' silver fox .

So you are hanging on to her because you doubt your ability to date other women, or find a replacement for the presesnt encumbent?

Here is a general tip about life - you will find that if you summon the courage to extract yourself from a crappy situation, or resign from an unsatisfying job, yoiu will always, if you persist, find a much better woman or a better paying job.

It takes brass nuts to make the initial decision to eject, and then it takes the willingness to persist until you find that better deal that you seek.

Staying in a poor relationship though fear is unmanly. Women do that shyte.
Men take risks, explore, experiment and take the consequences.

And finally if you do stay paralysed, because being alone seems worse or scary, then you have only yourself to hold to account for that decision.

 

[sodbuster]

WHY are you going to lose stuff? Get a rental unit and move your stuff out while she is taking her exam/visiting her mother/ sleeping.

 

[JerryFl08]

Your education is way more important than dealing with relationships. I may be way younger than you 10 years to be precise but in my opinion if you have a great openings education wise, i would definitely say to follow that to better and improve yourself cuz isn't that what being a dj is all about? Leave this girl she's only ruining yourself on achieving true happiness.

Glad to hear that you are going to leave her, and yea i would like to hear back from you and see how it goes. I believe you'll feel way better because you won't have someone holding you back anymore

 

[Bonaparte]

To make a quick update. I just got home, and she still hasn't done the dishes. It's been like two weeks. I know it's in her exam period, but wtf, how hard can it be. It's going to be so great when this **** is over, although I know I'll be short on money I'll just have to endure it for a while. I've made a list of all the things that is wrong in this relationship to keep myself determined.

My schoolwork suffers from this, but I just need to pass this last exam to start that new direction. I should look to the future, although the immediate future is bound to be chaotic.

Also, moderators, could you please return this topic to the mature man section. I've displayed my age now.

 

[Bonaparte]

Alright, I'm at loss. I tried to break up with her today. She broke completely down, shouted that she loved me, and begged me for one more chance. Her heart was racing uncontrollably, so there was no act....and I gave in.

She promised to pull herself together, and fix that medical thing. I'm just in a void right now. In one way I long for freedom, and a truely feminine girl. I also looked forward to being independent again. On the other hand, I'm going to lose a person that truly loves me. But I just know I cannot change her character.

I could say the final word tomorrow. But that's going to destroy her.

Advice?

 

[Tiguere]

Only you know the answer. Stand in front of a mirror and extract it.

 

[Chromeo]

Shes gonna get her sh*t together? hey well good for her! but let her do it on her own time. Tell her you need a break, if she gets it together then maybe it will work out but right now its not working so its best to break it off for now.

 

[Kailex]

Alright, I'm at loss. I tried to break up with her today. She broke completely down, shouted that she loved me, and begged me for one more chance. Her heart was racing uncontrollably, so there was no act....and I gave in.

Of course we HAD to expect that she would do this. She's losing her security in you.

She promised to pull herself together, and fix that medical thing. I'm just in a void right now.

I'm always weary about this. If you really want to keep up with her, gauge her actions over the next week... it'll be critical. Most women will put on a show for the first 2 weeks and then go back to where they were before it all happened, simply because they are comfortable again and think they aren't going to lose you.

In one way I long for freedom, and a truely feminine girl.

Then drop her.
She wasn't feminine before... she never will be.

On the other hand, I'm going to lose a person that truly loves me. But I just know I cannot change her character.

Stop hiding behind "She loves me and I don't want to lose that". Someone else will eventually love you to... hell, there's millions of women that have the slight chance of "loving you". You can't change her, and over the long term, she WON'T change. So what if you lose a person that loves you?

I could say the final word tomorrow. But that's going to destroy her.

BE SELFISH.

You either destroy her now... or you destroy yourself AND HER over the long-term.
I'd choose to destroy her now... whatever that means.

It just upsets me when men hide behind the curtain of "I don't want to hurt her feelings"... what... at YOUR expense? I'll tell you right now, it's not worth it, do NOT stick around. It will all go back to being the same as it was before once she gets comfortable in the relationship again.

Do not be miserable just because you don't want to "destroy her".

Advice?

EJECT.