Tell a joke beyatch!!

[backseatjuan]

So the guy is smoking weed at his place, the door bell rings. Who there? This is the police department, neighbors complained about marijuana smell, we want to talk. The guy takes a bugger out of his nose and asks, how many of you there? Cops say two. So talk to each other... :cheer:

 

[Purefilth]

Fishing and rape are my two favorite hobbies as they have so much in common.

firstly, theres a lot of waiting around in secluded areas.

Then theres the sudden rush of excitement followed by a fishy smell.

Finally theres the age old dilemma of....


do I kill it or let it go?

 

[backseatjuan]

Veneriologist:
- And where did you, dear, caught a bouquet like this?
- At girlfriend's wedding.

 

[ProDJ26]

How many feet does a rooster have?
(they give their answer)

How many teeth does a cat have?
(they give their answer)

Looks like you know more about **** than you do pvzzy

 

[FairShake]

Why did the hipster burn his tongue when he ate pizza?

He ate it before it was cool.

My old stand-by:

Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest peen," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips he schmeckle out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his man-sized manicotti out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his Alabama blacksnake out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim.

That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest meatpole."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother.

"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest in the entire 3rd grade! The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?"

The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."

 

[backseatjuan]

It normal when woman creates problem, but when she solves them that's STRANGE!!!



New York City, two bears walking, one teaching the other.
- It's best to choose canfood with siren on top, fatter meat inside.

 

[BeDJ]

The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."

LOLOLOL :crackup::crackup::crackup:

 

[Love's Orphan]

Kid runs to his dad.
"Dad, dad, dad, dad, whats a ****oris?"
"You should have asked me that yesterday, son."-says dad.
"Yesterday? why yesterday?"
"Because I had it on the tip of my tongue."

 

[backseatjuan]

Guy asks girl out to dinner
- Do you want to join me Tuesday night for some Red Lobster?
- No, I can't Tuesday night, I'm already booked with two gentelment for dinner and lunch.  But how about we go for breakfast?

 

[Mike32ct]

I heard this one is based on a true story...

This guy goes to a club in Vegas. He meet a chick and they go up to her hotel room. They start fooling around, but they both realize that he has no condoms with him. Reluctantly, he goes downstairs to the casino gift shop to buy some.

(Keep in mind it's 3am and he's drunk.)

He buys the condoms, and they takes the elevator/lift back upstairs. He soon realizes that he doesn't REMEMBER which ROOM she is in. He doesn't have her cell/mobile number.

Drunk and horny, he starts knocking on random guestroom doors.

Soon, security shows up and starts questioning him.

Security: Sir, you can't go around knocking on random guest room doors. We received a complaint about you.

Guy: I can explain sir. I met this girl. We went upstairs, but I forgot the condoms. I went and bought some. I'm now just trying to return to her room.

Security: Ok, what is her room number?

Guy: I don't know.

Security: Ok, do you have her phone number?

Guy: No I don't.

Security: DO YOU KNOW HER NAME??

Guy: We didn't get the far.

LOL

 

[Purefilth]

Little Johnny jumps into a taxi & sits behind the driver. Johnny starts chanting at the top of his voice ''If my Mum was a cow & my Dad was a bull then I'd be a calf...if my Mum was a ewe & my Dad was a ram, then I'd be a lamb...if my Mum was a mare & my Dad was a stallion then I'd be a foal
The driver was getting pissed off and said to Johnny ''And if your Mum was a ***** and your Dad was a wanker then what would you be?"
Johnny replied ,
'' taxi driver'

 

[Who Dares Win]

There's this little kid who likes so much to play with his red balloon that for hours he throws and chases it everywhere untill his mother gets pissed off and treath to slap him if he doesnt drop it.
So the kid goes to play on the toilet to make sure she doesnt see him but his father comes back from work in a great hurry and needs the toilet asap so the kid overwhelmed by fear decides to hyde the baloon inside the wc before leaving.

The father does his stuff and right after notices this big mass which after his activity became a dark blue-green color.
The man is really afraid that all that pushing let some of his organs fall down so calls the medic to observe such mass.

The doctor is confused so he starts touching that mass with his sharp pliers till it explodes.
At that point the man ask the medic what the hell was that and that he never saw in his life anything like that.

Then the doctor while cleaning his glasses answers that he is surprised as well since in his 20 yrs long career he never encountered a fart with a shell.

 

[MikeBrown30]

What did one gay sperm say to the other?

"Where do you find an egg in all of this sh1t?"

 

[Purefilth]

my favorite part of svx is when I look deep into her eyes, and wonder what the fvck her name is!

 

[Aristippus]

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the chin.

 

[DonaldWanold]

Two men walked into a bar. Ouch.


sorry, I had to!

 

[sageproduct]

My sex life is like God. It doesn't exist.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Two lions were eating a clown, and one said to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
----------------
One guy is getting a hummer from a ninety year old, toothless woman. Another is doing a tightrope walk across Niagra falls. They're both thinking the same thing. What is it?

Don't look down.

----------------

What's more impressive than the guy who can keep a dozen donuts on his ding dong at the nudist colony?

The girl who can eat the last one.