Teacher & Student

[indierocker]

I need some advice.

I am a 28 year-old high school teacher. I want to pursue one of my students once she's graduated. Nothing untoward has happened while she's been my student, nor is there a risk of that happening.

I like my career, am good at it, am respected, and know where the line is.

However, I have had this eighteen year-old in my classes for three straight years, and she's almost ready to graduate. I believe there is at least some mutual interest on her part, though it's hard to say because we both know that there's a line, and neither of us would ever cross it for fear of upsetting the other, or creating the uncomfortable moment.

I know that I must be patient (in other words, I understand that I shouldn't be going after her the day after graduation), and that I am walking a very fine line in terms of sketchiness/perversion.

I'm not looking for anyone to call me out and tell me I'm a perv or that I should be ashamed of myself. I'm a guy, she's beautiful and smart, and I've done nothing wrong.

On numerous occasions, she's gone out of her way to tell me that her step-mom is closer in age to her than the step-mom is to her dad. I think she's curious.

I know I want to approach her with a light tone, and an invitation to harmless fun. No over-the-top seriousness or anything like that.

I just don't know how to go about this, the timing of it, and what to say and what not to say.

Any advice?

 

[DJDamage]

You are better off not pursing it, your job could be on the line if they find that you want too or are messing up with a former student. Your reputation will be ruined and you can get fired and never be able to teach again.

Having said that, you still want an advice well here it is:

If I were you I would post your email address on the blackboard in the last week of school telling everyone to email you over the summer just to keep in touch. If she has any interest in you she will email you and you will get her address and take it from there.

 

[indierocker]

My best friend is a teacher in the same school, is 30, and is dating his twenty year-old former student.

He's a well-respected coach, is in line for an administrator's job, and is revered by colleagues, students, parents, and community members.

He's had no trouble.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Why are you on here asking for opinions?

Its obvious you've already made up your mind. You're just here searching for people to validate what you already plan on doing.

IMO...do it.

Hell, Mary K Luterno and Villi Fuloau were from the Jr. High near my old house. If anything, you can try to get movie and book deals like these two have.

 

[MrCode]

My personal opinion is that while this girl may be great, the fact that she seems to be so important to you shows me that you aren't going out and meeting women like you should be. I know it is so much easier to meet women at work (of course this is a little different than dating a coworker), but I think you need to provide yourself with more options.

Plus it sounds a bit like you have one-itis for her and may be putting her on a pedestal when you shouldn't be. I'd wager that the girl you know from the classroom over 3 years may not be too similar to the real girl in the real world.

Even if things worked out for your friend, I still feel there is a good bit of creepiness in the whole vibe of dating a former student. Her attraction for you (if there is any) may also be due to your position of power and authority as her teacher, and that may not translate once you are no longer in that traditional student/teacher role.

But anyhow as far as advice I think DJDamage's advice was good, as letting her make the first move may help reduce some of the creepiness.

 

[indierocker]

Originally posted by -HPNOTIQ-
Why are you on here asking for opinions?

Its obvious you've already made up your mind. You're just here searching for people to validate what you already plan on doing.

IMO...do it.

Hell, Mary K Luterno and Villi Fuloau were from the Jr. High near my old house. If anything, you can try to get movie and book deals like these two have.

I'm here asking for opinions because I want them.

No **** I'm planning on doing it; I tried to make that clear in my original post. I didn't ask whether or not I should do it. I asked about possible approaches.

Read more carefully next time, and if you have nothing to offer, move on to another thread.

 

[Ladiesssman]

I would go for DJDamage's advice if I were in your shoes. It's easy for a guy to read a girl. Guys tend to think girls like them even though a lot of times they don't. I've misread women. So did some of my guy friends. By posting your email on the board, it would allow her to email you if she does have interest in you.

DJDamage you're a wise guy IMO.

 

[SamePendo]

I feel that having a relationship with a student is much more risky and dangerous than going with a married woman.

If you go out with a married woman, you get caught... you just deal with the nightmare of his husband for some months, (if he DOES something.. some don't do ****) and thats it.

If you get caught with your student, especially in the US (you have records for everything), you will have doors shut forever when it comes to job solicitation.


Fortunately for me, In Mexico you can get away with anything....

...even murder

 

[DJDamage]

If you get caught with your student, especially in the US (you have records for everything), you will have doors shut forever when it comes to job solicitation.

I agree with SamePendo. Who knows you can hook up with this girl and have a successful relationship. But there are always un forseen events that can bring you down. Even if she is not your student anymore people always tend to talk and eventually it could get to someone ears that has a beef with you or wants to be promoted or get famous and thus would want to launch an immediate invistigation and bring you down. Your reputation will be ruined no matter what the outcome will be and you could be dismissed from teaching.

I am not saying don't do it but just know the unforseen consequences that could arise from all of this.

You are lucky you are not a psychologist who wants to see a former patient, that would turn up to be much worse.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by indierocker
I'm here asking for opinions because I want them.

No **** I'm planning on doing it; I tried to make that clear in my original post. I didn't ask whether or not I should do it. I asked about possible approaches.

Read more carefully next time, and if you have nothing to offer, move on to another thread.

I sense a lot of anger in your thread bud. If you feel the need to get off on an 18 year old that you knew since she was 15, then bro, like I said earlier..go for it..

You're right - no laws are being broken, the only thing you may destroy is your reputation. If this girl is like most 18 year olds, she'll have no problems discussing this with her friends...then another friend..then maybe a parent..then maybe that parent goes to the superintendent of your school...and yada yada...

Then you can go to every single person explaing how you didn't break any laws....what's the worst case senerio..you lose your job?? psssh...who cares right?

You want tactics on how to lay this girl? Fine...here ya go...

You need to decide what you want from this girl...whether it be an STR, LTR, FB or ONS. The reason why is she most likely doesn't want a 28 year old teacher for more than a fling to fulfill her fantasies of banging her old teacher. Every guy in here had a hot teacher back in college or HS, and I'm not too sure any of us at 18-22 at the time wanted anything more than a fling to fulfill that need to bang the teacher. So...FB.ONS route is the way to go.

There are enough guys on here, along with my experiences, that this 18 year old isn't even close to quality LTR material. 18-24 year olds are flakey and generally aren't interested in commitment. They're club rats, attention wh*res and are just young and into the having no strings attached fun. You've been to college, you remember what its like. I'd keep it FB/ONS status.

Like you said earlier "you run a fine line between sketchiness and perversion." You gotta make sure that how you get her personal information is from her, and there is witness to you getting her number.

Actually bro..back out NOW.

Here's the senerio:

You get her number two or three days after graduation. You're set. You date her a couple times. Hell, you lay her and she becomes your FB. A couple months go by and you're not quite sure you want to be with her anymore. So you break it off. The girl is soo pissed at you and in spite of you lies to all her friends, family and parents that you stole her number, harassed and called her, and forced her to have sex with you or you would have failed her in class.

Does this senerio sound like much of a stretch?? What is the old trite expression..."hell hath no fury like a woman scorn"

Its not worth it. Get off the one-itis and date quality women outside the confines of your school. Go out and meet quality women.

 

[DJDamage]

Am I missing something, or didn't he say that he wanted to wait until after she had graduated?

Even after she graduated the fact that she is a former student could implicate him in having a relationship with her before she graduated. -HPNOTIQ- Was much better in illustrating that point then I was.

There are enough guys on here, along with my experiences, that this 18 year old isn't even close to quality LTR material. 18-24 year olds are flakey and generally aren't interested in commitment. They're club rats, attention wh*res and are just young and into the having no strings attached fun. You've been to college, you remember what its like. I'd keep it FB/ONS status.

This is good stuff. At that age they are very immature and she will tell everyone that she has scored with her former teacher, just so all her girlfriends will be jealous of her.

 

[jiggy]

Originally posted by indierocker
I'm here asking for opinions because I want them.

No **** I'm planning on doing it; I tried to make that clear in my original post. I didn't ask whether or not I should do it. I asked about possible approaches.

Read more carefully next time, and if you have nothing to offer, move on to another thread.

Woah, you should slow down teach. What's more important to you, the job or the girl? If it's the job, pass on the girl. If it's the girl, then don't be upset if the relationship causes problems at work.

As for approaches, you're the man, she's an 18 year old girl. Just the fact that you're an authority figure should be enough to get her. Find an interest of her's and ask her to join. Example being; she likes art, then say you just happen to be going to the art museum to view a friend's work and would like her to go along.

Side point: When I have children, they're going to private school

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by jiggy
Side point: When I have children, they're going to private school

Ooo... those little Catholic Schoolgirl uniforms are SOOOO sexy!

Yum!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Just an observation here, but this wouldn't even be an issue if you reversed the roles. A 28 y.o. female teacher with the hots for an 18 y.o. guy. It wouldn't even make the evening news. In fact I'd expect all of the other female faculty to pat her on the back and say "you go girl!" When it's a guy doing it he's a pervert.

I do think you have an accute ONEitis for this girl however. I can see your preoccupation with this little hottie is limiting your desire to look into better, potential women. Spin more plates brother. You need more irons in the fire than than one.

One other angle you haven't mentioned is whether or not this girl has plans to attend college after highschool. Bear in mind that girls this age are entering their party years and if she's as hot as you illustrate, she'll be wanting attention from a lot more guys than just her highschool teacher. If you just want to get after it with this girl on an occasion, have at it, but don't think for a second you'll have anything more with her. At best this girl should only be another chick on a long list of other potentials.

 

[jiggy]

Originally posted by ShortTimer
Ooo... those little Catholic Schoolgirl uniforms are SOOOO sexy!

Yum!

LMAO, God forbid I ever have a daughter!

But if it so happens, you can have at her ShortTimer!!!!

 

[SamePendo]

Goddamn... fvck her and get this over with.

 

[dakota]

My two cents,
Being a high school teacher myself. The issue is timing. If you pursue here/ start daing to soon after she graduates then it gives the appearance that something improper was going on WHILE she was a student. That could very well get you fired. The minimum time to wait would be towards the end of the school year after graduation. As for how, if she is interested at the time she will make herself available.
For example, one of last years graduates departed for another state right after graduation last year. She is back since January and has already invited herself and freinds over to a picnic at my house in april. (the whole picnic is her idea).
Btw