"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Talking too fast...

Colin O'Brien

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I've always had this problem where I talk too fast and slightly slur my words. When I was younger, till I was about 14, it was almost impossible to control and everything I said same out slurred. Then I worked on getting it better, and now today I can talk at a good pace and articulate very well if I concentrate.

The problem is that this means i have to concentrate a lot of what I'm saying instead of focusing ******dly. Also when I get excited/nervous I speed up or stutter a little still. These are the only obstacle I have to speaking articulately and confidently all the time is to ability to do it without thinking.

I want to get this down perfectly in time for college so no one thinks of me as a "fast talker", but rather a cool talker (thankfully I've got a pretty rich tambre to my voice so it sounds really good if I can control it). Does anyone have any experience with this kinda thing, and some tips for me to slow down subconsciously?



edit: ovtward is bleeped out?
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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MotownMack

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My mind goes about a million miles an hour, and occasionally so does my mouth.

You just have to deliberately try to relax and slow yourself down, that's the only way I really know. Just speak slowly, deliberately.

In the long run, this is actually a good problem to have. It probably means your a quick thinker with a sharp wit, which is much harder to develop than the alternative of being a normal paced speaker but not the quickest on your feet.

I am guess you probably gesture a lot and have an animated or fidgety body language. All this is related... one can lead the other, so watch your body language as well. You'll get it with some practice.
 
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I don't have the exact same problem, but something similar. I mumble a lot and speak through my nose in a monotone voice. I sometimes snap out of it, but it is like the default mode for me. I think it creeps people out.


Anyway, my plan is this:

I'm going to practice speaking a lot. There's a lot of people with really good, dynamic voices. I'm going to find audio of them speaking and then try to find a transcript of it. I'll record myself saying those same words and trying to follow along with the cadence and clarity which they use. After I get the hang of that I'll try branching into other stuff, like reading from a book or a news article.


It's weird, actually. I don't have a big social life at all presently and I find that when I do first begin talking to people I am stuck in this mode of talking. But after a while I start to get in better form.

This past winter and fall I did a lot of signature collecting for a petition (A great way to rid yourself of approach anxiety, by the way...dozens of cold approaches per hour). I noticed how after about 45 minutes I would really start to find my voice and wouldn't stumble over my words at all. I would speak in a deeper voice and with much more fluid tone.


I am seriously considering trying vocal warm ups like singers do before I try doing a round of approaches.
 

OrangeCrusader

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I'll be keeping an eye on this...

I'm a very fast talker, with the odd slur of words into one, or a minor stutter.

Oh, and I speak quite quietly too, a lot of the time.

Unless I'm relaxed, and taking notice of it, it sort of flies off on its own, I'm working on it. Apparently when I'm speaking normally, I have a helluva voice, but the quick and soft talking just ooze lack of confidence and self esteem.

Relaxing, and trying to speak at roughly the same pace as if I were reading what I was saying from a page, out loud, and keeping it at a decent volume, though that's the hardest to keep notice of.
 

green69

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I've had a stuttering problem ever since I was a kid. I also happen to speak extremely quickly and sometimes mush small words into one (ie. did you add up? = j'add up?

The stuttering comes and goes. Sometimes I'll have a 30 minute conversation and only have 1 or 2 minor stutters and other times it feels like I am struggling just to get the words out of my mouth. And speaking a million miles an hour doesn't help either. I want to see a speech therapist but I feel embarrassed.

It hasn't severely effected my life I have lots of friends and a good social life but I definitely wish I didn't have this problem! Sometimes I have all sorts of witty/clever things to say but I can't get them out of my mouth. I think I am gonna look for some speech therapist around town...
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Effington

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Relax and just speak slower. They say that if you repeat something for 3 weeks it becomes a habit and is much easier to keep doing.
 

Teh_Wolf

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yeah ive always talked fast sometimes/talked slower sometimes, but recently ive begun to trip over words sometimes and mess them up. im not sure if its gives a bad vibe off or what
 

Colin O'Brien

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Something I've started doing in the past few weeks: If I'm talking to someone and I miss up/slur a word pretty badly, I make a note of it. Then later (when no one's around, of course), I repeat saying that same thing over and over again out loud, getting it as perfect as possible.

It's just like if I'm playing an instrument and I need to practice a difficult few measures of notes, I just force myself to play them over and over again until I get it. A ton of things in life are interrelated.
 

Mavrick

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Learn how to slow talk. Slow talk grabs a lot of attention as apposed to talking fast.

You show nervousness when you talk fast and people won't really take you seriously.
 

Latinoman

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I know this is not funny...but for some reason this thread make me laugh.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Latinoman

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Dude...you are worrying to much. This is a "problem" that you can fix by CONCIOUSLY talking slower.

This is not like if you were 4' 9" tall or some sort of "little man" which is something you cannot really control. Or if you have some cancer or to a lesser degree a serious case of acne.
 
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