Talking to the ex of the person you like

[DreamyChick]

Hey guys,

I am sure you've all been there you've dumped or been dumped by your exes. So the question I bring forth to you today is would you open up honestly to a guy that was interested in your ex to let him know what he's in for?


Well, today the ex of the guy--I liked and my friend imed me today. It was kind of unexpected, but I got way more insight into this guy then I ever thought possible. She's been on and off with him for 6 years where I have been friends with him for three. It started off with casual conversation where she told me she had started dating someone new. I have always been weary of talking to the ex-gfs of my friends but talking to her kind of opened my eyes. Even though he had dated her and he and I have been friends he's basically treated us the same excluding the sex. He really messed with her head and her self esteem. The thing is she just talked and I listened and it was like verbatim of things he would pull on me when I came to him with problems. I mean I was relieved intitally that I hadn't been the only one but then she said, her issues with him led her to going to a shrink. It just simply amazes me.

I just don't know what to think. I mean his behavior towards her versuses me is so similar that I think it must be true, but then at the same time I wonder if she could possibly have other motives. But he has told me he's met someone else and so I really don't know why she would want to play a game with me when she has the new girl that's dating him as harder competition you know?

What do you guys think? Is it ever good to get insight from an ex?

 

[Wyldfire]

If the guy treats you like crap you shouldn't want him in the first place. And you certainly shouldn't expect his behavior to improve if you get involved with him because he will be worse than he is beforehand.

Now about the ex...you should always form your own opinion about a person. I've been involved with men who had horrible relationships with other women but treated me great and we had entirely different relationships than their past ones. Think about it...unless you are exactly the same as a guy's ex in how you think, behave and respond then your relationships aren't going to be exactly the same.

With that being said...there are clearly things about this guy that you don't like. So, I'm going back to the original question I posed...

Why do you even want a guy who treats you like crap?

 

[DreamyChick]

Good point Wyld and I have to apologize for our prior miscommunications. I think I misjudged you.

Now in answer to your question. I knew I was being mistreated but I rationalized it. He's been so good at twisting words and manipulating the situation. My friends kept pointing it out, but today's converation put me in shock. Anyway after talking to his ex and listening to her story I picked up on similar behaviors however I am wondering how much value I should place on her words? Why would she fill me in on how he is? I mean I guess I am just wondering her motives. I mean if what she says is true she has suffered a great deal from not escaping a relationship with him.

 

[cactus3178]

Wyldfire's got it spot on.

Advice from the ex of somebody your interested in isn't typically going to be accurate. Think about it; it's a biased opinion. They could have had a completely bad experience, or they still have feelings for that person and might want to run interference on you.

But like WF said, no two relationships will ever be the same, because no two people are the same.

On one hand, it's nice to have a heads-up if there's some serious issues, otherwise, just form your own opinion.

Good luck

 

[DJDamage]

Everything she says is hearsay. If the breakup caused her to suffer then its revenge on her part to make sure that her ex won't be happy either.

By the way, its pretty sneaky of you to talk to his ex behind his back without him knowing about it or the ability for him to defend himself. You got some issues as well.

 

[DreamyChick]

Well, I just told him she imed me. So maybe I am not that devious either.

 

[Tazman]

One thing's for sure, I could learn a thing or two from this guy. Treat women like crap and they'll hang on to you for dear life(sarcasm)......it never ceases to amaze me how things can be spelled out for people who ask for answers, yet they continue in their ways in vain.

 

[DreamyChick]

Originally posted by Tazman
One thing's for sure, I could learn a thing or two from this guy. Treat women like crap and they'll hang on to you for dear life(sarcasm)......it never ceases to amaze me how things can be spelled out for people who ask for answers, yet they continue in their ways in vain.

Okay you got me guilty as charged..