Talking to people you know

[Huffman]

Today I realized that I'm actually not that good at talking to people.

We were having a pre-Christmas party and 10 of my friends were there (also a girl I was interested in), but I just didn't know what to talk about!
We see each other very often, so we ran out of small talk quickly and after that I was just sitting around - bored. I just kinda said hi to everyone and that was it.

I'm pretty dumbfounded - why couldn't I think of anything?
I couldn't find anything about them I was interested in. And in return, I didn't feel like they would want to hear stuff about me - I kind of hate talking about myself too much. Would this be a self-esteem issue?

Now when meeting strangers, I usually have pretty good conversation, but after you get to know people it really dies down.
Very often I feel like I'm not interested in talking. As a consequence I feel like I'm not good at it.

The only time I really bond with people is when doing activities I/we enjoy.
Come to think of it, girls mostly fall for me on action dates.
I've almost never managed to seduce a girl through talk (with kino ofc).

Just doing talk feels very unnatural for me. I do want to get to know people, but sparking an interesting conversation just seems so hard for me.

This also applies to guys and good friends.

Have an idea?

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Conversations, eh? I can give you some good topics:
-The weather (if it's particularly cold/windy/snowing/raining/etc.). Everybody talks about the weather.
-Check out what she's wearing. If she's wearing something unique, ask her about it, like where she got it from. If she's wearing sunglasses that look like your grandma's, tell her so with a smile (it's a neg).
-Read a newspaper or watch the news...there is all new and interesting stories each day, they're good to talk about.
-What are her interests/hobbies? By asking her questions, she's doing most of the work in the conversation and you get to learn about her. Remember though, it's a conversation, not an interview.
-Tell a story or two that are RELEVANT to the situation. Try to make her laugh or mention something that will really grab her interest, which will have her asking questions about you or the story, which is good.

Good luck man.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Tell some stories of funny things that happened to you. To be honest we all have on and off days. I notice some days conversation with everyone I meet just flows naturally, other days not so much. Today is one of those days, lol, so my post is short.

 

[Huffman]

Thanks for your input - but I know the basics, I've got all that "theory" down.

I now realize I simply didn't want to talk to them - and this is serious for they are my friends!

I'm more reserved than ever before! Right now, I feel like a f*ing misanthrope!
You know what happened to me 5 minutes ago?

I live in sort of a "mixed dorm" for university students, and just a moment ago I had 3 drunk girls standing at my doorstep! Why the hell didn't I invite them in!? I know they didn't come for sex but I should have at least been friendly.
After all, they are friends of mine - we've known each other for quite some time - and came to see me in the midddle of the night. One of them was also really hot, plus they were drunk! They didn't even interrupt me - I had been sitting around playing some boring video game.
My brain said INVITE THEM IN, THAT'S SOME WICKED CHANCE but I simply didn't feel like it! WTF, I didn't feel like it!
Instead, I looked at them as if they were some freaky aliens, threw in a few sarcastic comments here and there and after a couple of minutes they left (of course).


I've become so cold to people without realizing - I don't know how it even happened! Sometimes I downright intimidate people.
I'm cold to even my family and have to make a real effort not to insult them even though they give me nothing but their support!

I'm pretty angry at myself right now. Not for having sent the girls home, but for myself being such an a$$hole all day.
I must do everything in my power to become a friendly, spontaneous person that enjoys life again!

Granted, I am no longer a needy AFC.
But instead I seem to have become a bored, man-hating elitist jerk. Like "inner game" gone wrong.
Where has all the love gone?

 

[jdon23]

Thanks for your input - but I know the basics, I've got all that "theory" down.

I now realize I simply didn't want to talk to them - and this is serious for they are my friends!

I'm more reserved than ever before! Right now, I feel like a f*ing misanthrope!
You know what happened to me 5 minutes ago?

I live in sort of a "mixed dorm" for university students, and just a moment ago I had 3 drunk girls standing at my doorstep! Why the hell didn't I invite them in!? I know they didn't come for sex but I should have at least been friendly.
After all, they are friends of mine - we've known each other for quite some time - and came to see me in the midddle of the night. One of them was also really hot, plus they were drunk! They didn't even interrupt me - I had been sitting around playing some boring video game.
My brain said INVITE THEM IN, THAT'S SOME WICKED CHANCE but I simply didn't feel like it! WTF, I didn't feel like it!
Instead, I looked at them as if they were some freaky aliens, threw in a few sarcastic comments here and there and after a couple of minutes they left (of course).


I've become so cold to people without realizing - I don't know how it even happened! Sometimes I downright intimidate people.
I'm cold to even my family and have to make a real effort not to insult them even though they give me nothing but their support!

I'm pretty angry at myself right now. Not for having sent the girls home, but for myself being such an a$$hole all day.
I must do everything in my power to become a friendly, spontaneous person that enjoys life again!

Granted, I am no longer a needy AFC.
But instead I seem to have become a bored, man-hating elitist jerk. Like "inner game" gone wrong.
Where has all the love gone?

You are half of the way there brother! You KNOW what you need to do, but you just WON'T do it. Figure out whats stopping you from acting on your beliefs and beat it! Maybe it is fear of leaving a past lifestyle. Transitions are difficult for a lot of people.

I believe there are a group of people, especially on this website, that have a DJ mindset with their "alter-ego" internet identity.. but not in person.

They know how to think and have read all the best material and KNOW what they COULD do, but they just won't act. They make excuses for themselves for why they didn't approach. They "THINK" like a DJ but dont "ACT" like a dj.

They do research, set up a hypothesis, but fail to go in the field and actually do the "procedure" to gain much-needed experience. You need to actualy ACT and DO what you KNOW in order to improve!




Now Id like to share a little tip that I used to use turn my nervous energy into positive energy. It's basically the same as the gunswitch method.

From now on, every time you see an attractive female who you'd like to approach, I want you to initiate eye contact.

I then want you to picture bending this broad on a table. Picture how her hair falls on her back and on her breasts. Then try to imagine the look on her face while you slam that ass over and over. What does her moan sound like?

This should relax you a lot and instantly give you a sexy, sly smile. I want you to maintain this frame as you approach her. Try to match your tonality to a "bed-room voice". Nice, smooth, and confident with a hint of playfullness. I guarantee if you do this right she will start to mirror your body language before you even start talking to her.

Ask her for her name and tell her that you caught her eye and you had to talk to her. Maintain this frame and the conversation will flow very easy and after a while, it won't even matter what you say. You already "know" shes sexually attracted to you.. and have planted a sexual stigma about yourself.

All you will need to do is pull the trigger and she will attack you




Good luck my friend, and BECOME the person you KNOW you can be. Just stop watching and start DOING.

 

[Furyguy]

If you can pick up a copy of Juggler's How to be a Pickup Artist - A Practical Guide, he has a lot of time devoted to this sort of thing: interactions with the ladies as well as people you encounter in everyday life. I think it would be really helpful for this problem.

 

[Prodigy746]

Some people are natural talkers , they could talk about anything and make it interesting.

Unfortionatly i am not one of them, i have observed this at work...I can only talk about things that i am interested in like i can talk about my fav football team, fav v game, fav movie for ever and make the person actually be intersted in conversation.

I think the key is to have an active life where you actually do things and than when you are with friends you can talk about what happend. If you just sit at home play video games than when you meet your friends you wont have too much to talk about. Key is to do lot of different things, if you constantly go home and play video games your friends dont want to hear you talk about v games every time you see them. They might be interseted 1st, 2nd,3rd time but later itll get boring. If you do many different things than you will be exciting and have things to talk about.

hopefully that makes sense

 

[slaog]

It's not what you say it's how you say it. That means most communication is done through body language. Mindset is also important.


Check out the links in my sig.

 

[Huffman]

jdon23, thanks for actually reading my post. I think your tip might be just what I need

 

[jdon23]

jdon23, thanks for actually reading my post. I think your tip might be just what I need

Anytime brother

good luck- let me know how it works for you