Talking to girls in bars/clubs... a bit of an update

[MikeYikes122]

Not sure if you guys saw my post a couple of weeks back, but I started a thread about how I thought I needed to get better at picking up girls in bars/clubs. I'm kind of unique in that I have no fear of cold approaching in public, but at bars and in clubs I freeze up and usually have very little success unless I know the girl somehow before I talk to her. I was having trouble initiating conversations in bars/clubs, so I've been working at it for a couple of weeks. Here is kind of an update on my findings.

What I've learned is, it's damn near impossible to establish any kind of rapport with a girl who is on or near a dance floor. Loud music works the same way. It doesn't matter how witty or physically attractive you are, if you can barely hear each other, a girl is not going to be interested in trying to talk to you. B!tch shields are on full-power in these kinds of settings.

Approaching groups of girls is hard, but it's doable. What I've found best is, you have to have a wing or a couple of wings to approach a group of girls with you. And those wings have to have game, otherwise you can crash and burn pretty easily. Approaching a group alone is easiest when you have something really situational to talk about with them. For example, I was out the other night and saw a handful of girls wearing shirts and apparel representing the college I went to. We were miles and miles away from the city where our alma mater is located, so the opener was pretty easy. I've found it's best to approach the girls who are alone or away from their group for whatever reason getting a drink or something like that. I think Gunwitch calls these the "lone wolfs". He is certainly on the money when he says they are the best to talk to in bars and clubs.

All this is pretty ho-hum and obvious, but I have found a couple of techniques that work really well.

One of them I actually came across last night. I was out with a buddy in a big city, and we were waiting in a pretty long line to get in some after-hours bar. Neither of us had any cash to pay the cover, so my buddy took off down the street to hit up an ATM and left me to hold our spot in line. While I was standing there alone, some girls walked up behind me. All of them were pretty hot, like HB 8 and up. They were chit-chatting and I heard one of them say something about a girl across the street who was wearing some really bizarre outfit, like sweat pants underneath a skirt. One of the girls behind me remarked that the girl's clothing choice was weird and I turned around and said "Yeah, I noticed that too. She looks like she is either from the east coast or she is heading to some bizarre theme party at a fraternity." They all laughed. As we were talking, some guys the girls seemed to know walked up to them and tried to cut them. As the girls were rejecting the group of guys, one of the girls I think noticed my scowl. She put her hand on my back and whispered in my ear, "Don't you hate it when people cut". The second I felt her hand touch me, I made a face that probably looked like this:

My friend came back and we ended up hanging out with the girls when we got in the bar. I ended up getting a number from the one who touched my back. Though, I doubt I call her because we don't live in the same city. That was probably my best success story so far.

The moral of the story I think is that the line to get inside a bar is a great area to meet chics. There, girls' b!tch shields are down because it's the last place they are expecting to be hit on. There also is no noise and no other guys who are going to come in and run interference on you.

It's kind of ridiculous that inside a bar or club there are tons of people who are there for the sole purpose of meeting members of the opposite sex, but the best place for them to actually meet one another is the line that they waited in to get into the place.

I was also thinking that this would probably work waiting in a line for a bathroom. I'm going to try to see if one of my female friends wants to go out one night. Then, when she has to go to the bathroom I will offer to go with her and stand in line with her to keep her company. I'm sure there will be plenty of "lone wolfs" already isolated. Their b!tch shields will be down because they aren't afraid of being hit on, they're just standing in line for the bathroom.

Anyway, I wrote that kind of frantically because I'm about to go out again here in a little bit. Feel free to give me your thoughts, criticism or critiques.

 

[wjh]

lines are good. Ive found making many acquaintances in line can be extremely beneficial leverage once inside. If you make a lasting impression outdoors you can rather easily chat the same target up indoors and transition to a dance floor. Especially after a few drinks.

I think dressing as cool as possible is important - both as a confidence booster and because you stand out.

Having a ton of energy and a good attitude are critical.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I went out last night and didn't do nearly as well. I had a girl approach me, and that was about it. Some guy whisked her away before I really got to talk to her a whole lot, but I didn't care because she wasn't all that attractive.

I'm noticing a common denominator in my off nights. The nights out at bars and clubs when I don't have a ton of success in gaming girls are most frequent when I don't talk to the first girl I see I am in attracted to. It's just kind of like, I get inside my own head and start over thinking things if I whiff on the first approach. It's like coming into a basketball game and shooting an air ball the first time I touch the ball. I'm just off from that point on and get stuck inside of my own head.

I also get really overwhelmed when there are a ton of really hot girls around. It's just like an information overload. Four or five of them walk by, and I will start scolding myself in my head for not talking to them. From that point on, I'm in a funk and get approach anxiety real bad. I know in my head that it doesn't matter if a girl rejects me, and it won't hurt my confidence at all if she does. But there is still a mental hump that will grow pretty quickly if the settings are right at a bar or a club.

I was thinking about trying to find some generic openers, like the opinion stuff that Mystery uses. Although, I really, really hate to use that PUA stuff.

All of this is in complete contrast to a day-time approach. I have no issues with walking up to an attractive girl and talking to her, even if she doesn't give me EC or any other signals. I don't feel any approach anxiety at all in that type of setting. I know, it's weird, but it's just how I am. I was telling my friend today, my lack of fear in a public setting probably comes from jobs I had in the past. In college, I worked part time at the university bookstore as a floor attendant. Literally every attractive girl who walked in, I'd approach her and help her find her books. If the convo went well, I'd ask her what she was doing that night.

It sucks having to do all this stuff. It's like re-learning DJ all over again. I used to rely heavily on my social circle to pick up chics. My social network used to be big enough that I met tons of new chics on an almost weekly basis. I never used to have to go to bars to meet females. Heck, I never even use to have to go out on dates. It's like I would meet a girl through friends, hook up with her one night when we were all out and then eventually she would just kind of become a girlfriend or a plate. But I've recently moved to a new city and my social circle has shrunk big time. It sucks, but I suppose I will be a much better man once I can get past this sticking point.

I will keep this post updated because it gives me a good incentive to keep approaching and brushing up my skills at bars or clubs.