Talking About Yourself With Women

[Being_the_Don]

The other day I was talking it up with a woman who I happened to meet at a campus meeting place. I've seen her there before, so this was the third time we had talked to each other. A few weeks ago I walked in and she was sitting at a table with a few other people, I just went over and joined them. She started smiling, making a lot of eye contact. I sat thre letting the convo continue waiting to pick up on the topic. Then I got to talking and she smiled got to talking with me and soon enough it was just us. One guy got up and left whereas the other folks at the table got into a separate convo. Anyway I got her to talking about herself, keeping the focus on her. She asked me questions but I was evasive. She kept trying but I laughed and changed the subject to current events or more about her. She was grinning ear to ear on that, hair touching, constant eye contact, etc.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks later, she was there again and we got to talking. She got to asking me again what I do in my free time and if I have a car, etc. etc. Although I didn't tell her that much about myself the other time we talked I decided to this time. She started asking me if I liked such and such food which I said that I did. Now this could have been just an innocent question but then again not. She also asked if I cook for myself and I said "yeah". So again probing to see if there is someone I'm involved with, perhaps? So after I answered that question and the one where she asked me what foods I like, she asked me what restaurants I eat at. I told her. So far so good. Then somehow it got to the topic of my body. She brought it up not me. She asked how much I weigh and when I told her she said that most American guys are fat. Then she started talking about my body. Okay...So then I got to talking about the benefits and joys of working out with weights and the need for careful attention to nutrition, rest, etc. I just got into it and kept on talking. And talking. Then about my car. She wanted to know where I like to drive. I just talked about things I like to do but I was talking about myself, not so inclusive of her. The thing is I didn't think about how this affected her because I was having too good of a time talking about me. Also, I was giving her my usual full eye contact and minimal use of hand gestures. One thing I made a point of doing was placing my hands palms down on her side of the table. I did it because well, there was a thread a while back discussing the length of the ring finger versus index finger and I've been thinking of innovative ways to make subtle points about myself without the use of words. Naturally she looked at my hands which is what I wanted. She continued to make great eye contact, grin at me and listen to what I had to say.

Then I thought to get her contact info again. I had asked for it the first time we talked and she had written it down but I misplaced it a bit later that day. So this time I just asked for it again and she didn't hestitate (she didn't the first time either) but as I was doing it I was thinking what would she think that I happened to be asking for it again nearly a month since we first met. Finally she said she had leave and said she'd see me next week. After she left I mulled it over in my mind that although I like this woman, and I do know about her now, I probably said too much about myself. I know mystery is the preferred method but there is this tight rope walk: wanting to share what you have with a woman who YOU find interesting while at the same time being SO pleased with your own accomplishments that they take over the conversation. It didn't so much bother me how she reacted to what I was saying. I was just talking about myself with her BECAUSE I liked hearing the words that were coming out of my own mouth.

That, I'm beginning to think, may become a problem in the future not necessarily with this woman but others I happen to talk to. As for this woman, she likes some of the things that I like and it's obvious that she likes me sooo maybe I might consider her to spend time with me.

But how do you guys balance it out? Containing your self enthusiasm while at the same time giving women just a little bit of info about yourselves?

 

[synergy1]

I would say this used to be, and still can be one of the weaker parts of my game. The more you say, the less there is to think about. The more you say, the more likely something dumb is going to come out - I am guilty of this many times over. I try and follow one of the golden laws from Robert Greene's book - always say less than is necessary.

At the present, I like to keep things vague. I tell them my profession in laymen terms, and change the subject quickly. ( I've never met a chick who is into an engineer that gives her a 20 minute boring lecture) One aspect of conversations that is strait out of the mystery method school of thought are telling stories which demonstrate how fun/ interesting you are. The difference is I stick to actual experiences with women, funny stories, knowledge as it applies to the conversation at hand.

Curbing enthusiasm is hard to do, and I am still working on it! Once you break the ice and know a girl is into you, one can afford to let go a bit more.

 

[Being_the_Don]

I would say this used to be, and still can be one of the weaker parts of my game. The more you say, the less there is to think about. The more you say, the more likely something dumb is going to come out - I am guilty of this many times over. I try and follow one of the golden laws from Robert Greene's book - always say less than is necessary.

At the present, I like to keep things vague. I tell them my profession in laymen terms, and change the subject quickly. ( I've never met a chick who is into an engineer that gives her a 20 minute boring lecture) One aspect of conversations that is strait out of the mystery method school of thought are telling stories which demonstrate how fun/ interesting you are. The difference is I stick to actual experiences with women, funny stories, knowledge as it applies to the conversation at hand.

Curbing enthusiasm is hard to do, and I am still working on it! Once you break the ice and know a girl is into you, one can afford to let go a bit more.

I hear ya. The reason why I decided to open the door a bit more was because I already knew she was into me from the second time we talked. I felt that being mysterious was good THEN but another thing I notice is that a lot of women really are impatient. Even if you drop hints they press for answers, some even accuse me of playing them for not being forthcoming. So this woman innocently enough happened on to a topic that I enjoy so I just started talking and talking. For example when she asked me those food related questions such as what do I like to eat; whether or not I cook; and what restaurants I prefer those were openers to get me to ask her out. I used it to talk about the foods that I eat to keep me healthy. I also told her that I used to go to a certain restaurant with a friend of mine. The thing is I used "she" and "her" in reference to that friend. :crackup: And another thing is that when she got to comparing how I look to other guys I took it as a compliment but more to just talk about how fun it is to hit the gym and workout with weights. I didn't really think about asking her whether or not she likes to workout (she is in good shape, though) because I was so focused on talking about what I like. I wasn't trying to prove anything to her just happy to talk about me.

But have you had instances where women don't want to give you time to build on it but want answers right then and there?

 

[Tha Realnezz]

nah i dont talk about myself at all really just bits and peices here.You gotta let dem talk **** and scan their brains for useful info...

 

[oranges]

I once found myself talking about myself when talking to a chick. I however, halfway through the convo, realised what I was doing and realised how self-absorbed I must have appeared. I then stopped giving extended responses and started asking her more questions and encouraging her to give more detail on what she said.

 

[Being_the_Don]

I once found myself talking about myself when talking to a chick. I however, halfway through the convo, realised what I was doing and realised how self-absorbed I must have appeared. I then stopped giving extended responses and started asking her more questions and encouraging her to give more detail on what she said.

I try to steer the conversation when I first meet a woman, ask about her show interest in what she's got to say and it's good to a point. When a woman is interested in you she will ask questions, it's that simple. I can often a woman's email address (or email and phone number) within the first few moments of talking with her but it is hard to not talk about myself especially if it's a second meeting, etc. If you're too evasive you may come off as uninteresting or playing with her. And often I'll just let women talk about what it is they like then during the course of it they make a comment that interests ME and I take over. Or they compliment me (usually for working out) and it gets me to talking about myself.

Tha Realnezz,

I know what you're talking about. But sooner or later you're going to have to talk about yourself.


It's not a "drawback" because a healthy person is a person who is happy with himself. At the same time it's hard to curb enthusiasm when talking about something that you really like. And when that happens it doesn't matter as much at the time if she's interested. Well, interested enough to be an audience but...Ah, it's kind of hard to put it into words. I guess a way to just put it is that I want to talk about things that I like as it helps women to know more about me and give me ideas as to whether or not they'd enjoy doing those things, too. But sometimes I wonder if I give off the impression that I enjoy those things so much that it wouldn't matter if anyone else shared those things with me. That's about as clear as I can say it.