Talking about guys

[King Turi]

Nah, game over.

Tell us what happens though, you never know.

 

[Igetit!]

I knew it might've been a mistake, but not that bad...

You say not that bad,huh? Yes it is too. It's worse than you think.

You just don't realize it yet.

Is there anything I can do to lessen any damage done? =\

NO. It's just like I said about dropping a glass on the floor.
Once it shatters,that's it. It's over with. And that's what you did with this girl.

What you don't realize is that everything was in the beginning stages of a possible relationship. You just derailed everything. Since everything was just starting out,she hadn't developed deeper feelings for you. Things got off track before she had a chance to.

This is done.

Many girls want their guys to be more open to them.

No they don't. They may say that,but when you actually do it,watch what happens.

My ex was actually quite pissed when I didn't want to open up to her.

You're still new to the forum,so I'm going to let this one slide. If you hang around here long enough,you'll see what I mean.

I mean, a guy can't be depressed and talk to his girlfriend about it?

No,he can't. And that's not the situation here.
This girl isn't your girlfriend,for one.
Another thing:Your girlfriend is supposed to be your girlfriend,not your therapist. Whenever you need downtime,you either need to talk with you friends.or just handle it yourself.

You don't burden your woman with problems,especially in the beginning when you're trying to establish a relationship.

You should have been talking to her,stirring her emotions.

Now,instead of feeling attraction for you,she's too preoccupied with trying not to hurt your feelings.

You screwed up dude.

It's like I said before:Once you get a woman in a mode of trying to protect you,of trying not to hurt you,you've killed the attraction.

What is a woman called who's in protection mode? She's called a "mother". You aroused her motherly instincts. Women protect their children. They have NO SEXUAL feelings towards them.

By telling this girl you were "hurt",you activated her mother/mom mode. She no longer sees you as a MAN,but as a small child,someone who needs to be taken care of.
She doesn't see you as someone who could protect her,but rather as someone who needs to be protected.

And once her mother mode is on,the sexual attraction mode is shut off.

Don't tell me you've never heard of a woman losing interest in sex after she has children.

You can continue talking with her and hanging out,but she doesn't see you the same as before that "I'm hurt" remark you made.

 

[Heartagram]

Another thing:Your girlfriend is supposed to be your girlfriend,not your therapist. Whenever you need downtime,you either need to talk with you friends.or just handle it yourself.

From experience, I can tell you this is wrong. My ex actually openly said that she wanted to hear me out, and even said that it'd save me a lot of counseling money.

EDIT: I'm not saying a guy should throw all his baggage on his girlfriend. I'm just saying that some girls want to be there for their boyfriend.

Plus, I didn't throw my baggage at her. She just told me not to take it personally, so I told her actually, I was hurt... then I told her to forget about it. I just wanted her to know that she can't just ignore me whenever she didn't feel like talking--I mean, a simple "Sorry, I don't feel like talking" would've sufficed.

It was something about her.

Are you telling me that if you feel someone wronged you, you talk to someone else about it... or keep it to yourself?

 

[Igetit!]

From experience, I can tell you this is wrong. My ex actually openly said that she wanted to hear me out, and even said that it'd save me a lot of counseling money.

You still don't understand,but that's ok. I'm going to assume that you're young,somewhere between 18 and 24. That would explain the naiveness of your statements.

Apparently some things can't be taught,they have to be experienced to be learned. It's the same either way. It just sucks that time has to be wasted.
It'd be sooo much easier just to learn straight up now what everyone is telling you instead instead of going through trail after trail,pain after pain,girl after girl before you finally realize what's just being flat out said to you.

But so be it.

EDIT: I'm not saying a guy should throw all his baggage on his girlfriend. I'm just saying that some girls want to be there for their boyfriend.

I understand what you're saying here,although I DON'T understand why you keep saying this. You say some girls want to be there for their boyfriends. I agree. In fact,I think ALL girls do. What you don't seem to understand is that this girl IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

She's just a chick you're trying to date.

You turned her off. By your behavior,you've given her a preview of what it'd be like if she were in a relationship with you. You TOLD HER you were hurt...and it was all over her not replying to an e-mail or some message you sent as fast as you would have like.

I told you this:Women want a man who's strong,masculine,someone who can be an anchor,a rock. We're speaking EMOTIONALLY here. Women are emotional. She doesn't "FEEL" any of this from you. If all it took was her not reply to you as fast as you liked to hurt/bruise you,she'll have no trust in you if something serious were to come along.

A rock is strong. An anchor is strong. It can take a hit and barely be phased. That's what she needs to feel with you,but she doesn't.

You know how she feels with you? She feels like you're an egg. She has to handle you with care. An egg is delicate,small,fragile,can easily be cracked or broken.


What woman would in her right mind would choose a guy like that to be her shield,her protector?


You keep coming up with reasons about why things are the way they with this girl. You still don't understand that WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL.

WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL
WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL.
WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL.

Do you get it? It's about their feelings,THAT'S IT.

That's all it's about. Until you learn this,you'll just have failure after failure.

Just answer me this:Are you happy with the way things turned out?

If you had it to do over again,would you do exactly the same things to reach this same result?

You say that you're ex wanted you to open up to her,and you did.

Yeah,and I bet you right after you did,things started to change. She stopped hanging out with you as often,sex took a nosedive,she gave you excuse after excuse as to why she couldn't spend time with you.

In my opinion,your relationship with her went from a male/female sexual one to a doctor (therapist)/patient relationship. Result? She's your ex.

Go ahead and keep "confiding" in her. You're really going to be in for a shock when 3 or 4 weeks from now,she tells you about the "new guy" she's been dating.

Are you telling me that if you feel someone wronged you, you talk to someone else about it... or keep it to yourself?

Depends on what the "wrong" is? Her not replying to you in a timely manner,while although is annoying,doesn't qualify as a "wrong".

All you did was show her something as minor as this was enough to unhinge you. That's the bottom line. And another thing:You shouldn't put your life on hold,sitting around waiting for some reply. Your life should have other things to occupy your mind instead of you just sitting in front of a computer waiting on this girl to respond.

I go by results.

Are you content with the results you have thus far?

 

[Heartagram]

Look, it's just fvcking disrespectful for someone to ignore me half way through a conversation, and then continue ignoring me afterwards. It's not about me sitting and waiting for a reply all day. It's fvcking disrespectful. Actually, that's what I'm gonna tell her. I'm not even gonna go out with someone who doesn't respect me. If she does, the least she should do is apologize. If not, at least I'm getting out of this with some dignity.

That's all.

PS: I know I just showed her how it'd be like in a relationship with me, and that's the whole point. I'm not fvking faking it. If she doesn't accept me as who I am, then what the fvck am I doing with her in the first place?

 

[Igetit!]

Look, it's just fvcking disrespectful for someone to ignore me half way through a conversation, and then continue ignoring me afterwards. It's not about me sitting and waiting for a reply all day. It's fvcking disrespectful.

I agree with this. All i'm saying is that you need to focus on WHY this happened in the first place.

Why try to decide between using a mop or a towel to clean up spilled milk when you can just avoid spilling it in the first place?

You're hung up on trying to figure out the best way to respond her ignoring you,while I'm more focused on trying to help you exhibit behaviors that'll prevent her from disrespecting you in the first place.

In case you don't know this,women test men. They do it to weed out the wimps. Everybody here on this forum who's beenhere for any length of time knows this. If you plan on dating,THIS WILL HAPPEN.

It's possible that her ignoring was a test...which you failed.

There's no point in trying to ignore it,or get around it.

YOU WILL BE TESTED. Every guy is.

Actually, that's what I'm gonna tell her. I'm not even gonna go out with someone who doesn't respect me. If she does, the least she should do is apologize. If not, at least I'm getting out of this with some dignity.

I wish you had had this kind of attitude with her in the beginning,minus the "I'm hurt" comment.

You'd probably have her by now.

PS: I know I just showed her how it'd be like in a relationship with me, and that's the whole point. I'm not fvking faking it. If she doesn't accept me as who I am, then what the fvck am I doing with her in the first place?

You're right on this one. That's why she apparently rejected you. You showed her how it'd be like to be in a relationship you. You were honest. You showed her that if she were to date you long term,she'd have to walk on egg shells in order not to "hurt you".

You're right. You showed her exactly what she'd get by dating you,and that's why she declined to date you.

I agree,it's better for her to know up front what she'd be getting into,than to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for 6 months,then find all this out and decide to break up.

Go ahead and tell her whatever it is you want to say.

It's not like it matters now anyway.

 

[Heartagram]

"Look, <her name>, it’s disrespectful of you to ignore me in the middle of a conversation, then just stop talking to me. if you’re having a bad day, fine, i get it. you could’ve just told me that and said you don’t feel like talking. but to blatantly ignore me and then tell me not to take it personally, that’s fvcking disrespectful."

15 mins later:

"and you're still ignoring me, haha... you know what, whatever. if you ever wanna say something, my email is at the top of the window. goodbye"

Blocked & deleted her.

PS: I don't like girls who play games. You can tell me they all play games, but I know that's not true, from experience. I'm not looking for a "pick up" or a "hook up". When I look for a girl, I look for something serious. But maybe I should take some time off and enjoy myself.

 

[Ease]

Goddammit... she's just feeling down. She told me not to take it personally. I just told her that I was hurt, but then told her forget about her. Then I asked her if she wanted to talk or wanted me to leave her alone. She said she'll talk tomorrow. I just wished her well, she said thank you, and I left.

big fail.

"Look, <her name>, it’s disrespectful of you to ignore me in the middle of a conversation, then just stop talking to me. if you’re having a bad day, fine, i get it. you could’ve just told me that and said you don’t feel like talking. but to blatantly ignore me and then tell me not to take it personally, that’s fvcking disrespectful."


"and you're still ignoring me, haha... you know what, whatever. if you ever wanna say something, my email is at the top of the window. goodbye"

also i dont agree with this

I understand you tried to show that you dont take bull****, but you just sounded annoyed. Getting annoyed makes you look silly because this girl rejected you, and shows that you care and are needy.
You appeared to care too much. not good not good.

You should have shrugged it off and not shown u cared in the slightest to lessen the damage, but admitting you were 'hurt' and getting annoyed^ did the opposite and confirmed her decision to reject you.

Also, when she mentioned it being awkward you could have dealed with it better, you didnt show enough confidence.

'at worst we'll both just laugh about it' wasnt very self assured and you set up an atmosphere that actually led her to believe that it really was going to be awkward. You should have just said 'it'll be fine' and ignored the nonsense, because you are self confident and know that she was going to have a good time with you no matter what. She sounded like she was going to flake as soon as she accepted the date in the first place to be honest.

Its ok to fail, but dont blame the girls for the failure. To really improve u need to accept that it was your fault sometimes.

 

[Heartagram]

She sounded like she was going to flake as soon as she accepted the date in the first place to be honest.

Exactly. And that was my fault?

 

[WhitePimp]

Igetit!... I love you man....