Tales from marriage and child support

[Pandora]

Story 1: I have a close friend. I was the best man at his wedding. I saw him the other day for the first time in about 1 yr. He told me that if there is any emotional fluctuation in his wives mood she withdraws sex. For example if her mother in her home country is sick, she will withhold sex. If she is stressed out at her part time job then she will withhold sex. He tells me that if a man forgets about sex then marriage is awesome. He is happy with his 2 children but is unhappy with his sex life. He tells me that he should have taken my advice and not gotten married. He also told me that the main reason that men get married is steady sex but women do not have to hold up that end of the bargain.


Story 2: A good friend of mine is having baby mama drama with both of his baby mamas. Lawyers are sending fake supeonas and fake child support increase documents. Both baby mamas are insane. He does not even get to see his children. I feel so bad for him. He is a great person that doesnt deserve this.

So I was thinking about marriage and having kids with a girl I know but not thats a no go. This is ridiculous. I just have to reconcile the fact that I will die a bachelor.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Pandora,
Yes it is very sad not just at the personal level but also from the National perspective...The whole Western world has declining birth rates,much of the breeding that does occur is from the bottom end of the Genetic Pile with the disastrous results we see every day in the News Papers,the only exception seems to be Hungary,Orbans policies are worth looking at.

 

[Pandora]

Hi Pandora,
Yes it is very sad not just at the personal level but also from the National perspective...The whole Western world has declining birth rates,much of the breeding that does occur is from the bottom end of the Genetic Pile with the disastrous results we see every day in the News Papers,the only exception seems to be Hungary,Orbans policies are worth looking at.

Okay i will look at Orbans policies. Yes it is very sad. This is beyond insane bro.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

So I was thinking about marriage and having kids with a girl I know but not thats a no go. This is ridiculous. I just have to reconcile the fact that I will die a bachelor.

I wouldnt give up on kids just yet....

what country do you live in?

I guess your friends went into all of that bluepilled meaning brought a knife to a shooting?

Being redpilled and understanding female nature helps a lot. It allows you to set things up upfront the right way so you can minimize your risk.

If you want kids:

1st rule of Fightclub : NEVER GET MARRIED! NEVER!!! Your kids having your name is not worth it.

2.) Get a compliant, submissive woman, preferable having her social homebase as close as possible from where you live(makes picking up kids from her place easier if things go wrong f.e.).
Forget about the hot babe! What you want is, depending on your own SMV, a 5-7 that sees you as the best she can do. She has to worship the earth you walk on, at best she has to be afraid to lose you!

3.) Check the woman out thoroughly. Meaning, before even thinking about kids, live at least 1 year together under one roof, every day. Set a strong frame and hold it at any cost during that time. During that year, never shy back from confrontation if need arises. Never give in to keep the short-term peace. If she fails to mold into your frame, NEXT.

4.) You have to stay the hot guy for her at any point. Dont get fat, be dominant, keep your social contacts up, have a solid base of women you interact with(non-sexual) on social media and IRL. She has to know you have female options and that you could replace her in a week if she ever acted up. Implement dread game and keep it up!

5.) Stay financially independent from her AT ALL COST! Dont get into loans, dont get that mortgaged home, dont buy **** together with her! Set yourself financially up to be ready to walk away at any point form her. Make her BELIEFE you that you are not afraid to walk away from her at any point if she goes full auto nuts.


Thats it...... i know, this sounds like a challenge, but women like that are out there, waiting for a real man to take charge. She just has to see you as the best that she can get. It doesnt matter if it takes you 2 or 5 years to find that woman, you are 36 and have plenty time.
Its still not a guarantee, but based on my experiences, this is the way to roll in western society. It works for me, so far.

Good hunting!

 

[2Rocky]

Typical one-off anecdotal bullsh1t... Same thing happens with Bear attack stories. Everyone knows someone who was attacked by a bear. So don't go hiking in the woods? No....Be Bear Aware and know what you are gonna do to deal with a bear encounter / attack. Don't do things that make you a target for a Bear Attack. Don't Go Places with a high incidence of Bear Attacks. Don't Attract Bears....

Now Substitute "Wife" for "Bear" and don't become Timothy Treadwell.

Relationships require management and boundaries need to be enforced. Also your expectations need to change. If you don't realize that Sexual Arousal is hampered by stress, then you are a lousy lover. To have to deal with that first before you can flick her bean to ecstasy....

 

[Kotaix]

Having kids in the west means locking yourself into a binding legal contract. You don't need to get married, if you have kids, you're on the hook and the legal system will throw the book at you if you are a deadbeat.

Getting married is a legal contract. Even if your spouse is super cool and you have a very amicable separation and she doesn't want any kind of alimony, the judge can still order you to pay it just because he, or she, feels like it. I know this is the case in Canada, not sure about the US.

In short, there is no advantage to getting married and having kids is as almost the same thing as getting married.

That said, if you WANT kids, you have to accept the fact that it's going to cost you money and you essentially HAVE to be able to put up with and work with your wife/gf in order to produce healthy functional children. This means living with them, not just being present. So as long as you can find a good woman you can put up with, you can be ok with having kids.

Raising properly functional children and going out to bang a bunch of sluts are pretty much mutually exclusive.

 

[Pandora]

I wouldnt give up on kids just yet....

what country do you live in?

I guess your friends went into all of that bluepilled meaning brought a knife to a shooting?

Being redpilled and understanding female nature helps a lot. It allows you to set things up upfront the right way so you can minimize your risk.

If you want kids:

1st rule of Fightclub : NEVER GET MARRIED! NEVER!!! Your kids having your name is not worth it.

2.) Get a compliant, submissive woman, preferable having her social homebase as close as possible from where you live(makes picking up kids from her place easier if things go wrong f.e.).
Forget about the hot babe! What you want is, depending on your own SMV, a 5-7 that sees you as the best she can do. She has to worship the earth you walk on, at best she has to be afraid to lose you!

3.) Check the woman out thoroughly. Meaning, before even thinking about kids, live at least 1 year together under one roof, every day. Set a strong frame and hold it at any cost during that time. During that year, never shy back from confrontation if need arises. Never give in to keep the short-term peace. If she fails to mold into your frame, NEXT.

4.) You have to stay the hot guy for her at any point. Dont get fat, be dominant, keep your social contacts up, have a solid base of women you interact with(non-sexual) on social media and IRL. She has to know you have female options and that you could replace her in a week if she ever acted up. Implement dread game and keep it up!

5.) Stay financially independent from her AT ALL COST! Dont get into loans, dont get that mortgaged home, dont buy **** together with her! Set yourself financially up to be ready to walk away at any point form her. Make her BELIEFE you that you are not afraid to walk away from her at any point if she goes full auto nuts.


Thats it...... i know, this sounds like a challenge, but women like that are out there, waiting for a real man to take charge. She just has to see you as the best that she can get. It doesnt matter if it takes you 2 or 5 years to find that woman, you are 36 and have plenty time.
Its still not a guarantee, but based on my experiences, this is the way to roll in western society. It works for me, so far.

Good hunting!

This is great advice man thank you!

 

[Pandora]

Sexual Arousal is hampered by stress, then you are a lousy lover. To have to deal with that first before you can flick her bean to ecstasy....

Lol this is true. The issue is that women have to work in America and this is the cause of stress. I guess it is up to the men to make sure his woman should only work as little as possible.

 

[Pandora]

That said, if you WANT kids, you have to accept the fact that it's going to cost you money and you essentially HAVE to be able to put up with and work with your wife/gf in order to produce healthy functional children. This means living with them, not just being present. So as long as you can find a good woman you can put up with, you can be ok with having kids.

Yeh Kotaix i think you are correct. I need to accept that its going to take work.

 

[Pandora]

Raising properly functional children and going out to bang a bunch of sluts are pretty much mutually exclusive.

No matter how many sluts you bang...you always want just one more hit. Its like money. You can never make enough lol. It is difficult to calm that ego craving. This is part of the reason some married men still lust after sluts. I dont think it ever 100% goes away in men.

 

[PRW63]

Story 1: I have a close friend. I was the best man at his wedding. I saw him the other day for the first time in about 1 yr. He told me that if there is any emotional fluctuation in his wives mood she withdraws sex. For example if her mother in her home country is sick, she will withhold sex. If she is stressed out at her part time job then she will withhold sex. He tells me that if a man forgets about sex then marriage is awesome. He is happy with his 2 children but is unhappy with his sex life. He tells me that he should have taken my advice and not gotten married. He also told me that the main reason that men get married is steady sex but women do not have to hold up that end of the bargain.

How would not getting married solve it or prevent it? He would just be alone and not getting sex, or in a relationship of sorts and not getting sex. If he can't manage to get laid in a marriage, then he isn't going to accomplish anywhere else where it is harder to come by. The main reason men get married is NOT sex,...but the needy desparate thirsty betas DO think that. So they marry the first chick that will pay attention to them, and she probably marries them because she just wants to pop out a few babies and isn't too particular who the guy is since she can divorce him later whenever she wants and collect Child support. He is in a sexless or low-sex marriage because he doesn't give her the tingles. It she got the tingles from him then she would be coming to him for it. So he got himself in the mess by his own actions or lack there-of,...it is not "marriage's" fault.

Story 2: A good friend of mine is having baby mama drama with both of his baby mamas. Lawyers are sending fake supeonas and fake child support increase documents. Both baby mamas are insane. He does not even get to see his children. I feel so bad for him. He is a great person that doesnt deserve this.

Yes, he deserves it. He has multiple "baby-mamas",...that ain't no accident. You bang crazy,...you get crazy,...you go crazy,...you pay crazy.

So I was thinking about marriage and having kids with a girl I know but not thats a no go. This is ridiculous. I just have to reconcile the fact that I will die a bachelor.

If you don't have the skills to make it work,...then I recommend you die a bachelor. The man has to be the leader,...in all of it. He leads in the pickup, the dating, the marrage, the parenting, the finances,...everything. If you "defer to the femine" on everything,...she leads, she decides, she calls the shots while you passively sit by,...then yea, you are going to get burned. If the woman leads you, she will lead you straight to divorce court.

 

[bat soup]

Story 1: I have a close friend. I was the best man at his wedding. I saw him the other day for the first time in about 1 yr. He told me that if there is any emotional fluctuation in his wives mood she withdraws sex. For example if her mother in her home country is sick, she will withhold sex. If she is stressed out at her part time job then she will withhold sex. He tells me that if a man forgets about sex then marriage is awesome. He is happy with his 2 children but is unhappy with his sex life. He tells me that he should have taken my advice and not gotten married. He also told me that the main reason that men get married is steady sex but women do not have to hold up that end of the bargain.


Story 2: A good friend of mine is having baby mama drama with both of his baby mamas. Lawyers are sending fake supeonas and fake child support increase documents. Both baby mamas are insane. He does not even get to see his children. I feel so bad for him. He is a great person that doesnt deserve this.

So I was thinking about marriage and having kids with a girl I know but not thats a no go. This is ridiculous. I just have to reconcile the fact that I will die a bachelor.

No. 1 needs to get a side chick (or a whole set of them). No 2. should leave the country and never come back.

If you do want to get married and have kids, make sure you choose someone that is not insane and that earns a similar wage to you so that when you split (when, not if) it will be reasonable to split 50/50 because both of you put 50% in. Failing that, make sure she signs a prenup and don't allow her to quit her job and never go back.

 

[Lookatu]

1st rule of Fightclub : NEVER GET MARRIED! NEVER!!! Your kids having your name is not worth it.

@ThisIsSparta has some solid points but personally I do and don't disagree with his first rule. His life experiences may dictate his line of thinking on that one while mine dictates my way of thinking.

As always, there are no guarantees in life. We can't compare ourselves to others because we know better than the avg guy by being on these forums. This allows better screening and management of relationships/marriages thus ensuring more success. When you screen good, and deem a woman worthy of being with you for a long time, you need to assess whether she's a team player next. Marriage is nothing more than being on the same team. Team members will bend over backwards for each other and have each other's back no matter what. This also translates into the kids and the family unit as a whole. All for one, one for all mentality. If you're partner does not possess this mentality, DO NOT get married or have kids with her.

As I've said, there are no guarantees in life and things just happen one day. But I've found from my experience that women that have this team mentality have had good break-ups/separation/divorces with their partners. I've seen all sorts of break-ups from my end that seemed very fair or even favored the males. Of course I've seen bad ones too but then I looked at the guys and that told me everything. My $.02

If you don't have the skills to make it work,...then I recommend you die a bachelor. The man has to be the leader,...in all of it. He leads in the pickup, the dating, the marrage, the parenting, the finances,...everything. If you "defer to the femine" on everything,...she leads, she decides, she calls the shots while you passively sit by,...then yea, you are going to get burned. If the woman leads you, she will lead you straight to divorce court.

Solid post above. Men have quit leading due to feminism brainwashing them. Men should ALWAYS be the head in a relationship/marriage with the woman being the shoulders to prop up the head. If she can't get behind this way of thinking, she doesn't belong with you other than a plate status.

 

[Serenity]

He also told me that the main reason that men get married is steady sex but women do not have to hold up that end of the bargain.

This probably is true for a lot of men, but that never was a good reason. It's no more steady than not being married, in fact it's safer to not marry if steady sex is a high priority and one should do a damn thorough job scrutinizing every aspect of a woman before marriage. Unfortunately most guys prefer staying in the matrix, to cling to their comfortable beliefs rather than put things under a microscope to see what's actually going on.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Pan,
Well you have certainly sparked a lot of interest with your post...Some years ago,maybe twelve or so, I drew attention to the work of John Calhoun an American Ethologist who created rodent Utopias and watched their development and seemingly inevitable extinction... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_sink If you are unfamiliar with this you might like to take a squizz...The Rodents in the disintegrating stages of their Societies exhibited parallels with our own...Increasing Violence,murder,sexual deviance and more relevent to your post a collapse in the birth rate,Mothers neglecting to care for their young,and most interestingly the sexes hiving off to lead solitary lives in spaces previously used for breeding Families,asexuality became the norm,with the Males spending their time grooming themselves...Happy days,the cannibalism is yet to come LOL.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Typical one-off anecdotal bullsh1t... Same thing happens with Bear attack stories. Everyone knows someone who was attacked by a bear. So don't go hiking in the woods? No....Be Bear Aware and know what you are gonna do to deal with a bear encounter / attack. Don't do things that make you a target for a Bear Attack. Don't Go Places with a high incidence of Bear Attacks. Don't Attract Bears....

Statistically speaking, 40-50% of married couples in America divorce. If hiking in the woods carried a 40-50% risk of a bear attack then I'd say hell yeah, stay the fvck away from those woods!!

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Story 1: I have a close friend. I was the best man at his wedding. I saw him the other day for the first time in about 1 yr. He told me that if there is any emotional fluctuation in his wives mood she withdraws sex. For example if her mother in her home country is sick, she will withhold sex. If she is stressed out at her part time job then she will withhold sex. He tells me that if a man forgets about sex then marriage is awesome. He is happy with his 2 children but is unhappy with his sex life. He tells me that he should have taken my advice and not gotten married. He also told me that the main reason that men get married is steady sex but women do not have to hold up that end of the bargain.


Story 2: A good friend of mine is having baby mama drama with both of his baby mamas. Lawyers are sending fake supeonas and fake child support increase documents. Both baby mamas are insane. He does not even get to see his children. I feel so bad for him. He is a great person that doesnt deserve this.

So I was thinking about marriage and having kids with a girl I know but not thats a no go. This is ridiculous. I just have to reconcile the fact that I will die a bachelor.

We all have our stories and I'm sure some people will tell you marriage is great. But based in my experience in wouldn't recommend it to any of my friends (at least at this time). Seems to be becoming more of a social contract by the government as women gain more political and economic power. We may start to see a decline in marriages as they aren't necessary, unless of course you have kids. But even then it may not make sense..

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

yeah, worst mistake i ever made was getting married and then having kids. I have to go to court next month to ask to have my child support reduced down to 1 kid from 3. Second one finally turns 10 next month. You'd think that'd be automatic but noooo you got to file and go to court to have that done. Let me tell you its been a painful hard 18+ years, lucky im still alive as i considered eating a bullet many times. Now im just left wondering how great my life could have been had i not said I DO.

 

[Pandora]

yeah, worst mistake i ever made was getting married and then having kids. I have to go to court next month to ask to have my child support reduced down to 1 kid from 3. Second one finally turns 10 next month. You'd think that'd be automatic but noooo you got to file and go to court to have that done. Let me tell you its been a painful hard 18+ years, lucky im still alive as i considered eating a bullet many times. Now im just left wondering how great my life could have been had i not said I DO.

Thanks for sharing this. Can I ask you a personal touchy question? I know you love your kids and all but....are you saying that kids were almost not worth the stress of the court system. Also, if you didn't have the kids would the divorce have gone very smoothly?

Because the ONLY reason I am even considering marriage is because of kids. But everyone tells me it aint worth it. They say you dont even get to raise those kids.

 

[Pandora]

We may start to see a decline in marriages as they aren't necessary, unless of course you have kids.

This is the kicker. They are holding men biologically hostage. Everyman wants to reproduce but it comes at a terrible cost.