taking it to the next level

[chocococonut]

I have been dating this girl for about a month. We have not had any sexual relationship, but a very intimate close relationship with kissing, hugging, and sleeping in the same bed together. ie, .. NO SEX...I have definitely tried to get into her pants, but she firmly rejects me. :nono: After a couple attempts, I stopped and started to build our emotional relationship. I'm starting to want to have sex with her. I want to be able to give her that pleasure and build a lasting relationship with her. The problem is, now i do not know how to bring it up...any advice on what I can say to her or how I can bring up the topic next time we are in bed together?

I was thinking I give her a 3 month limit. If by then she still doesn't want to sleep with me, it just means she's not that into me or we simply aren't compatible...keep in mind, i'm used to bedding girls within the first week I meet them, but I understand that this girl is a bit more classy with high morals, yet I really want to be with her. ..so difficuilt this is) what do you think? and how long do you usually wait for a girl? 3 months a good maximum tolerance level

 

[Huffman]

I'm in the same situation... I have a girl but it's a huge fight and takes hours of foreplay to even strip her! I mean I'm persistent but at some point I just lose interest and go home.

But I'm not like you, I don't want to build an emotional relationship and everything... I'm not that much in love I'm afraid. I just want some intimacy and carefree sex. But like your girl she's making me wait. Probably I'm just gonna tell her how I see things. Chances are she's a virgin, so I'm thinking of just dumping her before she might actually give it to me and becomes too attached. So yeah, I'm not in love too much and I don't want to go on 1000 dates before having sex.

But enough rambling, sorry to derail your thread! I don't have an answer for you. I'd guess you have to somehow confront her, but begging for sex probably isn't good either...

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Give her some foreplay when you two are kissing in bed. Have you done that? Once she gets all hot and bothered it's pants off from there lol.

 

[Iceberg]

I was thinking I give her a 3 month limit. If by then she still doesn't want to sleep with me, it just means she's not that into me or we simply aren't compatible...keep in mind, i'm used to bedding girls within the first week I meet them, but I understand that this girl is a bit more classy with high morals, yet I really want to be with her. ..so difficuilt this is) what do you think? and how long do you usually wait for a girl? 3 months a good maximum tolerance level

3 months? Hell no. 3 dates. MAYBE 4...if you're feeling desperate.

This has nothing to do with "high morals" or "class". Everyone, classy or unclassy has sex. You're two adults who are supposed to be attracted to each other. Sex is a normal part of the equation.

I think you're trying to convince yourself that once she's comfortable with you, then she'll open up sexually. That's not how it works. Sex isn't some logical series of steps. "Now that I am comfortable, I will be sexually attracted to him..."

She's not putting out because she's not taking you seriously. She wants you as a provider of attention, but as a sexual partner.

 

[Huffman]

You're two adults who are supposed to be attracted to each other. Sex is a normal part of the equation.

I know you weren't replying to my post, but I guess you're right. I think she's not really attracted to me and I'm not attracted to her. I just went for it because I saw the opportunity. Well I'll tell her clearly what I want and how I think about sex - but then I fully expect to break up. Just curious about how that conversation will go, never done it before. We weren't in a real relationship anyway... I guess this would be what they call settling for less.

 

[chocococonut]

3 months? Hell no. 3 dates. MAYBE 4...if you're feeling desperate.

This has nothing to do with "high morals" or "class". Everyone, classy or unclassy has sex. You're two adults who are supposed to be attracted to each other. Sex is a normal part of the equation.

I think you're trying to convince yourself that once she's comfortable with you, then she'll open up sexually. That's not how it works. Sex isn't some logical series of steps. "Now that I am comfortable, I will be sexually attracted to him..."

She's not putting out because she's not taking you seriously. She wants you as a provider of attention, but as a sexual partner.

you are correct to say that i'm probably sure deep down she does want to have sex. I know I definitely do. Those were own words. That she wont sleep with someone unless she see is in love. I am attracted to her enough to take it seriously.

you are incorrect to say that "That's not how it works". Some girls are extremely uncomfortable with the way society is run today. They have a bit more reserve and self-control. Unfortunately, it does take some girls a while to become sexual with people. They will definitely hold up on sex if they have labeled you as long-term. My last relationship definitely formed from a sexual encounter initially. Girls like guys who can show a degree of self-control, patience, and confidence.

I do thank you for your advice and its good to hear another person's perspective. I definitely take it to consideration.

I will leave with this quote from something I recently read:

"Women have sex with men they fall in love with; men fall in love with women they have sex with"

 

[Fadero]

3 months? Hell no. 3 dates. MAYBE 4...if you're feeling desperate.

This has nothing to do with "high morals" or "class". Everyone, classy or unclassy has sex. You're two adults who are supposed to be attracted to each other. Sex is a normal part of the equation.

I think you're trying to convince yourself that once she's comfortable with you, then she'll open up sexually. That's not how it works. Sex isn't some logical series of steps. "Now that I am comfortable, I will be sexually attracted to him..."

She's not putting out because she's not taking you seriously. She wants you as a provider of attention, but as a sexual partner.

This post nails it on the money. It couldn't have been said better than what Iceberg wrote.