Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Taking c&f/negs too far..??

styleman

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 3, 2005
Messages
368
Reaction score
1
This girl is only like a HB7 so maybe its understandable that she might not need all the negs/c&f/hot cold approach that I'm giving her.

But... Sometimes she seems to be enjoying all that stuff, sometimes she seems genuinely upset and I have to reassure her that I'm just joking...

Example,
Her: I'm cool, I'm good looking, I'm chill.
Me: Not normally titles one gives themselves.
Her: No, people always tell me I am, so yeah
Me: Well, sorry love, I don't follow crowds. You're going to have to prove it to me for me to think it..
Her: Get lost, I don't care what you think.
Me: Seems like you do.
Her: You wish.
Me: Fine, bye.
No response from her
Me: Not even a bye, I must have said something really wrong.
Her: looked upset Must have? The damage is done.

At this point I just gave in an complimented her, because I didn't know what else to do, and things were fine after that... But... question is was I taking the negs and c&f too far, or did I bail out when things were not as bad as they seemed?
 

Just_In

New Member
Joined
May 21, 2009
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
I don't know if I am one to give advice but i do the c&f with girls all the time, but it's always in a teasing matter. I sense that your comments were made in a very serious tone. I usually put girls down with a smile and I am always prepeared to walk away if she gives me sh!t.

Couldve been done like this:
Her: I'm cool, I'm good looking, I'm chill.
Me: Really? (smile) Too bad...
Her: Why?
Me: I was looking for someone with these qualities..
Her: So what's with the 'too bad'?
Me: I was hoping that modesty would be one of their qualities too.
 

oakraiderz2

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 26, 2002
Messages
4,633
Reaction score
28
Age
37
Location
Colorado
Maybe she doesnt like you.
 

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
17,021
Reaction score
5,605
Age
48
Location
midwestern cow field 40
I'm cool, I'm good looking, I'm chill.


The hard part about C & F is avoiding the thin ice. Sometimes, the thin ice is not difficult to see. Don't call a tall girl an Amazon or a chunky chick "fat." Those don't work to joke about, because the girl already has an insecurity there. Social standing is important to women, and they probably all have an insecurity over that. The girl was telling you these things because she did not believe them about herself, not because she did. Your joke implied that you did not believe them either, which is what hurt her.

C & F is best applied to trivial traits and things - purse, shoes, jewelry...things that can easily be changed and do not assault the typically low self-esteem that women usually have.
 

Smack

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 30, 2008
Messages
415
Reaction score
13
Location
Britain
And by the way, she may only be an HB7 in your eyes, but if lots of other guys think she's more, or she thinks she's more, then you will need more C+F.
 

ready123

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 16, 2007
Messages
1,260
Reaction score
35
Location
Los Angeles
after that first line, I woulda teased her for being conceited because seriously anyone who blows their own horn like that deserves to be made fun of

but if I was on your thread, unless she was smiling when she said it, after that "get lost", I woulda told her, "you know what? you're being a real btch right now" and got up and left

the girl is not qualifying herself to you at all (which is what you were trying to bait her into doing), she's breaking rapport with you by being disrespectful, and each time she disses you, instead of having your own standards for behavior you'll tolerate, you put up with it because you're so fixated on trying to get her (and within the context of how negative the interaction has gotten this just makes you look more and more chody)
 

Sir_Turtle

Don Juan
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
87
Reaction score
1
You're going to have to prove it to me for me to think it

When will you guys figure out that you never say this? Just liike you don't say you can get lots of girls you NEVER NEVER tell them they have to prove themselves. Make them have to prove themselves.

Let them find out that they have to prove themselves to get your attention. Make them work for it. Use your attention as a reward. Don't give it all to them at once.

Its the same thing as having multiple girls chasing you. A girl that wants you should have to find out that she has competition. You NEVER tell her this.

I see it alot on feild reports on this forum. They take too much of this DJ stuff to heart and go too far. Girls don't want someone who is incredably arrogent, just confidant.

These guys do not get girls because they're *******s they get the girl in spite of it. Because the ******* has confidence charm and looks the AFC hasn't got.

If you focus on just the ******* part you're going to end up worse than you started.

Negs are ONLY necessary to call out behavior everyone can see, you don't use them in a selfish way. When a neg comes across as an insult instead of a lighthearted tease then you've failed. Instead of making her wonder if there's any truth behind your teasing, you've made her think you just insulted her because you're simple a bitter loser.
 

Captain

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
947
Reaction score
29
Location
Australia
styleman said:
This girl is only like a HB7 so maybe its understandable that she might not need all the negs/c&f/hot cold approach that I'm giving her.
That's true, it needs to be adjusted for each woman, but you didn't do a lot from what I can tell.

Example,
Her: I'm cool, I'm good looking, I'm chill.
Me: Not normally titles one gives themselves.
Her: No, people always tell me I am, so yeah
Me: Well, sorry love, I don't follow crowds. You're going to have to prove it to me for me to think it..
Her: Get lost, I don't care what you think.
Me: Seems like you do.
Her: You wish.
Me: Fine, bye.
No response from her
Me: Not even a bye, I must have said something really wrong.
Her: looked upset Must have? The damage is done.

At this point I just gave in an complimented her, because I didn't know what else to do?
The first part of what you did was fair. Make sure it's done playfully, and you could have carried the conversation on instead of saying bye. You could have teased her more at that point, about how she's sticking around because you are so good looking and chill and cool.

It's best to tease and come off as a jerk than it is to not tease enough and come off as a chump.

You acted like a chump by apologising to her. She was acting arrogant and told you to get lost, and you apologised and complimented her.

You needed to either keep teasing playfully, or walk away. Have fun with it.
 
Last edited:

DonJuan11

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 16, 2007
Messages
1,680
Reaction score
35
styleman said:
This girl is only like a HB7 so maybe its understandable that she might not need all the negs/c&f/hot cold approach that I'm giving her.

But... Sometimes she seems to be enjoying all that stuff, sometimes she seems genuinely upset and I have to reassure her that I'm just joking...

Example,
Her: I'm cool, I'm good looking, I'm chill.
Me: Not normally titles one gives themselves.
Her: No, people always tell me I am, so yeah
Me: Well, sorry love, I don't follow crowds. You're going to have to prove it to me for me to think it..
Her: Get lost, I don't care what you think.
Me: Seems like you do.
Her: You wish.
Me: Fine, bye.
No response from her
Me: Not even a bye, I must have said something really wrong.
Her: looked upset Must have? The damage is done.

At this point I just gave in an complimented her, because I didn't know what else to do, and things were fine after that... But... question is was I taking the negs and c&f too far, or did I bail out when things were not as bad as they seemed?
Guys get so so confused about this, they think they have to answer directly to every statement or comment a girl makes. Dude, she's not there for you to knock her down and be her therapist, she's with you so you kiss her so damn hard her knees buckle and she cries.

Change the subject and make her have fun with you so gives the best sex you've ever had.
 
Top