Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Taking a break from dating

HaleyBaron

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 25, 2021
Messages
2,284
Reaction score
1,966
Agree, life is too short. It's possible to self improve and date simultaneously. People have sexual needs.



This needs to be an automatic approach. IOIs are not easy to come by. Millennial women are notoriously poor at signaling, something I learned in the early 2010s. I doubt Gen Z's are any better at this.



The problem with this is that most men won't run into enough women this way. For instance, if a man grocery shops as normal, he won't see enough women to approach in the 20-30 minutes it would take to grocery shop, even if he selects a grocery store in a singles dense area. He must slow it down to take at least 1-2 hours.

At a gym, a man will typically have better results going to a fitness class than on the general gym floor. When you go to a fitness class, you're taking a "loss" of 45-60 minutes for the 5 min window before and 5 min window of after classes to approach. The "loss" of attending a fitness class isn't a bad loss because you will get in a solid workout during those 45-60 minutes. It might not be your ideal workout because it's not typically going to be a heavy lifting class. Additionally, not all women are sociable at classes (a small percentage area) but that small percentage is better than the closed off, earbud wearing women typically on the gym floor. Classes themselves are often 65-80% women (great ratio) depending on the class format. A lot of the women already have boyfriends/husbands and are not actively looking to replace, even if you use boyfriend destroyer lines.



Cold approach is a more difficult path to achieve relational goals than social circle introductions, especially if your goal is some sort of extended relationship (6 months or more). Men with social networks typically deal with less aggravations in their efforts to get laid and get laid consistently. Let's note that it is easiest for most men to get laid consistently within a relationship. Men with social networks tend to be more blue pill men with long term relationships, even marriages. A man's social circle will get annoyed in feeding him prospects if most of his interactions are one night stands and casual sex. Additionally, these short term interactions have a tendency to damage social networks. If a guy is able to get 1-3 years out of most interactions, the social circle is less likely to get pissed off. Often times, the social circle setups result in 5+ year relationships with marriages and babies.
Most women I see going into those classes are mothers, and unusually the hot young childless girls that I expect to be there. That's at least at my area. Likely due to all the family around. I'd probably be better off going to a fitness class around the inner city and uptown areas where the more career or rich dad girls are living in their overpriced condos and apartments. Provided, I still think picking up at the gym is the worst idea ever.
 

SW15

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 31, 2020
Messages
12,297
Reaction score
10,547
Most women I see going into those classes are mothers, and unusually the hot young childless girls that I expect to be there. That's at least at my area. Likely due to all the family around. I'd probably be better off going to a fitness class around the inner city and uptown areas where the more career or rich dad girls are living in their overpriced condos and apartments. Provided, I still think picking up at the gym is the worst idea ever.
In most U.S. cities, central city locations will be where you will find childless women under 35 in fitness classes. Over the years, I have had no problems finding childless women in fitness classes.

I don't think the gym is the worst idea ever for pickup but proceeding with caution on gym pickup is wise.
 

Zimbabwe

Banned
Joined
Aug 29, 2021
Messages
2,398
Reaction score
3,112
Age
27
I think it is a good moment to take some time out of dealing with women as the world /dating is going through some
sort of wash cycle right now. Let it spin and see where it lands.

Scavengers will still pick the flesh from the bones and settle with what they can get no matter how mediocre.

The juice is not worth the squeeze, right now. Taking a big pass gives you a chance to rise above the mediocracy.

You'll need to add a break from the "manosphere" too at the same time, Why waste mental energy on what is mostly mental masterbation right now. The manosphere is also going through a spin cycle. nobody knows what this manosphere is anymore, it is turning in against itself. There are more colored pills now than a packet of smarties. The red pill extremes have become delusional and out of touch with reality. No more objectivety. Everything seen through the lens of a pill. Clinging to an ideology to escape another.

Give yourself a mental break.

Remove your desire from the arena of women and you take away all of their power.

Control your own desires and you become your own master.

most here will not get this as they have become slave to their desires. Thus slaves in their pursuit of women.

Never free.

"women are evil cvnts" but I am going to spend many hours of my day on an internet forum discussing them and most of my mental energy looking for "opportunities"
You do bring up a very good point, all my life I've been obsessed with women. I'm going to take a break from the whole manosphere for a few months and see what happens.
 

SW15

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 31, 2020
Messages
12,297
Reaction score
10,547
all my life I've been obsessed with women
I remember having some early thoughts about women and sex around age 10. My interest in women and sex was moderate until 14-15, when it exploded. From 14-30, I was extremely horny. My sex drive started cooling a little in my early to mid 30s, but that cooling is higher than a lot of people's highs. My testosterone levels are still above average/median.
 

Dash Riprock

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 16, 2005
Messages
1,751
Reaction score
3,449
Location
Mile High City, USA
Dating in the US is a huge time suck with very low ROI. I have so many other things that bring more joy and satisfaction to my life right now than going on an endless stream of dates with women that fizzle after a week or two.

The default advice on this board seems to be "spin more plates, date more women." I couldn't DISAGREE more. My advice is to pull back and invest in YOU rather than bring more of what's wearing you down into your life.

See women for what they are in 2021; a very small side dish on your large plate of food. Yes, they're there and can be tasty, but they should not be the main course or driving force in a person's life.
 

Juanto

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 11, 2016
Messages
815
Reaction score
344
Age
41
Just had a date last night where the girl talked like 90% of the time (which is OK and to be expected), responded well to kino but almost didnt ask me a SINGLE question during the entire date. Maybe this is the norm with most guys, but it annoys me a little bit when they show almost 0 interest in knowing more about you.
 

xplt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 16, 2019
Messages
538
Reaction score
486
"spin more plates, date more women."
Even texting with multiple women is too much for me right now. I‘m only going into IM‘s in airplane mode for giving responses, else I got trapped.
 

Dash Riprock

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 16, 2005
Messages
1,751
Reaction score
3,449
Location
Mile High City, USA
Just had a date last night where the girl talked like 90% of the time (which is OK and to be expected), responded well to kino but almost didnt ask me a SINGLE question during the entire date. Maybe this is the norm with most guys, but it annoys me a little bit when they show almost 0 interest in knowing more about you.
Don't complain. This is what you WANT.

Women love mystery and you just created more by default by shutting the f*ck up and letting her talk. The problem 95% of all guys have is they run their mouth on a date "selling" themselves to the woman which is a huge turn off for her. "Diarrhea of the mouth" as I call it.

Let her talk and only offer up a few tid bits about yourself in the early going. Girl 101 stuff.

Good luck.
 

andreihaha

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 24, 2019
Messages
870
Reaction score
840
Age
30
Don't complain. This is what you WANT.

Women love mystery and you just created more by default by shutting the f*ck up and letting her talk. The problem 95% of all guys have is they run their mouth on a date "selling" themselves to the woman which is a huge turn off for her. "Diarrhea of the mouth" as I call it.

Let her talk and only offer up a few tid bits about yourself in the early going. Girl 101 stuff.

Good luck.
Exactly.
If she mostly talked about herself, she was trying to sell herself.
But if indeed she didn't talk about anything else, than that would be just boring for me.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
17,914
Reaction score
12,125
Location
DFW, TX
Lately it's been tough getting quality women. While the environment and the pool of women online are poor, I realize there are things to do about myself as well.

We're kind of in a lockdown at the moment and women I meet online are low interest/low quality.

So I decided to take a break from dating for a few months, maybe until the beginning of the next year. I started getting in better shape, but I want to put some more muscle on and loose some of the extra body fat. Didn't need to get a car so far, but I'd really use it now, so getting my driver's license is a must as well. Also want to read some more of the books often mentioned on this site, get better at investing, saving some money and improving a few things around the house.

Obviously if an interesting woman would start pursuing me, I wouldn't blow the chance. But I'm not interested in approaching women right now for dating reasons, be it in real life or online.

Did you take such a break before? How was/is it? Do you have any tips?
Any feedback is welcome.
You will find it's a great time to make great progress in your life. Take some classes to better your career or move into a nother. Part time jobs to stack cash. Projects that you have been putting off. Fitness gets plenty of time.
 

TheCharmingGuy

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 19, 2020
Messages
329
Reaction score
274
Age
27
Location
North Carolina, US
Don't complain. This is what you WANT.

Women love mystery and you just created more by default by shutting the f*ck up and letting her talk. The problem 95% of all guys have is they run their mouth on a date "selling" themselves to the woman which is a huge turn off for her. "Diarrhea of the mouth" as I call it.

Let her talk and only offer up a few tid bits about yourself in the early going. Girl 101 stuff.

Good luck.
I think he was trying to say that he wants a woman with enough substance that they are actually polite enough to ask you about yourself. If they only talk about themselves it would be a little boring. He couldn’t offer a few tidbits if all she did was talk about herself. And if he doesn’t give her something to think about at home after the date, there won’t be a second date.
 

Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 24, 2010
Messages
2,182
Reaction score
3,848
Did you take such a break before? How was/is it? Do you have any tips?
Any feedback is welcome.
I've taken two types of breaks (one is positive and the other is negative)

The positive is ... after a relationship, I always take time out for myself. I might sleep around if the opportunity is in my lap, but nothing serious. The reason is that after the feelings subside from the former relationship, I want to learn about myself. Both parties make relationship mistakes and I strive to be an improved version of myself after each one.

The negative break is what I've been going through over the past couple of years (which is why I've spent more time on this forum). I've dated so much (I'm older and been around the block) that women today just seem like a repeat of someone else. I've gone home or made out with women during this time, but just had no drive to get to know them on some deeper level (which is what I almost always prefer) . It's like turning on the TV and seeing re-runs. Or having a second helping of desert (the second helping is okay, but not as good as the first).

Over the past couple of years, I should have found some balance, but I failed. I'm now actively dating again. Although it doesn't feel new and exciting, I'm glad that I'm at least driven to do this again.

I doubt that anything above will offer any sort of tips, but perhaps you can look at it as... I don't want to be like this. And this alone might drive you to take some different perspectives.
 

Robert28

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
5,124
Reaction score
5,447
When I took a long break from dating and women in general, the most pressure I got was from my own friends. “Why aren’t you dating anyone? Why don’t you ever bring a girl around? Why aren’t you getting married?” It was almost making me want to avoid my friends. I mean it’s nice they think I should have woken coming and going but they just don’t get how crappy dating is these days.
 

Zimbabwe

Banned
Joined
Aug 29, 2021
Messages
2,398
Reaction score
3,112
Age
27
I remember having some early thoughts about women and sex around age 10. My interest in women and sex was moderate until 14-15, when it exploded. From 14-30, I was extremely horny. My sex drive started cooling a little in my early to mid 30s, but that cooling is higher than a lot of people's highs. My testosterone levels are still above average/median.
I don't want it to cool down but i just want to focus on myself for a few months. It's depressing thinking about the modern state of the manosphere all the time.
 

Glassguy

Moderator
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
4,670
Reaction score
8,556
Age
46
Lately it's been tough getting quality women. While the environment and the pool of women online are poor, I realize there are things to do about myself as well.

We're kind of in a lockdown at the moment and women I meet online are low interest/low quality.

So I decided to take a break from dating for a few months, maybe until the beginning of the next year. I started getting in better shape, but I want to put some more muscle on and loose some of the extra body fat. Didn't need to get a car so far, but I'd really use it now, so getting my driver's license is a must as well. Also want to read some more of the books often mentioned on this site, get better at investing, saving some money and improving a few things around the house.

Obviously if an interesting woman would start pursuing me, I wouldn't blow the chance. But I'm not interested in approaching women right now for dating reasons, be it in real life or online.

Did you take such a break before? How was/is it? Do you have any tips?
Any feedback is welcome.
My advice- take your break. Do your hobbies/passions. Take a trip by yourself.

Dating can certainly get monotonous. It takes grinding at times and it can get to you and wear you down.
I find the best options when I am not looking for them.
Do you and you'll be surprised what happens. Women are just the byproduct of your self happiness. So if you're not happy dating, take a break. No reason to burn through good leads when the game has you worn down.

Step back, focus on what makes you happy and then resurface into the dating world when you feel recharged.

Many times it's the grind, female entitlement, etc that wears you down. I find I get worn down when I find myself putting to much work and effort into it.
It shouldn't be this way and the only thing you accomplish is getting p1ssed off and disappointed.
It's OK to take a break.
 

Juanto

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 11, 2016
Messages
815
Reaction score
344
Age
41
And if he doesn’t give her something to think about at home after the date, there won’t be a second date.
This was a second date... and I thin she asked even less questions on the 2nd than she did on the 1st
 
Top