Takeaway Question

[Lobey]

Hey guys, I have been reading stuff from the sight for quite a while now, but this is my first post.

I have a quick question on doing a take-away on this girl.

Alright, where do I start?

I met this girl at my school (senior year hs). Now, I knew of her before, and never had any opinion on her really. She was in a relationship for like four years and broke up with her bf in the winter of our senior year.

Anyway, I had a couple classes with her, and started noticing her warming up to me a little bit. At this point, I wasn't actively gaming her or anything, but she seemed interested in me. I got her number, and she would text me basically every day, always talking about missing me when I didn't show up to school (I skipped basically every other day last semester, having already been accepted into college) and making general moves that made me think she might be interested.

I stalled a while asking her out (the bf thing was kinda an issue at that point, because I knew him and got along with him and he was -and still is- obsessed with her) but she still continued showing me crazy amounts of attention. But the flirting and stuff continued to escalate up through the rest of the school year. After graduation, I finally asked her on a date. I had a sample idea of what to do (based on this running in-side joke of ours) but we never set a clear date.

Then summer came, she got a new job, I got swamped at my own job, and didn't have the luxury of seeing her face-to-face and flirting every day. The texting stalled a bit, she stopped always starting the convo's and I (unfortunately) started getting too interested.

While I didn't go crazy AFC on the girl, I did make a pretty severe mistake. I got drunk at my grad party and texted her, telling her I thought she was cute and I "liked her" (however it was worded) while we had touched on the subject before, it was the first time I dropped my game-face for real.

Anyway, fast-forward to a week or two ago. Basically, while I continued talking to her and we kept discussing going on our date, she was always busy on my time suggestions and never made her own. I finally called her out, asking her if she was serious about us being "more than friends". She said that she was, and agreed to a go on a real date with me.

We set the date, her first day off of work (which incidentally was supposed to happen this tuesday) we started making plans, and it seemed like everything was going to work.

Last night, I was talking to her on Facebook, and she suddenly revealed a dentist appt that her "mom set up". When I asked if she was still up for the date, she didn't answer, and told me that she would text or call me today so we could figure everything out. Basically, I am thinkin that this chick is gonna flake again.

As you can probably guess, I didn't get a text, and I'm pissed. Now here is my question. I have a text written out that I planned to send, it basically tells her I am sick of her stupid games, and that I am done trying with her. I also tell her to let me know if she ever feels like cutting the ****.

Will sending this do anything good for my situation? Should I call her out and show her that I won't put up with her games, or should I leave it alone and just do a regular take-away? Any help is appreciated.

Also, I apologize for the incredibly long post, I guess I had more to say than I originally thought.

 

[Conquer]

I read that in whole. No need to apologize for long posts man, take the length u need to explain your situation. Women are attracted to mystery and you my friend have lost it all. She knows that you think she is cute and such, you have destroyed the imagination. My advice would be to move on even though it will hurt. Best of luck. Let us know how it goes

 

[Lobey]

Thanks for the fast reply.

I am starting to think that I should just next this girl. I'll be honest, I never thought that I would catch any feelings for her. I just wanted a fling for the summer but I must have screwed up at some point lol. I leave for college in a few weeks, new city, new girls, all that, so that is probably the best way to go.


If anyone else has an opinion feel free to let me know

 

[Conquer]

Well its natural to like those that like us. The transition can be made easily, all of a sudden a decent person likes you and you cant help but kinda like them back. But there is no use in giving cpr to a corpse

 

[Igetit!]

While I didn't go crazy AFC on the girl, I did make a pretty severe mistake. I got drunk at my grad party and texted her, telling her I thought she was cute and I "liked her" (however it was worded) while we had touched on the subject before, it was the first time I dropped my game-face for real.

Well,at least the good thing here is that you realized that telling her that you liked her was a mistake. For some reason that always seems to turn women off. It's better to show them you like them than to verbalize it.

Anyway, fast-forward to a week or two ago. Basically, while I continued talking to her and we kept discussing going on our date, she was always busy on my time suggestions and never made her own. I finally called her out, asking her if she was serious about us being "more than friends". She said that she was, and agreed to a go on a real date with me.

Calling her out on her bad behavior was another mistake. All you did was show her that you're more into her than she is into you,which will just inflate her ego. She has this "flakey" behavior for a reason. So if you go off on her about her flakiness,WITHOUT ADRESSING THE ORIGIN/ROOT REASON of her behavior,she may momentarily adjust her behavior,but if the cause is still there,she'll just revert back to flaking soonafter.

We set the date, her first day off of work (which incidentally was supposed to happen this tuesday) we started making plans, and it seemed like everything was going to work.

Last night, I was talking to her on Facebook, and she suddenly revealed a dentist appt that her "mom set up". When I asked if she was still up for the date, she didn't answer, and told me that she would text or call me today so we could figure everything out. Basically, I am thinkin that this chick is gonna flake again.

Just like a girl can show you her interest by her behavior,she can also show her disinterest by it as well. So let me ask you this...

Who is the driving force behind the two of you hanging out,you or her?
Who invites who? Who initiates the phonecalls,the texts,etc?
Who seems more upset or agitated when a date fails to happen?

If you seem more annoyed at all these failed attempts to get a date going,while she seems to be more interested in going to the dentist than hanging out with you...just a hunch here,but maybe this girl doesn't like you.

I didn't get a text, and I'm pissed. Now here is my question. I have a text written out that I planned to send, it basically tells her I am sick of her stupid games, and that I am done trying with her. I also tell her to let me know if she ever feels like cutting the ****.

Ok,question here:
You plan on sending her a text letting her know you've had it,and you're tired of her games. Ok,so tell me...What are you hoping to accomplish by this?
After you send her this text and she reads it,what is it you're hoping will happen? What is it you want her to do?

You think she's going to read it and finally "see the light" or "see the error of her ways"? You think she going to say,"Ok,you're right. I'm sorry about everything. Let's go out,and this time I won't flake"?

Obviously her chemistry/attraction for you is either low or non-existant.

You started out ok,then as you said yourself,you make some mistakes that turned her off. Since it was these mistakes that turned her off,then it would be the rectifing of these mistakes that it would take to "turn her on" again.

You sending her this text,with the mistakes you made still present,will do no good.

Will sending this do anything good for my situation? Should I call her out and show her that I won't put up with her games, or should I leave it alone and just do a regular take-away?

Do the takeaway. Go no contact for the next 3 to 4 days. If she calls youbefore that time is up,be polite and courteous,but DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A DATE OR YOU TWO GETTING TOGETHER.

You screwed up here. She's switched over from attraction mode to Attention wh0re. If you still like this girl,then YOU'LL HAVE TO do what's necessary to switch her back,which is simply behaving the way you did in the beginning when she was texting you everyday. Any contact you give her now will only make this worse.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Lobey]

To Igetit!: Thank you! That was a great post, and I really appreciate your help.

If you seem more annoyed at all these failed attempts to get a date going,while she seems to be more interested in going to the dentist than hanging out with you...just a hunch here,but maybe this girl doesn't like you.

This really did it for me. Brutally honest and it really made me think about everything again, while she may
have liked me before, I think I know how I ****ed it up now

Just to update: I didn't send the text. After typing everything out and really thinking about my situation, I realized it would be a bad idea and your post just reinforced that belief. I'm doing the takeaway, and I'm gonna let **** work out on its own now.

On your question above, my reason behind sending the text? I don't know exactly: mostly to vent on my own, not to try and get her back in any way (at least that's what I think lol) fortunately all of my venting took place on this board and I avoided ****ing everything up more than I already had

The good thing about explaining everything is I am definitely noticing the mistakes I made- the way I look at it now, I understand what I did wrong and will hopefully be able to change these behaviors. I think now I'm ready to let this one go. I got a whole new life to look forward to in a couple of weeks

Again though, thank you guys for helping me out.

Any additional input would be cool, and I'll make sure to keep you guys updated

 

[Lobey]

Hey guys, quick update.


She officially canceled the date. Only this time, it had nothing to do with a dentist appt. Apparently, while driving in the city she totaled her car. (which I originally took for the hail mary of excuses, but actually turned out to be true ). Also, its not like this would matter anyway, because I was going to pick her up, but I decided not to point this out.

She sent me that in a text earlier today, to which I responded with a simple "Ok" and no follow up (I plan on actually going through with this takeaway lol)

And later I was sitting on Facebook, doing random nothing, and she happened to be on. I didn't think much of it, but she quickly sent me a message. Here is the extremely short convo

Her: So sorry about tomorrow :/
Me: Its fine.
Her: You sure?
Me: Yeah
Her: Ok...
Me: I gotta go. Ttyl
Her: Ok... bye

^And I logged off. Lol a very intriguing conversation, right?

Anyway, the takeaway continues.

 

[Conquer]

nice. keep it going bro

 

[Igetit!]

Hey guys, quick update.

She sent me that in a text earlier today, to which I responded with a simple "Ok" and no follow up (I plan on actually going through with this takeaway lol)

And later I was sitting on Facebook, doing random nothing, and she happened to be on. I didn't think much of it, but she quickly sent me a message. Here is the extremely short convo

Her: So sorry about tomorrow :/
Me: Its fine.
Her: You sure?
Me: Yeah
Her: Ok...
Me: I gotta go. Ttyl
Her: Ok... bye

Anyway, the takeaway continues.

PERFECTION.

That was perfect man.

You were cool,calm,and collected. I'm glad you didn't go through with that plan of sending her that text of you telling her about her behavior.

And here,you were in control of yourself.

And not only that,but YOU told her you had to go...beautiful.

Almost brings a tear to my eye.

Continue with the takeaway as you've planned.

You'll need to be prepared,though. Sooner or later,she is going to try to call you or contact you. When she does,do like I suggested before:be nice,polite,and kind to her,but DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOU TWO DATING OR HANGING OUT.

What will happen is she'll notice the "ABSENCE" of your interest. When she senses that you no longer seem to be interested in her,then more than likely,she'll be the one trying to schedule a date with you. If that happens...

DON'T AGREE TO IT!!!

If she suggest you to getting together soon time,you RELUCTANTLY agree to seeing her. The convo should go like this...

her:So would you like to get together sometime?
you:Umm...well...well I know that between your family and friends,work and school,and whatever else you got going on in your life you probably don't have a lot of time on your hands. I understand that's a lot to have to juggle.
So if you have too much going on,if you're just too busy,then don't worry about it.

By you saying this to her,she'll think that you're losing interest. She'll think that you might no longer be interested in her,but instead of telling her straight out,you're trying to use her being busy as an excuse to end things.

At this point,she should come back at you with something like,"Oh,I'm not busy. I had some things I had to do,but I'm free now".

Do ALL THAT FIRST,then you can agree to seeing her.

This way,she'll feel like she had to "work" a little to get you,instead of you just being like,"Ok,I'm yours. Here I am".

But yeah man,keep up that takeaway,but at the same time,meet and date other girls. Don't just sit at home waiting for things to work out with this one girl.

Don't put your life on hold for NOBODY.

 

[Lobey]

PERFECTION.

That was perfect man.

Thank you

^ Again, thanks for the post. That stuff is gold.

I'll keep you guys updated in the next couple days.

 

[Lobey]

Okay guys, I have a question on this takeaway now.

There is a big party tonight at the land of one of our mutual friends. I really wanna go to this, and the chances are very high that she will be there too (totaled car or no lol).

How should I handle this one? Is it as simple as not approaching her, keeping my conversations short with her? Flirting with other girls in front of her?

Any ideas will help

 

[Igetit!]

Okay guys, I have a question on this takeaway now.

There is a big party tonight at the land of one of our mutual friends. I really wanna go to this, and the chances are very high that she will be there too (totaled car or no lol).

How should I handle this one?

Keep doing what you've been doing.

Continue being nice and polite to her as usual,but remember...

Don't say anything about you two dating or going out.

Just go there and have a good time. If you see her,don't go out of your way to speak to her,but if you happen to be close to her,then talk to her.

Be like...

you:Made it to the party,huh? Well I'm glad to see you're ok and still in one piece.

Let the convo flow from there,but keep it brief and move on to other people.

If you can manage to get her to see you talking and laugh with other girls,good.

The impression you want her to get is that you've moved on with you life.

You're not mad,you're not angry or bitter,you're not giving her the silent treatment. You have no hard feelings or ill will towards her.

You want her to feel that her being absent or present in your life makes no difference whatsoever. You're not happier to have her in it,and you're not sadder to have her out of it.

You're whole,complete,and content with her there or not.

Once she see just how little she means to you,then she'll start trying to win you over.

Good luck man.

 

[Lobey]

^ Thanks, again. Excellent post


I'll let you guys know how it goes

 

[COD]

TEXT ON THE FIRST DATE IS A HUGE NO NO................even though you never had a date.........best to reframe your writing skills to sending an email to another chick.

U SEE whe we stop communication OR NEXT A CHICK, they know something is up, some even avoid you...........you are sending out a message to all women everywhere.........YOU PLAY GAMES YOU GET NEXTED.

MAYBE just maybe chics will start to see that THEIR BS does not work on all men.

When chics and even some men......start to spin plates the are totally ill-equipped to handle dating/rejecting. SO they resort to the old "ill text U, I'll let you know..........TRANSLATION SORRY BOOKED SOLID AND I AM TOO WEAK TO SAY NO.

forget the text and just next

 

[Lobey]

^ Thanks for the input


At this point I'm really not that reluctant to next this girl. I started to realize that she was causing me too much trouble anyway.

So I figured I would try this takeaway, and see the results, but, however it turns out, I'm gonna roll with it.

 

[Lobey]

Okay guys quick update.

Went to the party. Awesome night.

Started the night off, prepared to have a good time. Started out a bit slow, talking to some kids from HS. Got a couple drinks in me (captain and coke, always a good choice ) and **** really started to pick up. Remembering some of the info from the sight, I started throwing myself into the party, getting some social proof going, meeting new people, it was a blast.

Sure enough, I see 'the girl' there. Catch some eye contact, give her a smile, and move on. The night continues. Later on, having fun talkin to some new chicks, I notice her stealing glances at me from the distance, I continue what I'm doing and honestly think nothing of it

I catch up with her later, open a conversation (actually almost using the exact statement Igetit suggested 'good seeing you in one piece' so thanks for that) talk to her about her car accident for a while, nothin' awkward about her flaking, no one mentions it at all. After prolly five minutes I notice my drink is empty, excuse myself, kino her a bit on the way out, and get a refill.

Not much else happened with her the rest of the night, I got pretty bombed, took a couple pictures with her and some other people, picked her ass up for a pic but, again, nothing awkward. She ended up leaving relatively soon after, sent me a text saying she was gonna be gone, so I gave her an "ok" reply, and got back to the party.

Overall, I think I handled it pretty well. I didn't care about finding her and I didn't come across as hurt or desperate for her attention. I had a great time at the party, and **** is looking good for me right now.

Anyway, long post, if you guys have any critique, let me have it. I'll make sure to continue the updates.

 

[Sandow]

I think you did a good job at the beginning of the party. You were outgoing, talking to eveyone there, talking to other girls and using social proof. Great job, but did "she" see this? Hopefully she did, and if she did, excellent work.

So you spot her later in the party and wink/smile...good. Though I can't say the same about you doing kino and picking her up by the ass. At this point, any more signs of interest is only going to hurt you. Lets go back in time and see when she responded to you the most...It was in H.S. when you were showing no signs of interest!! You said it she was texting and flirting with you all the time because you didn' care! You didn't give a shyt so she was all over you. But then you went all AFC and started to show you like her, she resisted. Up to the point where she was throwing all these lame a$$ excuses at you.

What I'm trying to say is that this girl is a girl who responds to challenges, low interest, no contact. So don't do kino, take pics with her, or grab her ass. Don't even text her back at times (this one drives girls crazy! love doing this one). Other than that I think you did well, (as long as she saw you having fun with everyone else) continue being aloof, ignore a lil bit and her interest level will start to go up again. The trick to all this is to not even care about the situation, pursue other girls and it'll be easy.

 

[Lobey]

^ I caught her taking glances at me while I was talkin and being social (with both guys and other chicks, too)


Yeah about that, I didn't grab her ass- I just picked her up (I kinda phrased it weird). And the kino was small, ya know, hand on the arm as I excused myself, but whatever.

And yeah I broke down a little bit at the end of the night (friendly drunk, you know how it is) but I was not focusing all of my energy on her or anything, those just happened to be separated incidents of the night that I mentioned since they involved her

Overall, yeah I gave her some attention but I was being overall friendly and that with multiple people, so I don't think it stands out as much as I made it seem in my previous post.

But hey, I'll accept that I mighta messed it up a bit, and any criticism is good. So far I still haven't initiated any real contact with her (she's talking to me). So I'm gonna keep this low-interest thing up and see how she deals with it