Take it easy on the c&f

[Atom Smasher]

I read a lot of text exchanges here on SS and sometimes I want to cringe. Guys often take c&f to the extreme and feel like every single comment or response has to be c&f. Then they wonder why the girl goes away in a "huff".

What works best for me is peppering normal conversation with c&f and don't make it the main course. How can someone take you seriously and respect you when you're always clowning around? Also, it's very easy in text for her to misinterpret.

When I read those c&f text reports I usually think that I would be long gone if I were a girl texting with a guy like that.

I'm very successful with online game, and I normally do use c&f, but I use it sparingly (the amount depends on the personality of the girl). Think of c&f as just one tool in your toolbag. I think the main thrust should be making her feel like you can relate to her and that you value her feelings and opinions (I know...). Once you establish that, you will see her copying your style in text and you will then know that you have that one in the bag.

If you find yourself barraging her with c&f, you're doing it wrong and it will most likely backfire on you.

 

[pipe007]

I agree!!

if all that comes from your mouth are CF jokes, she wont take you seriously and will see you as a clown eventually who cannot have meaninful conversations.

but then again, at the beginning stages of attraction, C&F has to be used naturally... and then tone it down a bit as you get into more comfort.

I just try to look for the best opportunity to tease, and look for her comments to misinterpret them and make fun of her in a good way.

and if she opens her mouth and doesnt like what I said, I just touch, or get close and give her a hug, and then let go... and keep escalating like that.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree completely. Too much c&f is a turn off. After a while, it stops being funny and becomes annoying or even insulting.

Even if you find a girl that likes constant c&f, if that is not your real personalty, you are setting a bad/false precedent. Then when you start acting real because you're tired of c&f, she will then find you "boring" and dump you.

I also prefer to just pepper in the c&f in small doses.

 

[zekko]

Guys often take c&f to the extreme and feel like every single comment or response has to be c&f. Then they wonder why the girl goes away in a "huff".

I agree also. I think the problem is that most of the emphasis on this forum as far as actually interacting with a girl is on C&F and negs. There is very little direction in the way of actually having a conversation with a girl or in how to flirt. It's all just mostly "act like you're the ****" and "push her away, push her away" with very little focus on pulling her in.

 

[Zarky]

I completely agree, the trick is to find the proper balance. There's a pendulum effect to most guys here:

-they start out too nice
-they overcompensate and become too as*holey
-they find a proper middle ground.

I think 'nice guys' do have to swing over into 'jerk mode' for awhile before they get to the right point though. It's part of learning and changing yourself.

 

[Korrupt]

Definitely agree. NO C&F is better than too much.

I messaged a girl who was in one of my classes and dropped out early on facebook asking her if she was actually in my class. She says, "Haha yeah I was. What's up?" To which I asked her if I scared her away with my good looks. Never heard back from her lol. Learned my lesson.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The necessity is directly proportional to looks, it seems to me. Right now I'm with a gorgeous woman (let's see how long I can keep the inner AFC at bay...so far so good).

She needs a fair amount of c&f, but again it's only sprinkled in sparingly as I see the need arise. It's those longs texts I see on this forum that get me.

You'd be surprised how far acting like a self respecting man will get you. Convey self-respect (Bond style) and pepper with c&f as needed. Only practice will calibrate you.

Come to think of it, when I read those long messages with nothing but c&f, what is conveyed is distinctly a try-hard lack of self respect. FWIW.

 

[jophil28]

AtomSmash has it right once again.
C&F needs to be applied like hot sauce on a steak dinner. Just a little will get the taste balance just right. Too much sauce and that steak is ruined and smothered .
It becomes all sauce and no steak .

Secondly, the reception from different woman to c&f varies a lot.
I usually run a few "tests" to assess the optimum level to suit each individual new woman.

Finally, be aware that women's definition of "a badazz " is usually vastly different to our male definition.
I have been called a "bad boy" many times by women after just cracking two bold (but funny) jokes in one hour .

Most of you work way too hard.

 

[jophil28]

The necessity is directly proportional to looks, it seems to me. Right now I'm with a gorgeous woman (let's see how long I can keep the inner AFC at bay...so far so good)..

You are about to find out how well controlled your inner AFC is when she starts the "tests". Any day now ...

 

[Atom Smasher]

You are about to find out how well controlled your inner AFC is when she starts the "tests". Any day now ...

Yes, some minor tests have come and gone and so far I've leveraged each one to a more dominant frame.

But that rascal inner AFC still lurks about, because today I started missing her. Heaven help me!

Fortunately, it passed quickly and I didn't tell her so. But that's the downside to looking for a mate as opposed to bedding down multiple women. Too many eggs in one basket. Still keeping a couple others on the back burner, though just to give me leverage.

I'm happy with how I've handled things so far, but I know it's going to be a constantly changing, liquid dynamic. She'll keep the sh!t flowing, and I'll keep on using it to establish dominance, if I've learned my lessons well. We'll see. The rubber meets the road now.

 

[Wilko]

Ha, brilliant AS, I don't know if you caught sight of my "Atom Smasher where art thou" thread but this was exactly what I was trying to tease out of you. Thanks.

We're so damn predictable on our journey from AFC to DJ, (I know I am) it just seems like there's certain phases you HAVE to move through, and that's fine I guess provided we all get 'there' in the end. I made a pretty good two-striking, no-contacting, nexting, C&F robot but I'm slooooowly moving past that.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Hey Wilko,
I must have missed your thread, sorry. I come in and out of here as the spirit moves me. Glad I was of some help, though.

 

[jophil28]

But that rascal inner AFC still lurks about, because today I started missing her. Heaven help me!

Hmm, there is a common belief on this board, and on the MM forum that catching "feelings " is what chumps do.
I totally disagree.
Developing feelings of attraction for women who please us and make themselves available are part of the rich enjoyment of being a man.
Our feelings come to us unbidden, sometimes without warning and quite often surprisingly intensely. WE do not "choose" them inspite of what some new age gurus like to preach.
WE cannot control our feelings so much, but we can control our behavior and our actions.

Feeling our feelings, and enjoying our feelings for women is not the problem so much as is sliding back into that old compliant white bread 'nice guy' weakling that we were raised to celebrate .

Ultimately our challenge is not to avoid our feelings, but rather to hold the new line of strength and dominance in spite of them, and resisting those old forces that tug at us to return to our old ways.
Sometimes this is like playing a tennis match with a racquet in your left hand for the first time .
A challenge indeed, but winable nonetheless because 'challenge' is what good men embrace and master.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Very encouraging. I'll chew on that for a while.

 

[omkara]

I could probably give some examples of bad c & f, although they are so dumb probably no one else would try them except for me.

I friended this girl on myspace, with my band webpage:

her: I noticed you don't have any pictures on there
me: well ordinarily you would have to pay to see me
her: lol okay

This is where I should have stopped.

later...

she was drinking at a bar:

me: so how many beers does it take to get you drunk?
her: I dunno about 4
me: well I will have to make sure that I have at least 4 beers at my house when you come over

no reply. Never talked to her again, lol.

Another girl - she was kinda out of my league and was only replying to my texts every hour or so:

her: oh ok, I thought it was you
me: well I think we should go to catch some music, but we should probably meet up for coffee or something first, so I know you're not completely socially inept

no reply. Actually I tried texting her again a few days later but no reply again.

I have to watch it with this kind of stuff because to me it is a lot of fun and hilarious. It's not so fun though when the person you are talking to just stops talking to you and never talks to you again. lol