sweating on the 2nd date (reposted from Mature Man forum)

[Scormus]

Hi guys,

I've lurked here for many years, and just wanted a bit of moral support in what is an uncertain time for me dating wise.

Background: I met a woman online 3 weeks ago who I really liked (HB 8.5 and a lot hotter than I normally can find), on the first date we agreed verbally that we'd meet again, and at the end of the date I kissed her on the lips (twice, the 2nd one for good measure). She didn't give me her cheek or get out of the way so I thought this was good and I was in. Was surprised and dismayed when she didn't want to go on a 2nd date subsequently and I chalked it up to her not being able to say no to my face and the kiss to her being polite .

Now the case in question: I traveled 3 hours out of my city to meet another woman I met online (I'd say her looks are a 7 out of 10) yesterday. She had driven up an hour to get to where we met so there was travel for her as well. During the date she started making plans for us, saying that next time, she could come to where I live and stay over and I could show her around (its a good tourist town). During the date she laughed a lot and I don't think I was saying anything particularly funny, which I thought was another good sign. At the end of the date, I went for the kiss, difference between this girl and the last was that she was kissing back. After a couple of kisses I initiated I was going to say goodbye, but she held me in place by my arm, and we kissed a couple of more times.

Obviously I am thinking I'm in. I went home and waited about 23-24 hours from when I said goodbye and then texted her to confirm if she could come up this coming weekend. No response and its been 9 hours now and nearing midnight. Before the date she had been responding fairly promptly. I am in my mid 30s and so is she if that helps our read of the situation.

After the background story (got the first kiss, but no 2nd date), I am sweating this one now.

Could it be I kiss that badly (I think I am at least decent and think that its an unlikely explanation), or maybe I am Plan B to her, or maybe she is just trying to play it cool?

Sorry guys I know the answer is to just wait it out and hopefully by tomorrow she has responded but I need to vent to someone.


Scormus

P.S. I originally posted this on the Mature Man forum as I think maybe women the same age as this one might act differently from the younger women you younger Don Juans are out with, but any insights that might help are welcome.

 

[DragonBlood]

During the date she started making plans for us, saying that next time, she could come to where I live and stay over and I could show her around (its a good tourist town).

Hard to say how serious she was or was this an in-the-moment thing. Didnt say when next time could be either.


First girl just being polite, second one high interest. Problem with meeting online girls only is once they get it they have a ton of options. My guess is she hasnt replied because she already setup a date for that weekend with another guy online.

She might come around but by 'texting to confirm' the ball is squarely in her court now. Personally, I think you should try dating a local girl before pursuing anymore online girls. To be honest your game is pretty tight and these dates went damn near perfect, which is why your sweating it I guess, the REAL PROBLEM is that both you and your date have to travel to the venue so there is no way for you to escalate past the kiss. If your house was just around the square even the polite girl would have a hard time of saying no.


Im a bit younger and so are the girls I date, with online I only have success with the ones that live in the same city. Its too much effort for both parties otherwise, even my interest goes down considering how easy it is to pick girls off the street. Maybe older girls are more willing to put in that extra mile (quite literally) but not if all they can possibly get is a peck or lots of travel in the future.

 

[Scormus]

hey

When you say my "game is tight" do you mean it's good, e.g. in the context of no leaks?

I think the date with the 2nd girl definitely could not have gone any better, all previous girlfriends my first dates were generally like that and some didn't even go as well as that, and it would really demoralise me if there is no 2nd date with this one.

Not sure I had a choice but to text if this coming weekend was the right time, as the only option is weekends given the 4-5 hours (each way) between us.

Also the night before the date she texted me something clingy ("are you looking for the one?"), so I thought if I waited 2 or 3 days after the date to get in touch it might not go over so well.

I find online dating works easier for me, I have a hard time approaching women in the flesh and tend to take in person rejections more personally whereas with online dating it is just another of many unanswered messages if they aren't interested and by the time someone from online is sat with me on the first date I already know they are attracted to me which makes me more confident on the date as well.

Great suggestion about dating girls locally and trying to get them home, I am able to meet local girls online so thats not the issue but the issue is I have been too sensible (to a fault) with my money and live in a modest 1 bedroom apartment well below my means, when what I should be doing is living someplace nice that I can invite girls to even on a 1st date.

 

[DragonBlood]

Yes your game is good

"are you looking for the one?" lol sounds like a sh!t test to me. Considering you havent even meet this person at that point anything beyond a lighthearted response was all that was needed here.

I can relate to that. Yeah cold approaching on the streets can be a pain, but if your bored and going say to lunch on your own its always nice to just invite someone anyway. Its not like youve cut a hole in your schedule to be disappointed. "Hey would you like to go to lunch"


On being to sensible I think your place is perfect. Avoids gold diggers and entitled *****es. She dating YOU not the apartment, you dont have to impress anybody. Keep the money its good for your soul. Before I forget to mention, most online girls are eager to get laid on the first date. They are pretty hungry already if they use online dating at all considering how much attention a girl normally gets when they are younger.

 

[Scormus]

response

Well, from reading her profile she seemed clingy, so I responded a simple, "yes" and she texted back really warmly full of xx etc.

Which is why her silence now seems strange.

I am concerned now she might have mental issues which could explain the clinginess on her profile, her response the night before, and if there is no response and no 2nd date now.

Nothing to do but sweat now.

Its 3 AM, have another date from online in 15.5 hours with a career woman my age who lives locally, my place looks like a junkyard and could do with a quick cleanup.

Sadly I don't have a car (long story but not financial reasons), what do I do, see if she might want to chill out with a drink with me back at the flat and say we'll hop into a cab?

 

[Scormus]

Finally heard from 2nd girl this morning. I think we are ok now thank god!