Supporting a Woman Emotionally

[Lozboss]

DJs,

I've seen some conflicting points of view so I'd welcome your thoughts. It's something I've become curious about (dealt with it in the past).

How do you deal with supporting a girl (could be a GF or plate) emotionally? Like when she is depressed/ having issues at work/family/ money etc?

I can understand that being a Rock is a position of strength but is it a slippery road? Do you soon become an emotional crutch?

How do you deal with a drop in intimacy due to their depression/stress?

thanks,

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

-Listen to her - really listen. You may be tested retrospectively.
-Don't offer unsolicited advice.
-Practice active listening, rather than advising.
-Ask her about her feelings and what she thinks she's gonna do moving forward.
-Get to the heart of the matter, even if it takes two hours. Often people transfer anxiety from one problem on to something else less significant. Often. Work out what's really going on.
-Don't offer unsolicited advice.
-Offer advice when solicited.

All this should be face to face - NOT on the phone.

If you are still getting what you want from the relationship/set-up. You're not a sponge. If you aren't getting what you want as well as her moaning/crying/whining, then you are a sponge.

Also, if it happens all the time, it gets boring. If so, move on to someone more emotionally competent.

 

[Desdinova]

TheMonkeyKing hit the nail on the head. All you need to do is listen and ask questions with regards to the situation she's talking about. Only offer advice when asked for it.

When the subject appears to be wrapping up, do something that shifts her into a more positive emotional state. Make a witty joke in good taste, or take her out to do something fun. Moving her through emotional states makes her not only respect you but also builds attraction

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

^^ That's the bit I forgot ^^

 

[Lozboss]

Thanks Chaps,

I am dating a girl (among some others) who is going through a rough patch. I like her and if I can help then I'll sit and listen and be supportive.

The intimacy has dropped off because of the problems, do you think that it will pick up once she has these things sorted?

 

[skinnyguy]

No woman has ever supported me when I was down in the dumps. For me personally I wouldn't go out of my way for this kind of thing

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

No woman has ever supported me when I was down in the dumps. For me personally I wouldn't go out of my way for this kind of thing

You can't blame ALL women, it might be your choice of women. If you like to **** with selfish h0es, what the hell makes you think that she's going to be worried about you when you are not feeling good.

A good woman will support her man, financially, emotionally and physically.

There are good women out there. The single market however is every man for themselves. Most of the ladies in there are huntresses trying to find the best deal or the most fun or just getting their kicks off.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

-Listen to her - really listen. You may be tested retrospectively.
-Don't offer unsolicited advice.
-Practice active listening, rather than advising.
-Ask her about her feelings and what she thinks she's gonna do moving forward.
-Get to the heart of the matter, even if it takes two hours. Often people transfer anxiety from one problem on to something else less significant. Often. Work out what's really going on.
-Don't offer unsolicited advice.
-Offer advice when solicited.

Mainly wanted to focus on this. For me, this one was a big problem for me in my marriage because I've had to deal with the wife having issues of some kind or another at many various points. Being me, and I suspect I'm like most guys, I try to find some types of solutions or ways of solving the problem.

Wife, whom I suspect is like most women in a LTR, just wants someone to listen. Sounds simple right? But this was hard for me to adjust to because I'm so used to trying to find a way to correct the problem. Anyhow I just wanted to highlight that for women this is very critical to understand that they usually just want to vent.

One last thing though, I would not let any woman do this to me. For me, listening to a woman gripe about her problems is mentally exhausting sometimes. I'll let the wife do it, but if I weren't married I'd only let someone I'm in an LTR with, or maybe even a long-term, reliable plate do. Everyone else, forget it.

TheMonkeyKing hit the nail on the head. All you need to do is listen and ask questions with regards to the situation she's talking about. Only offer advice when asked for it.

When the subject appears to be wrapping up, do something that shifts her into a more positive emotional state. Make a witty joke in good taste, or take her out to do something fun. Moving her through emotional states makes her not only respect you but also builds attraction

This is also good because if after she's done venting and all that crap she just said hangs in the air for a while, the mood in the room will be pretty equally crappy. I try to avoid negativity from women at all costs, including my wife, because I don't want that emotional weight of problems dragging me down too. So turn it around somehow with good news...anything will work.

 

[Skyline]

Yeah, almost all women simply want someone to listen to their problems or whatever it is they are going on about. They don't want advice unless they explicitly ask. Listening is very, very, useful in that sense. Especially if you mix up her story a little bit, in fake confusion, and then correct yourself as she corrects you. That shows you are listening.

I remember I used to be all about listening to a girl's problems and forcing my advice in order to get into her pants. Now, I try my hardest not to zone out. Women can create a lot of drama out of nothing... So to make her feel somewhat secure, all you have to do is listen and amplify on certain parts by asking questions, elaborating, or confusing a certain part. Not give her advice.

Just remember, if she doesn't want to talk about it then I would steer away from it unless it's effecting her mood in an obvious way. Oh, and don't tell her that "you're here for her" because that's a fast way to therapist zone, which means no sex. You approach HER about it, not the other way around.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Desdinova actually made the most important point of all....

Other than offering advice when solicited, the only active role a guy has to take is to put a positive spin in the air when it's winding down. Once she's done brain-vomitting on you, take her out maybe to the comedy, make light of the serious conversation without undermining it. Distract from the hamster-spinning reality - 'Hey, did I ever tell you about this really amusing anecdote that happened to me....?'

If it's an LTR, you have to have a certain amount of patience; if it's a casual relationship, well, give it space, but always make sure they know they can meet/talk if they want. Check in occasionally.

Basically a guy knows the situation pretty quickly and knows what needs to happen. Tell her what to do in such a way that she thinks she solved her own problem. Facilitate, articulate, copulate.

If they persist and it starts getting ridiculous (weeks/months of moaning about the same old sh!t), I do rarely just give it to them straight - I basically told at least two of my exes to get a f*cking hobby because they were so apathetic towards life! A strong guy knows when that time is to just step in; 99% of the time is just active listening though.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Is she a plate pushing to be more? Take note on these flags, loss of intimacy & now depression.

Remain STOIC, be present but less f*cks given. You are not her therapist. Hopefully it's a short rough patch but don't be surprised if another one pops up down the road. :/ The best plates/gf will always have = to less baggage than yourself. She's got you in "provider" mode testing you out.

IME & opinion a smart woman knows that a good f*ck can in fact alleviate depression & stress levels. Something else might be up with this 1, goodluck.

 

[Suspens]

She should feel relaxed and happy while in your presence, that's a form of emotional support.


If she starts talking about some melodramatic BS event, you interrupt her smoothly without coming off as a caveman Orangutan.

 

[Lozboss]

It's difficult as she wants me to listen and boost her up (she asks my advice etc).

I'm more concerned about the intimacy things- if I push it it's pressure when she's already under pressure and may drive her away.

Kinda hoping she just comes round.

In answer to questions- it's somebody I've been dating for about two months, expecting her to ask me soon to be exclusive. I'm feeling the pressure of no sex.

Otherwise she initiates everything (texts/calls etc) and asks me to meet up, isn't seeing anyone else, so power is in the right place.

 

[backseatjuan]

Do you soon become an emotional crutch?

An emotional tampon, with great support and absorption! She might stick pampax in her pussy but all her emotions she dumps on Lozboss, now in a double pack! The one! The only! Lozboss!

 

[YawataNoKami]

You can't blame ALL women, it might be your choice of women. If you like to **** with selfish h0es, what the hell makes you think that she's going to be worried about you when you are not feeling good.

A good woman will support her man, financially, emotionally and physically.

There are good women out there. The single market however is every man for themselves. Most of the ladies in there are huntresses trying to find the best deal or the most fun or just getting their kicks off.

Almost sure you are a woman.