Support

[DharmaBear]

Hey guys - I haven't posted in a really long time. I've been living with a girl for nearly a year, and we've been dating for nearly two. I moved into her house. The other night she up and broke up with me, saying we don't connect anymore, don't have enough in common, and so on. In fact, she's right, and we probably should have separated much sooner. We still care about each other a lot, though. I handled the breakup like a man (didn't cry; didn't beg her to reconsider; acted calm).

I'm not really looking for sympathy or advice. I guess I'm just looking for support. I'm crashing on a buddies couch now, half-broke, suddenly girlfriend-less, and realizing I'm a bit dissilusioned about life in general.

Words of encouragement are all I need - perhaps a few shared stories of similar incidents to remind me I'm not alone.

Thanks for the chance to share.

 

[afrojiggles]

get ano woman to forget her fast okay and mingle with guys do activities, get rid of all her gifts to u and u shud be ok!!

 

[Kings_royalty]

You are in a slump, it happens to everyone. It's good that you experience this once in a while, sometimes we all need a taste of 'reality'. You need to experience the low points in life so you can learn to appreciate the high points.

It's all good, you'll be back up on your feet in no time...try to stay out of your head.

 

[joekerr31]

do you have cancer?
were you sodomized by a 400 pound black man in prison?
when you pee does it hurt?
did you sleep with a woman only to find out that she was actually your long lost sister?
does jerry springer keep calling begging you to come on his show?
is your IQ under 80?
is your body covered in 3rd degree burn scars from some horrible accident?

if the answer to all of the above questions is no then your life is in good shape.

its just going to take some time to regain faith in yourself. you let this woman (as is normal in a relationship) partly define your sense of self worth. now that she's gone its depressing because your self worth has dropped from say 90% to 60%.

but dont worry. after a few months (and provided you have a positive attitude through all this) it will bounce back up to 90%.

 

[DharmaBear]

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I've since moved out of her house (that was tough!) and have my own pad again. The breakup and move happened over the course of six days.

UPDATE

When I moved out, she was there helping me pack and was just crying like crazy. Like she really cares about me, but just had to break up because we don't "connect" and "communicate" anymore. I guess for whatever reason the IL went down. She has no interest at all in getting back together, which is fine.

Anyhow, I haven't seen her or talked to her for a couple of days now. It's been tough but I'm getting better.

I still have her house key, and about 1-2 carloads of stuff to pick up from her house. I have every intention of going over there and getting the stuff when she's NOT there, so I don't have to see her or talk with her.

QUESTION

If, on my last trip over there tomorrow to get the last of my things, I left a "goodbye letter," do you guys think this is a good idea? It'd basically say sorry things didn't work out and I don't plan on being friends or seeing you again (which is what she wants). I'm wondering if this would help with my sense of closure.

Thoughts?

 

[joekerr31]

it won't providing you with any closure if that is what you are thinking or hoping for. nor will it leave the door open a crack for something between the two of you in the future.

leaving a note will NOT leave her thinking "wow, what a great guy. i really let a great one get away."

what she will think is "wow, even though ive rejected him he still wants me. how sad."

best to just get your sh*t and leave it at that. make HER define any future relationship the two of you have.

 

[NewMan]

No notes.

Clean and clear is the only way to go.

I've been there - lived with my GF in her house for 3 yrs - then found myself moving out with pretty much just a sleeping bag..... I left her all the crap we had bought together - I didn't want to take a thing.

it takes a while, but you'll get yourself back on your feet soon - just keep concentrating on whats important, and work on yourself.

Lesson to learn here - always have control over your life.... i.e. don't move in to her house.....

 

[Vulpine]

Closure is a gift.

Don't reward her with the gift of closure for breaking up with you - that's just silly.

Instead, give her the gift of missing you. Living well (better) is the best revenge. And closure? Well, that's just some hallmark crap for women anyway. What needs to be closed? Reach down, grab your nuts, let out a tasty belch, and say "I'm over it." No? Not that easy? Check it:

If this chick was retarded enough to "break up" with you for "not connecting" anymore... kicking out a roommate, etc., well I don't know about you, but I don't get down with retards. You'll say: "Duh." (at her). Then, you'll say "Duh." again (at yourself) when it dawns on you.