Superstition and Meeting new ladies

[corrector]

I want to know if anyone can attest to any correlation between any action, thought or activity they have done in the past which you felt was some sort of lever and all of a sudden you met some new woman out of the blue and something happened, or what type of mindset would lead to that type of thinking.

As I raised this thread, I would have to say that if I sent an email, out of the blue, to an ex-gf/wife, knowing they are probably not going to reply back to my email, at best, that I've connected with or met someone also out of the blue or remember just having an amazing year in general where things moved at an unusually rapid pace which would include feelings of adventure and euphoria. For example, in 2016, I sent a random email to my ex-gf from 2012, and that year was remembered as being a very fun year where I did allot of biking, kayaking, swimming and was very active during the summer and met also someone online and had a first meet-up in a while.

Things just sort of feel dry right now (i.e. not meeting anyone, just sticking to a routine and keeping in my on my own world) and this is now back again in the back of my mind as doing something crazy like that and maybe I'll even meet the girl of my dreams not too long afterwards, like something magical is going to happen and some lever will open up if I sent some email out like that.

So, the real issue, has anyone had this type of thought in their dry spell or if you are just totally inactive and out of it? Or other weird desperate thoughts would be circulating to magically meet women out of nowhere? Is this any less crazy then cold approaching women randomly, thinking you are having a blah day when that nerve hits you, and then you meet a girl where there is just a super-chemistry and you just hit it off? Perhaps the latter belief is more rational, except that day-game cold approach is too passe.

 

[Serenity]

I want to know if anyone can attest to any correlation between any action, thought or activity they have done in the past which you felt was some sort of lever and all of a sudden you met some new woman out of the blue and something happened, or what type of mindset would lead to that type of thinking.

Yes, killing absolutely all desperation. I spent a long time trying to find a girlfriend, shortly after I gave up and realigned my efforts to maximizing fun it just happened. So I'd say the correct mindset is the one that searches for the next fun thing to do and not the one searching for the next woman.

Before that final time I had experienced the effects temporarily, but at those times I wasn't really sure what the success factor was. Just sometimes when I least expected it women came at me from all directions and I didn't even try. It took some time and careful reflection upon those events to identify that it was the fact that I had no dependence on outcome that worked. That I can't pretend not to care, I have to really let it go.

The first time it happened was when I started breaking out of my shell. I started with OLD, met a girl and despite my extreme nervousness I ended up fvcking her. First pvssy for 5 years. She turned out pretty quickly to be a lying b!tch, so I ghosted her. Then it happened, I lost all desperation for a short while after that. A friend invited me to a party, I didn't know anyone else he had invited. I arrived not giving a sh!t how the night turned out, just lived in the moment. Some girls arrived, I briefly looked at the prettiest thinking jokingly "I just know I'll have her later" before thinking no further and continue talking to the guys. Later I sat down next to her, still not seriously trying to get her and started talking. Just asking who she knows, what she does, basic get to know stuff. I flirted without even consciously doing it, absolutely no effort at all. Things just flowed and eventually I did fvck her hard. But afterwards I lost my cool and didn't know what I did right, so I messed it up by desiring outcomes.

Second time it happened I had done some reflection since the first time, but had not yet perfected the art. I was invited to join my female cousin to a party with her friends, I was the only guy there most of the night. I tried doing some prep work, meditate and clear my mind of distracting desires and outcome dependence. It took some time and for the first hour I hardly said anything, didn't mind if I was as good as invisible to them. I succeeded in totally clearing my mind and get an acute awareness of the present moment. Then I just entered the flow and joined the conversations. A couple of them probably tried sh!t testing me, it didn't even register, I just joked around and amused myself. I paid again no mind to trying to attract, but for some reason the behavior resulting from my state of mind did just that. Two of the girls were competing like crazy for my attention, I made out with both of them. We all went out to a bar later, even random girls could notice my vibes just from looking at me walk past them. From my point of view I was simply just walking, but to them it was like they saw a unicorn or something as one random girl loudly told her friend "ooooh, look at that guy!".

I knew the state of mind I wanted to be in, but struggled to get there. Because getting there is counter intuitive as the more you want to get there, the further you are from it. The final time I was simply just burnt out trying to get women and trying to get that glorious, worry free state of mind. So I gave up and then the final piece to achieving this state of mind fell into place, giving up that focused effort was the essence of it. It's anti-worry, it's freedom. While it had only lasted a few days at most before, this time I understood and it lasts to this day. Only 3 weeks into the bliss I met a girl through common friends. Also this time it was lighthearted joking with no agenda to get anything out of it, no expectations or dependence on outcome. In fact I had even gone so far that before I went out that night I reminded myself to make no effort at all trying to attract, just do what I find funny in any given moment. It got to a point where it was natural to make out, but I was hesitant, didn't want to ruin my flow. Nevertheless I made out with her, took her home and had an overall great time. Met her again, was still hesitant, but went along with it. She turned out to be great and still is great, it has been my girlfriend for 3 years now.

I had some success with the normal approaches, but getting myself into that effortless flow was crazy effective. Felt like I just had to exist to pull women from all directions, it still perplexes me how such a simple thing made such a massive difference.

 

[corrector]

Yes, killing absolutely all desperation. I spent a long time trying to find a girlfriend, shortly after I gave up and realigned my efforts to maximizing fun it just happened. So I'd say the correct mindset is the one that searches for the next fun thing to do and not the one searching for the next woman.

Before that final time I had experienced the effects temporarily, but at those times I wasn't really sure what the success factor was. Just sometimes when I least expected it women came at me from all directions and I didn't even try. It took some time and careful reflection upon those events to identify that it was the fact that I had no dependence on outcome that worked. That I can't pretend not to care, I have to really let it go.

The first time it happened was when I started breaking out of my shell. I started with OLD, met a girl and despite my extreme nervousness I ended up fvcking her. First pvssy for 5 years. She turned out pretty quickly to be a lying b!tch, so I ghosted her. Then it happened, I lost all desperation for a short while after that. A friend invited me to a party, I didn't know anyone else he had invited. I arrived not giving a sh!t how the night turned out, just lived in the moment. Some girls arrived, I briefly looked at the prettiest thinking jokingly "I just know I'll have her later" before thinking no further and continue talking to the guys. Later I sat down next to her, still not seriously trying to get her and started talking. Just asking who she knows, what she does, basic get to know stuff. I flirted without even consciously doing it, absolutely no effort at all. Things just flowed and eventually I did fvck her hard. But afterwards I lost my cool and didn't know what I did right, so I messed it up by desiring outcomes.

Second time it happened I had done some reflection since the first time, but had not yet perfected the art. I was invited to join my female cousin to a party with her friends, I was the only guy there most of the night. I tried doing some prep work, meditate and clear my mind of distracting desires and outcome dependence. It took some time and for the first hour I hardly said anything, didn't mind if I was as good as invisible to them. I succeeded in totally clearing my mind and get an acute awareness of the present moment. Then I just entered the flow and joined the conversations. A couple of them probably tried sh!t testing me, it didn't even register, I just joked around and amused myself. I paid again no mind to trying to attract, but for some reason the behavior resulting from my state of mind did just that. Two of the girls were competing like crazy for my attention, I made out with both of them. We all went out to a bar later, even random girls could notice my vibes just from looking at me walk past them. From my point of view I was simply just walking, but to them it was like they saw a unicorn or something as one random girl loudly told her friend "ooooh, look at that guy!".

I knew the state of mind I wanted to be in, but struggled to get there. Because getting there is counter intuitive as the more you want to get there, the further you are from it. The final time I was simply just burnt out trying to get women and trying to get that glorious, worry free state of mind. So I gave up and then the final piece to achieving this state of mind fell into place, giving up that focused effort was the essence of it. It's anti-worry, it's freedom. While it had only lasted a few days at most before, this time I understood and it lasts to this day. Only 3 weeks into the bliss I met a girl through common friends. Also this time it was lighthearted joking with no agenda to get anything out of it, no expectations or dependence on outcome. In fact I had even gone so far that before I went out that night I reminded myself to make no effort at all trying to attract, just do what I find funny in any given moment. It got to a point where it was natural to make out, but I was hesitant, didn't want to ruin my flow. Nevertheless I made out with her, took her home and had an overall great time. Met her again, was still hesitant, but went along with it. She turned out to be great and still is great, it has been my girlfriend for 3 years now.

I had some success with the normal approaches, but getting myself into that effortless flow was crazy effective. Felt like I just had to exist to pull women from all directions, it still perplexes me how such a simple thing made such a massive difference.

Thanks for your input to what is probably a weird thread. I'd say that you have quite a natural way of meeting girls, you meet them at parties, you have a female cousin that invited you to a party which had allot of other women and you went to a bar. I don't have any female cousins myself or any female member of the family that I'm in a good relationship with (we are all enemies), and the only social interaction I have with women are cashiers if I'm buying something and don't use the automated system to purchase. So, in the constructs of this world, it's really difficult to meet any new women or even have a pleasant social interaction. I wouldn't say that I have outcome dependence since I feel numbed out because of all the HD-internet content, large computer monitors, Tablets and TV technology I put in place since last year has lulled me from any motivation I previously had before. It's like you can mouse-click and your mind an go anywhere. While HD has been around for a while, and you have UHD right now, I only discovered this HD-thing last year. Don't know why I'm so fixated in watching content rather than talking to girls. I sort of feel like, if I'm not talking to them anyway (which usually is the case), it's better to watch something to kill time pressuring myself to try to talk to any girl anywhere in public.

 

[Serenity]

Thanks for your input to what is probably a weird thread.

Yeah, it is weird.

Anyways, I had some social connections which I could meet women through. But it's not a requirement to meet women. You really should limit your exposure to digital content, it's not healthy to spend most of your time in front of a screen. Go out instead, you don't even have to force yourself to talk to women. Start by just observing your surroundings, look at people, notice what they do and listen in on conversations. If you don't want to approach then don't and if you do want to approach then do it.

Going out even without trying anything is better than being a slave to technology.

 

[corrector]

Yeah, it is weird.

Anyways, I had some social connections which I could meet women through. But it's not a requirement to meet women. You really should limit your exposure to digital content, it's not healthy to spend most of your time in front of a screen. Go out instead, you don't even have to force yourself to talk to women. Start by just observing your surroundings, look at people, notice what they do and listen in on conversations. If you don't want to approach then don't and if you do want to approach then do it.

Going out even without trying anything is better than being a slave to technology.

I go out all the time. I have a Tablet where I watch stuff while I'm out, say, if I'm sitting at a table. The screen time (at home) is still severely limited because I have to steal time from where else more productive, but less so if I enter a dead pocket of time while I'm outside the home (i.e. waiting in line, sitting alone at a table waiting for my mom to finish shopping, at a store where my mom is buying clothes, etc....). There is no down time or relaxed time here. I have lots of Blu-Rays that I'm behind watching that have been renewed in the library because I have no time to watch anything. As for visiting a movie theater, that's a fantasy, too many things to do here to afford the time to do that.

You mis-understood my post. My heart may be more inclined to watching something on screen then it is to talking to women who most likely are taken anyway. Prior to the "digital" things, I would do exactly the same thing, except I would just have this hungry feeling, you look at people or listen into conversations, but you can't do anything about it. At least I can feel like I'm doing something out in public so I don't feel so much in space, even if you watch something on the smartphone or tablet.

You have real opportunities to meet women so you don't have that issue. I don't. Either I can go out looking lost and hungry eyed at any girl that's out there and make some half-attempt to try and connect with her which, over the past decade or so, I never managed to do properly, or just relax and watch something if I'm spending an extended time out. At least it might look like I'm occupied with something rather than thinking the whole time of how to approach someone or what to say, just to talk myself out of it again anyway.

 

[Serenity]

thinking the whole time of how to approach someone or what to say

That's the thing though, don't think about it. The more you think about it the harder it becomes to do it and much harder to succeed.