So , i've left the "dating" scene for quite long , i DO have lots of things to do , i have some tasks , but to be honest i just don't feel like doing successful as before in person. Online i can be SOMEONE and get options - because there is no real big rejection to the face issue. I don't know if there's a topic posted here for this or some video, but my questions are quite simple which in reality are hard for me to explain what to do , because of thoughs and overthink. So here i go:
1.I approach very rarely , for now my goal isn't to get to the very end , more to build up myself and not go down again easily like nothing. Terrible feeling of feeling leftout , but as a MAN and not a kid , i should take actions. Only problem is after the first sentence for meeting the person I really dont know where and how to lead the interaction
Should i try to re-learn fundamentals and write a list of everything i should know regardless of being successful or not picking up women , at least with the people i should have few 'tricks' and knowledge up my sleeve to go forward and not lose my potential at all.
I got looks sometimes and have very masculine looks that attract some women to me , but on the other hand i miss the CONFIDENCE and healthy Self esteem, which is main focus + social skills , even to advanced level to succeed in general with the people. Im sure thats the main reason to not get things right with most of the people+topics / hobbies / interests and know how to understood each other in the 2 directions of the interactions , not just one sided , like many people have these relations with others where one has the upper hand , and youre left hanging because more inexperienced. Second time i was with my ex , because i was full in oneitis , this is what happened , which i regret it to this day , but at least im at a better place now. Thankfully. I feel great now!
2.I have this DEEPLY rooted stupid ****s because of old rejections and my ex gf saying to me "IDK which woman would want someone like you" like cursing me , way before few weeks , i know they are vengeful but ****. Instead of wishing me to meet more and more girls and having the upper hand or something helpful (as she claimed she would help me with some girl if i date , but i doubt she wants me to be happy or successful after me) , so i SELF-Reject myself in the head before approaching the women. I can talk to them , but then what? What if i say or do some turn-off things and mistakes, what next? Let's say again after i meet some girl or women that is like my age , she would be dramatic and **** testing all the time. I'm very afraid of failing , mainly because i want to get back for my losses time after time with the ex , so i guess there's score to settle. At least for me , it's totally normal i THINK so?
How do i get to the sex and keeping few options EASY , how do i get rid of this anxiety and bull**** in my head i told myself?
Last week approached women , traveled , coulda closed the deal , i didn't because i didnt like her enough , but im sure she woulda had nothing against having it with me , the way she treated me i saw im just doubting myself and making scenarios for rejection for me , without really being a reality.
I can't live like this , it's terrible! Even for my new friends , because im introvert , im still with the old belief system and attitude. I'm changing some of the things , but still i use the last rejection of getting back together with my ex as a big fuel. I proved to myself i can approach new women , raise her interest and being a mystery to her , without failing. I made her laugh a little , i even have few online options , got back my ex girl best friend
3.How do i just take ACTION confidently without worrying and thinking so much? I still have shyness in me , even though i consider myself not a beginner , i had few girlfriends , but NO success or whatsoever bringing anyone back , my biggest achievement was with any ex we could win a friendship , but for more - i don't got the guts (or at least in my mind , as my friend says and doubts me every single time, the problem with this is the more they doubt me , the more i want to give up and not learn from mistakes , more likely to repeat old "simp" ways and behaviors) , i don't care about the comments for long , they are for a moment but nothing else. I move forward , but there is one new FIRE in me again , i feel it it's for achieving job success,turning people on my side,not being the old me , after all i have some experience with work and with women in general, its not very much but i feel like a rookie right now.
I dont know even if i succeed raising their interest what to talk about , how to be adaptable or do the very best things i can do - i dont know anymore at what im best at? No special skills , in the gym i could be a beast for a day , then the next days i could lose my motivation like snap of fingers. I feel my man character is weak or very easily affected by any stupid **** that isn't even worth to stress over. But im like that, i have "cool guy" some traits , but they are not all the time on show like with the naturals for example , i dont know how to put my attractive traits on show and put to sleep the bad ones , its the opposite (mind is playing with me , i have the desire to seduce and win , i know i can be the best) , but i'm not that much serious about the relationships or jobs. I have strong interest in the beginning and after not being 'accepted and given the alpha validation' some people get , i get turned off and feel like i'm not unique for the person , which makes me give up on my efforts being my best self. Strange kid behaviors and thinking , but true , how do i get rid of this?
4.Can i just "flip" from boy to man , like for very long time? Not stressing over the money even if they are low or not that much , not caring about what someone says or thinks about me , why am i so affected by those sometimes , do i need to go full alpha transformation and think whats alpha whats beta , or just go put myself out there and be again who i am , but with the big risk of rejection and old beta 'place' , which when i receive i'm not putting with it , sometimes i do which is a mistake , but as i say experience is not my biggest strenght , i dont have that many friends or mentors , like others and people do.
I think of this - can i be a "Natural in progress'''without having to think all the time of my every move and action like overthinking non-stop about the date , or the success or obsessing easily over some random girl. Same is with friends , i value them , and they value me , but the thing is i can't hang all the time everyday with everyone , because i don't want to be a stupid in a group , i aspire to be in a good position in the future. Changing my role , because my experience is not the same when i was a 14 or 16 year old let's say.
I know you would probably advice me to look at much the topics and articles , but i feel at this point im confused about raising my level of attraction building,conversation skills and making options/sustainable friendships which i must keep , im not sure how to do that , because after what happened this year i move so slowly towards new people and not trusting them at general.
So , SHORT version
I plan on investing with a coach , but idk if i should do that or go to a psychologist more and more and take notes, i should really learn friendship social skills basics and learn to not be shy/ so closed , even though i may be in new places , especially at the beginning. Some work places expect me to be a 'guy that is so good and perfect' but yet i am far from that. Im shy and introverted , but have an extrovert side, i gotta grow the balls of a real alpha male AGAIN , this time nothing or no one stopping me, easier said than done huh? So , more experienced members and don juans here , whats the plan now fellas? Idk if i'm missing something on my long post , but i think there may be different opinions and ideas , i want to hear from the people who had been through this **** and then they turned things around being better than before.
1.I approach very rarely , for now my goal isn't to get to the very end , more to build up myself and not go down again easily like nothing. Terrible feeling of feeling leftout , but as a MAN and not a kid , i should take actions. Only problem is after the first sentence for meeting the person I really dont know where and how to lead the interaction
Should i try to re-learn fundamentals and write a list of everything i should know regardless of being successful or not picking up women , at least with the people i should have few 'tricks' and knowledge up my sleeve to go forward and not lose my potential at all.
I got looks sometimes and have very masculine looks that attract some women to me , but on the other hand i miss the CONFIDENCE and healthy Self esteem, which is main focus + social skills , even to advanced level to succeed in general with the people. Im sure thats the main reason to not get things right with most of the people+topics / hobbies / interests and know how to understood each other in the 2 directions of the interactions , not just one sided , like many people have these relations with others where one has the upper hand , and youre left hanging because more inexperienced. Second time i was with my ex , because i was full in oneitis , this is what happened , which i regret it to this day , but at least im at a better place now. Thankfully. I feel great now!
2.I have this DEEPLY rooted stupid ****s because of old rejections and my ex gf saying to me "IDK which woman would want someone like you" like cursing me , way before few weeks , i know they are vengeful but ****. Instead of wishing me to meet more and more girls and having the upper hand or something helpful (as she claimed she would help me with some girl if i date , but i doubt she wants me to be happy or successful after me) , so i SELF-Reject myself in the head before approaching the women. I can talk to them , but then what? What if i say or do some turn-off things and mistakes, what next? Let's say again after i meet some girl or women that is like my age , she would be dramatic and **** testing all the time. I'm very afraid of failing , mainly because i want to get back for my losses time after time with the ex , so i guess there's score to settle. At least for me , it's totally normal i THINK so?
How do i get to the sex and keeping few options EASY , how do i get rid of this anxiety and bull**** in my head i told myself?
Last week approached women , traveled , coulda closed the deal , i didn't because i didnt like her enough , but im sure she woulda had nothing against having it with me , the way she treated me i saw im just doubting myself and making scenarios for rejection for me , without really being a reality.
I can't live like this , it's terrible! Even for my new friends , because im introvert , im still with the old belief system and attitude. I'm changing some of the things , but still i use the last rejection of getting back together with my ex as a big fuel. I proved to myself i can approach new women , raise her interest and being a mystery to her , without failing. I made her laugh a little , i even have few online options , got back my ex girl best friend
3.How do i just take ACTION confidently without worrying and thinking so much? I still have shyness in me , even though i consider myself not a beginner , i had few girlfriends , but NO success or whatsoever bringing anyone back , my biggest achievement was with any ex we could win a friendship , but for more - i don't got the guts (or at least in my mind , as my friend says and doubts me every single time, the problem with this is the more they doubt me , the more i want to give up and not learn from mistakes , more likely to repeat old "simp" ways and behaviors) , i don't care about the comments for long , they are for a moment but nothing else. I move forward , but there is one new FIRE in me again , i feel it it's for achieving job success,turning people on my side,not being the old me , after all i have some experience with work and with women in general, its not very much but i feel like a rookie right now.
I dont know even if i succeed raising their interest what to talk about , how to be adaptable or do the very best things i can do - i dont know anymore at what im best at? No special skills , in the gym i could be a beast for a day , then the next days i could lose my motivation like snap of fingers. I feel my man character is weak or very easily affected by any stupid **** that isn't even worth to stress over. But im like that, i have "cool guy" some traits , but they are not all the time on show like with the naturals for example , i dont know how to put my attractive traits on show and put to sleep the bad ones , its the opposite (mind is playing with me , i have the desire to seduce and win , i know i can be the best) , but i'm not that much serious about the relationships or jobs. I have strong interest in the beginning and after not being 'accepted and given the alpha validation' some people get , i get turned off and feel like i'm not unique for the person , which makes me give up on my efforts being my best self. Strange kid behaviors and thinking , but true , how do i get rid of this?
4.Can i just "flip" from boy to man , like for very long time? Not stressing over the money even if they are low or not that much , not caring about what someone says or thinks about me , why am i so affected by those sometimes , do i need to go full alpha transformation and think whats alpha whats beta , or just go put myself out there and be again who i am , but with the big risk of rejection and old beta 'place' , which when i receive i'm not putting with it , sometimes i do which is a mistake , but as i say experience is not my biggest strenght , i dont have that many friends or mentors , like others and people do.
I think of this - can i be a "Natural in progress'''without having to think all the time of my every move and action like overthinking non-stop about the date , or the success or obsessing easily over some random girl. Same is with friends , i value them , and they value me , but the thing is i can't hang all the time everyday with everyone , because i don't want to be a stupid in a group , i aspire to be in a good position in the future. Changing my role , because my experience is not the same when i was a 14 or 16 year old let's say.
I know you would probably advice me to look at much the topics and articles , but i feel at this point im confused about raising my level of attraction building,conversation skills and making options/sustainable friendships which i must keep , im not sure how to do that , because after what happened this year i move so slowly towards new people and not trusting them at general.
So , SHORT version
I plan on investing with a coach , but idk if i should do that or go to a psychologist more and more and take notes, i should really learn friendship social skills basics and learn to not be shy/ so closed , even though i may be in new places , especially at the beginning. Some work places expect me to be a 'guy that is so good and perfect' but yet i am far from that. Im shy and introverted , but have an extrovert side, i gotta grow the balls of a real alpha male AGAIN , this time nothing or no one stopping me, easier said than done huh? So , more experienced members and don juans here , whats the plan now fellas? Idk if i'm missing something on my long post , but i think there may be different opinions and ideas , i want to hear from the people who had been through this **** and then they turned things around being better than before.
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