Sufferings of a spineless coward...

[Skating Penguin]

I know this is probably nothing new, but maybe some might like this... I think it applies very well to the search of a girlfriend that many people are struggling with.

So, here are two interesting short stories. The first one is the "The Legend of the Great Treasure Box" and the second one is "The Path to Real Happiness."

Both convey more or less the same philosophy. Sorry if they are a bit long.
The bottom line is, if you want to be successful with girls, you have to try. If it is painful, if you are embarassed, you must find it within you to fight through those setbacks. The strength to battle through the pain is one that all of us have, without exception. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to find it and use it until it is too late. Do not make that mistake. Know that the ressources are inside of you and if you really want something, no matter how far off it seems, you can get it. But no one will give it to you. You have to take it yourself and only you can look within yourself and find your own strength and let it shine bright enough to push the pain away.
Many never do it. They wallow in self pity and wish that everything would be easy. Instead of acting, they hide away in a corner and cry. They are the ones who will not get anywhere.

If you don't act while you can, you will regret it later. Never forget this, for it is when we are old that we regret the time we wasted when we were young.

So stand up and get ready to fight. Take a deep breath and understand that you will only be able to walk through the path of life once. There is no "test ride." You have only one chance at life and you are the one who chooses what to do with it.

The life of every human being is made out of a series of decisions that eventually shape the destiny of our souls. Life, unfortunately, is very short. Only when it is too late do we realize that we have wasted our time and have not been able fulfill our potential.

The Legend of the Great treasure Box
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Long ago, there was once a legend about a great treasure box, which granted immense happiness to whoever opened it. Somewhere in a valley of darkness, that treasure box was hidden behind the rocks in the middle of dozens of other treasure boxes.

Hearing of the great legend, four men have traveled to that valley through the years to find the magical treasure box.

The first man walks in the valley and sees a treasure box. He opens it and realizes that the iron edge is extremely sharp and hot. Still, he is not bothered by it because his hands are made of stone and they cannot burn or be cut. However, the treasure box is empty. Looking further through the valley, the man opens many other useless treasure boxes and eventually finds the right one: a small, inoffensive-looking treasure box behind a rock. Realizing that the legend is true, he finds a happiness that he would never have dreamed possible.

The second man finds the valley many years later. Hearing of the legend and of the man who found great happiness, he is eager of finding the treasure box. Looking through the valley, he stumbles upon a small treasure box near a ledge. He tries to open it, but realizes it is extremely hot. He doesn’t have the stone hands of the first man and thus feels tremendous pain by touching the treasure box. Still, he is a warrior—a man with tremendous courage. Thus, he puts his hands on the treasure box again. Grimacing in pain, he manages to open it. To his great deception, he realizes the box is empty. He punches the ground in frustration and curses loudly. His hands still sore from the burns, he dips them in cold water. His face twists in pain, but he grits his teeth and takes a deep breath.
Not willing to give up, he fearlessly searches the valley and finds a second treasure box, which he once again manages to open through the great pain. Once again, a deception—however, he realizes that his hands have become stronger and that the pain is not as bad as the first time. His heart filled with courage, he keeps searching and eventually finds a small treasure box behind a rock. It was the one. Closing his eyes, pure bliss invades his soul as he relishes the beautiful destiny that he has been able to create for himself.

The third man walks in the valley after a long search. Determined, he is eager to find the happiness that the legendary treasure box grants those who open it. His heart beating with anticipation, he has a hard time controlling his breath from the excitement. Finding a treasure box after scouting the area, he is convinced that his life will not be changed forever. Putting his hands on the cover, however, he feels a pain he had never fathomed before. Yelling in agony, he looked at his bleeding hands. Yet, he doesn’t give up and places his hands around the cover again and pulls with all his strength. Blood is gushing from his palms at a horrifying rate, but he just keeps pulling. As the cover finally comes off, to his great deception he realizes that the box is empty. The pain in his hands from the burns and cuts is unbearable and won’t go away. Walking around the valley, his head down, he holds his hands to his stomach in pain.
Defeated, he decides to leave the valley. As he is walking out, however, he sees a small treasure box behind a rock. Shaking his head, looking at his hands, he takes a deep breath and tries to open it. His heart skips a beat as he puts his hands on the cover, realizing the pain is even worse than last time. He tries to hold on, but falls back. He kicks the floor, shakes his head and walks away. It was useless anyway—the pain was too hard to take. Ultimate happiness seemed like such a faraway dream, such an unreachable fiction. Was it really necessary? If he simply leaves the place, he won’t have to hurt his hands again. And so he does, and never turns back. Oh, little did he know that the treasure box he had almost opened but quit before being able to was actually the legendary one! Unfortunately, now he will never know what the legendary happiness was like.

The fourth man travels to the valley with his car. Dreaming of the great happiness of legend, he makes his way down and stares at the treasure boxes scattered around. “This is going to be a piece of cake,” he tells himself. “All I’ve got to do is open them all until I find the right one.”
He walks to the largest and most beautiful of treasure boxes. Made with the most beautiful of precious stones and surrounded by shining gold, the mere sight of it made him daydream. Kneeling on front of the box, he puts his hands on the cover to open it. Big surprise. He steps back and yells in pain. Crouching, he moaned in pain for the rest of the day. Squirming and crying, he wonders why the heck the boxes had to be that hot. It was unfair. Why couldn’t the legendary box of happiness just stand there without making the people who wanted to open it suffer through such pain?
Looking around him and realizing how many boxes there were, he realized that it was useless. There was no way he could possibly succeed if he had to suffer that much for it. He did not have the strength to take the pain and thus it was a battle lost in advance for him. His head down, he walked away and never came back.

 

[Skating Penguin]

The Path to Real Happiness
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The road of life is one that must be walked by every human being. That road is made of a vast array of different paths that each must take.

Faced with the choice of which path they should chose, everyone takes the one that most suits their needs according to what they believe lies at the end of the path and what obstacles they will have to face through it. Some paths are mere traps, filled with the most painful of obstacles and leading straight to nowhere. Many paths, however, are very easy and do not contain any traps. They are straight, without any confusing turns, and are comfortable. At the end of those paths, however, unmistakably lies a deep abyss of never-ending despair and pain.
But then, there are the other paths. Made with the toughest and most dangerous of obstacles, those however lead to the legendary light of happiness. Struggling through the path of happiness, falling in the traps one after the other, a particular man looks at the horizon and realizes that he would never make it to the end. With a bended back, he let himself fall back to square one and decides to walk on the easiest of paths. He is amazed at how comfortable it is. He does not feel pain anymore and is not at risk of falling into traps. It is so different from the other path, so much more comforting. He does not have to watch his steps anymore because he knows that there is nothing dangerous on the ground. He doesn’t even have to make the effort of walking because he knows that the wind can just push him forward if he sits down quietly. So beautiful indeed...
Time passes and he keeps walking through the easy path, knowing that he would never be able to walk on any other.
However, as he approaches the end, he realizes his mistake. The abyss of torment and agony awaits him and there is no escape. Shaking his head, he realizes that he has wasted his life. Not willing to go through the pain, he has taken the easy, painless route and now he had nothing to show for it. Looking over on the other side, he sees those who have, reached the end of the other path and are blessed by the light of happiness. They are the brave ones, the courageous ones.
“No way,” he tells himself. He cannot give up. He has to change. He has to cross to the other side.
Sitting on the floor, letting the wind push him towards the abyss, he keeps convincing himself that he will cross, that he will go back and walk through the hard path. But then, he remembers how painful it was, how hard it was to constantly fall into traps. So he waits.
Eventually, he finds himself on the border of the abyss. He has reached the end of the path. His heart is beating heavily and he yells at the top of his lungs, begging for a second chance. Frowning, he beings trying to walk through a shortcut to the other side. He was going to take the hard path again.
Unfortunately for him, his legs have lost their strength.
“I am ready to take the pain! I am ready to go through the hard path! Please, legs, listen to me, get me there!”
But, nothing. He has been sitting on the floor for too long, and now his legs are no longer able to even walk to the other side.
“No, I don’t want this! No! I am willing to suffer! I am willing to take the pain!” he yells again, defying destiny. He stands up and puts one feet in front of the other, but then falls on his knees. Resigned, he realizes that there is nothing to be done. His legs are too weak. If he had tried just a short while ago, he would have been able to make it back to the difficult path. But he had waited to long.
And then, he fell into the abyss. The light of happiness remained but a far off dream...

 

[Rob12345]

I liked it very much. Got the message loud and clear :woo:

 

[Visceral]

RANTING

This forum gets more depressing every time I come here ... as if I needed more proof of how pathetic I am.

No offense to anyone, but negative, nihilistic posts like this make DJ-ing, masculinity, even life itself, sound like something out of WWI, slogging through the mud getting shot at by people who hate you for it. If life as a real man has nothing more going for it, then it's no mystery to me why real men are disappearing.

Is there no pleasure to be had from the battle itself ... regardless of whether or not you win? Is the path full of obstacles and traps only worth your while when you've reached the top?

I've read enough to believe that pain and struggle are supposed to be beautiful and life-affirming (and therefore immensely pleasurable) things - not some chore that we have to muddle through to get what we want.

So why are they not? Why do the pessimists always seem to be right – that pain, struggle, and defeat SUCK? Where is the pleasure – the ego boost – that should result simply from having done – from having lived – instead of not?

To those guys for whom even defeat is a victory – a testosterone and adrenaline-soaked moment of Life – where can I get some of that for myself?

 

[Skating Penguin]

I know what you mean Visceral, but in any case this topic is really aimed at those who are too scared to act (hence "sufferings of a spineless coward"). Of course DJ'ing should be fun, but there are guys who are afraid of even talking to girls and feel like they're swimming in a lake of boiling lava every time they're trying to approach them.
This topic is simply supposed to mean that one often needs to be ready to suffer to achieve success (and it's of course not limited to relationships). Some guys go through their entire lives being afraid of girls. They get rejected once and they never try anything again--or worse, they don't even ask one out in the first place simply in fear of getting hurt by rejection or embarassment.
Then, one day after the years pass they look back just wish that they would have been able to go over the pain (because shyness is pain in a way) when they had the chance.

 

[Visceral]

I know exactly what you mean as well, for I am the suffering spineless coward you speak of.

You say that I need to be ready to suffer for what I want, and I agree. You say that avoiding pain in the present leads to pain in the future, and I agree.

However ... if I suffer no matter what I do, then what is there to recommend one course of action over another? If I suffer no matter what I do, then what is there to motivate me? If I suffer no matter what I do, then why burden myself with effort?

There has to be something in all this that can start and keep me - or anyone else - going better than blind hope for an uncertain future reward.

Thus the idea, of which I'm certain is true, that I should be able to derive an immediate sense of power and achievement - the ego boost - that makes action desirable no matter what happens.

 

[Skating Penguin]

Originally posted by Visceral
However ... if I suffer no matter what I do, then what is there to recommend one course of action over another? If I suffer no matter what I do, then what is there to motivate me? If I suffer no matter what I do, then why burden myself with effort?

The coward knows that he must take the pain and overcome it to reach his goals, yet he is not capable of it and gives up. It is a vicious cycle, one that is very difficult to get out of.

In the end, the strength to go on has to come from within yourself. Being aware of the bleak future that lies ahead if you do not take action and understanding that the pain you feel at this very moment is but a momentary setback will pave the way to finding that strength.

Ever heard of the sentence "you reap what you sow"? The shyness you are feeling right now, the embarassment, the fear of rejection, the pain ... all of those are obstacles to the future you are aiming for. Overcoming those hardships only has to be done once, but it has to be done.

Going over to talk to that hot chick sitting across the table in the bar can be very challenging, and being rejected can be mortally destructive. If it is something that is particularly painful to you, you have to choose between being the one who keeps opening the treasure boxes with a grimace on his face and blood on his hands or the one who quits after opening the first one because it was too painful and he didn't get anything out of it.

It is a choice that you have to make.

What is a choice?

A choice is when you take two or more possible options and weight the good and the bad from each one of them and pick the one that has the most good and less bad.

So, when the coward thinks of whether he should keep struggling to open the treasure boxes:

Good:
- The legendary happiness

Bad:
- Many treasure boxes have to be opened before happiness can be found
- Opening them is terribly painful

By thinking that the legendary happiness hiding in some treasure box is a "distant" dream, almost a fantasy, the coward gives the bad more strength. And as the bad outweights the good, his natural reaction is to go with the other choice, thus quitting.

So, how can he keep going until he finds what he is looking for? Somehow, the "good" has to outweight the bad. The more the coward wants the happiness, the stronger the good becomes. The more the coward understands that the pain is only temporary and that if he faces it now it won't bother him in the future, the weaker the bad becomes. This is called "courage."

When the good outweights the bad, the natural human reaction is to act in consequence. Thus, the person who keeps opening the treasure boxes until he finds the right one.

This process happens almost unconsciously in human behavior. Everything you do in your life is taking decisions, and every time you are unknowingly making a very detailed analysis of the good and the bad each one brings you. Objective and subjective factors are of course taken into context. When you force yourself to take a hard choice, you are increasing your craving for a particular end and building up your resistence, thus making the "good" of that particular choice outweight the "bad."

This is what you have to do, and the strength to do it (in fact, the strength to strike the bad down as low as possible to make your inner balance go in favor of the good) is something that exists deep within you and that you are the only one who can awaken.

If the fear of rejection and the embarassment caused by your shyness around girls are strong enough, it is perfectly normal that you would opt to stay sitting on your bench rather than go talk to the hot chick. But by understanding that in fact this is only practice and that if the girl rejects you there are millions of others out there, you make the "good" of the option rise. By gritting your teeth and willing to face the pain, you lower the "bad" of the option. When this reach a certain level, you will find yourself talking with the girl before you know it.

If you are convinced that the girl will reject you, you are giving the "good" of the choice of talking to her a great blow, thus making it fall way below the bad which makes you stay right where you are and look away.
If you do not care about being rejected and just see the whole process of talking to the girl and getting her number as "practice," you lower your perception of the bad consequences of the choice. Of course, by itself this is not always enough, but it is one of the little things that can make the balance go one way rather than the other.

This website is filled with all types of wonderful advice for raising the "good" and lowering the "bad" of this dreaded choice you must make. Why should you keep going? Why should you continue suffering? It depends on how strong the "good" and the "bad" are. Reading the articles on this website and the various info it contains for many ways that will make the "good" stronger and the "bad" weaker.

Why did the first man open all the treasure boxes without problem? Because, having stone hands, the heat didn't bother him. This, the "bad" of the decision was very weak. Not having stone hands, you must compensate for this by finding other ways to weaken the bad and strengthen the good.

In short, it's all in your head. You must stay focused and never lose sight of your goal. The setbacks, such as fear or shyness, are temporary enemies that you must overcome along your way. Whether or not to fight them to reach the end of the road is up to you. Wether or not to stand up and keep fighting after being defeated by fear or shyness is up to you. It is your "choice."

What do you want? Staying comfortable in the easy path or fighting through the hard path to reach the light at the end? It is your choice and your choice alone.