Suddenly ignored...

[JLW]

Hey guys,

been dating this cute French chick. We'll call her Frenchie

Basically, we've been on about 4 or 5 dates. Had sex on the 3rd date. Everything's going pretty well. I like her, she likes me. Blah blah blah.

I went over to Frenchie's desk on Thursday to ask her to hang out at some point during the weekend.

When I came over there she was really busy and talking to some group members about a project for school (I go to a university). I asked her a couple questions about her project. She was polite, but I could tell she was busy so after about 30 seconds I basically said, "Okay well see you later". I didn't ask her to hang out because the conversation never really got that far.

No big deal, she was really busy with a lot of homework with a super tight deadline.

About 6 hours later I went to talk to her at her desk again. I said hello but she was more or less ignoring me because it looked like she was frantically working. I walked away and sent her a text saying, "I'll talk with you at a less hectic time." She did not respond to this.

The next day (Friday) at around midnight I text Frenchie again saying, "Hey, are you awake?"

No response from Frenchie. This seems reasonable since it was late and she was awake literally all night the night before working on that project to get it finished.


Now it's Saturday, around 12 noon. Still no response from her.

I'm thinking it could be one of 4 things:

1. She simply met someone else. Between Sunday morning and Thursday when she started ignoring me. This seems unlikely.

2. I couldn't get her to orgasm. Whenever we would have sex, we would go for a solid hour. After a while I just kind of gave up on it. I did not make an issue of this and made no mention of it. She didn't either. I only busted ONCE because I was just way too tired to keep going, trying to wait for her to get off. Despite this, it was still a lot of fun and she never verbalized anything negative about this. She was always really enthusiastic and we'd go for several hours every night. This is possible...but she never ever seemed upset by it.

3. I was REALLY FVCKIN DRUNK on Friday of last week. I was talking to my friend about how I boned this crazy asian chick with huge fake tits (not the French girl that I'm talking about here, this is another plate), and just having REALLY vulgar discussions in general about females (including Frenchie). I normally NEVER do this but given my extremely inebriated state, my inhibitions were lowered, thus making me a complete and total obnoxious jackass. It's very possible that one of the Frenchie's friends overheard this talk and told her that I boned the asian chick, or that I was talking about what a freak Frenchie is (which she is). Frenchie's good friend was at the party. This is actually a possibility. But at the same time a bit surprising. I could understand Frenchie being really mad but it's not like she's my girlfriend. While I certainly would NOT want to hear about how she boned some dude with a huge 10" ****, there really wouldn't be anything I would really be able to do about it since we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. Plus the party was huge and I'd be surprised if Frenchie's friend heard this.

4. She really is genuinely busy. I feel like this is by far the least likely of the four possibilities. It takes 3 seconds to respond to a text message. No matter how busy she is the least she could do is respond to me.



Quick summary:

*Went by her desk twice on Thursday to ask her to hang out but she was busy and preoccupied with other things. So I didn't ask her to hang.
*Texted her Friday around midnight to ask if she was awake. No response.
*It's now Saturday and I am wondering what I should do....
*Should I try and contact her again or ignore her? What should I do next? What the heck happened? Everything SEEMED to be going well (obviously that's not the case.)

 

[f283000]

Reading your post she sounds like the man in this relationship rather than you.

What I mean by that is that she sounds like the one that has a life not you. She's busy with projects, she's busy working with people, working on stuff while you are chasing her around coming to bug her every 6 hours at her desk hoping to get a piece of her time. You are making her time seem more valuable than it is.

Women don't like it when you bug them while they're working on something important that's #1. If they are working on a project with a tight deadline and you show up acting like you're ready to party that's not gonna sit well with them. It's like going to a funeral dressed in shorts and acting like you're at a party.

You shouldn't have sent her that txt. You should have just walked away and forgotten about it. no need to make it seem like she is anything special or that she is doing anything too special for her to give you some attention for a bit and turn it away from what she's doing. You lowered your value with that text.

#2 is you going back 6 hours later to bug her again. I mean can't you go on 6 hours without talking to a woman? Who's the man here you or her?

#3 is that text you sent her at midnight. What was the purpose for that? Why ask a woman something like "are you awake" like if you're asking for their permission to talk to them/wondering if you should. Just do what you want and text her whatever you want to text her.

UPDATE:
Frankly I don't like you going up to her when she was with her group when you don't even know if you're wanted. For example imagine if she is out shopping with her parents and you happen to be at that same mall and you go up to her and her parents trying to ask her out for the weekend. She might not necessarily want to talk to you at that time she is there to shop with her parents and spend time with them. In your case she was working on a project with some classmates.

You have to know when you are not wanted and when you have to keep yourself out of people's space. She's already giving you sex why do you need to go to her freakin class group and interrupt her there? You leave her to do her school thing and you get what you want from her when you're alone with her on your bed it's that simple.

 

[JLW]

You are 100% right.

So you didn't explicitly state what I should do next.

But it seems like I should basically just concentrate on doing my own thing and if she contacts me, then great. If not, then whatever. Would you agree?

f28300, the reason why I went up to her desk is because she invited me to do so whenever I wanted (she said it in those exact words). She always tells me how i "never visit her desk to talk" and I tell her basically that when I'm at school I'm busy and don't really have time. So I figured visiting her desk would be a welcomed thing. It's the easiest place to reach her and I like to ask her out in person. You'll also notice that as soon as I realized that she was busy I left. The first time, I talked to her for about 30 seconds. The second time, I walked up to her desk, saw that she was busy, and immediately left.

You are right though, even though she gave me the invite to come to her desk whenever I wanted, I think it would be best for me to just call her to hang out next time, in order to avoid these kinds of situations.

 

[FreD_BeaR]

Everything f283000 said is good advice. Why send useless texts? Think of it this way, are those texts going to gain you interest in any way? I know you just want to talk to her, but why not wait to do it at a better time? Texting like this can be seen as weak behaviour and potentially bothersome.

It sounds like you should back off a little bit. Who knows for sure why shes acting the way she is, all you can do is continue to live your life. Wait a few days, if she dosn't contact you, you can give her a call. But it sounds like she is really busy and maybe is worried that youre pushing things too fast. Ya know its really hard to know why exactly, but trying to figure it out can make you crazy. Just take a step back, ride it out.

 

[JLW]

Thanks guys. You really helped me put my head on straight with this whole thing. You are right.

I knew that this was what I needed to do, but sometimes your emotions cloud your judgement. I am glad that I was able to get some good advice.

 

[blueline]

Just ****ing ignore her, dude. Wait for her to initiate contact with you.

 

[teacha]

I couldn't get her to orgasm. Whenever we would have sex, we would go for a solid hour. After a while I just kind of gave up on it. I did not make an issue of this and made no mention of it. She didn't either. I only busted ONCE because I was just way too tired to keep going, trying to wait for her to get off. Despite this, it was still a lot of fun and she never verbalized anything negative about this. She was always really enthusiastic and we'd go for several hours every night. This is possible...but she never ever seemed upset by it.

^^^^^This.

If you can't satisfy her, someone else will.

 

[JLW]

^^^^^This.

If you can't satisfy her, someone else will.

Hey teacha,

Very possible and/or likely.

The thing is that i really fvcked the sh1t out of her. We're talking 30-40 minutes of foreplay/going down on her, 30-45+ minutes of banging, and then resting and doing it all over again. Three our four times in one night. I can last as long as I want, and I am very aggressive and forceful in bed. Never had this sort of problem before.

But I guess it doesn't really amount to anything if she doesnt get off. That could definitely be it. Had sex with her 3 nights in a row and none of the times worked. So maybe that did it for her. I guess I would be pretty frustrated too...

It's too bad too, because I was going to try a completely different approach to the whole s3x thing the next time we hung out. I was really bugging out about the whole thing so I looked up some "how to go down on a girl" videos online that I bet would have done the trick. I know, kind of lame on my part, but I was really getting concerned about the whole thing. However, I never mentioned or acted like anything was "wrong" with this.

I'll keep you guys updated. But for now I will not be initiating any contact with this girl.

 

[blueline]

Girls will act like nothing is wrong, but as soon as they meet a guy who can get it done, then it's over for you. She might even tell her friends you're good in bed, but you'll know she's full of **** unless she's getting off. I think it really should be you getting her off, too.

With my ex, the only way she could get off was if she rubbed her **** against the base of my ****, and personally, that doesn't count as getting her off. of course, this girl would never let me do any foreplay or finger her, soooo...

 

[MagickMan]

Hey teacha,

Very possible and/or likely.

The thing is that i really fvcked the sh1t out of her. We're talking 30-40 minutes of foreplay/going down on her, 30-45+ minutes of banging, and then resting and doing it all over again. Three our four times in one night. I can last as long as I want, and I am very aggressive and forceful in bed. Never had this sort of problem before.

But I guess it doesn't really amount to anything if she doesnt get off. That could definitely be it. Had sex with her 3 nights in a row and none of the times worked. So maybe that did it for her. I guess I would be pretty frustrated too...

It's too bad too, because I was going to try a completely different approach to the whole s3x thing the next time we hung out. I was really bugging out about the whole thing so I looked up some "how to go down on a girl" videos online that I bet would have done the trick. I know, kind of lame on my part, but I was really getting concerned about the whole thing. However, I never mentioned or acted like anything was "wrong" with this.

I'll keep you guys updated. But for now I will not be initiating any contact with this girl.

Maybe she couldn't orgasm with all the stress of the tight deadlines running through her mind. According to my psychology class, women find it hard to orgasm during times of high stress. She is pre-occupied, you picked the wrong time to bone her.

 

[JLW]

Yeah. I mean, i always THOUGHT i was pretty decent in bed. But apparently not for this girl.

I tried EVERYTHING too. I tried super long fast strokes, shallow short strokes, super deep undulating strokes, and everything in between, in every imaginable position.

I tried cl1t stimulation, I tried going down on her with different pressures and tongue shapes (the whole darting technique versus kind of keeping your tongue relaxed) with different strokes and everything. NOTHING worked.

It's funny, cuz now that I think of it, when we were having s3x I would sometimes ask her "Do you like it when I do it this way [and i'd do sexual technique X], or do you like it this way better? [and then i'd do sexual technique Y]" And she would just kind of avoid the question. Obviously I would ask the question a lot more sexy than that, of course.


The more I think about it, the more I am thinking that this was probably what did it.

And MagickMan, that is possible, but I don't know...she never really seemed THAT stressed about all the work. I think I just would need one more chance to try it out. Who knows, maybe she's one of those girls who has never had an orgasm before? Unlikely, but you never know...

 

[MagickMan]

What you need to do is wait it out, cut off all communication for about a week or so. See if she responds.

 

[jophil28]

Let me tell you something about women and how they think and feel after the "first time" with a new guy.

Firstly, as a general observation, women's IL is highest when she is in doubt about you and your intentions . When her anxiety and uncertainty are at their peak is when she is most drawn to you.
Women love that 'churning in the stomach' feeling- they associate it with falling in love- and that very same anguish in their gut is what they call "chemistry" .

Ok, so imagine that you have gamed a new woman for a few weeks over several dates. You have done it by the book. ****y funny, teasing, and so on as you skillfully build sexual tension and 'dial her up' to the stage of eagerness .. She is ready ! And then the moment and the opportunity presents itself and you do your manly duty. You and she spend a few hours exploring each other and you finally make her groan and shudder.
All that accumulated tension is finally released in both of you.

But what now ? She, as a woman, has a need to agonize,and agony needs uncertainty, fear, tension and anxiety..
That is why woman frequently ask a new guy after sex ,"When am I going to see you again?" She now is worried that you may be a 'hit and runner' and she is also unsure that dropping her slvt shield was a good idea or not.
You have entered stage#2, and you need to keep the anxiety HIGH at this stage to build a new kind of 'gut churning' in her by allowing her imagination to drive her feelings.

Somehow I don't think that visiting her desk twice in one day and chasing her by text accomplishes that.

 

[JLW]

UPDATE

So quick recap of what happened previously.

last Thursday (not this most recent one, the thursday of last week) i went to Frenchie's desk twice. she was busy both times with school. She had a ridiculous mid-term to present on Wednesday and she basically didn't sleep most of the weekend.

texted her friday. no response.

She finally got back to me Monday.

She texted me Monday, "Hey, just got your text. Are you at school?"

I didn't respond.

She texted me again on Tuesday: "Hey?"

I texted her back, "Extremely busy. Lots of deadlines and unforeseen circumstances. We'll talk later."

I basically had a bunch of work to do, and my instructor told me to have a finished presentation for a client by Thursday (we're doing a sponsored project) with very short notice. Truth be told, I COULD have taken an hour out of my day, or at least a few minutes out to talk to her, but since she totally ignored me all weekend I saw no reason to give her that luxury.


So once my presentation was finished on Thursday evening, I call her up.

Here's the basic conversation:



Me: Hey! Long time no see!

Her: I know! You might as well be a perfect stranger. haha.

Me: Yeah...about that. We should go out this weekend. Are you busy tomorrow [Friday]?

Her: I can't do Friday. It's my roommates birthday party. How about Saturday?

Me: Oh, damn. That's too bad. Actually, Saturday is MY birthday party. So I can't really do Saturday...What about Sunday?

(NOTE: I don't want to invite her to my birthday because #1, she doesn't know most of the people who are going there so she probably wouldn't have fun, and #2, there's another girl there who I might be interested in hooking up with.)

Her: Eh....I don't know. It's actually my friend's birthday party that day too. (WHO HAS A PARTY ON A SUNDAY? I almost feel like i misheard her. Important to note that my phone was getting ****ty service.)

Me: Okay well how about Sunday during the day? Do you have time?

Her: I think so....I have no idea how I'm going to get my homework done with all the parties this weekend. But I think I can make time.

Me: Okay, well I have no idea what to do on Sunday afternoon....I'll get in touch with you later when I think of something to do. (I KNOW, I KNOW, men are supposed to lead but I really didn't expect that I'd be making date plans on Sunday during the day. This was a big mistake)

Her: Well how about you just stop by my desk Friday and we can make some plans?

Me: Okay. I'll stop by your desk around 11:30 after class. That work?

Her: Yeah that works. We'll talk then.

**END**

So we'll see what happens.

 

[joe henny]

sigh* I didn't read your whole post just the beginning but it sounds like you caught feelings. To her the sex was probably nothing more then sex bu tot you it probably meant the world. Scratch that I know it meant the world other wise you wouldn't be posting about her. Get over her bro

 

[JLW]

sigh* I didn't read your whole post just the beginning but it sounds like you caught feelings. To her the sex was probably nothing more then sex bu tot you it probably meant the world. Scratch that I know it meant the world other wise you wouldn't be posting about her. Get over her bro

You should probably read the whole thing then. Or at least the whole thing of the most recent post.

 

[terran2k]

I think she'll cancel for Sunday. but i hope she doesnt.

 

[joe henny]

You should probably read the whole thing then. Or at least the whole thing of the most recent post.

Okay I read it, 1 piece of advice.


STOP OBSESSING OVER THIS *****!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get off her bumper the world is not going to end if you don't hang out with her within the next few days. Go out in the world and find a few more plates to spin.

 

[Falcon25]

She has someone else. Always did.