Sudden long-lasting feeling of insecurity ??

[European-DJ]

Fellow DJs,

For the past five to six months I have been experiencing a profound sense of insecurity. The insecurity is revolving around everything from my looks and heights (5’10) to my career aspirations and academic performance. However, there is no rational explanation for these feelings of insecurity, as these have never bothered me before. I am objectively doing well both career-wise and academically. With the girls, I am doing significantly worse than I did two years ago, but this is directly correlated to a lack of effort (focus) on them. Whenever I have gone to the clubs over the past couple of months, I have managed to either pull some pretty girl or at least get a few numbers; so it is not as if I am running around in a state of involuntary celibacy.

I think the whole insecurity issue is a direct result of a girl leading me on for a couple of months; a girl that I judged based on her words rather than action (I know, a rookie mistake). The girl at the end proved, through her actions, that she was not that into me after all. However, I would be surprised if all of these insecurities were fostered in this single incident.


As such, I was interested in hearing whether any of you guys have had similar experiences with a sudden development of profound insecurity? If so, could you share some insights on how it developed and what you did to overcome it?


Highly appreciated,
/ European

 

[Who Dares Win]

You are in your early 30s, thats when you subconsciously evaluate your life as a young man approaching to the end.

Thats why its a 360 degrees process that involves relationships, work and finances.

Its the moment when even if you are in great shape, your hair are no longer as before and some wrinkles starts to appear, nothing serious but it shows you're no longer a kid.

Im in your same boat, dont really wanna think about your 40s, thats when you better have your sh1t togheter.

 

[ohrein]

I think it's natural do go through phases like that. I'm trying to build a company and feelings of insecurity pop up all the time, and for good reason. As long as you have clear goals and are moving forward, you can quickly silence them. Most successful people fail upward so expect failure and use it to learn. Just remind yourself you are moving forward if you get those thoughts.

 

[Billtx49]

In the course of life you will have realizations that you don’t know everything you need to know on some issues. It causes insecurity. The only way through it is learning via self education and reading up on personally identified problems as they arise.
Confidence is a result of enacted knowledge.

 

[skinnyguy]

- Height doesn’t matter
- you’re doing much better than most guys are in game

My suggestion is to travel more, read more, and think of all the good things that are going on in your life. I don’t get many hot women. But I have a good career, good health, a nice car, and I can do whatever I want cause I have complete freedom

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Just sounds like a temporary lack of confidence to me. Sounds like you want to focus on girls/fun but work is getting in the way, and one recent setback with that chick has knocked you a bit.

If you feel bad about your height, 5'10" isn't "short". It's average European height IIRC. And height doesn't count for an awful lot when it comes to being "manly" or strong, or even attracting girls.

As I said in someone else's height thread, some really great heavyweight boxers were 5'10" (I'm thinking Frazier in particular) and they could take on huge, very tall men. All these guys saying that's small are dumb or rather insecure and probably have being 6'2" proudly listed as one of their only accomplishments in life.

You said yourself, you're doing well in your career and when you focus on girls you score. So just remember that and chill out.

 

[CMNILS87]

Insecure and worrying 24/7 is either anxiety or depression. Happens to a lot of people man. Get checked out mentally if you can.

 

[European-DJ]

I am surprised that no one have provided tangible advice to the problem, it might be a much more profound issue than initially anticipated.

Unfortunate, I’m out of my “home country” for the next four months, which means that access to affordable health care is quite limited. Also, I’ve never considered going to a shrink / doctor for issues like these before. Usually, I’ve found help in this forum from the advice that the fellow users have posted.

I sincerely hope somewhat has been able to overcome this challenge and can provide me with his 2 cents.

/European

 

[ohrein]

I am surprised that no one have provided tangible advice to the problem, it might be a much more profound issue than initially anticipated.

Unfortunate, I’m out of my “home country” for the next four months, which means that access to affordable health care is quite limited. Also, I’ve never considered going to a shrink / doctor for issues like these before. Usually, I’ve found help in this forum from the advice that the fellow users have posted.

I sincerely hope somewhat has been able to overcome this challenge and can provide me with his 2 cents.

/European

Teach yourself CBT. That's how I fixed my depression and anxiety completely. You do not need a psychologist to show you CBT. The most important part of it is repetition. It needs to be an obsession you practice all day.
https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cbt-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-techniques-worksheets/

I know some people will roll their eyes at Buddhism but CBT is a tool set. It does not have an answer for why we suffer. Buddhism does, and is simultaneously the cure to suffering. It is not a spiritual religion at its core and you can ignore all the hinduism and other religions people try to tack onto it and just practice the core philosophies (four noble truths and eightfold path). It's simply a way of looking at existence. I haven't managed to convince anyone to get into Buddhism yet but maybe today's the day, haha.
https://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/5minbud.htm

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

 

[JALX95]

I am much younger than you so you may take what I am about to say with a grain of salt, but it seems as if you have an awful case of spot light syndrome.

In case you didn't know what this is, it is a psychological mindset where you think that other people are paying an equal amount of attention to you as you are yourself. This is not ideal because when you look at your perceived flaws, you think that other people see the same thing.

In reality 5 ' 10 is nowhere near considered short and if you simply have a half way decent job you're doing better than most of the population. It'd serve you well if you realize that people don't notice half the things you notice about yourself. They also don't give a **** either. I'm a bit over 5'7 and the only place I've legit felt like a midget was oslo.

As what other guys are saying about travel, I agree 100%. Going to poland and brazil changed my perception on women for the better. It was like shopping for a ferarri and the finding out it was cheaper and more manageable than all the fords and chevy's back home. Anyways lets put all female motor vehicle comparisons aside, you are doing ok.

Pick your head up and get your confidence back. Not only is your situation with the girl you described something every single guy goes through, you said yourself that your insecurities are irrational. Try balancing that out with an irrational sense of self importance. Being ****y isn't a good long term solution but it could help you get back some swagger. Fake it til you make it!

 

[Juang74]

Teach yourself CBT. That's how I fixed my depression and anxiety completely. You do not need a psychologist to show you CBT. The most important part of it is repetition. It needs to be an obsession you practice all day.
https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cbt-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-techniques-worksheets/

I know some people will roll their eyes at Buddhism but CBT is a tool set. It does not have an answer for why we suffer. Buddhism does, and is simultaneously the cure to suffering. It is not a spiritual religion at its core and you can ignore all the hinduism and other religions people try to tack onto it and just practice the core philosophies (four noble truths and eightfold path). It's simply a way of looking at existence. I haven't managed to convince anyone to get into Buddhism yet but maybe today's the day, haha.
https://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/5minbud.htm

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

This comment is life changing! Thanks my brother.