Sudden drop in Popularity and total loss of Friendship group

[CaptainJ]

It seems I have hit a major wall on the path towards becoming a DJ. I've lost my friendship group and it feels like my popularity is taking a big dip all of a sudden.

I discovered this site 6 months ago and began making very fast progress towards being a DJ. I became very popular within my school year, making friends with all sorts, having an incredibly hot girl being interested in me, and expanding my social network. I ramped up my personality of an outlandish fun seeker who does not care about what people thought of me. This proved greatly successful, as I am incredibly sociable and people admired and were even jealous sometimes of my ways. I revived connections with old friends and began making more friends out of school.

Those were a very good 6 months.

Now everything seems to be slipping away.

My friendship group had slowly began to alienate itself from me as I began to develop my character, and before I finally noticed, I had been ousted. I now hear of all these things my old friends do, knowing that I wasn't there to take part.

I have really good friends dotted around many different social groups. In Secondary School, your friendship group is everything, and everyone is part of one, and it's very hard to become part of one, and hard to have an active social life if you aren't part of one. It seems I have literally been flung out into no man's land. It could be I have spread myself to thin and lacked focus on maintaining old friendships.

It also now seems that many people who used to admire me and seemed good friends with are drifting away. No longer the "HEY CAPTAINJ *Hug*" when I see them now, more a civil "Hi" or just indifference to me.

I have no idea what has happened. I am lost on what to do now. This sudden rejection by a lot of old friends is begining to have a bad effect on my confidence. Anyone with similar experiences who can help me get out of this rut?

 

[Apocalypse Now]

My guess is that your friends feel inferior to you because you've taken steps to improve yourself and your life, so they're all avoiding you to minimize the pain of feeling inferior to a friend.

My friends did the same thing.


Solution: Get new (and better) friends. There must be some social circle that you can assimilate yourself into.

 

[Warrior74]

What did you do?

I'm a loner by nature...never had a big circle of friends, always on the fringes of several circles. And I've seen people get cast out before. They did something and they didn't know what they did or they refused to see their own hand in it. So before you go walking around thinking "oh I outgrew them, I'm so much better than them" think to see if you did anything. Think back on past conversations with friends and see if there were any hints there. People these days are not very confrontational...they just decide they are done with you and leave you alone, especially in high school.

 

[CaptainJ]

I did nothing. I had struggled before when it looked like i might be losing my friendship group, but I had pulled through with them before. This time however, I had been slowly alienated, until it came to the point where I wasn't invited to any of their outings or houses, or even bigger social gatherings.

I had began to make friends and hang around with lots of other people in my year, not just sticking to my group, yet I still hung around them, so maybe I spread myself too thin. I'm thinking I should seek out a new social group now, but it's hard, as all my friends are really spread out between groups. How could I go about joining a new social group. And what can I do about this sudden dip in popularity?

I think this is a good time to get some distance between myself and people, rethink where things went wrong, and work upon building up myself (Hobbies, sports, talents, studying etc) and hope everything falls into place.

 

[pua1989]

"friends" dont just drop you like that..you either did something you dont realize or they werent friends to begin with

 

[CaptainJ]

I guess they just weren't very good friends then. Come to think of it, most of them were a bunch of selfish b1tching backstabbers.

I don't care much for going back to that group, but I need advice for going about joining a different friendship group.

 

[K.Pez]

the same thing happened to me - i was getting to know other people from different social cliques, and my old friends got upset with me. i look back now and realize that they weren't quality friends anyways or good people.

my advice for finding a different group: is there one person you've met (outside your old group) that you connect with very well? if so, try to hang out with them and their friends a bit more. see if you can break into the group. if you get along well with one person, chances are you can easily get along well with their friends and have a good time.

 

[Poonani Maker]

fvck I hate just about everybody. There have only been I can count on my hands, Really good friends, in my lifetime, and most of them have been cousins. I had kindred spirit friends from birth, but moved away/outgrew those. Shame. But, recently my BEST friend was my oneitis, but she "reluctantly" married a rich dude, so, good luck to her. She was Really a friend to me, and I consider friends those who IMPROVE you as a person. She improved me more than my parents and almost all other friends/cousins combined. She was like a ray of light to me that shot into me and made me the strongest I have ever been. I love her, but it's Real hard to find another who is anything close to her. Other girls/people mean well, but idk, it always seems that almost all other girls/people WANT something outta me, or something in return. My love, oneitis, didn't want anything in return necessarily, but it was like we were children and being around each other was like pure happiness. I can't explain it any better.

 

[CaptainJ]

I have a really good friend among a different social group. I guess I'll try and get into that group. Although it's quite hard, as he probably won't be able to take the hint that I need a new social group lol.

It does seem though that there's a lacking number of real genuine good friends out there. It does seem that everyone is selfish and willing to cast aside their friends when it suits them. It's been a long time since I've had the real comradeship and loyalty of a best friend.

If there is anything I can learn from this experience, it's the importance of loyalty, standing by your friends and being selfless.

 

[K.Pez]

It does seem though that there's a lacking number of real genuine good friends out there. It does seem that everyone is selfish and willing to cast aside their friends when it suits them. It's been a long time since I've had the real comradeship and loyalty of a best friend.

If there is anything I can learn from this experience, it's the importance of loyalty, standing by your friends and being selfless.

i feel the exact same way. most people are all about themselves, so it's hard to weed them out and find genuine, loyal friends. loyalty is extremely important in my book, but not many people have it.

i had a best friend until we drifted apart at the beginning of high school - we had extremely different priorities. since then i haven't had a best friend.

 

[KontrollerX]

"friends" dont just drop you like that..you either did something you dont realize or they werent friends to begin with

Wrong.

People are selfish c0cksuckers these days and are often crabs in a barrel and ontop of that a ton of Sosuavers do not know the definition of a true friend. A hangout buddy, a guy you share laughs and drinks with and idle chatter is not a true friend. A true friend is someone you can count on, someone who'd be there for you if you needed a kidney or to hide the body and vice versa. Thats a friend. Most Sosuavers though when they speak of friends are actually referring to "aquaintenances" who they see out and about and may hang out with from time to time but these people don't actually care deeply about that Sosuaver. Only people that care deeply about eachother are true friends and most youngsters and even some of the older crowd these days don't get that.

What likely happened was CaptainJ improved to the point he was a threat to the group hierarchy and the retarded motherfvcker at the top decided to let it be known that CaptainJ was now an outcast as he knew that if CaptainJ were left alone and allowed to remain in the group eventually CaptainJ would usurp the leaders authority and take over the group because the group naturally would start to look at CaptainJ as being the leader just by how awesome he was becoming.

It was a power play and it worked for the time being but eventually scum like this always ends up destroying the group they worked so hard to build eventually as their grip on power and being the leader goes to their head, the others eventually get tired of being second banana and then go their own ways leaving that pathetic fvck in the dust.

So you didn't hit a roadblock to becoming a DJ CaptainJ.

In all actuality what this little event allowed you to discover was that you have arrived and are now more of a DJ than any member of the group you previously belonged to.

Warrior74's advice definitely has merit though as in these situations you always should for the benefit of self improvement really question yourself as to whether you may of acted too arrogant or off putting or obnoxious or whatever but yeah I'm sure you thought about that and concluded you never did any of that so what it all boils down to is your boys being jealous c0cksuckers and what is also commonly referred to as "haters".

People who feel inadequate around you because you naturally shine brighter than they do.

 

[Jitterbug]

What KontrollerX said, especially this line:

People who feel inadequate around you because you naturally shine brighter than they do.

On this path of self improvement, you'll grow out of many groups of acquaintances aka "friends" as people like to call them these days. I've left many behind and I'm in the process of leaving another one.

Get used to having haters. If everyone likes you, it's because you have nothing worth hating.

 

[nismo-4]

F**k those fools!

Build a new circle!

 

[pua1989]

i think you guys are dumb for "leaving people behind that dont shine as bright as you." i am lightyears different from before i started to improve myself and "AFC" days, to now, and I would say I still have 85-90% of all my old friends, and many more. i dont care if some of the friends are AFC and if some are master players; if i hang out with an AFC, the girls will be easier to be macked on, and if i hang out with players then ill surely hang out with some hot chicks. i have a gigantic social circle; i can almost be in any middle size to major city in california (and some other states on the east) and have someone to go hang out and party with. im not trying to gloat, its just the fact that people went off to college and i was the one who kept in touch, and did not abandon any friendships.

so like i said before, you either did something or the people you thought were friends just werent after all

 

[KontrollerX]

"i think you guys are dumb for "leaving people behind that dont shine as bright as you."

Uh thats not whats happening at all.

If you read closer you find out that what is happening is the friend's group leader lacks confidence in himself to do as well when challenged by another guy rising up and becoming a DJ or rather alpha male in the group so what that leader does is before the guy gets too popular he'll either lie to the friend group about something the new DJ did or tell the friend group we're not hanging out with that guy anymore all in an effort to remain the leader of the group and not have to work harder at competing with the guy who is becoming a DJ while they're all hanging out in a club together or whatever.

Its a power play and pre-emptive strike from a douchebag that lacks confidence in himself to the point he doesn't feel he can still be successful when people with equivalent skills or better are around him.

As for why your social circle is still buddies with you its simply because your friends must have always had a high degree of confidence in themselves so it didn't threaten them one bit when you improved yourself and became a DJ so they had no reason to kick you out of their group.

 

[CaptainJ]

Wrong.

People are selfish c0cksuckers these days and are often crabs in a barrel and ontop of that a ton of Sosuavers do not know the definition of a true friend. A hangout buddy, a guy you share laughs and drinks with and idle chatter is not a true friend. A true friend is someone you can count on, someone who'd be there for you if you needed a kidney or to hide the body and vice versa. Thats a friend. Most Sosuavers though when they speak of friends are actually referring to "aquaintenances" who they see out and about and may hang out with from time to time but these people don't actually care deeply about that Sosuaver. Only people that care deeply about eachother are true friends and most youngsters and even some of the older crowd these days don't get that.

What likely happened was CaptainJ improved to the point he was a threat to the group hierarchy and the retarded motherfvcker at the top decided to let it be known that CaptainJ was now an outcast as he knew that if CaptainJ were left alone and allowed to remain in the group eventually CaptainJ would usurp the leaders authority and take over the group because the group naturally would start to look at CaptainJ as being the leader just by how awesome he was becoming.

It was a power play and it worked for the time being but eventually scum like this always ends up destroying the group they worked so hard to build eventually as their grip on power and being the leader goes to their head, the others eventually get tired of being second banana and then go their own ways leaving that pathetic fvck in the dust.

So you didn't hit a roadblock to becoming a DJ CaptainJ.

In all actuality what this little event allowed you to discover was that you have arrived and are now more of a DJ than any member of the group you previously belonged to.

Warrior74's advice definitely has merit though as in these situations you always should for the benefit of self improvement really question yourself as to whether you may of acted too arrogant or off putting or obnoxious or whatever but yeah I'm sure you thought about that and concluded you never did any of that so what it all boils down to is your boys being jealous c0cksuckers and what is also commonly referred to as "haters".

People who feel inadequate around you because you naturally shine brighter than they do.

Thanks man, these are uplifting words.

Now that I think about it, it could be my so called "Friends" started to get jealous of my efforts for self improvement. A lot of hanging around popular girls, expanding my social network, and maybe becoming too spread out for them must have turned a lot of people in the group against me. One of my good friends in that group, who I talked to about gaming a girl with, would try and talk me down and say she wasn't interested in me, even when I told him obvious signs of her interest. I tried to help the leader of the group (who was becoming slightly AFC by having oneitis for a girl) by showing him sosuave.com and Pook's posts, but he didn't care much for it, and continued his oneitis.

Time to move on, although this will be hard, seeing as that group did have good connections with the popular groups in my school, thus severing a lot of social gatherings with popular groups.