A few of the recent and more popular posts (i.e. yul, goodguy34/rutgersman, mikeman, etc) along with the idea Rollo is writing a book got me to thinking. And the root of this train of thought is a theme of late, that of referring to the Matrix w/r to the DJ mentality.
I will admit, I am of the Star Wars generation and it took the persistence of a good friend 10yrs younger than me to get to me to look at the movie (and thus it's message) more deeply. So now when I read a thread where someone eludes to discovering the matrix or breaking free or some other reference it just plain works. And perhaps this (now almost) cliche analogy is a next step for this forum and the message it is trying to spread.
You see when some one comes here for help; they have no [conscious] awareness of the matrix in which they reside. And the rest of us who offer help have become [consciously] aware of its existence and seek to enlighten the person. Unfortunately, their emotional investment tends to be so strong that their logical conscious self is all but suppressed. We respond with terms like AFC, attention wh0re, ASD, Oneitis, etc. And often it does not help.
I believe the word does not sink in right away (i.e. effectively) because the helper and helpee reside in different paradigms. When someone seeks help they hear “NEXT!”, “Read the DJ Bible”, etc. This makes perfect sense to the one giving the advice, they are aware of the Matrix and how the conditioning that it spawns affects men w/r to women and relationships. However, the one seeking the help (i.e. the AFC) IS NOT EVEN CONCIOUSLY AWARE that there is such a thing as a 'matrix'. If he could simply experience this initial awareness, I believe his logical natural thinking would immediately take hold and he would quickly make decisions which are good and healthy for him
Yet there is one thing that appears again and again. I believe it is the AFC subconscious working against him (well actually to his benefit) that leads him here to this place. It is as if the AFC's conscious is so strongly overpowered by the emotional investment into a non-reciprocating relationship with a woman, that his own subconscious tricks him into finding this place. When one-itis is at is worst, almost all logical decision making is paralyzed (albeit by the continuous analysis). And so the subconscious slips in a subtle trick - it very quietly suggests to the conscious that perhaps it should ask for help. Ironically, the emotionally paralyzed AFC sees this as a way to "tell their story", seek approval and actually try make things better. And in that instant, the first good subconscious victory is won in that others aware of the existence of the Matrix will instantly "decode" the overt call for approval as a covert cry for help. The decoding is easy once you've experienced it first hand, just look for the rationalization, justification and unhealthy expectations. And as always the AFC doesn’t "hear" what he wants. However the subconscious knows there is a better way, it has no tolerance for the conditioning so it plays another witty trick. It simply ups the "frequency" of the requests for help. Yet another simple message to decode for those that are aware (i.e. Frequency = trouble).
Someone else on the board recently said something along the lines of "if you're posting here with a problem it's already too late." I more or less agree with that statement after observing for a year. When in a healthy reciprocal relationship, there is no need to seek external approval. A man free of the conditioning of the AFC mentality based Matrix knows this and lives his life in a confident, patient manner making decisions rather than constantly dealing with problems which have no logical solutions.
What sucks is that there is no way in just a few simple words or posts to help someone coming here for help. To become aware of the Matrix they might need to be told, yet they almost always require the often-painful experience of the first awareness of its existence. In psych terms (which I do not pretend to understand) it must be something related to the often stated message where the pain of sticking with something will eventually exceed the pain of change and at that instant change naturally starts to happen.
So many of us were born into this matrix of social conditioning. Once aware (and hopefully free) of it, it is so obvious what it is and how it negatively impacts our lives.
And Rollo perhaps in writing your book you have pondered this dilemma. Telling an AFC he needs to be Positively Masculine just doesn't work. Like telling a newbie to "Read the DJ Bible". The same goes for telling people our successes after our awareness and change. And yes, describing Positive Masculinity is great, yet it is primarily an affirmation to those who have become aware. To those still living within the Matrix, it may actually backfire and re-enforce their position. Now, should you find a way deliver a different message, along the lines of: "My friend you've just taken your first real step, your subconscious has briefly made you aware of the harmful matrix in which you have existed..."
PS. Vulpine, I love your sig it represents in a fantastic token way what this site attempts to impart.
I will admit, I am of the Star Wars generation and it took the persistence of a good friend 10yrs younger than me to get to me to look at the movie (and thus it's message) more deeply. So now when I read a thread where someone eludes to discovering the matrix or breaking free or some other reference it just plain works. And perhaps this (now almost) cliche analogy is a next step for this forum and the message it is trying to spread.
You see when some one comes here for help; they have no [conscious] awareness of the matrix in which they reside. And the rest of us who offer help have become [consciously] aware of its existence and seek to enlighten the person. Unfortunately, their emotional investment tends to be so strong that their logical conscious self is all but suppressed. We respond with terms like AFC, attention wh0re, ASD, Oneitis, etc. And often it does not help.
I believe the word does not sink in right away (i.e. effectively) because the helper and helpee reside in different paradigms. When someone seeks help they hear “NEXT!”, “Read the DJ Bible”, etc. This makes perfect sense to the one giving the advice, they are aware of the Matrix and how the conditioning that it spawns affects men w/r to women and relationships. However, the one seeking the help (i.e. the AFC) IS NOT EVEN CONCIOUSLY AWARE that there is such a thing as a 'matrix'. If he could simply experience this initial awareness, I believe his logical natural thinking would immediately take hold and he would quickly make decisions which are good and healthy for him
Yet there is one thing that appears again and again. I believe it is the AFC subconscious working against him (well actually to his benefit) that leads him here to this place. It is as if the AFC's conscious is so strongly overpowered by the emotional investment into a non-reciprocating relationship with a woman, that his own subconscious tricks him into finding this place. When one-itis is at is worst, almost all logical decision making is paralyzed (albeit by the continuous analysis). And so the subconscious slips in a subtle trick - it very quietly suggests to the conscious that perhaps it should ask for help. Ironically, the emotionally paralyzed AFC sees this as a way to "tell their story", seek approval and actually try make things better. And in that instant, the first good subconscious victory is won in that others aware of the existence of the Matrix will instantly "decode" the overt call for approval as a covert cry for help. The decoding is easy once you've experienced it first hand, just look for the rationalization, justification and unhealthy expectations. And as always the AFC doesn’t "hear" what he wants. However the subconscious knows there is a better way, it has no tolerance for the conditioning so it plays another witty trick. It simply ups the "frequency" of the requests for help. Yet another simple message to decode for those that are aware (i.e. Frequency = trouble).
Someone else on the board recently said something along the lines of "if you're posting here with a problem it's already too late." I more or less agree with that statement after observing for a year. When in a healthy reciprocal relationship, there is no need to seek external approval. A man free of the conditioning of the AFC mentality based Matrix knows this and lives his life in a confident, patient manner making decisions rather than constantly dealing with problems which have no logical solutions.
What sucks is that there is no way in just a few simple words or posts to help someone coming here for help. To become aware of the Matrix they might need to be told, yet they almost always require the often-painful experience of the first awareness of its existence. In psych terms (which I do not pretend to understand) it must be something related to the often stated message where the pain of sticking with something will eventually exceed the pain of change and at that instant change naturally starts to happen.
So many of us were born into this matrix of social conditioning. Once aware (and hopefully free) of it, it is so obvious what it is and how it negatively impacts our lives.
And Rollo perhaps in writing your book you have pondered this dilemma. Telling an AFC he needs to be Positively Masculine just doesn't work. Like telling a newbie to "Read the DJ Bible". The same goes for telling people our successes after our awareness and change. And yes, describing Positive Masculinity is great, yet it is primarily an affirmation to those who have become aware. To those still living within the Matrix, it may actually backfire and re-enforce their position. Now, should you find a way deliver a different message, along the lines of: "My friend you've just taken your first real step, your subconscious has briefly made you aware of the harmful matrix in which you have existed..."
PS. Vulpine, I love your sig it represents in a fantastic token way what this site attempts to impart.
