"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Study about facebook and AW's

st_99

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Women who post lots of photos of themselves on Facebook value appearance, need attention, study finds


A study on how people use social networking websites such as Facebook confirms what many of us suspected. Women who post loads of photos of themselves on their sites are conveying some strong personal characteristics, according to new research. These women are more likely to base their self-worth on appearance and use social networking to compete for attention.

The study involved 311 men and women with an average age of 23. In order to better understand aspects of social networking behavior, the researchers looked at the amount of time subjects spent managing profiles, the number of photos they shared, the size of their online networks and how promiscuous they were in terms of “friending” behavior. The participants completed a questionnaire designed to measure self worth and were asked about their typical behaviors on Facebook.

There were differences between women and men. Overall, the results suggest that, compared with men, females identify more strongly with their image and appearance and use Facebook to compete for attention, said the lead author of the study, Michael A. Stefanone, an assistant professor of communications at the University of Buffalo.

The women who had the largest social networks and posted more photos of themselves were more highly vested in their appearance.

“The results suggest persistent differences in the behavior of men and women that result from a cultural focus on female image and appearance,” Stefanone said in a news release. “t is disappointing to me that in the year 2011 so many young women continue to assert their self worth via their physical appearance — in this case, by posting photos of themselves on Facebook as a form of advertisement. Perhaps this reflects the distorted value pegged to women’s looks throughout the popular culture and in reality programming from ‘The Bachelor’ to ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians.’ ”

The authors also speculated that posting a lot of photos of oneself in the company of other people “may serve to communicate the importance of particular relationships because these bonds may provide security regarding ones appearance and self worth.”

The people who tended to base their self worth on things like academic competence, family love and support, and being a virtuous or moral person spent less time online and showed less interest in attention-seeking through social media.

The study was published this week in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking. Here's a You Tube explanation of the study.

http://articles.latimes.com/2011/mar/10/news/la-heb-facebook-vanity-20110310
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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st_99

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I don't think this comes as any big surprise to anyone. Just thought I'd post it anyway.
 

runner83

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Yeah, thanks for the link. Kinds of reinforces what we all knew already.

st_99 said:
“t is disappointing to me that in the year 2011 so many young women continue to assert their self worth via their physical appearance — in this case, by posting photos of themselves on Facebook as a form of advertisement. Perhaps this reflects the distorted value pegged to women’s looks throughout the popular culture and in reality programming from ‘The Bachelor’ to ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians.’ ”


^ ^ I think the author (i.e. of the article) needs to face reality and accept that women being judged based on looks is not a new phenomenon, it has been happening for thousands of years.

Facebook is just the latest way.
 

Nutz

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I agree that it's a good article. Not exactly groundbreaking information though.
 
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