"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Struggling to maintain NC

F

Firedweller

Don Juan
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I have unfortunately had three nights of dreams about my ex in a row shortly after seeing her cousin the other day. I had maintained NC for a couple of weeks and it seemed to be getting easier but I feel like I'm losing control now.

She is in my head almost 24/7 and now since having dreams with her in it which are vivid and long, I wake up with no rest from this all. I know the common advice is to spin plates and self improve and I am doing the latter. I just got a pay rise and also been going to the gym often but I am over the spinning plates business right now. I did it a lot over a year ago but it felt very unfulfilling in the longer run. I see the girls I slept with every now and again and it makes me feel shallow.

I was about to text my ex right now but instead I am writing here. The sh1t thing is the reason why I broke up with her was because of her racist father and because she's so attached to him, there was no point of a relationship unless she bypassed him.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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R

Receptacle Filler

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Dude, I don't trust women that are that close to Daddy...It's time to get up and motor. Don't try to meet any other bishes, just focus on weaning off her like she a drug. Beating off a lot helps.
 
S

sylvester the cat

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Receptacle Filler said:
Dude, I don't trust women that are that close to Daddy....
Click to expand...
What are you suggesting here? I only ask as a common BPD trait is parent issues.
 
O

Octogonal

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Lose your phone for a while when you get the urge to call.

Receptacle Filler said:
Dude, I don't trust women that are that close to Daddy...It's time to get up and motor. Don't try to meet any other bishes, just focus on weaning off her like she a drug. Beating off a lot helps.
Click to expand...
WTF? Worst advice ever.
 
H

hop On hop Off

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How much does she like you? What have you guys done? How much is she attached to you? What do you want deep inside?

If you NEXT every time your relationship hits a roadblock, you are actually taking the easy way out. Perhaps all it takes is someone to reach out first. NEXT is also fine, because it prevents you from being the slightest AFC.

Nothing is impossible. You can keep on chasing her, and she eventually will be "touched" one day, just one day. Meanwhile, you are vulnerable, and her MV goes up, and that's bad.

So, it is up to you. Do you want to leave yourself vulnerable, possibly seen as AFC in her eyes, or do you want to hold that chin and find someone who likes you equally?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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F

Firedweller

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I broke NC. I had so much pent up inside as I went from being in a close relationship to ending it on one day from a decision she didn't make on the spot. I stick by that action even though I feel that I may have ended it based on too much emotion rather then letting it sink in for a bit and making a better approach.

I messaged her with a picture she took of a us. She replied instantly saying "there hasn't been a day when I haven't thought about you. I never forgot you."

So, what to do from here? I rang her the night I broke NC and she was bubbling with joy but the fact remains, her father is still a huge racist and we aren't 'together'.

I know many of you will see this as a bad move but if I want to have the best shot at making this happen, how should I approach?
 
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