Struggling to Bond

[jhonny9546]

Since I “took the pill” and started living as a man aware of the nature of women and how a man should behave, I’ve had trouble forming “connections” with women.


After a good f8ck, I feel like I need to distance myself from her right away, as if she’s a nuisance and I can no longer see anything good in her (I know this is a physiological thing after ejaculation).
That said, if I can’t establish a “friendship” bond with this person, it’s as if I always see her as a stranger and find it hard to connect.


We know, however, that being and doing what “friends” do will make us weak men and hand the relationship over to female dynamics, and other troubles.
But at the moment, I feel a repulsion toward women after having sex with them, it’s as if all the seduction and all the preparation to be an ideal candidate no longer matters, and instead, the feeling of freedom is the only thing worth fighting for.

Even without having sex, I still feel the need to "commit" to certain things that a man would be expected to do during a relationship, but I see them as commitments that make me anxious and nervous, and therefore I'd rather **** a stranger once a week and never see her again.
I truly can't understand how people manage to commit for so many years without feeling all this bitterness.
That makes me just suspect all those men are basing their relationship on "friendship", which is an element that makes you feel less alone, more connected and more prone to commit for this person.

 

[Gamisch]

It's a self sabotaging mechanism. I beeb there too. After you slept with a woman you tend to lose respect for her. But at the same time it's also "disrespectful " if she does NOT put out while you know she would with "the next guy".

As you grow as a DON JUAN, expect women to put out faster and stick around longer..if you finally ALLOW them to be in their feminine role it will be beneficial to you many areas. Because the other side of the coin is that she been pumped and dumped WAY more than she been cherished. Soon as you give off pump and dump vibes she will detach from you. And sometimes that's not the best thing to do

 

[Sega Genesis]

@jhonny9546 gotta say this may be the most interesting thread you've created yet (imo) and is one of the biggest differences between men and women!

Most women don't understand it and as such it can create a major conflict with women feeling dejected and hurt and the man feeling shame and guilt!

You're actually not alone feeling this way; many men do (not all) but dislike admitting for a variety of reasons...

I tried to summarize why this happens but then figured I'd let AI Overview explain, see below fwiw.

It's an interesting read and something to consider.

To me (as a woman) it makes sense and when my guy occasionally needs to distance a bit especially after intense 'lovemaking' (ok, HOT sex! Lol) I leave him be and do NOT 'freak out" OR even take it personally.

Many women don't understand, so the man hides how he feels, goes through the motions of cuddling etc afterwards which only exacerbates his feelings of wanting to get away!

It can be a real problem!

Anyway from AI:

Men pulling away after sex is a common phenomenon often linked to biological factors and differing relationship expectations. After sex, a man's testosterone levels may drop, requiring a period of recovery. Additionally, the emotional dynamics and communication styles within the relationship can play a significant role.

Here's a more detailed look:

1. Biological Factors:

• Testosterone Drop:
  After orgasm, a man's testosterone levels can decrease, potentially leading to a temporary decrease in libido and desire to connect.
• Oxytocin and Prolactin:
  While oxytocin is released during sex and can increase closeness, it can also lead to a drop in testosterone, which can make a man want to pull away. Additionally, prolactin, which can lower sexual interest, is also released, especially in purely sexual encounters.
• Need for Recovery:
  Men may need time to rebuild their testosterone levels and regain their energy, leading to a period of withdrawal.

2. Relationship Dynamics:

• Emotional Connection:
  If the relationship lacks a strong emotional foundation, the post-sex distance can feel more like disconnection.
• Fear of Commitment:
  Some men may withdraw if they perceive a woman is looking for a more serious commitment than they are ready for.
• Power Dynamics:
  Sex can shift power dynamics, and if a man doesn't feel a sense of value or connection, he may pull away.
• Communication:
  How the couple communicates about intimacy and expectations is crucial. If a woman expresses a need for more after sex, it can make some men feel pressured and withdraw further.
• Individual Differences:
  Some men naturally need more time to process emotions and regulate their energy levels after intimacy.

Hope it helped!

I'm also curious what the guys here think. @Gamisch ? Since you responded.

 

[BaronOfHair]

That makes me just suspect all those men are basing their relationship on "friendship", which is an element that makes you feel less alone, more connected and more prone to commit for this person.

Friendship is magic. The Bronies Red Pilled us all to that fact

 

[jhonny9546]

Soon as you give off pump and dump vibes, she will detach from you.

I've explained my current behavior.
I feel like it's really something that comes naturally to me.
Is that the vibe you're talking about?

If a woman expresses a need for more after sex, it can make some men feel pressured and withdraw further.

That's exactly what I'm thinking.
After sex, I feel like I want to be alone and not with her.
I summed up my feeling in the word "annoyance." I think that's apt.
Like when you have a dog next to you that won't stop licking you or climbing on you.

I just wonder what a woman feels after sex.
And If a woman want to know why the man feel that way, or just look at him and don't try to understand him, but instead, leave him alone with his time.

 

[Gamisch]

@jhonny9546 gotta say this may be the most interesting thread you've created yet (imo) and is one of the biggest differences between men and women!

Most women don't understand it and as such it can create a major conflict with women feeling dejected and hurt and the man feeling shame and guilt!

You're actually not alone feeling this way; many men do (not all) but dislike admitting for a variety of reasons...

I tried to summarize why this happens but then figured I'd let AI Overview explain, see below fwiw.

It's an interesting read and something to consider.

To me (as a woman) it makes sense and when my guy occasionally needs to distance a bit especially after intense 'lovemaking' (ok, HOT sex! Lol) I leave him be and do NOT 'freak out" OR even take it personally.

Many women don't understand, so the man hides how he feels, goes through the motions of cuddling etc afterwards which only exacerbates his feelings of wanting to get away!

It can be a real problem!

Anyway from AI:

Men pulling away after sex is a common phenomenon often linked to biological factors and differing relationship expectations. After sex, a man's testosterone levels may drop, requiring a period of recovery. Additionally, the emotional dynamics and communication styles within the relationship can play a significant role.

Here's a more detailed look:

1. Biological Factors:

• Testosterone Drop:
  After orgasm, a man's testosterone levels can decrease, potentially leading to a temporary decrease in libido and desire to connect.
• Oxytocin and Prolactin:
  While oxytocin is released during sex and can increase closeness, it can also lead to a drop in testosterone, which can make a man want to pull away. Additionally, prolactin, which can lower sexual interest, is also released, especially in purely sexual encounters.
• Need for Recovery:
  Men may need time to rebuild their testosterone levels and regain their energy, leading to a period of withdrawal.

2. Relationship Dynamics:

• Emotional Connection:
  If the relationship lacks a strong emotional foundation, the post-sex distance can feel more like disconnection.
• Fear of Commitment:
  Some men may withdraw if they perceive a woman is looking for a more serious commitment than they are ready for.
• Power Dynamics:
  Sex can shift power dynamics, and if a man doesn't feel a sense of value or connection, he may pull away.
• Communication:
  How the couple communicates about intimacy and expectations is crucial. If a woman expresses a need for more after sex, it can make some men feel pressured and withdraw further.
• Individual Differences:
  Some men naturally need more time to process emotions and regulate their energy levels after intimacy.

Hope it helped!

I'm also curious what the guys here think. @Gamisch ? Since you responded.

First of all let's stay away from AI generated answers. It DRAMATICALLY takes away from the authenticity from you as a writer. Azi has an annoying " TLDR" vibe to it. Secondly Ai takes most of his awnsers from seddit. An it tells.

having said that: a lot if this depends on what type of womam when and where. As I said before, yes it might be a clearly low value woman whose soley use is to relqse some seed. But it might ALSO be a case of self sabotage.

Some men can't use whatever card they get dealt in the moment. Look. You might sleep.witu a "woman if lesser value" but the sec is great. She might be down with you. Yet a man ( OP) might THINK he cab do better and thus act a fooll and chase away such a woman.

All of this while the "other amd hotter" woman simultaneously gives him THE same treatment!( like he's too less)

I can give anwesrs no fecking AI machine can come up with because I'm a real one who lived it. So we got:
- self sabotage
- more importantly: feminine energy from a man who believes he can do better while better actually will be destructive to his life!

 

[Sega Genesis]

First of all let's stay away from AI generated answers. It DRAMATICALLY takes away from the authenticity from you as a writer. Azi has an annoying " TLDR" vibe to it. Secondly Ai takes most of his awnsers from seddit. An it tells.

^^Fair!

I'm not a big fan of AI either but it's what pops up when I Google something. It reads "AI Overview."

In any event I was not aware answers came from seddit! So that's good to know going forward.

However in this case, and NOT to discount your opinion as it's 100% valid,...

I had read same from other more reputable sources as well. Books and articles written by reputable psychologists and the like over the years; I'm a big reader!

It also aligns with my own experiences with boyfriends in LTRs and my short marriage,, again occasionally whenever the sex was particularly hot and intense!

Physically and emotionally. And they felt somewhat vulnerable. The distance allowed them time to get back to themselves and feeling less exposed and vulnerable.

Again it makes sense to me as after leaving them be for a bit, they always came back and we'd often end up having another round!

I'm referring to LTRs not a ONS or a casual sex arrangement.

However I do not think there's a 'one size fits all' and can be subjective. Every man will have his own reasons.

Women too!! As some women need some distance after sex (or whenever) and/or have difficulty bonding.

Re AI Overview whenever I Google something, thanks for the info! I will use other sources from now on.

 

[plumber]

your not imagining this, what your telling is really how it works.

your describing the chemistry of it. the internal chemicals always win.

the more you want to "connect" and be loved the more female your vibe is. this is literally a chemical result. literally.

the more you feel like a king and that the woman is in your care then you are balanced in a male+ ratio.

if you need her love and care you will not keep it because it will go poof...

 

[Gamisch]

^^Fair!

I'm not a big fan of AI either but it's what pops up when I Google something. It reads "AI Overview."

In any event I was not aware answers came from seddit! So that's good to know going forward.

However in this case, and NOT to discount your opinion as it's 100% valid,...

I had read same from other more reputable sources as well. Books and articles written by reputable psychologists and the like over the years; I'm a big reader!

It also aligns with my own experiences with boyfriends in LTRs and my short marriage,, again occasionally whenever the sex was particularly hot and intense!

Physically and emotionally. And they felt somewhat vulnerable. The distance allowed them time to get back to themselves and feeling less exposed and vulnerable.

Again it makes sense to me as after leaving them be for a bit, they always came back and we'd often end up having another round!

I'm referring to LTRs not a ONS or a casual sex arrangement.

However I do not think there's a 'one size fits all' and can be subjective. Every man will have his own reasons.

Women too!! As some women need some distance after sex (or whenever) and/or have difficulty bonding.

Re AI Overview whenever I Google something, thanks for the info! I will use other sources from now on.

Tbh it's simply annoys me to see this AI take over on the forum. The style of writing is indeed " seddit- esque" and it has no flavor. Yes , sometimes it's based on facts but yet it also oftentimes missing the nitty gritty of what makes for example our forum unique: real life experiences based on hunderd thousands of interactions with thousands of women.

Having said that: it's like asking AI " how to win a fight". Uhm...even if you fight the same opponent multiple times EVERY factor can change the outcome . Rain, sun( hot day) sleep, experiences, fear, confidence ect ect. Now you are a woman ( and ...yeah) so you can confirm that even if a man deals with the same woman the same day the outcome stull can be night and day given the circumstances both persons are going through..

In this case: imo some men need to reconsider their emotions after ( I assume) completely destroying a woman's p00sy and thus leaving an imprint on both her body AND her mind. Ideally and logically she becomes easier to access and she'll invest more...

Imo it's akin to self sabotage when you kinda struggle with getting women and yet ditch her after you get post nut clarity. Because geuss what? You'll be horny again soon...(unless it's a sub sub 5 woman).

Just keep her in your roster and only replace her after you actually find an upgrade...or two...

 

[Sega Genesis]

In this case: imo some men need to reconsider their emotions after ( I assume) completely destroying a woman's p00sy and thus leaving an imprint on both her body AND her mind. Ideally and logically she becomes easier to access and she'll invest more...

Imo it's akin to self sabotage when you kinda struggle with getting women and yet ditch her after you get post nut clarity. Because geuss what? You'll be horny again soon...(unless it's a sub sub 5 woman).

Just keep her in your roster and only replace her after you actually find an upgrade...or two...

When you say "in this case" I assume you're referring to the OP? @jhonny9546?

You quoted my post so just checkin, I was confused about that.

I agreed with you about AI and after learning that when I Google a question the answer comes from seddit, I'm no longer going to rely on it! Or trust it!

Re bolded again I assume you're referring to @jhonny9546 sitch?

As my boyfriends don't "ditch" me; I've actually never had a man ditch me after sex.

In my LTRs, my bf needing a minute or two to get back to himself as a strong masculine man and less vulnerable after highly charged emotional sex? Yes. Which is OK with me, sometimes I need that too!

I dunno maybe you've never felt that vulnerable after sex?

So you cannot relate which is fair!

 

[jhonny9546]

feminine energy from a man

explain better on this, interesting.

 

[eli77]

fasting/workingout/and a small circle has proven beneficial