Hey guys,
I have decided that i need to post about how I'm feeling recently, as i haven't been myself.
Although things on my career etc are going well, as i have started a new job with a big company, and enjoying it so far. And in my personal life, i have recently become an uncle for the first time. I'm very proud of my brother and his wife, and of course the newest member of the family.
However, i have been feeling very down for the better part of 2 years
A few years ago my ex of 2 1/2 broke up with me. I was devastated, as she left me coldly when I was struggling with work, and fighting with 2 of my best friends, because of her. I done all the wrong things looking back, and ignored red flags, but I did my best considering the circumstances of that time. She never contacted me until 18 months later, but I didn't reply. It didn't matter at the time, as i was seeing a girl in a LDR from Germany who i was beginning to really fall for.. While I'm over her the ex, or maybe convincing myself i am, I done things with my life such as traveling and seeing the world on my own, starting from nothing in a new country, and getting a good job.
But i always thought about her every day, and how i allowed myself to be treated in that relationship. I feel she got off Scott free, and ashamed of myself in how I tolerated her bad behavior.
Recently, the girl i was in a LDR with, and who i also moved back to Europe to see, basically told me through facebook she met someone else, 4 days after declaring her love to me lol. I think she had BPD. and I haven't spoken to her in 1 1/2 months, and not planning too either. I don't care about her, but it was a punch in the gut. I dusted myself off, and got up.
Since i came home, i have found it hard to settle and adjust. I haven't been on a date properly in nearly 2 years. I have recently joined a gym, so i hope this will help me burn off some negative energy, but for nearly 2 years now I'm feeling numb, and indifferent to the world, and especially women. I find most of them are superficial and shallow. But that isn't right either. When i try and open up and get close to women, and come out of my shell again, It blows up in my face. I have had plenty 1 night stands since my ex, but they just mean jack sh$t if i try to be honest with myself.
Traveling has definitely broaden my mind, and life experiences, and I had the time of my life traveling. But now that I'm back to reality, and seeing how everybody is settling down, and getting engaged is depressing me.
This is not a proper DJ mindset, and I used to be so much happier. I'm 29, single, no debts, have a great family, have a good career and keep myself in good condition. I'm lucky and know that lots of guys my age are struggling because of the recession and are tied down with kids etc. I'm trying to be humble and just get on with things and keep my head down, but I'm not enjoying life. In the mornings I'm often in a dreamland thinking of my ex, and being sad about how things went down.
I will get flamed for this post, but I really don't care. I need to talk to someone, as it's weighing me down too much. I want to be happy again, and enjoying meeting women and not being bitter and sad thinking of "what if's"
Thanks guys.
I have decided that i need to post about how I'm feeling recently, as i haven't been myself.
Although things on my career etc are going well, as i have started a new job with a big company, and enjoying it so far. And in my personal life, i have recently become an uncle for the first time. I'm very proud of my brother and his wife, and of course the newest member of the family.
However, i have been feeling very down for the better part of 2 years
A few years ago my ex of 2 1/2 broke up with me. I was devastated, as she left me coldly when I was struggling with work, and fighting with 2 of my best friends, because of her. I done all the wrong things looking back, and ignored red flags, but I did my best considering the circumstances of that time. She never contacted me until 18 months later, but I didn't reply. It didn't matter at the time, as i was seeing a girl in a LDR from Germany who i was beginning to really fall for.. While I'm over her the ex, or maybe convincing myself i am, I done things with my life such as traveling and seeing the world on my own, starting from nothing in a new country, and getting a good job.
But i always thought about her every day, and how i allowed myself to be treated in that relationship. I feel she got off Scott free, and ashamed of myself in how I tolerated her bad behavior.
Recently, the girl i was in a LDR with, and who i also moved back to Europe to see, basically told me through facebook she met someone else, 4 days after declaring her love to me lol. I think she had BPD. and I haven't spoken to her in 1 1/2 months, and not planning too either. I don't care about her, but it was a punch in the gut. I dusted myself off, and got up.
Since i came home, i have found it hard to settle and adjust. I haven't been on a date properly in nearly 2 years. I have recently joined a gym, so i hope this will help me burn off some negative energy, but for nearly 2 years now I'm feeling numb, and indifferent to the world, and especially women. I find most of them are superficial and shallow. But that isn't right either. When i try and open up and get close to women, and come out of my shell again, It blows up in my face. I have had plenty 1 night stands since my ex, but they just mean jack sh$t if i try to be honest with myself.
Traveling has definitely broaden my mind, and life experiences, and I had the time of my life traveling. But now that I'm back to reality, and seeing how everybody is settling down, and getting engaged is depressing me.
This is not a proper DJ mindset, and I used to be so much happier. I'm 29, single, no debts, have a great family, have a good career and keep myself in good condition. I'm lucky and know that lots of guys my age are struggling because of the recession and are tied down with kids etc. I'm trying to be humble and just get on with things and keep my head down, but I'm not enjoying life. In the mornings I'm often in a dreamland thinking of my ex, and being sad about how things went down.
I will get flamed for this post, but I really don't care. I need to talk to someone, as it's weighing me down too much. I want to be happy again, and enjoying meeting women and not being bitter and sad thinking of "what if's"
Thanks guys.
