Strange with gf of 3 months.

[xstang77]

hey fellas haven't been on here in a while but I've found myself in an interesting spot and figured I'd share. I've been doing a somewhat ldr with a genuine girl for over 3 months (I know ldr not good) but we've been making it work, seeing each other atleast weekly etc. she lives a little over 2 hours from me and even drove out to only spend 4 hours with me one day before she had to go to work when my pet died. Otherwise she seemed like a high quality girl,cooked for me,bought me drinks and food for the house and wanted to take care of me. She showed proper high interest always calling and texting me everyday,respectful when we're together etc. she has a 3 yr old daughter from her past abusive relationship whom I've become closer with, I last saw her this past Sunday and she was in tears about me having to leave,called me when I got home right away to make sure I was ok and Monday night we had a great talk to where she messaged me afterwards being lovey saying I was gods plan for her etc, we talked briefly the next day but she took longer to reply and the phone calls ceased then one last text on Thursday,I've sent her a few asking if she was ok but haven't overdone it but no word since. I just find this behavior strange out of the blue as she fit the profile of a quality woman. Any opinions aside from negative trolling gentlemen? Family has mentioned to try calling but they find this extremely wierd as well and I feel at this point if she wanted to talk she would,otherwise the girl has just pretty much gone cold turkey no word.

 

[xstang77]

Just strange how out of the blue when I was bonding with her and her kid just a week ago,would atleast like response from her even if it's just that we're over,don't know if I should try and call.

 

[Fireballs]

Her ex is most likely back in the picture .. don't chase her.

 

[xstang77]

That's what I'm wondering very strange there's no word when this is the kind of girl that would literally cry when she couldn't make me *** during sex and wanted to shower together so she could wash me etc.

 

[xstang77]

Another guy, probably her "abusive" ex. No, she isn't quality. This also isn't extremely weird, it's standard operating procedure.

Cold turkey within days time,kind makes it worse to just be ghosted.

 

[xstang77]

I know it's hard. Cognitive dissonance, going from feeling secure and loved and reciprocating that love and security and within a few days alone, abandoned, and jaded.

She did message me Tuesday saying how she went out to eat with her daughter and her daughter was almost crying and saying that she wanted me to come home and that she'd wait up for me,said it was the cutest thing,I almost wondered if she was stepping back due to being cautious about her daughter becoming close with another male figure.

 

[xstang77]

Get real

About which part lol?

 

[xstang77]

Funny she called my bpd ex a phsyco about leaving and coming back mean while she can't even send me a sleazy it's over after thousands of miles on my car and 3 months. Another question is there any way to game this girl back even though it wouldn't be serious again she was an hb8 and took good care of me even stocked my house with groceries one time,does nc and having her reach out work when it's a ldr?

 

[sazc]

Just strange how out of the blue when I was bonding with her and her kid just a week ago,would atleast like response from her even if it's just that we're over,don't know if I should try and call.

she might be getting cold feet, afraid of getting vulnerable with you, afraid of getting hurt again. Nothing you can do about it unless she decides to open up and talk to you about it.

 

[xstang77]

she might be getting cold feet, afraid of getting vulnerable with you, afraid of getting hurt again. Nothing you can do about it unless she decides to open up and talk to you about it.

My family insists that I call but I don't wanna get into stalker territory.

 

[Roober]

she might be getting cold feet, afraid of getting vulnerable with you, afraid of getting hurt again. Nothing you can do about it unless she decides to open up and talk to you about it.

Could be this. Also could be she is tired of 2 hour drive for you guys to see each other. Stuff like that wears on people...

 

[xstang77]

Could be this. Also could be she is tired of 2 hour drive for you guys to see each other. Stuff like that wears on people...

True,i usually drive to her more so,she even went as far as saying she thinks I'd be a great father to her daughter and mentioned us having kids in the future one day just this past week,would it be pushing it to call in the extremely rare case something legit happened or her phone is messed up? She technically is my gf or atleast was.

 

[Roober]

True,i usually drive to her more so,she even went as far as saying she thinks I'd be a great father to her daughter and mentioned us having kids in the future one day just this past week,would it be pushing it to call in the extremely rare case something legit happened or her phone is messed up? She technically is my gf or atleast was.

If she is pulling back because she is still emotionally unavailable, not much you can do besides give her time.

A couple problems here...
the distance
You guys have been together 3 months and talked about a serious future?
Did she ever ask you to be exclusive or stop seeing other women?
If you usually go to her (speaking from experience), the interest is liking waning...

I dated a single mommy and they are a tricky bunch. They will say all the right things and make you think you are a king because they are probably actually thinking them. However, her time is limited. Kids can be incredibly draining and she may just want time alone. I don't know what to tell you. My exgf single mom got distant at about the 3 month mark, then I chased her for 3 months, then we broke up. This is your time to correct it, if you want to, but it may require you to pull back a bit and just give her space.

Get the thought of failure out of your head. You have to believe its going to work, or you will only breing the end upon yourself.

 

[xstang77]

If she is pulling back because she is still emotionally unavailable, not much you can do besides give her time.

A couple problems here...
the distance
You guys have been together 3 months and talked about a serious future?
Did she ever ask you to be exclusive or stop seeing other women?
If you usually go to her (speaking from experience), the interest is liking waning...

I dated a single mommy and they are a tricky bunch. They will say all the right things and make you think you are a king because they are probably actually thinking them. However, her time is limited. Kids can be incredibly draining and she may just want time alone. I don't know what to tell you. My exgf single mom got distant at about the 3 month mark, then I chased her for 3 months, then we broke up. This is your time to correct it, if you want to, but it may require you to pull back a bit and just give her space.

Get the thought of failure out of your head. You have to believe its going to work, or you will only breing the end upon yourself.

Yes she asked me to be exclusive,we are in a full committed relationship,I've become close with her daughter and we've met each others families etc,she came to my families thanksgiving last week and always supported my hobbies and even went out of her way to find me a good lawyer when I got a speeding ticket,You wouldn't take this radio silence as ghosting? I am understanding about her child and let her call me after she puts her to bed etc. does not giving in to failure mean I should call her? I just don't wanna make a fool of myself or seem like a stalker.we didn't talk anything to crazy regarding the future we were working on her moving out here come spring because a ldr is pointless if you don't set a plan,i hope I'm not sounding to Whiney just never been ghosted like this before,all in all she seemed like a genuine girl with class and that's why my family don't think it's over,guess i just don't wanna shoot myself in the foot here.

 

[narcissist]

Do NOT chase. If she doesn't have enough respect to contact you (her apparent boyfriend) if something has gone wrong, then you don't have a high quality girl, and she is not your girl. Just ghost until she contacts you. And then tell her straight up that you do not fvck with that type of behaviour and that you would have to think about whether exclusivity is the right option now after seeing how she acted. Set some bloody boundaries. This would be utterly unacceptable if I was in your position. 5 days ghost with no reason? Come on now.

 

[sazc]

Do NOT chase. If she doesn't have enough respect to contact you (her apparent boyfriend) if something has gone wrong, then you don't have a high quality girl, and she is not your girl. Just ghost until she contacts you. And then tell her straight up that you do not fvck with that type of behaviour and that you would have to think about whether exclusivity is the right option now after seeing how she acted. Set some bloody boundaries. This would be utterly unacceptable if I was in your position. 5 days ghost with no reason? Come on now.

Agreed. Stay silent. 5 days is too long for NC if you guys are in a mature relationship. If she does contact in a few days, I would be sure you ask her why so long and let her know that the behavior is unacceptable. 5, maybe 6 now, days of NC - you might be better off moving on from her anyways.

 

[narcissist]

Agreed. Stay silent. 5 days is too long for NC if you guys are in a mature relationship. If she does contact in a few days, I would be sure you ask her why so long and let her know that the behavior is unacceptable. 5, maybe 6 now, days of NC - you might be better off moving on from her anyways.

I personally would not ask. It is disrespectful and you should just tell her that it is disrespectful and that you will have to think about whether exclusivity with her is in line with your future goals now that you realize how she acts in a relationship. But ONLY WHEN SHE CONTACTS YOU. Until then stay ghost. And then, I would seriously consider dumping her. Even if something serious happened, it is completely disrespectful to leave you wondering why she isnt contacting you. It takes literally 1 minute to say "hey something serious came up, I will not be able to contact you, I'll tell you what happened in a week. Talk soon babe" Or whatever. No contact is just fvcking unaccetpable. How old is this woman too? Like in her 30s? She knows what she is doing. This is not naivety. She's playing games. You gotta be a man here. If you dont she will continue to do this nonsense in the future.

I personally would demote her from exclusivity, clearly she isn't quality enough to be a girlfriend.

 

[sazc]

I personally would not ask. It is disrespectful and you should just tell her that it is disrespectful and that you will have to think about whether exclusivity with her is in line with your future goals now that you realize how she acts in a relationship. But ONLY WHEN SHE CONTACTS YOU. Until then stay ghost. And then, I would seriously consider dumping her. Even if something serious happened, it is completely disrespectful to leave you wondering why she isnt contacting you. It takes literally 1 minute to say "hey something serious came up, I will not be able to contact you, I'll tell you what happened in a week. Talk soon babe" Or whatever. No contact is just fvcking unaccetpable. How old is this woman too? Like in her 30s? She knows what she is doing. This is not naivety. She's playing games. You gotta be a man here. If you dont she will continue to do this nonsense in the future.

I personally would demote her from exclusivity, clearly she isn't quality enough to be a girlfriend.

I agree. I mean, you can shoot someone a text while you are on the toilet. This whole NC on her part, when they are supposed to be exclusive, casts a weird vibe onto everything. How do you even bring it up w/o sounding needy? It does feel like a game, or a power play. It definitely should NOT be happening, period. You might be better off simply moving on - and dont worry too much about letting HER know that......

 

[xstang77]

Thanks for the replies,I'm seriously considering so,kind of sucks since there's been no bs at all up until now,strongly thinking about calling her just to see what happens my family who has talked and met her say this is really not her and something must be wrong.

 

[xstang77]

Just real damn strange this girl literally did 5 hours worth of driving less then a month ago just to spend 4 hours with me when my cat died because she felt bad,that and the things she said just the other day and how close her daughter and I became last weekend just doesn't add up.