STR help

[Doctormad]

Here is a bit of background on my situation: A month and a half a go I met this girl at work who was in my training seminar. We hit it off as friends but from day one I could tell she wanted more. Now at first I was not attracted to her and I just wanted to be friends when she invited me to her place for a movie the first weekened since we had met. Well in the span of two hours we went from holding hands to full out monkey sex. At first I told her that I just wanted to be friends with benefits and she seemed to be ok with that. I should also mention that she has a daughter and I told her that I didnt want to meet her just yet.

Even after I slept with her a couple more times I was still not attracted to her but gradually I started to develop some feelings. Not love mind you, but definate feelings of caring for her. We eventually decided to become exclusive, and I got to know her daughter (thereby complicating matters even more).

The last couple of weeks though have been making me wonder though. Last week she lost her job, and although I do not mind spending time with her AND her daughter, I need to spend time with her alone. Its been ages since we went out on an actual date, because she is afraid to leave her daughter for even an hour or let someone else take care of her. She even wants me to have sex at her place while her daughter is there and awake, and refuses to come to my place even for an hour or two to do the deed, even though she used to before.

I know I am being quite the AFC in putting up with this. I do care for her a lot although I do not "love" her despite the times she has said she loves me (how can you love somebody you have only gone out with over a month). She says she does not want me to be a father figure for her daughter, yet I feel I am being drawn into that role more and more. After work, I am going to have a long talk with her about these issues, and see what she says.

 

[RedPill]

Originally posted by Doctormad
I know I am being quite the AFC in putting up with this.

No kidding. Not here to judge, but why are you putting up with this? Break it off with her, and find another, or many other women. This is a *classic* example of what happens when you get involved with a single mommy.

 

[Colossus]

1. You say you are not very attracted to her.

2. She doesnt want you to be a father figure for her daughter, yet she "loves" you....after a month and a half. Whoever she is sleeping with on a regular basis is going to be part of her daughter's life.

3. Being drawn into the father role? You betcha. Why on earth would you want to pursue a woman with another man's kid?


This doesnt sound like a good deal, my man.

 

[legolas]

Wow it seems to me like she seduced you!! First movie at her place, making out, then sex. Then exclusivity and some feelings, and now what's next, marriage?? Watch out dude!!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Originally posted by Doctormad
I met this girl at work,..

Strike One!

We hit it off as friends but from day one

Strike Two!

I should also mention that she has a daughter

Steeeerike Threeee!

YERRRR OUUUT!





Nexxxxxtt!

Stop breaking protocol here and you wont have these kinds of problems. If you were spinning more plates this single mommy would be lucky to have you consider her a booty call, but you don't so you "develop feelings" for the only thing you've got going.

 

[Doctormad]

Update:

I broke it off with her. The reason? Because of a stunt she pulled a couple of nights ago. Me and her went for a walk, and then went to the store. For some god-knows-what reason she took off on me. For the next 15 minutes, I combed the store and outside looking for her, then I got a call saying that she walked home because she had a headache (yeah, right). I calmly but firmly told her that what she did was very disrespectful and to never do that to me again, then hung up.

All day yesterday I was thinking as to why I was still with her. I realized I need a change, and I still need to grow as a human being.

Stop breaking protocol here and you wont have these kinds of problems. If you were spinning more plates this single mommy would be lucky to have you consider her a booty call, but you don't so you "develop feelings" for the only thing you've got going.

This was one of the things I was thinking about when I kicked her to the curb. I met her thinking I was the prize, and it seems that temporarily I forgot about it. I am going to take the next few months off from women. I want to focus on self improvement and getting back into the mindset that I am now, and forever will be the prize. Either way its good to be single again!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Good for you. Now that you've decided to reattach your testicles, remember the Rules.

1. NEVER date women from work - or at least from a job you depend on or care about.

2. It's sex first and THEN friendship, never friends first and then sex. Attraction is spontaneous and chemical in nature, friendship is developed and invested.

3. No single mommies. Period. The deductive logic is that they're 'easier' due the their conditions and the risk of rejection lower (particularly if you're rejection-phobic or in a dry spell), but the long term ramifications are never worth the effort incomparisson to childless women. Rejection is better than regret.

4. Never allow your conditions to lower your standards. Go out and initiate with women you are genuinely attracted to rather than settling for ones who are anything less than ideal. Keep your standards inspite of your conditions.