story time: AFC comedy hour

[monster squad]

There's a lot of negativity and depression going on within this board, so I'm starting this thread so others can share some of the AFC misfortunes they've had the displeasure of witnessing in others, hoping to brightening a few people's day. In other words, to show others that no matter how bad they might think they have it right now, there's usually somebody more hopeless than them floating around somewhere.

My story starts a few years back. I was working as a delivery guy for this pizza place. Kind of a hole in the wall joint, not one of the bigger chains. This story centers around the 30-something manager, and a 16 year old employee.

There was always something about this guy that gave me the creeps. He was in his mid-30's, and lived in an apartment with his mother. Or as he put it, she lived with him. He didn't seem to have a life outside of work, other than fantasy football, and collecting wrestling videos on ebay. When he wasn't badgering people with sports statistics, he'd blurt out the most inappropriate things about naked 9 year olds, and stories about his preteen neice going to the bathroom.

Anyway, this 15 year old girls started working there. Not much happened, I guess, but when she turned 16, this guy went nuts. For all intents and purposes, the girl is attractive (she's over 18 now), but I will never understand how somebody could be this pathetic over any girl, let alone one 20 years younger . Here's a brief rundown of the dumbass (and disturbing) things this guy did:

- bought her packs of cigarettes everyday
- bought her candy
- brought in catalogs for teenage girls clothing for her and her friends to look at (the mailing labels were adressed to him)
- let her borrow his car, despite her having no license
- invited her to come with him to the shore, which would have been considered kidnapping, as he'd be taking her out of state
- threw a temper tantrum when she declined ("I'll settle this! I'll go to the shore BY MY SELF!!"), but continued to pester her with text messages about it anyway
- gave her his personal schedule, letting her know when he was going tanning, swimming, ect.
- invited her to go tanning with him (I snuck a peek at his text messages, naughty :nono: )
- possibly stalked her outside her house (She told me that on more than a few occasions, her dog would go crazy, and she'd see someone ducking in her backyard. I told her to stop teasing people before she gets hurt. Stupid women...)
- invited her and her teenage friends to attend some party he claimed he was having, trying to lure them with booze (I told her that if I found out she was stupid enough to go, I'd call the cops myself)
- gave one of her friends $500 to purchase a car, which he apparently never got back

This isn't even touching on some of his other strange **** this guy pulled, like when he began wearing women's fingernails, and shaved his arms and legs.

All good things must come to an end, and even some not so good ones, as one day she didn't bother showing up for work. Fearing that she may be fired as a result, he clocked her in anyway, and called in another employee to cover her shift, paying the unscheduled employee out of his own pocket. The boss watched the tape from that day, noticed that she wasn't there despite being on the timecard, and fired her, while demoting the pedo guy. He quit shortly thereafter. Out of loneliness perhaps?

Ya know... this is actually depressing now that I think about it.

 

[PersonalJesus]

hahaha what the ****

What is the human race coming to bro

 

[KarmaSutra]

hahaha what the ****

What is the human race coming to bro

This kid is a fvcking tool. Posting rubbish to raise his post count. Just because it may label you Master Don Juan doesn't make it so. Lots of KBJ's do it. You're not original by any means.

Stay in the middle school forum.

 

[PersonalJesus]

Haha, relax, it's just the internet.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Haha, relax, it's just the internet.

I'm going to help you grow brother. Right here, right now. There are brothers who come here with dedication to resolving personal conflicts and indecision, when fvcktards like you come around cluttering up space it does nothing but lower the overall validity this forum can attain.

So, post if you have something of merit to say and not just "haha, I'm a fvcking retard who can only post haha's."

Take it to heart. I know you're only 16 but ignorance is not an excuse at any age. This is sh!t your old man should be shoving up your ass and down your throat.

 

[Sanity_Cleaver]

Ya know... this is actually depressing now that I think about it.

Hahaha thats the funniest part of the whole thread!! :crackup:

 

[MacDiddy]

I see this as an opportunity. Differentiate yourself and she will notice the difference. She'll want her goofer, and she'll want a real man too.. thats where you come in..

 

[Play the Game]

This isn't even touching on some of his other strange **** this guy pulled, like when he began wearing women's fingernails, and shaved his arms and legs.

You sure his name isn't Mystery?

 

[monster squad]

I see this as an opportunity. Differentiate yourself and she will notice the difference. She'll want her goofer, and she'll want a real man too.. thats where you come in..

Nah. She's too young. She used to try and flirt with me all the time, and then asked me to take her to a stripclub for her 18th birthday. I never bothered to call her that day. Haven't heard from her since, and I don't really care.

 

[ValleyDJing]

Here's my AFC story, its pretty short.

I went to the movies the other day...grown ass men in spiderman costumes waiting outside the theatre. No joke.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Here's my AFC story, its pretty short.

I went to the movies the other day...grown ass men in spiderman costumes waiting outside the theatre. No joke.

This is fvcking true. My buddies and I went to the midnight show and there was this fvcking imbecile perched up on the chair spidey style in full costume. He damn near got his red and blue ass beat by Karma-Goblin for being a b!tch and not sitting in his chair.

Motherfvckin' spidey-sense ain't working!

 

[Vulpine]

My friend never turns his phone off.

We are sitting in the woods turkey hunting when I hear *whrrrrr... whrrrrr... whrrrrr...*

What does this fvcktard do? Rummages around in his pocket, fishes out his phone, flips it open *FLICK*, sees who calls, looks at me to say "stupid b!tch, calling me at 05:15!", flips his phone shut *SNAP*, stuffs the phone back in his pocket, and looks at me like "What?"

V: "No, stupid you. We've been sitting here for an hour without a sound, without flinching, and right at fly-down you answer your FVCKING PHONE!??!" :cuss:

This guy NEVER turns his phone off. He's always on his phone, talking to women he isn't banging, texting... he's worse than a teenage girl - and he's 38!

AFC... on the leash that is the cellphone: dazzled by a possible glimpse of the vag.



Needless to say, when the turkeys did finally fly down, they flew to the other side of the planet. Busted as fux... thanks buddy.

 

[Soprano]

damn 1st post is hilarious hahahahahahaha that dude will probably end up in prison for some **** like that one day

i had a friend who used to drive a girl to and home from work every day because he liked her. this went on for a long ass time. might be the most AFC thing ive ever seen.