stop your divorce ???

[MacAvoy]

Anybody ever read and try stop your divorce - the ebook? I have a copy of it, however after reading someone else's post about becoming a wuss and losing control of the relationship, I am curious if you can regain the power back and maintain the relationship.

I know we would all agree to simply move on, but the AFC's always ask how can I save it. Do you think these relationships can be saved without actually moving on to another women?

 

[BrotherAP]

It can be done.

I have done it. I wanted my girl back, after she cheated on me, and the experience was life changing and eye opening. I went through a period of rapid maturation, and in the process learned the true meaning of self reliance and understood the co-dependant nature of our relationship was unhealthy in that I was unwilling to risk 'losing' her, even when her actions actually made her undeserving of me.

Ironically, when I finally matured enough to make the hard decision of cutting her out of my life and moving on in spite of the pain that it would cause me in the short term, she took a great notice of my self sufficience and fell back in love with me.

Now she is the one learning how to live without the one she loves. If she hadn't cheated on me, it would all be different. I could afford her another chance. As it is, I could have taken her back on ANY terms - I had complete power. She begged and pleaded me time and time again, leaving heart wrenching messages that flooded me with memories of our best moments and a deep selfless desire to protect her and even guilt that I could just kiss her and make her happy, but since I believed that it truly would not be for the best I made the much harder choice and told her that I could not do it.

What changed the nature of our relationship wasn't a technique I read on the internet - it was a complete overhaul of my beliefs, and it was permanent. If I had decided to take her back, she would have seen a side of me that she never saw before. If you want to save a relationship, you have to truly change yourself.

I recommend reading Rollo Tomassi's thread about power dynamics in relationships here http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=77115

 

[penkitten]

this should be in mature man forum

 

[BrotherAP]

If it was, I couldn't have replied

 

[KarmaSutra]

Originally posted by BrotherAP
It can be done.

I have done it. I wanted my girl back, after she cheated on me, and the experience was life changing and eye opening. I went through a period of rapid maturation, and in the process learned the true meaning of self reliance and understood the co-dependant nature of our relationship was unhealthy in that I was unwilling to risk 'losing' her, even when her actions actually made her undeserving of me.


Ironically, when I finally matured enough to make the hard decision of cutting her out of my life and moving on in spite of the pain that it would cause me in the short term, she took a great notice of my self sufficience and fell back in love with me.



I recommend reading Rollo Tomassi's thread about power dynamics in relationships here http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=77115

I had a similar situation. Only the woman in question was my wife.

After all of our back and forth bvllsh1t, Once I made the decision to cut her off completely ( I've already expalined all of this ad-naseum in a previous post ). She realized my world didn't have her in it's orbit and found herself more in love with me than when we were married.

 

[penkitten]

it can happen if both people want the marriage bad enough.

 

[dannyme]

It is possible I guess. But it takes a lot of hard work for both people. Getting back together is supposably the easy part. The only problem is maintaining it. But the resentment and all the guilt and anger built up to the separation is too difficult to undo.

Unless you can forget everything that had ever happened. And unless you can live with yourself hoping and praying and fearing it will happen again. And inside of you, you already know that it happened before and may happen again.

 

[joekerr31]

Originally posted by MacAvoy
Anybody ever read and try stop your divorce - the ebook? I have a copy of it, however after reading someone else's post about becoming a wuss and losing control of the relationship, I am curious if you can regain the power back and maintain the relationship.

I know we would all agree to simply move on, but the AFC's always ask how can I save it. Do you think these relationships can be saved without actually moving on to another women?

anything can be saved, but that doesnt mean it should be.

you can stop a divorce, but only if you address all the issues and history of hurt that have lead to the divorced.
that could take a year or more of councelling to do.

I think its rare to find two people both committed to that kind of personal growth work.

this is why I always say, DON'T get married before you are 25. do it right the first time and you won't have to worry about these issues.

J