Stop Worrying So Much.

[BigSmooth]

Nowadays, there have been many posts which go along the lines of something such as this:

"What does this text mean?"
"Was she 5hit testing me when she was doing _____?"
"Does she like me?"
"Was I being too non-alpha?"
"I think I might have screwed up with this chick."

And on...and on...and on.


Let me first say that there is nothing wrong with looking at your past actions and analyzing what you did wrong. There's nothing wrong with being a bit nervous about a situation and asking for guidance on this board. There's nothing wrong with not knowing how to respond in some situations and later on have constructive discussions on how to improve.

But the line is crossed when you continuously obsess over every little action, word, moment, facial expression, comment, situation, etc.


Some people have gotten so concerned with success that they overthink everything!


There is a fine line between normally analyzing the past and overthinking too much about every little thing that happened!


People that are so concerned with being successful with women will start to over-think and over-analyze every little aspect when things don't start going their way.

What happens when you do this?

Your presence is not in the moment! You are no longer in tune with the present! You will choke every single time. It is a cycle of failure.


So stop worrying about every single little text message, possible "signals" that were sent from a girl and eye contact that might or might not have been suggestive! If you want her, just go for it! Stop over-thinking. What has happened has already happened, so stop dwelling on your past, no matter how much failure you had.



If it ends up not working out, oh fvcking well! On to the next one. Losing ONE girl should not be a huge issue at all, so stop worrying so much about the outcome and the path to that outcome. Just use your instincts, become in tune with the present, and ACT.


Let me give you an example: Today me and my friend were casually hanging out at one of those Asian "sweet tea drinks" places. I've never been to one so he brought me. We were just talking and catching up, when I noticed that the cashier was eyeing me. My friend noticed too and urged me to approach her. I said alright I will because this girl had a gorgeous smile. Unfortunately, my lack of spontaneous action was my downfall as a large group of loud obnoxious high-schoolers promptly entered into the store and the cashier was no longer available. I learned my lesson in that opportunities disappear faster than they come. If you don't make your move, you might never get another chance.

However, I didn't DWELL on this mistake/failure. I analyzed what I did wrong, and moved on!

I didn't come on here and post a sob story thread about "what if I did this" or "what if she actually wasn't giving me any signals" or any of that bs.


I saw her look at me, I assumed she was interested, and I SHOULD have made a move! However I didn't, and I lived and I learned.



The point I am trying to make is that no situation is ever perfect. No situation will ever be like one that will happen in your dreams. That is why you have to stop over-thinking because you will get lost with all your thoughts and "concepts" and you will lose your instincts and your presence in the present.



In short: Stop over-thinking. Stop over-thinking what you did in the past, and stop-overthinking in your present situation. Be in tune with the present moment, and follow your manly instincts. If you want to kiss her, kiss her. Stop over-analyzing what might happen if you kiss or don't kiss her. Just do it. Things don't just happen. Things are made to happen. Life isn't really that complicated. So stop making it so complicated in your mind.


I assure you, the more you over-think, the less chance you will ever make a move to kiss a girl or ask her out. And when this happens, you will regret your inaction for a long time. So just make a move. Be in the present. If you kiss her and it doesn't work out, the feeling you get will be so much better than if you never kissed her and regret it.


Oh, and learn from my mistake. Take advantage of any opportunities that come your way.

"Successful men are men who are ready for any opportunities that may come."



~BSmooth

 

[bcolon]

Your username is gave me a chuckle. My sister's Pastor calls me "B Smoove".

But on topic. Your post is certainly worthy of taking into consideration and should be put in the DJ Bible.

Over analyzing is probably one of the biggest things most early DJ faced their whole life. I do it. I see a girl I want to talk to or fvck. I quickly revert to analyzing a scenario on how it will plan out or what she will say or be prepared if she rejects. Rather than grabbing my balls. Dropping the analyzing bullsh^t and talk to her.

It's so simple. I believe over analyzing quickly reverts to putting that woman on the pedestal.

Good sh^t man.

 

[BigSmooth]

Your username is gave me a chuckle. My sister's Pastor calls me "B Smoove".

But on topic. Your post is certainly worthy of taking into consideration and should be put in the DJ Bible.

Over analyzing is probably one of the biggest things most early DJ faced their whole life. I do it. I see a girl I want to talk to or fvck. I quickly revert to analyzing a scenario on how it will plan out or what she will say or be prepared if she rejects. Rather than grabbing my balls. Dropping the analyzing bullsh^t and talk to her.

It's so simple. I believe over analyzing quickly reverts to putting that woman on the pedestal.

Good sh^t man.

Liking the name B Smoove haha.


But yes, I am guilty of doing it on occasion too, but overanalyzing is the 5000ft brick wall in front of your path to being a Don Juan.


Just remember that the scenario that will happen in real life usually is NEVER the ones you think about in your head. It will never play out exactly the way you want it to, so basically you are creating your own downfall by preparing for a scenario that will never happen.

So stop thinking, take a deep breath, and charge into the present! Be in tune with your instincts and the information you accumulated on this board and in your past experiences. Just Be.

 

[floydb25]

Tru tru. But what you need to realize is, people who worry, obsess, and over-analyze this kind of stuff to the extreme that its taken on here are usually crazy and insecure. They gotta fix those core issues of co-dependancy, neediness, approval-seeking, over-sensitivity, bitterness, love addiction, etc, or they're just going to keep going around in circles, and feeding the beast they're trying to avoid. So, telling them to stop worrying isn't gonna accomplish anything.

I used to be the same way, and would worry / obsess / panic / hate / lash out, like the guys on here do. I'd take everything super personally, and couldn't stand the idea of not being accepted. But, its all pointless, and doesn't really matter. Just getting worked up over nothing - as a result of your own insecurities and issues.

The problem generally lies with the person in question. Crazy people generally aren't very successful, which just makes them even more crazy and angry, so the first step is to stop being crazy, and making things out to be bigger than they are. You're just sabotaging your own potential success when you do this. So, knock it off. It's not a big deal. Who cares.

There should be a therapy screening process before being allowed to post here. We'd probably all fail. :rockon:

 

[BigSmooth]

Tru tru. But what you need to realize is, people who worry, obsess, and over-analyze this kind of stuff to the extreme that its taken on here are usually crazy and insecure. They gotta fix those core issues of co-dependancy, neediness, approval-seeking, over-sensitivity, bitterness, love addiction, etc, or they're just going to keep going around in circles, and feeding the beast they're trying to avoid. So, telling them to stop worrying isn't gonna accomplish anything.

I used to be the same way, and would worry / obsess / panic / hate / lash out, like the guys on here do. I'd take everything super personally, and couldn't stand the idea of not being accepted. But, its all pointless, and doesn't really matter. Just getting worked up over nothing - as a result of your own insecurities and issues.

The problem generally lies with the person in question. Crazy people generally aren't very successful, which just makes them even more crazy and angry, so the first step is to stop being crazy, and making things out to be bigger than they are. You're just sabotaging your own potential success when you do this. So, knock it off. It's not a big deal. Who cares.

There should be a therapy screening process before being allowed to post here. We'd probably all fail. :rockon:

Agreed, it is definitely a problem with the person in question. I do think however, that it can work both ways.

Most of the time, one has to improve himself in other facets of life, and this transformation will carry on to his social life. It's been seen a lot on this board. Users throughout the years have transformed themselves into a much better person in all areas of life, and it carried over to their love life.

However, I think that sometimes it works the other way around. When one stops worrying so much about trivial things in their social life, that can also spark change and transformation in other areas of one's life.


I posted this on a thread about social anxiety, and I think my original thread should also be read with this:

Getting laid should never be your sole focus in life. It obviously seems like your are desperately trying to get with a girl and you are putting all your efforts into this. Stop. Stop right now.

Stop focusing on the girls. Start focusing on you. Improve yourself. Of course the advice about "becoming the prize" and "being more alpha and more confident" didn't work for you. You don't have the pedigree and the real life experiences to back that mentality up! You'll never truly feel naturally confident and "alpha" if you know deep down inside you are a fake who is just pretending to be someone you aren't. Start improving yourself. Start working out. Start dressing better. Start focusing on other things in life instead of just trying to get with girls all the time. You need to build YOU. As the famous Pook said, you will never find the woman of your dreams until you become the man of your dreams.

Getting a good degree and getting a good job is part of being successful in life. I'm not saying that it is for everyone, or that EVERYONE that is successful in life has a degree, but it provides you with many things you want to enjoy. The world opens up to you when you have the means to enjoy it. Especially if you enjoy your job and the people you work with, it is a great feeling.

What do you enjoy in life? Ask yourself that. If you don't feel satisfied with your answer, go and try new things. Go join some clubs. Do anything. Just get out there. Your problem isn't just interacting with girls. Your problem is that you don't know who you really are, which is why you have never felt comfortable talking with other people. Go and discover yourself. Once you've done that, talking to girls will be the least of your problems. You will one day realize that their opinions don't matter for 5hit, there are millions of women out there so who cares what ONE thinks about you. You know who you are, you are a man who has harnessed the true zest in life through the accumulation of life's experiences and meeting new people and seeing new places and feeling more emotions.


Killing yourself is the easy way out. A man is not a quitter. Don't quit. Only the weak quit. And you are not weak. Your are a fvcking Gladiator, and you will fight your way out. It never comes easy, so embrace the fight. When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself you are a warrior. Whether it is physically, mentally, or emotionally, everyone faces a war sometime in their life. The strong survive. Do you want to be strong? Is the man of your dreams strong? Well then, you must embrace your inner strength. Everyone has it. Unfortunately some people give up way too soon. Never be that person. Many potentially great warriors were lost because they failed to fight just ONE MORE TIME. They quit too early. If you want to succeed, keep pushing.

 

[floydb25]

Yes, most people who obsess over stuff like this are usually empty, insecure, unhappy, and trying to fill the voids in their life. They feel like they have to prove something, and like you said, trying to be something they're not. It's not healthy to be fake just to appeal. You don't need anyone, or to prove anything. They're just people. People are just like you. They're nothing special. Who cares if they reject you? It doesn't say anything about you - you're not going to appeal to everyone, and don't need to. Too many people care about what other people think, or are doing. Who cares? That causes a lot of these problems, and getting caught up in these kind of people - who are obsessed with this crap, as well. The fake chasing the fake.

These people fail as a result of their own issues - which just makes those issues even worse. When they take it to the extreme of trying to be pretty boy badasses, and all these things. They're still trying to gain other people's approval. They're still fake and insecure. They're still unhappy and empty. Most of them are trying to gain the approval of those who DON'T want them, and that's where the craziness starts.

So, definitely, improving yourself for yourself is a huge first step. You don't need all these women, or give a **** about all this stuff. It's not important. Really just just a scapegoat to mask the more serious issues. That's why so many people drive themselves crazy over this stuff - they already were crazy! They're just feeding their own craziness by getting caught up in all this obsession, worrying, rejection, drama, bitterness, etc. It's just a tool. Stop being crazy, and watch it all go away.

A lot of it has to do with your mindset, and focus. Once you realize it doesn't matter - it starts to fade away. Getting a damn life would certainly help. You really don't need to worry about what other people think. When someone rejects you, and says you're ugly or not good enough - they're likely crazy, fake, and insecure themselves. Hence, their obsession with being superior. You don't need to prove anything to this kind of person, or let their attacks get to you. **** them. Trying to win over this kind of person just brings you right into their crazy, shallow lifestyle, and ****s up your mindset even more. It's a vicious cycle, but starts with you being crazy.

I like your post on the social anxiety issue.

 

[Trump]

If it ends up not working out, oh fvcking well! On to the next one. Losing ONE girl should not be a huge issue at all, so stop worrying so much about the outcome and the path to that outcome. Just use your instincts, become in tune with the present, and ACT.

Let me give you an example: Today me and my friend were casually hanging out at one of those Asian "sweet tea drinks" places. I've never been to one so he brought me. We were just talking and catching up, when I noticed that the cashier was eyeing me. My friend noticed too and urged me to approach her. I said alright I will because this girl had a gorgeous smile. Unfortunately, my lack of spontaneous action was my downfall as a large group of loud obnoxious high-schoolers promptly entered into the store and the cashier was no longer available. I learned my lesson in that opportunities disappear faster than they come. If you don't make your move, you might never get another chance.

However, I didn't DWELL on this mistake/failure. I analyzed what I did wrong, and moved on!

I didn't come on here and post a sob story thread about "what if I did this" or "what if she actually wasn't giving me any signals" or any of that bs.


I saw her look at me, I assumed she was interested, and I SHOULD have made a move! However I didn't, and I lived and I learned.

In short: Stop over-thinking. Stop over-thinking what you did in the past, and stop-overthinking in your present situation. Be in tune with the present moment, and follow your manly instincts. If you want to kiss her, kiss her. Stop over-analyzing what might happen if you kiss or don't kiss her. Just do it. Things don't just happen. Things are made to happen. Life isn't really that complicated. So stop making it so complicated in your mind.

Generally would agree, but it's not as simple as "oh well, her loss, whatever, move on". There aren't that many single available girls in the world that you can easily go from one to the next without any type of game plan or focus. Granted don't take things personally, but you have to put your absolute best foot forward and sell yourself at all times, otherwise you will be considered aloof.
If you ask 10 girls out and they all tell you to go hell, something is definitely wrong and you have to figure it out.

I don't understand how some high schoolers would make a cashier unavailable, did they take her away? Did they forbid her from talking to anyone? Not sure I understand.

 

[BigSmooth]

Generally would agree, but it's not as simple as "oh well, her loss, whatever, move on". There aren't that many single available girls in the world that you can easily go from one to the next without any type of game plan or focus.

Maybe you aren't looking in the right places, because I haven't really had too much of a problem meeting a girl who happens to be single. Granted, it is definitely easier if you are in college, or if you a club/bar frequenter or you have a network of lady friends who can introduce you to their single friends. However, the single ladies are out there.

As for "her loss, whatever, move on", it's just that. You tried your best, but she didn't like you or wasn't attracted to you or just wasn't into the same things as you. There's nothing you can do, so instead of dwelling on every single little detail, you have to realize that the game is over and it's time to keep moving. Plenty of times there wasn't any huge mistakes made during the interaction, but men will try to justify why the relationship didn't work out when over-thinking and they will make up theories and concepts in their head to satisfy their urge to have a "reason" for why it failed.

Granted don't take things personally, but you have to put your absolute best foot forward and sell yourself at all times, otherwise you will be considered aloof.

Well yes, but you should always be putting your best foot forward in EVERYTHING you do in life. It's not just something you do with women. It's a mindset that you should live by. And developing that mindset is from what I described earlier in my posts.

If you ask 10 girls out and they all tell you to go hell, something is definitely wrong and you have to figure it out.

You're probably over exaggerating, but if ten girls actually DO tell you to go to hell when you ask them out, you're either approaching the wrong type of girl, or there is something very wrong with the way you are interacting with them.

Now, if they just reject/flake on you, then yes you might not be the impressive person you think you are in your head, which is why you must improve yourself in all other areas of life, while also learning the basics of communicating with a woman.

I don't understand how some high schoolers would make a cashier unavailable, did they take her away? Did they forbid her from talking to anyone? Not sure I understand.

Yes they tied her up, put a bag over her head and kidnapped her and dumped her in an alley.

I was just strapped for time, and we were about to leave. I was going to approach before we had to leave, but I hesitated and my opportunity was gone as this group of high schoolers numbered over 15+ people and she was the only cashier.