Stop Caring (Random updates)

[Nemic]

So past few weeks have been interesting. Expanding my social circles pretty drastically, and flirting with women much more then I have, well ever. My inner game still sucks, and still have approach anxiety, but am working on it.

The Holidays were different in a weird way for me this year being a single dad, and not getting my kid on Xmas day was just strange. My dad said it best "You will have a few of those weird years in your life, expect more".

One thing that I'm having to realize is I have got to stop caring. Stop caring if it pisses her off when I say something. stop worrying about what her reaction will be. Stop second guessing myself on my responses. the AFC nice guy in me is trying to damn hard to sabotage me.

Here is how pathetic that AFCness is.
got a txt from a prospect
"hey, call me tonite, have a question for you"
Gut was all "make it sexual somehow", so I did; abit poorly
"the answers are red lace, bottom, and vanilla scents"

the entire damn time the AFC was doing that "zomg dont send that" with the nervous feeling in my stomach that I'm going to piss her off. Which is why I sent it. I told myself if it pisses her off, f-her. I DONT HAVE TO CARE.

So while the DJwanabe Gut is trying to escalate, the AFC gut is counteracting it with just as strong feelings.

So my personal lesson of the day is STOP FVCKING CARING. Piss some people off, make them hate you, its much better then making them forget you.

 

[squirrels]

The Don Juan bible can give you a starting point for talking to women. But the only way you get REALLY good at it is to actually take chances...TALK to women and say/do some of these things without worrying if a girl shuts you down. It's the only way you get the sense of subtle calibration it takes to deliver some of this stuff.

 

[jophil28]

Gut was all "make it sexual somehow", so I did; abit poorly...

with the nervous feeling in my stomach that I'm going to piss her off. Which is why I sent it. I told myself if it pisses her off, f-her. I DONT HAVE TO CARE.

Man, you have huge anxiety problems. And they are all rooted in a belief that the way to gain a woman's approval is to be nice and pleasant, predictably accomodating and generally NOT be a problem to her ..Ever !

Those are the requirements of a servant.

However you are not alone. Most of us have elements of that belief, or residual fragments of it, lurking in our psyche.
The way to overcome your anxiety is to chip away at it by taking risks and feeling the outcome, one risk at a time .

IT may help to know that women generally find teasing humor and wiseazz comments which stop short of insult to be very appealing.

Your reply above qualifies nicely.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Nemic,
Don't fret mate,what you found out at 31,I found out at 58.....an interesting experiment that will get you started,well at least it did me was when I had a correspondence developing on an Internet Dating site say on the fourth Mail,I would simply say Hey why don't you take an afternoon off this week,we could do a Chinese feed then slip back to my place for a nice Swedish Massage,maybe conversation and a spot of Afternoon delight for desserts......the results were always positive,extremely so....straight away about twenty percent were offended and cut off all communication....Good,they are prudes no good to me any how....about 40 percent said they generally didn't approve of such things,but kept corresponding....a further thirty percent inferred that they might be interested but would like to know me better....but then the paydirt the remaining 10 percent said they would like to meet first,only a couple ever agreed there and then....but the really interesting thing was that generally my status seemed to lift,they treated me differently and better,even a few of the first twenty percent wrote back,one after eighteen months....these few were interesting,for them the initial decision had provoked a lot of soul searching,if they eventually did cross the Rubicon,then it was generally a boots and all decision,they were going to meet a smooth badarvse and in a moment of weakness they were going to enjoy it.

 

[PokerInTheRear]

Nemic - You are right on track. It sounds like we are in similar situations. I was exactly like that just 6 mos ago - just doing it is the biggest step many never take.

That was a perfect text reply btw.

 

[Nemic]

squirrels: I've read the first few chapters of the DJB a few times. I learn something each time, but I haven't made it a point to actually try it as a class/program yet. I am making it a point to talk to random women no matter what. Say something, anything just to get used to it. Nothing provocative yet, but its been a good start. Read a few books on 'game' and I'm going to read a few books about comedy to try and beef up my 'funny'.

jophil28: Pretty much anxiety sums it up. Hindsight this was a core issue in my marriage. Marriage counseling couldn't figure it out, but reading this site + my memories made it click. I didn't do or say anything to avoid pissing her off and never spoke my mind, just made everything so politically correct, that she got bored of trying to incite emotion out of me with more and more drama, and getting nothing but cautious logic, that she emotionally fell for another guy at work that "gets" her, and provided her with the drama she craved.

scaramouche: I'm intentionally avoiding internet dating cause I just want to prove to myself I can do it w/out the internet. But I love the idea and concept of that approach, and is something I will try. Your method reinforces that ultimately everything is a numbers game. I keep telling myself that. higher numbers.. more success.


Update: Her question was two fold. she was inviting me to watch her perform this Saturday with her band, and to see the status of my winter VB team which she wants to play on. I TOTALLY missed some innuendo moments on the phone that I may try to make up in-person tomorrow when I see her.

her: "nono, I want to play with you thursdays!"

worst part is I had a dirty thought cross my mind, but that afc a$$hole stopped me. I see it as a stepping stone that the thought crossed my mind at least for a moment. Next time I'll capitalize on it. the Interest level of this chick makes me think that if I did it right, I could bag her tomorrow night, and make this my first true plate of many.

edit: Glad that was a good txt reply. Silly as it seems these little details can really toy with your head in the begining of this journey.

 

[Nemic]

Heh. Mr DJ wannabe had an idea.

Going to tell her that I will pick her up at 6, to goto VB tomorrow (Open Gym). Then if she tries to evade, work the conversation in a way to tell her that I want to go back to her place after.

If it works, BAM I'm in. if it doesn't, she at least will know where I stand.

 

[jophil28]

..anxiety sums it up. Hindsight this was a core issue in my marriage. Marriage counseling couldn't figure it out, but reading this site + my memories made it click. I didn't do or say anything to avoid pissing her off and never spoke my mind, just made everything so politically correct, that she got bored of trying to incite emotion out of me with more and more drama, and getting nothing but cautious logic, that she emotionally fell for another guy at work that "gets" her, and provided her with the drama she craved.

>> One of the unintended side effects of PC speak is a kind of flat emotional presentation by the speaker which seems to bore the crAp out of the listener. It results in a kind of detachment between the speaker and the listener, perhaps because it is devoid of "realness" and sounds so fukking phony .
However it is a great way to hide your personal authenticity.

You wife sought someone else who could make her "feel" by his being "real".

Learn the lesson, Nemic.