Stop being a "Capitan Save a Ho"

[Blue Phoenix]

Stop being a "Capitan-Save-a-Ho"

Something I´ve observed is that nice guys tend to take care of girls hoping that one day they will be so grateful that they will give their p*ssies to them. Yet most of the times while she´s being pampered by you she´s giving it to the bad boy who doesn´t give a sh!t about her. It´s funny how selfishness can be effective sometimes, while the guy who is too understanding is left with nothing but little money, and a broken heart. He may even taste the girl but only according to her agenda.

This quote summarizes this dynamics:

I will not give you what you really need, I can't. I am too busy trying to get what I need and deserve from you. I can give you a bit of this and that if you like but nothing that requires honest emotional investment because I am not emotionally available. I am really just empty. I am really all about smoke and mirrors. I love you so much though. I'd never hurt you. But then again, how would I know if I hurt you because I am substance addicted and oblivious to conscience or the feelings you have anyway you know? You, on the other hand, you are emotionally available and luckily for you I am here to demand and take endlessly from your compassion and empathic stores of emotion. You can chase me if you like but you won't catch me. What will happen is that the more you chase, the more I will get you and as I get you, you will get more caught up in trying to fix me then caring about yourself. I have you right where I want you.

The biggest problem is that we tend to put women on pedestal just because they are beautiful. It´s much more than looks.

This toxic relationship is often driven by traits that predicate your acceptance hinging upon your taking care of someone else, or needing someone else to take care of you, fixing that someone else, or seeking someone else to fix you, being there for them and trying to rescue them - or trying to coerce someone else into being there for you and hoping they can rescue you - what emerges are usually very needy and unsatiable needs on the part of one person or both in a relationship who are codependent. Trying to rescue someone else or trying to be rescued amounts to enabling behaviour in ways and to extremes that see people end up neglecting themselves.

The only one who can change is yourself, you need to rescue yourself (if you´re feeling unhappy with your life). Being a martyr or capitan save a ho is a lost proposition from the get-go. Recognizing and getting out of there is the first step, don´t waste your time trying to save someone, unless and only if there´s some real reciprocation and willingness to change.

I had posted this "article" 5 years ago:

It's the classic Snow White phenomenon. She can't get along with her family so she gets kicked out the house and wanders around aimlessly until these seven guys take pity on her and take her in. She's so sweet and lost and pretty. They'll save her and she will love them. Only while they're off toiling in a mine (a mine for crying out loud!) she's hanging around the house concocting schemes to piss off her stepmother and make out with that guy who goes traipsing around the countryside on a horse.

A guy, mind you, with no apparent means of gainful employment. So despite the fact that the seven guys take care of her, never lay a hand on her, sit by her side after she gets hold of a bad apple, she goes off with the guy on the horse who just shows up one day and sticks his tongue down her throat. A guy who has not been toiling in a mine and who will dump her on her ass for a blonde -- probably Cinderella. The problem here is that this type of woman has a master's degree in bad judgment and is not content unless her life is in a state of chaos.

Some men seem to be attracted to this woman because she appears to need rescuing. But a relationship is based on who you are, not what you can do for the other person. If you're the kind of person who gets all mushy at a girl's sad story you will always find yourself in the role of the horny dwarf because no one has ever been able to fix another person's life, ever. You either get your sh!t together on your own or you don't -- another person can not do it for you. Don't pass up women who can mange their own lives because you think they don't need you and won't like you. It is possible to have a satisfying relationship with someone who can take care of herself.

Source:
http://soulselfhelp.on.ca/coenmesh.html
http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G2-3403100123.html
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=72531

 

[CaptainJ]

I find it hilarious how Nice Guys see themselves as selfless bastions of chivalry. Yet they are entirely selfish: they are self obsessed and try to manipulate girls into sleeping with them by pampering and sucking up to them. I see nothing selfless about acting nice in order to get something out of these girls.

It's so obvious they want to bang these girls, by the way they act when the girl is not around; lusting after them with their friends then suddenly turning into Mr Nice guy again. I'm glad that natural selection is still hard at work weeding these guys out of the dating game.

 

[Proselytiser]

If you read Iceberg Slim's "Pimp: Story of My Life" you will learn near everything you need to learn about women. One quote is " a pimp is just a ***** who has reversed the game on his *****s".

While you niceguys are out pining for these women and trying desperately to 'rescue' them, their feelings are the exact same for the men they are after

CaptainJ, "niceguys" are not some malicious freaks that think "being nice = me getting *****". These ****ers are so deprived that they are falling in love all over the place and idealize every girl that enters their sights because the strategy of '**** everything leave nothing' is just not workin out for them

 

[Blue Phoenix]

I find it hilarious when some guys say this to a stranger "Oh, I´ll fall in love with you babe", or worse "Don´t do that, the girls have something we want, so we must not displease them". Don´t they want something we have too? lol

Their frame is completely upside down.

 

[f283000]

I find it hilarious how Nice Guys see themselves as selfless bastions of chivalry. Yet they are entirely selfish: they are self obsessed and try to manipulate girls into sleeping with them by pampering and sucking up to them. I see nothing selfless about acting nice in order to get something out of these girls.

In defense of the nice guys most do not do nice things for women or people in general just to get stuff out of them. They do nice things because THAT IS THE WAY THEY ARE! I just hate it when acts of kindness are made out to be a plot to get something in return. This can be true sometimes but not most of the time.

Most nice guys are just that way period. They are not acting nice with women or people to con them. I guess it's hard to understand for some people that there are men out there that are caring and good hearted. Unfortunately women are not attracted to men that are caring and good hearted as primary traits.

I know we must live in the twilight zone for women to be more attracted to guys that will ignore them and treat them like sh*** than those that nice to them are willing to do anything for them, but it's real life.

 

[Jitterbug]

Your typical nice guy is too dumb to be that selfish or manipulative.

What he does is simply what society has told him to do as a part of the unwritten social contract. You study & work hard, behave, be nice to women, children and the elderly. In return, society guarantees you a family (shaming of women who go with bad boys, older women guiding young ones to early marriage wtih dads instead of cads etc.). That's how society used to channel young (beta) men's energy towards building a civilization.

Now one side isn't holding up that social contract while not telling the other what's going on, but the sucker side is slowly waking up to it.

Wake the nice guys up, point them to the right resources, save the ones that you can BUT please leave the character assassination of those nice guys to women who have nothing better to do.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

They do nice things because THAT IS THE WAY THEY ARE! I just hate it when acts of kindness are made out to be a plot to get something in return. This can be true sometimes but not most of the time. They are not acting nice with women or people to con them.

I beg to differ. Nice guyims is a learned behavior. You were rewarded when you acted like a good boy and punished when you acted badly. This happened when you were a kid, your parents were your trainers. Yet most of this behavior has turned to auto-pilot and become unconscious. When you see a very passive person it´s normally because in the family there was someone very controlling or aggressive. This behavior spreads to all areas of your life, professional or romantic ones.

Nice guyism and co-dependence are interrelated, actually I wonder if they mean the same:

Co-dependence is a pattern of painful dependence on compulsive behaviors and on approval from others in an attempt to find safety, self-worth and identity.

# I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
# I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
# I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
# I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
# I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
# I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
# I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.

Does this checklist ring a bell?

I believe it´s all learned behavior/conditioning, whether conscious or not. If you had to take care of your mother or father as a child, there´s all likelihood that you will seek a partner to repeat the cycle, because you´re familiar with it (your family interaction was your reference).

In my family I was supposed to take sh!t from my parents, guess what happened later? I was taking it from everyone and didn´t know why! Somehow I had a "target" tag on my forehead.

It´s almost impossible to have fun when we are bottled up with repressed emotions, worried about someone, saturated with guilt, rigidly controlling ourselves or someone else, or worried about what other people are thinking about us.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Wake the nice guys up, point them to the right resources, save the ones that you can BUT please leave the character assassination of those nice guys to women who have nothing better to do.

Absolutely, if they don´t want to listen to us let them suffer long enough to wake up!!

The dating world is full of predators who will take you for quite a ride if you’re not wise to them. Many men feel like they were sold a bill of goods or “suckered” by their respective partners or exes. However, like most victims of a scam, they’ve been willing targets.

A scam artist and/or emotional predator can easily identify a potential mark in the crowd. Bullies, narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and sociopaths like easy targets. They go after people who are kind, generous, trusting, eager to please, self-reflective, competent, talented or “gifted” in some way and, most importantly, people who have a desire to cooperate.

Will you still buy flowers to such girls? :flowers:

http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/200...-to-spot-emotional-predators-and-con-artists/