Stood Up on 2nd Date

[monterreymoosey5678]

A bit of brief background:

Met this girl, and we hit it off pretty well. Exchanged numbers, texted back and forth, etc. I had asked her out, but unfortunately she was just coming out of the hospital so she had to wait a week. In the interim though we texted quite a bit & she seemed pretty into me. The night of the first date, she texted saying how excited she was.

So we went out for drinks, and it went pretty well. Not a smashing success, but when I walked her to her car she made the move to kiss me, so I dare say it went well overall. When I got home, she had texted me apologizing for such a bad kiss. I told her she could have a chance to make it up this weekend, to which she happily agreed. The next day, we solidified plans to hang out Saturday night.

Again in the interim we texted back and forth. Light flirting, casual banter, she'd ask me how my day was, etc. etc. At one point I found out she had been readmitted to the hospital for internal bleeding. I texted, showing concern, but also to ensure she was still up to hang out. "Heck yes!!" she said.

Saturday comes - I text her in the morning. "Hey ____, we still on for tonight?" No response. After an hour or so I gave up and made other plans. Well around 5 pm she texted, basically saying she forgot to respond, but yes, she still wanted to hang out. So we solidified the time, address; you know, set the thing up. I rushed home to clean my house and otherwise prepare.

Well, the time came. Nothing. Fifteen minutes went by, then 30, then an hour without any word. Odd, I think to myself. On the first date, she texted me to make sure we were still going out (after I had already done so to her), and called to tell me she'd be five minutes late. Now all of a sudden, this person who always texted these bubbly, emojii-filled texts fell off the face of the Earth. And this was after she went out of her way to reestablish our plans & ensure we were hanging out.

Wondering what your guys' opinions are, and how to proceed. It's the day after, and I'm debating shooting over a short text, something along the lines of, "Hey, we missed each other last night, blah blah blah." Any thoughts? Much appreciated muchachos.

 

[El Payaso]

NOOOOO!!!! Don't text again. Of course, she knows she missed you. She's not stupid. She purposely flaked. For whatever reason, who knows? Texting again to reschedule will only make you look desperate even after she clearly disrespected your time, wasted your time and made you look foolish.

Quite frankly, you might get a lot of responses telling you to delete her number and they will be right. The ball is in her court now and if she ever makes contact, don't make plans with her easily. Make her work hard to get back in your good graces by being vague and nonchalant.

 

[monterreymoosey5678]

NOOOOO!!!! Don't text again. Of course, she knows she missed you. She's not stupid. She purposely flaked. For whatever reason, who knows? Texting again to reschedule will only make you look desperate even after she clearly disrespected your time, wasted your time and made you look foolish.

Quite frankly, you might get a lot of responses telling you to delete her number and they will be right. The ball is in her court now and if she ever makes contact, don't make plans with her easily. Make her work hard to get back in your good graces by being vague and nonchalant.

Ok I feel ya. I was only debating texting her because she was cool, had seemed so interested, and so I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.

What do you make of her late afternoon text though? I could understand if she ignored my initial text, but she asserted that she still wanted to hang out. That's cold-hearted to cement plans only to blatantly ignore them.

 

[cordoncordon]

That's cold-hearted to cement plans only to blatantly ignore them.

Exactly. That is cold hearted. So why would you possibly want to associate with someone like that? You wouldn't.

My guess is there is a 90% chance that she had another potential date lined up with someone she liked more and she was stringing you along waiting to see if that was going to happen (it did). And a 10% chance that she had some sort of medical emergency considering she had told you she was having medical issues the past few weeks. If you do hear from her again, I bet she uses that as an excuse as to why you never heard from her, even if it isn't true.

Regardless, delete her contact info and never consider talking to her again unless she shows up at your door in nothing but an overcoat and nothing on underneath.

 

[abe0]

Does it always have to be a game....this gal has been in and out of the hospital twice for bleeding. How about just picking up the phone calling her up and see how she is doing and finding out what happened instead of all these assumptions.
Abe

 

[monterreymoosey5678]

Does it always have to be a game....this gal has been in and out of the hospital twice for bleeding. How about just picking up the phone calling her up and see how she is doing and finding out what happened instead of all these assumptions.
Abe

That's what I'm trying to ask! On the one hand, there's exactly what Abe said. And I know for a fact she was in the hospital - saw the scar on the first date and she sent me a picture message when she went back (she was in the gown, on the bed, and it said, "Not again!").

But on the other hand, I got stood up and I don't take kindly to being disrespected. She could've called/texted saying she couldn't make it, or she could call/text today explaining what happened. The more time passes, the more I'm inclined to say FDB and delete her number.

 

[monterreymoosey5678]

Does it always have to be a game....this gal has been in and out of the hospital twice for bleeding. How about just picking up the phone calling her up and see how she is doing and finding out what happened instead of all these assumptions.
Abe

That's what I'm trying to determine! On the one hand, Abe may be right. I saw her scar on the first date. The second time she was hospitalized, she sent me a picture message of her at the hospital saying, "Not again!" That prompted me to ask how she was, as stated above.

But on the other hand, she stood me up. She could've called/texted to say she couldn't make it, or she could call/text explaining what happened. The more time that passes, the more I'm inclined to say FDB and delete her info.

 

[:-)]

Might be difficult to call if she's in a coma. Did you call her at the time? If not, why not?

 

[monterreymoosey5678]

Might be difficult to call if she's in a coma. Did you call her at the time? If not, why not?

Haha I'm sure you're partly joking, but no I did not call her at the time. After 30 minutes without word from her, I figured she wasn't coming and I moved on with my night. Also, I didn't want to seem desperate/needy, sounding something like, "Hey are you here yet?! Are you lost?!?" Nah brah.

Like the other posters, I assume she either flaked on purpose, or she had a legit reason (based on her making the plans & her medical history). So the question was, do I send a text on the chance that it was medical-related, or do I just cut my losses. So far the majority seems in favor of the latter.

 

[AttackFormation]

Even if she was at the hospital she stood you up without saying anything. That means she either tells you before she's going to the hospital or if the situation was dire, she tells you when she's home. The point being that if this girl is as interested as you say then she will get back to you because she's the one who didn't show up. If she doesn't then she simply flaked.

 

[:-)]

Haha I'm sure you're partly joking, but no I did not call her at the time. After 30 minutes without word from her, I figured she wasn't coming and I moved on with my night. Also, I didn't want to seem desperate/needy, sounding something like, "Hey are you here yet?! Are you lost?!?" Nah brah.

Like the other posters, I assume she either flaked on purpose, or she had a legit reason (based on her making the plans & her medical history). So the question was, do I send a text on the chance that it was medical-related, or do I just cut my losses. So far the majority seems in favor of the latter.

I don't think it's needy or desperate to try and find out where someone is when you have arranged a meet up. If it was a work situation and a client didn't turn up I would certainly make the call just to cover my back.

 

[Echoes]

This is not an obvious case in my opinion.

She might be seriously ill.

I don't know....

 

[nismo-4]

This is not an obvious case in my opinion.

She might be seriously ill.

I don't know....

No, it's an obvious case. He cares more than the girl, girl has low interest, and girl flakes out. She wouldn't flake on Brad Pitt. Just like you wouldn't do this to Kate Upton.

Seriously ill my ass. She ain't interested OP. Erase and replace her.

Case closed.

 

[monterreymoosey5678]

I appreciate everyone's input btw.

 

[Don-Kong]

In these cases do this:

Make a list of possible reasons why she did not turn up.
Think, which is the most realistic, which is the most certain. Rate them and you will find your answer. Dont ask us. Rely on your intuition and gut and common sense. Its easy to jump to conclusions and fvck everything up.

Yes, she flaked. So?

I would respond with assertiveness:

I feel disappointed that we did not see each other tonight. I thought everything had been arranged for us to meet. I wanted to have fun, but i guess other things came up.

And leave it at that. Thats your closure and puts it back on her without looking weak.

Anything else is just childish, looking all hurt or not acting like you care, silly. This is the classy way of doing it.

 

[Echoes]

No, it's an obvious case. He cares more than the girl, girl has low interest, and girl flakes out. She wouldn't flake on Brad Pitt. Just like you wouldn't do this to Kate Upton.

Seriously ill my ass. She ain't interested OP. Erase and replace her.

Case closed.

Not obvious.

I would probably miss my date with Kate Upton if I was bleeding internally.

 

[VladPatton]

Not obvious.

I would probably miss my date with Kate Upton if I was bleeding internally.

I agree. There is a chance she is pretty bad health-wise and is in the hospital. If she isn't and was a nasty flake (which I don't think is the case) you should make her work hard to earn your trust again.

Heh, I wonder what the truth is.

 

[monterreymoosey5678]

I agree. There is a chance she is pretty bad health-wise and is in the hospital. If she isn't and was a nasty flake (which I don't think is the case) you should make her work hard to earn your trust again.

Heh, I wonder what the truth is.

Nasty flake - that's what's bugging me. If she had other plans/didn't feel like hanging out (for whatever reason), there was no need to check in two hours before the planned date. She had the chance to walk away but chose not to.

I'll probably send one more text in a day or two just to see what's up. If she doesn't respond, I have my answer and it only cost me a text. Something to the effect of, "Hey, I'm disappointed we didn't see each other Saturday. I guess something came up." Worst case scenario is she flaked and it won't matter anyways. Best case (for me) - something happened and she has a legit reason.

 

[gravityeyelids]

Don't text her. There's a very slight chance an emergency came up...but even then, there's a good chance she would've texted you to apologize if that had happened. Ball is in her court. It's up to her to contact you and explain why she bailed. If she does, and makes a seemingly legitimate excuse... then cross that bridge when you come to it. Otherwise, forget about her.

 

[the_stig]

Part that stood out to me is the day of the flake she "forgot" to reply until 5pm? I don't think so, girls don't forget to reply while making plans with a guy they can't wait to see that day.

I think she was entertaining another offer(s) and wanted fallback plans with you. I wouldn't write her off completely with the possibility of medical problems, but unless she was admitted to the hospital and couldn't access her phone, any respectable girl would already be apologizing profusely for standing you up.