Still friends with ex - feel weird about her being with other guys

[Mr.Fantastic]

ok, so I left my girl for a lot of reasons, mainly because she got all 'you're the one and I want to have your babies' which made me think about babies etc and decide that she was not the best person to have them with. The problem is that I came to this conclusion mainly because of health problems she has (she has autism in her family and other genetic disabilities like dyslexia) which i didnt want my kids having. The problem is that I pretty much love her (yeah i know, and i tell myself i don't, but I really like and care for her). Now heres the problem...

We are good friends, but She has a tendency to be *****y towards me recently and has started talking about guys that she will potentially date blatantly in front of me, as if she wants me to hear. This tears me up inside, its like she is still my girlfriend and sleeping with other guys. Its like i've just stopped having sex with her and let all these other guys do her. I feel like a shmuck.

She is the kind of girl that will go through a lot of guys too, and it sickens me. There is me, doing something i feel is honourable, letting her go and being honest about things, and now she will get used by a whole bunch of guys. And the reason for it is that she came on too strong and basically backed me into a conrner (after 9 months of dating) it got all 'I want to be a young mother, I want to have kids by 26 (she is 22) etc etc. I got scared, and felt it was all too much.

In my personal life, there are no new girls, my game sucks and i need to sort my life out. I guess it would be easier if i could meet someone new, but i find that hard to do. What should I do? should I just stop seeing her? The thought of her being with other guys is hurting me.

 

[KontrollerX]

You're in a poisonous and toxic situation for your life right now brother.

You left the girl but you cared enough for her to stick around and be friends but rather than be your friend she in her bitterness is chipping away at your love and care for her by blatantly trying to make you jealous and saying ever so subtle hurtful things to you that seem innocent on their surface considering you are now broken up.

Trust me though she knows she is saying hurtful things and she is hoping she is hurting you to sooth her bitterness.

And though you have feelings for her, though you care, she is currently not reciprocating the friendship, she is rather undermining it and trying to gain control by making you feel awful so that she can feel better about her life and current situation.

Also she has a child agenda. She is the type of girl to suck in some fool and pretend that she is in love with said fool only so that she can get pregnant and thus have her child and ride the gravy train for 18 years as the man pays the court ordered amount to support her in the whole mean spirited disgusting no accountability for her own actions world she is building for herself.

She may of been a good girl once, she may of been good to you once but this is no longer the case.

The only way to save yourself from cancer is to cut it out.

You need to cut this cancer out of your life just the same.

She is dragging you down into emotional misery and turmoil and guilt you don't deserve.

Also most guys in your situation cling to a bad relationship because they fear they can't get anyone else but even by your own admission of having no game and no options you took the risk, you let her go.

It was that bad for you.

Something inside of you didn't want to be a part of this unhealthy alliance anymore.

You need to keep that mindset and move forward.

To stay with her well thats like being weighed down by an anchor and if you don't cut the rope the anchor will hold you in place forever and you'll never improve.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

**** man, thanks for the advice. I know you are right. I guess i'm just not a real strong person right now, I mean she has been a great girlfriend to me, and generally has been a good friend too. I feel she is a great person, and we had a great relationship. I just cant shake this feeling that she wants to move a lot faster than i do (she has has LOTS of boyfriends, a lot of them were *******s) and she is my first proper gf. I feel that I want to be with more girls before I commit, and the girl I commit to must be fully healthy genetically if we are going to have kids (no autism in the family, not being prone to all sorts of illnesses, no dyslexia etc). It's fvcking shiiitty man, She is one of the nicest people I have ever met, and I feel like I would be losing someone really special if I let her go. But at the same time, I feel like I am just another one in a looong line of ex-bf's that she is still 'friends' with.

She says that we were the best relationship she had ever been in and that she wanted a life with me. But i feel that she is afraid that she will never get a guy to stay with her (she has no problems getting asked out, she is good looking) but they do not stay. I stayed, and now i feel awful.

As I say, my game is shiit, but fvck, I am not the sort of person that can live in denial, I can't just make out i'm completely happy, I feel like I need to be with more girls, need to find a healthier girl for my offspring (if i am forced to think about kids!). Jesus, I just want a life.


As a side note, I have thoughts about kids too. I have thought about this a lot recently and feel that most people have kids for selfish reasons to stroke their egos. People like to trump their friends by having kids, show off what a man/woman they are etc. They live up to societies expectations and feel they have accomplished a great thing (for themselves).

Nobody ever thinks about the kids when they are having kids! Nobody goes 'have i got something great I can offer kids' nobody thinks 'i really think a person would like to be included in my life'.

NO. everyone goes 'I WANT KIDS'.

Its all selfish until they are born. Up until that point the person is thinking of them in terms of a fasion accessory to show off to their friends and be better than them. But when they are born, - if you are any sort of person at all - you realise that your whole life is now devoted to this person. It now controls you. You are never the same. You created it, and now it will suck you dry, cos you asked for it.

I love this girl - but if we are talking about kids, i'm sorry, they are more important than even her. And if i can avoid giving MY kids disabilities I will.

This is not to say that it doesn't hurt. Because it does. I am on my second glass of wine as i write this, and I'm sure I will finish the bottle. Life is shiit.

 

[wjh]

Bro, you're handling this very maturely. Im not saying that just to stroke your ego, but take sone comfort in knowing that. Also, the way you describe how people perceive their children is very accurate. It's also worth noting that you have made a concious effort to, in the future, put your children first. Thats very honorable. If only more people did that.

With all that said, you are better than this girl. You have a huge heart and the last person you need to share that with is a woman who will use you, make you jealous, or manipulate you. Keep the focus on yourself and what your desires in life are. It's time to pick yourself up and live your life on your terms.

Best wishes.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

thanks for the input guys, I appreciate it.

 

[JackPrescott]

ok, so I left my girl for a lot of reasons, mainly because she got all 'you're the one and I want to have your babies' which made me think about babies etc and decide that she was not the best person to have them with. The problem is that I came to this conclusion mainly because of health problems she has (she has autism in her family and other genetic disabilities like dyslexia) which i didnt want my kids having. The problem is that I pretty much love her (yeah i know, and i tell myself i don't, but I really like and care for her). Now heres the problem...

We are good friends, but She has a tendency to be *****y towards me recently and has started talking about guys that she will potentially date blatantly in front of me, as if she wants me to hear. This tears me up inside, its like she is still my girlfriend and sleeping with other guys. Its like i've just stopped having sex with her and let all these other guys do her. I feel like a shmuck.

She is the kind of girl that will go through a lot of guys too, and it sickens me. There is me, doing something i feel is honourable, letting her go and being honest about things, and now she will get used by a whole bunch of guys. And the reason for it is that she came on too strong and basically backed me into a conrner (after 9 months of dating) it got all 'I want to be a young mother, I want to have kids by 26 (she is 22) etc etc. I got scared, and felt it was all too much.

In my personal life, there are no new girls, my game sucks and i need to sort my life out. I guess it would be easier if i could meet someone new, but i find that hard to do. What should I do? should I just stop seeing her? The thought of her being with other guys is hurting me.

You need a girlfriend in your life. It is meaningless without it. Ask her if you can tag along on one of her dates, so you can remember the good times.

 

[DonGorgon]

You need a girlfriend in your life. It is meaningless without it. Ask her if you can tag along on one of her dates, so you can remember the good times.

lol...

 

[trv26]

Out of interest how old are u?

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

i'm 24, does that affect this situation?

 

[penkitten]

welcome to the manly world of "i don't want her but i don't want anyone else to have her either". enjoy your stay! you are gonna be here a while!

your feelings are normal, whether you are a male or female in a situation like this. no one really wants to see their ex with someone new until they are really over them and moved past it all.

just remember that and excuse yourself from certain situations until you feel comfortable again.

work on yourself, take some time to do fun things and live life. ask someone else out, if that is what it takes.

 

[Wiesman44]

Once you understand that women are going to f#ck many different guys in their day, the more it won't seem so bad.

She's not your g/f anymore. YOU should be dating, or at least looking around for someone. When she says that to u, you should be able to have arsenal to spit back. not necessarily to rub it in her face, thats not the intention, but just to have a conversation, make it seem like its not a big deal.

B/c its not a big deal.

I have a girl i'll sleep about 2-3 times every 3 months or so. She'll talk to me briefly about how she's either sleeping with some guy (and proceeds to tell me gossip about it), or how she's trying to date some dude. It doesn't bother me in the least, b/c I dont expect to ever date her. Its just sex. U need that mindset. if you don't develop it, your going to be a p#ssy f#g AFC all your life.

 

[Master Bates]

She's eager to have kids at a young age, but perfectly willing to slut it up at the drop of a hat?

This girl doesn't have her head on straight yet. If you're not dating her anymore, I'd say just sever all ties with her. Or else you can sit on the sidelines and watch guy after guy plow through her (literally).