Stigma against divorced dudes

[RickTheToad]

I was with some friends last night and a few are divorced. The luckier one's got out prior to having offspring. Regardless, either are having a tough time dating again. As soon as their fling, partner, etc. finds out they were previously married, they seem to scatter. This is even after they've seen each other for a few weeks, had sex multiple times, etc. I recall when I was dating, there were a few ladies who had issue with that I was previously married. I just said okay, and take care.

Why does one think this is? It seems a bit ironic that dudes would consider a relationship / LTR with a lady who's divorced, but when it's the other way around, it seems they have objections. A bit of another double standard, no?

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I was with some friends last night and a few are divorced. The luckier one's got out prior to having offspring. Regardless, either are having a tough time dating again. As soon as their fling, partner, etc. finds out they were previously married, they seem to scatter. This is even after they've seen each other for a few weeks, had sex multiple times, etc. I recall when I was dating, there were a few ladies who had issue with that I was previously married. I just said okay, and take care.

Why does one think this is? It seems a bit ironic that dudes would consider a relationship / LTR with a lady who's divorced, but when it's the other way around, it seems they have objections. A bit of another double standard, no?

Had a dude I had been chatting to for weeks meet me in a coffee shop.

It was quite difficult for me to meet him. 5.5 hr round driving trip. etc.

Told him I was once engaged.

He made some sarcastic comment about not being able to commit and and got up and left half his hot coffee.

Fair enough. What can you do? I still stayed another hour trying to shake off the experience. He was right though. Wasn't he?

 

[HyenaPrince]

Had a dude I had been chatting to for weeks meet me in a coffee shop.

It was quite difficult for me to meet him. 5.5 hr round driving trip. etc.

Told him I was once engaged.

He made some sarcastic comment about not being able to commit and and got up and left half his hot coffee.

Fair enough. What can you do? I still stayed another hour trying to shake off the experience. He was right though. Wasn't he?

No he wasn't. And why the f*ck would you drive 5 1/2 hours to meet some dude in a coffee shop?

 

[Lynx nkaf]

No he wasn't. And why the f*ck would you drive 5 1/2 hours to meet some dude in a coffee shop?

The house is pretty rural and I was between jobs so staying there. 2.5 hours plus to the city.
Supposed to always go to the man right?



I continued to do this kind of thing with dating/meetups.

I surrendered and I'm not searching anymore hyena. Saving time and money now.

And I'm even in the city now where there's abundance...
..lol.......I need to learn more about myself first.

I shared that anecdote because maybe this is what those girls think about learning about Rick's friends' divorces?


btw, my exfiance was a divorced man and I asked to see the divorce papers at one point-looks like a certificate for graduating high school, lol

 

[HyenaPrince]

Supposed to always go to the man right?

Since when? And surely not when it's that far away. There are all sorts of creeps out there. It's extremely dangerous out there for women, especially in areas you don't know very well. If you're meeting someone in your city for a coffee, sure go ahead. But don't go on a road trip to meet some stranger. Very reckless behavior.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Since when? And surely not when it's that far away. There are all sorts of creeps out there. It's extremely dangerous out there for women, especially in areas you don't know very well. If you're meeting someone in your city for a coffee, sure go ahead. But don't go on a road trip to meet some stranger. Very reckless behavior.

thank you my Dear, I am used to road trips because of one of the job skills I have(steel construction worker)

I appreciate your concern.
My word, I am not putting in this particular type of effort again(the driving)

 

[corrector]

I was with some friends last night and a few are divorced. The luckier one's got out prior to having offspring. Regardless, either are having a tough time dating again. As soon as their fling, partner, etc. finds out they were previously married, they seem to scatter. This is even after they've seen each other for a few weeks, had sex multiple times, etc. I recall when I was dating, there were a few ladies who had issue with that I was previously married. I just said okay, and take care.

Why does one think this is? It seems a bit ironic that dudes would consider a relationship / LTR with a lady who's divorced, but when it's the other way around, it seems they have objections. A bit of another double standard, no?

I would not know since I consider my divorce to be "classified" and is something not worth disclosing to the opposite sex unless there is social points to say I was married. Incels like myself have the luxury of having zero guilt in leaving that out because I dont have to believe anything will go anywhere that seriously anyway and frankly would not care if a woman wasted her time on me and bailed after the fact of finding that out. But, then again, how would she find that out? Unless someone wants to marry me and I need a marriage licence, then that is the critical time a status of divorce is important, and obviously has to be disclosed at that point. If I don't need a marriage license by the state to marry, then what's the point of disclosing you are divorced to anyone? Is anything going to really get THAT serious like that? How many times were you in a position where you needed to get a marriage license?

 

[RickTheToad]

I would not know since I consider my divorce to be "classified" and is something not worth disclosing to the opposite sex unless there is social points to say I was married. Incels like myself have the luxury of having zero guilt in leaving that out because I dont have to believe anything will go anywhere that seriously anyway and frankly would not care if a woman wasted her time on me and bailed after the fact of finding that out. But, then again, how would she find that out? Unless someone wants to marry me and I need a marriage licence, then that is the critical time a status of divorce is important, and obviously has to be disclosed at that point. If I don't need a marriage license by the state to marry, then what's the point of disclosing you are divorced to anyone? Is anything going to really get THAT serious like that? How many times were you in a position where you needed to get a marriage license?

You're better than inceldom. You choose that life. You can change your life at any point.

Had a dude I had been chatting to for weeks meet me in a coffee shop.

It was quite difficult for me to meet him. 5.5 hr round driving trip. etc.

Told him I was once engaged.

He made some sarcastic comment about not being able to commit and and got up and left half his hot coffee.

Fair enough. What can you do? I still stayed another hour trying to shake off the experience. He was right though. Wasn't he?

Just a strange situation for anyone.

 

[Kotaix]

Being divorced is a red flag, it means that something went wrong in your relationship and you couldn't make it work. Or you might have a character flaw that leads you to jumping into situations that never should have happened. This isn't necessarily true, but some people are also always looking for some reason to bail out of a relationship early on.

The problem comes when you take that situation personally instead of accepting that continuing an interaction with that person would be a mistake, precisely because they are judgemental.

 

[lamath]

Not divorce but left mother of my children that i was with for 12 years


I do get question about why i stayed with her for so long and why i had kids with someone i knew i was not compatible with for so long.
Only answer i have is the fact i was inexperience and that it took me a while to realize that the relationship gave me nothing except seeing my kids everyday.

Overall have not been a problem so far.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Being divorced is a red flag, it means that something went wrong in your relationship and you couldn't make it work. Or you might have a character flaw that leads you to jumping into situations that never should have happened. This isn't necessarily true, but some people are also always looking for some reason to bail out of a relationship early on.

The problem comes when you take that situation personally instead of accepting that continuing an interaction with that person would be a mistake, precisely because they are judgemental.

Why a red flag? If your in a bad situation you have to bail. She could be stealing, having her group henpeck you, treating you like trash. Why would you stay?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Being divorced is a red flag, it means that something went wrong in your relationship and you couldn't make it work. Or you might have a character flaw that leads you to jumping into situations that never should have happened. This isn't necessarily true, but some people are also always looking for some reason to bail out of a relationship early on.

The problem comes when you take that situation personally instead of accepting that continuing an interaction with that person would be a mistake, precisely because they are judgemental.

So the interaction with the judgemental person causes you to be less sharp and start to question yourself?

 

[corrector]

You're better than inceldom. You choose that life. You can change your life at any point.

I did extend the post to be more broader application. I just dont feel there is any obligation to disclose a divorce with anyone. Whether it should be included in a dating profile, the jury is still out with that. I may not allow myself to be rejected because of a divorce because its too contra-incel. If your friends choose that then they got rejected on that. It was not contra anything for them to disclose that but they lost the girls.

 

[Lookatu]

Why does one think this is? It seems a bit ironic that dudes would consider a relationship / LTR with a lady who's divorced, but when it's the other way around, it seems they have objections. A bit of another double standard, no?

I've discussed this with the opposite sex ad nauseum throughout my dating journey.
One popular consensus is that women don't think the men are ready to date yet seriously and that's why they tend to back away. The women think they know if you are or aren't ready to date and I think that's a bunch of bs. This applies to more recent divorces and not guys that's been divorced over a few years ago and have had gf's since then though. They see men that got divorced as just wanting to have fun, or get serious right away for the wrong reasons, or afraid the gal might be a rebound gal being strung along.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I've discussed this with the opposite sex ad nauseum throughout my dating journey.
One popular consensus is that women don't think the men are ready to date yet seriously and that's why they tend to back away. The women think they know if you are or aren't ready to date and I think that's a bunch of bs. This applies to more recent divorces and not guys that's been divorced over a few years ago and have had gf's since then though. They see men that got divorced as just wanting to have fun, or get serious right away for the wrong reasons, or afraid the gal might be a rebound gal being strung along.

Why do men have to date "seriously", when 95% of womens dating is not "seriously"? What about stringing men along?

 

[logicallefty]

btw, my exfiance was a divorced man and I asked to see the divorce papers at one point-looks like a certificate for graduating high school, lol

I wish I would’ve done that back in 2009. I had a wedding with a woman I had been with for about two years. In 2012 I found out that she had two other lawful husbands in two other states that she had not divorced yet. So her marriage to me was annulled. On top of that she had a felony on her record that she has never told me about. I was a freaking police detective at the time and had all of the resources in the world to verify who I was getting married to and I didn’t.

 

[samspade]

Well I'm divorced and have had no problem. In fact I sense that when women find out about it, they are intrigued: He said yes to somebody. Suddenly the competitive fire gets fanned a little.

 

[HyenaPrince]

Well I'm divorced and have had no problem. In fact I sense that when women find out about it, they are intrigued: He said yes to somebody. Suddenly the competitive fire gets fanned a little.

That probably varies from man to man. If you're good looking and confident, yes, they will be intrigued. There's no way a woman is getting crazy over a guy that shows insecurities left and right. These types of guys obviously aren't that successful with women to begin with, but a divorce is the last thing they need on their résumés.

It's probably just the icing on the cake. So I'd say you have good fundamentals to begin with for women to approach you in that manner.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I wish I would’ve done that back in 2009. I had a wedding with a woman I had been with for about two years. In 2012 I found out that she had two other lawful husbands in two other states that she had not divorced yet. So her marriage to me was annulled. On top of that she had a felony on her record that she has never told me about. I was a freaking police detective at the time and had all of the resources in the world to verify who I was getting married to and I didn’t.

forgive yourself man, you can do it moving forward. I know you'll not allow that again. What a fraud lizard she was.

It IS awkward to ask for proof.

 

[Kotaix]

Why a red flag? If your in a bad situation you have to bail. She could be stealing, having her group henpeck you, treating you like trash. Why would you stay?

So the interaction with the judgemental person causes you to be less sharp and start to question yourself?

I'm merely saying that someone having been thru a divorce says something about that person. Women who have been divorced once have a 60% chance of divorcing again. Statistically speaking, getting into a relationship or married to a woman who has already been divorced is a losing proposition. It's not likely to last.

There is no double standard if women don't want to be with a divorced man if it's a bad idea for men to be with divorced women. Everyone has their own reasons and all you can do is respect that choice.