Sticky Situation.

[payaya]

Hey all, havent been on these forums for a while, i was able to handle myself till now....

I started hanging out with a friend of my ex about a year ago (girl A), we got pretty close, but we were just friends and friends only. After a while she started inviting me out with her friends, and at a party i kissed one of her friends. We started seeing each other and she told me girl A has a crush on me, and she felt bad she had taken me away from her. I feel bad cause girl A was the one who got me into her group, then basically drifted away from her. There was a little conflict but everything settled for a while. So i thought!

We started going out, but yesterday girl A, another of her friends, and i decided to go out and keep it a secret. Girl A's friend couldnt make it so it was just her and i who went out. We had a really good time, she opened upto me, told me how she felt about me, she was depressed, and felt not loved anymore. She showed me these messages i sent to her bout a year ago etc. Basically implying she liked me and she was on shakey ground, and didnt know what to do. She is kind of little bit emotionally unstable.

When i was with her last night, it brought back memories of our friendship of old, and i wanted us to be good friends again, just friends. But i dont know how my gf will react from the whole situation of me hanging with one of her best friends. My gf trusts me, but at the same time knows how i cant be sometimes, when she isnt around. I put myself in her shoes, bf hanging out with best mate, knowing she likes me, if ya get what i mean. Trust only goes so far, and this is a situation theres still an uneasy feel bout it all. If my friend did that i would dump my gf strait away. But girl A and i were friends before my GF and i stated going out so maybe its a bit different?

Girl A sent me a message, which really got to me "Thank you so much for taking me out last night i really needed it! I had a blast! Your such a good friend to me! Love ya sexy". That actually made me feel really bad, and she hasnt had a good time for ages. She misses close companionship basically.

Bascially i want to be friends with girl A but at the same time, not get my gf upset, if the tables were turned i would be fuming.

thanks for your help, i have no idea what to do!

 

[Quick]

Wow. Crazy situation. I've found that people are incredibly lazy when looking for a mate and that's why there are so many relationship triangles like yours.

First you decide what you want from Girl A.

If you want girl A sexually or in a relationship, then obviously you're going to have to make a choice between her and your girlfriend. You can't keep both indefinitely.

If you want girl A as a friend, then it's going to have to be structured. You have to talk to your gf about it, and you're probably going to have to follow some rules to ease your gf's mind. Girl A being into you, is going to make a friendship hard to do. You have to let her know from the beginning that you're not going to leave your gf, and that you can only be friends with her if you keep it at that level.

You also have to realize that you dont have the duty or the ability to save another person. If she's sad all the time, you can't fix that. She needs to go find other friends or potential boyfriends. Don't try to sacrifice yourself to make her happy, because then you'll both be suffering.

 

[payaya]

Originally posted by Quick
Wow. Crazy situation. I've found that people are incredibly lazy when looking for a mate and that's why there are so many relationship triangles like yours.

First you decide what you want from Girl A.

If you want girl A sexually or in a relationship, then obviously you're going to have to make a choice between her and your girlfriend. You can't keep both indefinitely.

If you want girl A as a friend, then it's going to have to be structured. You have to talk to your gf about it, and you're probably going to have to follow some rules to ease your gf's mind. Girl A being into you, is going to make a friendship hard to do. You have to let her know from the beginning that you're not going to leave your gf, and that you can only be friends with her if you keep it at that level.

You also have to realize that you dont have the duty or the ability to save another person. If she's sad all the time, you can't fix that. She needs to go find other friends or potential boyfriends. Don't try to sacrifice yourself to make her happy, because then you'll both be suffering.

I want girl A as just a friend, back to the way it use to be. She knows this, but i feel that she would kiss me even when im with one of her best friends. She knows that im not going to leave my gf for her, but at the same time, she seems to not be able to drop her interest towards me.

Come to think about it, im not in this dilema becuase i feel sorry for her, from all the trouble ive caused, but when we went out, i really did enjoy myself, and brought back all the forgotten memories i had with her. Im not interested just i find her a really good person to hang around with. In a way i feel bad for ditching her, but the mostly i do miss her company.

She clearly showed that to me as well, i made a mistake, which i am more than willing to fix up, the difficult bit would be getting into my gf's mind that we are just friends, but the way this love triangle is it would take a lot of effort to get her to trust me. If i was in her shoes, well it would be easy!

more info appreciated thanks.

 

[payaya]

so no input DJ's? i dunno what to do!

 

[payaya]

so everyone is stuck on this one?

 

[trajhenkhet]

You want the relationship to be the way it was? One problem. She dosen't. And that, my friend, is a recipe for doom. Your both aiming for different goals. Leave her be. Unless of course this is what you want. Otherwise your in for a contest of wills. 'ques up the spock vs. kirk music'.

 

[payaya]

she does want out friendship to go back to how it was, i never mentioned getting into a relationship where her.