Here's the deal...there's this girl...(obviously)...and I have known her for about two years. We have always hung out, and been pretty close...but this new school year we have been hanging out a lot more than usual. The thing is...over the summer, while we were still in 'friends' mode...she met this guy...and they were 'together' for a few months. The catch is this guy happens to be much older than her (we're both 20...he's 29)...and was only visiting for the summer...and has recently moved back home. Naturally, us hanging out more often recently has made me become more attracted to her, and we always have a good time hanging out at parties, etc. I want to let her know I want to possibly push it past the friends zone, but I don't know how to approach it considering she still has puppy love for this guy who is 10 years older and no longer resides in the same state. Whenever I try to nonchalantly bring up the topic of her and him, she becomes real short. Should I give it time, and just see how it develops? Or what would be the best plan of action...?
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Sticky Situation...
- Thread starter A-Man2151
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
I don't think she'll be open to any of your advances until she gets over this infatuation she has for this guy. It shouldn't take too long tho. They were only together for a few months so the the fallout should be relatively short. Remember tho, people generally want what they can't have. So her not being able to have this guy is gonna have a bit of a lasting effect. While at the same time, if she knows she can have you, there's no challenge and therefore not much of an interest. Not yet at least. So it's a tough one for sure. Just wait until she comes to her senses and realizes that she's not gonna be with this guy. But in the meantime don't suffocate her with attention. Show some value by not coming across as needy.
Desdinova
Master Don Juan
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I don't think you realize exactly how difficult it is to get out of the friend zone. The friend zone is like a rut. You can move back and forth trying to get out of it. Sometimes you can be successful, but most of the time you're pretty stuck.
Now, considering that this woman has "feelings" for some other guy, I'd say that it's pretty much a hopeless situation. You can't convince a woman to fall in love with you. It doesn't work that way. Love fades in and out. It can't be turned on and off like a light switch.
Also, changing a person's opinion of you is difficult. If you become known as a loser in high school, nothing is going to change other peoples' thoughts and opinions about you. Being a girl's guy friend is the same way. Getting her to view you as a lover instead of a friend is difficult to impossible.
You're much better off looking for another woman to start fresh with.
Wrender...
I like Wrender's response better...Maybe I have been giving her too much attention in this situation where she might still be having an emotional connection to another guy...and now that I think about it, that might be a mistake if I'm always just throwing myself at her. That being said, how do I NOT give her too much attention...? When you say don't give her too much attention that makes me think I should try to ignore her, but I don't see how that could help the situation...
I like Wrender's response better...Maybe I have been giving her too much attention in this situation where she might still be having an emotional connection to another guy...and now that I think about it, that might be a mistake if I'm always just throwing myself at her. That being said, how do I NOT give her too much attention...? When you say don't give her too much attention that makes me think I should try to ignore her, but I don't see how that could help the situation...
Desdinova
Master Don Juan
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Good for you. It's always nice to hear what you want to hear, isn't it? I'm sorry that reality is such a hard thing to accept. Perhaps you need to waste a couple more years chasing after this girl you have one-itis for.
Let me ask you this... If there was a "chance" that she wanted to go out with you, why didn't she do it within the last two years that you've known her? You've become the emotional tampon. She had a bf, then they split up, and she gets to bleed her problems into you. You sit there, thinking she'll fall in love with you after you've soaked it all up. Then she gets another bf and you get to hear about that one as well.
Your time could be better spent on a woman who is interested in dating you.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
I think I initially missed the part where you stated that you've known her for 2 years. I was under the assumption that this was someone you recently met (I should have read more carefully).
It's very difficult, if not impossible to light the spark that starts a relationship when there's no "newness" to it. And I think this is especially true considering her age. She's still at the stage in life where she likely values change and the excitement of meeting new people. So unfortunately, I have to change my position on this. I agree with Desdinova and have to say that you're suffering from one-itis. Meet new girls, withdraw your attention from her. It will be a win-win for you. You'll get some number/dates, and you won't even think about this girl anymore. Believe me. And ironically, she might even begin to show interest in you since she'll wonder why you've changed. But by then you won't care and it will feel great!
It's very difficult, if not impossible to light the spark that starts a relationship when there's no "newness" to it. And I think this is especially true considering her age. She's still at the stage in life where she likely values change and the excitement of meeting new people. So unfortunately, I have to change my position on this. I agree with Desdinova and have to say that you're suffering from one-itis. Meet new girls, withdraw your attention from her. It will be a win-win for you. You'll get some number/dates, and you won't even think about this girl anymore. Believe me. And ironically, she might even begin to show interest in you since she'll wonder why you've changed. But by then you won't care and it will feel great!
selfmademob
Banned
Sticky Stituation? That's my bed when I wake up! (rimshot)
hiyoooo!!!
hiyoooo!!!