Sticking point during approach...need help.

[Dr. Cherry]

I've been doing cold approaches, maybe 3 or 4 a week (I work a lot of overtime). I believe that I've gotten past the fear starting the approach itself, but have noticed an issue with execution of the approach. When I finish saying something, I seem to be looking for approval of what I said from the HB. This breeds a certain amount of anxiety, lack of listening to the HB response, a blank mind, and I then have nothing to follow up with. From what I've read on this forum, I gather the idea is to not really care what the HB response is. However, I've had some difficulty embracing this belief.

I would appreciate any help you guys could give me on working past this sticking point.

Cheers.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I'm kind of having a hard time understanding what you are talking about, but I still think the best advice for you is to just get out in public and do more cold approaches. It sounds like you are getting a bit nervous after initiating the chic. Just approach more chics and eventually the nerves will go away.

Learning how to cold approach kind of goes in stages. You'll feel nerves initially when you approach. Eventually those will taper off and approaching the girl will get easier, but you'll still feel nervous during the fluff stage where you're just kind of getting a little bit of background info on the HB to build a rapport with her. This is probably the stage you're in right now. After a while, this will become easier and building rapport should too. When you're at that point, I imagine you'll be on here wondering what lines you should use to get her phone number.

It's kind of like when you were 16 and learning how to drive a car. Backing out of the driveway and driving around on residential roads even made you nervous at first, but eventually you became comfortable as you spent more time behind the wheel. You eased your way into driving on city streets, and before you knew it you were driving on the highway.

Practice makes perfect in both examples. There are no sticking points really. Just do enough cold approaches so that you build a comfort zone. Eventually, stuff will click. Don't ever be afraid of making mistakes. And when you do make mistakes use them to educate yourself.

 

[CGE333]

You may need to make your "approach" more conversational instead of worrying about the line. I always like the "Juggler" conversational way of approaching and doing things.

I usually tried to comment on something about the situation, i.e. you are standing in line at the store and it is moving very slow. You make a comment about that to get the convo started and move on from there.

I got married about 6 months ago to a doctor and I met her in a book store. I frequented this book store (a Borders) as it was always packed with attractive women and was an environment I felt comfortable in- I love to read. I never rehearsed a line in advance I just made a comment/ observation. If there was not much of a response, I moved on. If there was, bingo and then it was easy to turn it into a 5-10 minute convo and once I got the balls to # close, I was never turned down (collecting over 20 #'s in a 4-5 month period). To give you an example, when I saw my future wife for the first time I was looking at a table of discount books. The sign said 3 for 2. At first glance, I thought the sign said 3 for $2. My comment/ observation was "Wouldn't it be great if these were 3 for $2 instead of 3 for the price of 2. From that it was spun into a 12-15 minute convo. I did not # close the first time as she lived over 2 hours away and I was dating a couple of women that lived closer. But, I kept running into her every weekend. Unbeknowst to me at the time, my future wife was driving 2 hours to come to this store to do the old "unintentional run in w/ me", i.e. oh your here again, wow I just came to get.... Finally, one time I saw her, we talked for close to 4 hours and I got her #, the rest as they say is history. For the record, all the other #'s I got the first time I talked with the woman.

Didn't mean to hijack your thread w/ my story. I just wanted to illustrate to you a way that was successful for me, hoping you can take something and apply it to your situation. I used to be the biggest wimp when it came to talking to women, and then when I could approach and have a good convo, would wimp out on # closing until I got so frustrated w/ myself at having let another hottie escape without me at least attempting to get a #. It is a process that many of us have had to work through, but if you keep improving you will get to a point that it will seem natural to you and you'll put it all together. That is the way it worked for me.

 

[Dr. Cherry]

Appreciate the advice guys. Introspection is not always enough and a person needs a good kick in the pants from time to time. The current directive = more approaches. I will also try a more conversational approach. This may take some of the pressure off the approach.

Cheers.