Step 1

[MacAvoy]

Well after coming to the decision to start living life to the fullest and not protecting my heart. I had a very interesting night. I decided that I would lay it all on the line with her from now on, that I would wear my heart and my sleave and love her like I wasn't afraid to get hurt anymore.

...so what exactly does "lay it on the line" mean with respect to this woman?

I wanted to let her know that I was ready to open up to her. I wanted to let her know why I was holding back. She knows about what happened a couple of years ago but we haven't talked about it and its impact on my life. I was going to spill my guts and get it off my chest so that I can move forward.

Well it started with me asking to go to her bedroom so we can talk in private, told her that I wanted to tell her something important. She asked why we couldn't talk in the living room, I told her it was deep and wanted privacy. She has a roommate who was in his bedroom and rarely comes out but I wasn't prepared to have a discussion where someone could walk in.

Like everything else, she makes a big drama about it. Doesn't want to go in her room because thats only for sleeping. She aggravates me to the point where I don't even feel like tellin her anymore. So I tell her, if you still want me to tell you, lets go have sex first, then I'll tell you after that. After 10 mins, I ask her if she wants to have sex on the couch to prove a point, she's not willing to because somoene might come out, I explain thats exactly why I wanted to go in the room.

So we go to the bedroom to fvck. First she doesn't want to go under the sheets cuz she doesn't want to get them wet. Then she doesn't want to get completely naked. We eventually go under the blankets & fvck. Almost as soon as we're done, she asks me to tell her now. I said no, after you wash your face, (20 min deal) cuz I wanted a chance to collect my thoughts. She said no. She also said earlier than she doesn't want me to sleep over tonight cuz she has to wake up early in the morning and doesn't sleep well when I'm there. So I tell her, I'll tell you but you've got to let me sleep here.

She says no. I proceed to get dressed. I then tell her its over, that I've had enough. She asks why. I said because I'm not willing to be partially in a relationship. She asks if this is what I wanted to talk about earlier, I said no it wasn't an only eluded to that it was the opposite that I wanted to open up to her. Her only reply was, well if this is what you want Macavoy. I said yea Goodbye and left.

If she's not willing to fight, then I don't want part of it. I have no idea whats next. I don't know how I feel. I feel like I've walked away from the best thing that I've ever had. I feel like once again, I've proven that I can't stick something out for the long term. However I have to take solace that if you love someone you have to set them free and if they love you they'll come back.

So here I am, 1200 miles away from my home. I'm still glad I'm here. I've got no regrets about coming here. It was important for me, coming here was never totally about her. I'm starting my new job tomorow. Its the most exciting job I've had in 3 years and probably the best long term possibility I've ever had.

I've taken the first step. I've cut the line and I'm not going to be the one who fixes it. I'm starting to move on. If she comes back, from here on out, the onus is on her to prove that she wants part of this relationship. I WILL NOT CONTACT HER. If she contacts me, I will not answer the call. I will make arrangements via email to pay her what money I owe her. If she wants to talk about our future, she will have to be doing all the heavy lifting from here on out.

This is my life and if she wants to be part of it, she has to earn it.

 

[nonchalant]

Nice bro. You deserve better than that, and it sounds like you're already on your way.

 

[lookyoung]

Macavoy I must say you are sosuaves biggest AFC. This is the worst case of oneitis that I have ever seen on this site, or in reallife. You are sadder than a 40 year old virgin. My advice to you is why don't you get down on your hands and knees and ask this girl to marry you. Beg her for your affection Shed a few tears


Not to flame but dude you are acting ridiculous. You are 30 freaking years old, and don't want to be helped. A 16 year old has a higher gaming IQ than you do. Your worse than an AFC.


Noone can help you if you don't want to be helped. Please not another post about this braud. You are acting worse than a 17 year old girl. Stay away from this site till you find yourself. Stay away from this girl and start doing things for yourself.

 

[Phyzzle]

Thanks for the support lookyoung, LOL.

Anyways, MacAvoy, you did the right thing (namely, what we told you to do). She wasn't sad, or at least angry, when you ended it. There was definitely nothing there emotionally with her. Just remember her reaction if she contacts you again. If she tries to get back together, it will be out of boredom, not interest.

 

[WaterTiger]

MacAvoy, you're finally on the right track! Congrats on the new job, I hope you do great at it. Forget this idiot little girl and go find someone worth of your heart.

 

[Vulpine]

Replies in bold.

Doesn't want to go in her room because thats only for sleeping. She aggravates me to the point where ...
No, monkey, MY FRAME!
I ask her if she wants to have sex on the couch to prove a point, she's not willing to because somoene might come out...
No, monkey, MY FRAME!
First she doesn't want to go under the sheets cuz she doesn't want to get them wet.
No, monkey, MY FRAME!
Then she doesn't want to get completely naked.
This is harsh... "Get to it monkey, you're just a tool."
Almost as soon as we're done, she asks me to tell her now.
I'm ready for you to tell me now, monkey, MY FRAME!
I said no, after you wash your face, (20 min deal) cuz I wanted a chance to collect my thoughts. She said no.
No, monkey, MY FRAME!
She also said earlier than she doesn't want me to sleep over tonight cuz she has to wake up early in the morning and doesn't sleep well when I'm there. So I tell her, I'll tell you but you've got to let me sleep here. She says no.
No, monkey, MY FRAME! I don't keep the tools in the house, I keep them in the garage... get out, monkey!
I proceed to get dressed. I then tell her its over, that I've had enough. She asks why. I said because I'm not willing to be partially in a relationship. She asks if this is what I wanted to talk about earlier, I said no it wasn't an only eluded to that it was the opposite that I wanted to open up to her. Her only reply was, well if this is what you want Macavoy. I said yea Goodbye and left.

I feel like I've walked away from the best thing that I've ever had. I feel like once again, I've proven that I can't stick something out for the long term. However I have to take solace that if you love someone you have to set them free and if they love you they'll come back.

I through garbage in the garbage can because... I don't want it back. I don't want garbage stinking up my house for the "long term", no matter how much that garbage 'loves' me.

This is my life and if she wants to be part of it, she has to earn it.

I'm not your monkey, b!tch????

Well, some of your sappy, Dr. Phil lovey-dovey stuff may be questionable, but at least you are seeing the mistreatment. You cited several situations where she demanded you bow to her wishes. That's called controlling, disrespecting, and taking for granted.

The bedroom is only for sleeping? Sounds like it's for fuxing, too.

Anyway, Mac, YOU fuxed this relationship up. I've had one sided relationships like this in the past. It stings, now, when I realized that I was the only one to blame for the failure. Not unlike you, I've set up the pattern of getting walked on and led around by a leash. You know as well as I do what being AFC encompasses. Once a relationship starts with you as an AFC, you aren't going to scavenge it as a DJ. It is, truly, for the better that you get a fresh start with yourself. Make your changes. Get your life in order.

None of this "I'll give her a second chance if..." crap. NO! DO YOU HEAR ME? SHE'S GONE AND NEEDS TO STAY GONE. She knows what she can get away with, knows how to press your buttons, and will put on the "perfect litttle princess" act to get you back. And if you go back, back to dancing monkey you will go as well. She'll pick and inch her way back to "just like it was before you found your nuts again". She is the anchor that holds you back from your potential.

Besides, you groveled and followed for far too long and the result? She didn't appreciate you. Maybe she'll be better off (learned her lesson) for the next guy, but she'll never be better to you, contrary to what she promises in her attempts to get her tool back. Tell her to go buy a vibrator.

 

[Sinistar]

MacAvoy,

There's solving problems and there's making decisions....

From what I've read, you're still solving problems when you could really bust out of this and MAKE A DECISION. You know what that decision is. That decision does not leave the door open for her to qualify herself or prove herself does it?

I have a lifelong buddy going through exactly what you're going through (yeah you'll argue its different, that your life is worse than his, etc, etc.) And guess what, he's been spewing those same storybook hollywood mushy lines you just did. And he's been saying it's up to her to prove she's worthy, blah, blah, blah.

Those words (his and yours) are the MEGA-WUSS verbage that comes out of any guy who is so totally entrenched in a woman's frame that it is pathetic and almost scary to hear. And I'm not criticizing you, I've done it myself. I forced myself to re-read an email I wrote once "while under *that* influence" and I literally could not finish it. I couldn't believe it was me that actually wrote that pathetic supplicating drivel. What I wished someone would have done for me back then was knocked me down hard enough to finally GET IT!!!

And I'm going to call you on something. Did you really want to tell her something deep/intimate from your past in hopes that it will sway her back into your frame? You say it is to help you but I don't buy it for a second. If you have something so deeply personal and difficult to get off your chest, why not tell someone you can trust. Tell a family member or a lifelong trusted friend or even get a licensed therapist.

Now here's a decision you make. Only you can make it.

End it.

Break all contact (no calling, no answering calls, no reading emails, nothin', absolute friggin' zero). And guess what, contrary to popular belief, this step is not to punish her, it's to help you get better. This is about you dude

Then turn directly into the pain and accept that your lives will not be together. And realize that pain is simply your brain craving a bizzaro wacked chemical ****tail you never should have been shootin' up in the first place.

And then MOVE FORWARD with your life.

You've got countless people here with years of experience giving you EXACTLY THE SAME advice. Now ask yourself this and answer honestly - WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO DISREGARD IT???????

MacAvoy, you have the ability to live a fantastic positive life or you can remain stuck for years in this negative, useless, draining rut. Maybe it's time you make a real decision...

 

[squirrels]

Honestly, if you want more of a relationship and she doesn't, you're not going to be able to convince or strong-arm her into it. She either wants it or she doesn't.

If she's not giving you that level of affection willingly, look elsewhere for it. I'm not sure what you were trying to do with your little tirade up there, but it honestly looks clumsy and ill-executed.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

Then turn directly into the pain and accept that your lives will not be together. And realize that pain is simply your brain craving a bizzaro wacked chemical ****tail you never should have been shootin' up in the first place.

This is so true and yet, when one is in that position, so hard to follow.

Thank god this site exists to help.

 

[blueguy]

I hate to say this and I didn't recognize your ongoing situation until recently, but it's best to cut her off completely. I fear that once she starts stringing you in by earning your attention as you say she now has to do, you will revert to your old ways. It's easier to start a new seduction than to fix a completely dysfunctional one. It's time to put your goals first. She knows you too well. You're not strong enough. She is toast.

 

[MacAvoy]

Day 1

A few years ago I implemented a 30 day rule following a LTR to spend alone. It came as a result of unsuccesfully trying to fvck my way out of heartache. I decided that it was important to focus on spending time on yourself.

There is a gym next door to the place that I work. I'm going to get a membership there and start working out 5 days a week.

I feel good, I'm not heartbroken. Probably as a result of not really putting my heart on the line as I've always been cautious as a result of the way I viewed her committment.

I think alot of people are missing the boat. What has she really done that warrants ditching her? What has she done wrong? In all the posts that I've made, the problem has always been an inner perception problem with myself. My posts have always been about an issue I've created in my mind. Other than not wanting to introduce me to her parents but she did when I told her I wouldn't hide, then keeping our relationship a secret, I ask what has she done wrong?

My goal in life isn't strictly to be a DJ and have multiple women. I've already done that. It doesn't bother me that everyone calls me the AFC of the year cuz I know I don't really have feelings for this women. However I have been committed to trying to make this relationship work. Its been a constant power struggle for me cuz its been a totally different scenario than I've experience before.

I'm just rambling now. I'm just debating about my 30 day rule. If I should start approaching just for practice or truly spend some time alone. Will give it some thought for a few days and go from there.

 

[fedagent]

MacAvoy,

I think you are heartbroken.....this is a woman you have feelings for and she has mistreated you.....There is no solution to a broken heart, only time.

What has she really done that warrants ditching her? What has she done wrong? In all the posts that I've made, the problem has always been an inner perception problem with myself.

You and I both know this is not true at all.....She warrants ditching because she isn't honest with you and she is disrespecting you. You need to tell yourself every night and every morning "I DESERVE BETTER! I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!"

Dude, she isn't cutting it, if you were happy....you wouldn't even be posting here at all about her.

Move on, you deserve it.

Fed

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

What has she really done that warrants ditching her? What has she done wrong?

It sounds like you are trying to justify the fact that she pi$$ed you off. If you walked out on her, clearly she has done something. From what I've read, it doesn't seem like she respects you.

It doesn't bother me that everyone calls me the AFC of the year cuz I know I don't really have feelings for this women. However I have been committed to trying to make this relationship work.

Yeah, honestly it doesn't matter. Calling you an AFC doesn't make you one. If you are acting in your own best interests and always ensure that you take care of numero uno, you aren't an AFC.

My number one priority is myself. I may put up with more b.s. from a girl than some of the DJs on here, but I know when to get out of the kitchen. How much sh1t you will put up with is different for everyone. As long as you aren't acting out of insecurity, it doesn't matter.

Take care of yourself first.

 

[WaterTiger]

OH YES SHE DID!

She did do things that were worthy of dumping her. She had no respect for you! You were her little back street romance. Some little punk she didn't want her parents to know about. Something to be hidden like a spot on the carpet. (Are you a spot on the carpet? No, I don't think so!)

Living well is the best revenge.You've got a good job now, and you're working out. This is great. DO NOT let her suck you back in. For the love of GOD you gave her every possible chance to make it work and she didn't even try. She didn't make any sacrifices for you. Screw her! (Not that way!)

Don't take her back! Refuse her calls, texts, e-mails and letters. Do not respond. She is not worthy of you. She's a spoiled little brat with Mommy/Daddy issues. Let her jerk some other poor schmuck around. You have better things to do!