Staying NC & Dealing with Oneitis Symptoms?

[rastapasta]

Today is week one of NC, but to be honest I am really struggling. Hopefully just venting might help me out although I welcome advice on dealing with this sh!t.

Long story short, let this destitute HB7.5 - 8 from CS stay at my place. She basically didn't have much and also some bad luck when she first came to stay with me. She ended up staying for 7 months, things were pretty intimate I was banging her almost every night. Basically taking care of her in that sad beta provider way.

I'm pretty sure she banged a guy or two early on but I was like f*ck it, we're not exclusive I can just keep her around and she will probably bounce soon anyway. Last month I told her she'd have to start paying rent soon if she wanted to stay with me (because my place is crazy expensive and I was considering moving somewhere cheaper).

So two Friday's ago I get home from work, I'm gonna take her for sushi. She never comes back from Yoga so I go myself which is fine I actually prefer to go alone anyway. She doesn't come back until 3pm the next day. Told me she stayed at this guy in my neighborhood's house that night, that he wanted to hook up but she spilled all her problems out and told him we were f*cking and that they didn't do anything.

I'm pretty much ready to lose my sh!t at that point but I had somewhere to go so I just left. Anyway Sunday rolls around and after being angry for two days I told her she needs to collect all her things and leave as soon as is possible for her. Told her that I thought what she did was really disrespectful to me, that I was felt dissed and hurt by the way she did that. Kind of heated conversation ensues, she leaves & comes back at 3am, sleeps on the couch. Next day I get home from work and all her stuff is packed up but she is basically still there, I tell her she can stay another night if she needs it.

We have another pretty heated conversation, I'm sure I said stupid things and gave her a lot of frame a few times during it. By then it is almost 3am and I am totally exhausted. I just give her a big hug, slowly work up to kissing her. Next thing you know I am banging her. Sleep two hours, wake up for work and bang her harder. I'm not gonna say I did it that good because I am literally exhausted.

When I get home from work she and all her stuff is gone. She left 1 thing that she probably doesn't really need. I thought I was going to feel relief but honestly I've been pretty f*cking down about it and I miss her. Trying to distract myself with work and getting back in shape but it isn't helping and I just feel mind f*cked by thinking about her all the time. What else can I do about this?

Because I just want to tell her I miss her and that is it. Honestly if she came back I would probably have to just deal with the same and it would be hard to just bang her. I also am still getting her mail and today I got a card that says a smoked turkey is coming from her hometown for Thnxgiving haha. I already bought a last min ticket home so I won't be there to receive it and I think her parents might have sent it to her. She wouldn't be that nice to get me a turkey haha.

I wanted to maintain NC for at least 3 weeks or forever depending how I felt then but now I want to txt her and say I have your mail and your turkey is coming and I miss you.

Talk me back from the brink fellas!! :kick:

Thx
RP

 

[Lolapo]

Sorry to hear this man but by just reading this I can tel you she's not healthy for you nor is she for any man out there.

I know exactly what you're feeling right now because I'm in the same situation, bad case of oneitis and have gone NC for 1 week.

It's hard and my body refuses this but we do not need them.
Trying to help as I'm going through the same, brolove (no homo)

 

[rastapasta]

Sorry to hear this man but by just reading this I can tel you she's not healthy for you nor is she for any man out there.

I know exactly what you're feeling right now because I'm in the same situation, bad case of oneitis and have gone NC for 1 week.

It's hard and my body refuses this but we do not need them.
Trying to help as I'm going through the same, brolove (no homo)

Yeah I hear you bro, I even told her that it didn't seem healthy for either of us if she sticks around. Did you find anything else to take your mind off sh!t? I'm surprised how it is still mind f*cking me after a full week, I would usually feel better by now. She's 8 yrs younger than me (I'm 34) and I chalk up a lot of her behavior to immaturity.

Also what do I do about this turkey and the mail?

 

[Meisterman]

I'd stay NC and let yourself regroup and detach. It's really like a drug, and you gotta stop taking hits. There's gonna be a withdrawal period but just go cold turkey NC and stick it out, trust it will get better and most importantly you still have your self respect intact.

 

[Lolapo]

Yeah I hear you bro, I even told her that it didn't seem healthy for either of us if she sticks around. Did you find anything else to take your mind off sh!t? I'm surprised how it is still mind f*cking me after a full week, I would usually feel better by now. She's 8 yrs younger than me (I'm 34) and I chalk up a lot of her behavior to immaturity.

Also what do I do about this turkey and the mail?

Well I Workout, do cardio and run my ass of really, play music, look at myself and say fck I'm so fvcking good looking and then look at her and tell myself she's not that special tbh its just my mind playing tricks on me and I'm more powerful than my mind.

NC for 8 days now and I'm getting way better, wouldn't be surprised if she'd initiate talking to me in the coming days though but I'm back who I was, so I'm not going to care so she'll have to chase me otherwise it won't happen

 

[rastapasta]

Thanks guys..I'm still NC, it does seem a little better today. Although I think I am going to txt her about her mail and bird without any miss you crap or any of that, it would be interesting to gauge her responsiveness.

Or I might just call the bird place and tell them to cancel the order or whatever. Basically I just don't want a turkey rotting on my porch for 4 days while I am out of town.

@lolapo: I've been running my ass off too, it makes me feel a little better, especially since I let myself go over the last 7 months, but I was just getting alarmed at how the thoughts are non stop. Today I realize that they'll probably be like that a while (especially if I break NC) but that eventually she'll be a forethought. Never let a destitute girl live with you (or probably any girl for that matter).

Part of the WTF for me is the last night of s3x, with her just disappearing the next day and no word since then versus if we both just said f-you and she left.

 

[rastapasta]

well probably should have listened to you guys, I broke NC with just a simple "hope you're keeping well, i think someone ordered a smoked turkey for you from xxx " text.

No response. Back to permanent NC. That was a bit rough and kind of put me back to day 1 last night but to be honest I think it was also good, as now I really know where it all stands and actually don't feel too bad today. No more denial, blah blah blah. Gonna just call this place tomorrow and tell them not to send that thing to my house.

I think by this time next week I'll be even better off since I'm going home for the holiday and that will be like a good reset. It's funny, yesterday I was thinking about how the death of a relationship can be so emotionally similar to the death of a person - with all the stages ie. anger, denial, then finally acceptance.

I have A LOT of self improvement to do. I knew this all along but decided to go along for the ride anyway so there is no one to blame but myself. Hopefully I won't repeat these same mistakes again.